This is a tough situation, you have my sympathies Peach! I’ve got no doubt that moving to a new place is a big source of your frustrations. Even though it’s your husband you’d rather be spending time with, I advise you still put in some effort to cultivate your own separate interests and hobbies in your new city. Make new friends! Try new things! You might find that once you do, you won’t feel so dependent on your husband to fulfill 100% of your emotional needs.

But of course, it’s important to feel connected to our partners. My husband and me have a similar pattern as you and your husband. My hubby is content to stay at home all day in pajamas watching Netflix, I’m more of a “see places, do things” person. We take turns doing what the other wants as a compromise, with the rule that NO COMPLAINING allowed! If he’s going to come with me to the aquarium/museum/etc. and complain the whole time, I’d rather be alone. 😛

Is it possible that he’s acting the way he is because his job is so stressful, so he just wants to “switch off” his brain when he gets home? In the end, I think you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel, and see if you can brainstorm some kind of solution together.

Oof, religion is such a tough thing in relationships. This is why I talked about religion the first two weeks I was dating my now husband (we have very different religions).

It’s still a little awkward when I’m with his family and they do all their prayers and stuff and I stand there waiting for them to finish. But the point is that aside from those 2 minutes of awkwardness, the rest of the time I have felt welcomed and part of their family i.e. NOT an outsider. If their rituals and traditions were too outside my comfort zone, or I felt ostracized for my beliefs, the relationship would have been a goner.

There’s a difference between a bunch of people fasting while joking about all the delicious things they’ll eat after and being friendly with you VS. a bunch of people fasting while spouting holier-than-thou rhetoric because they are so much more penitent and faithful than you. It completely depends on what kind of religious culture is the norm in his family.

I remember how shockingly lonely I was at 24; everyone had graduated from school and I was living on my own and working, I didn’t “click” with my coworkers and my friends were scattered across the country. Honestly, I dealt with it by visiting my family a lot, and making loads of Internet Friends in online forums (like this one!) Even an independent introvert like myself needed to feel connected to others.

“Perfection is the enemy of greatness”

I was like you when I was younger, I had it all figured out… get awesome marks in school, get into a prestigious uni, ace the MCAT and get into med school, become a doctor and get married and live happily ever after.

It’s funny how plans don’t work out, and how you’re better off for not having fulfilled your childhood plans. Turns out, I didn’t actually want to be a doctor, despite telling people it was what I wanted to do since I was 8 years old, despite the fact that I loved science. My spirits were crushed under the expectations of others and the fact that I was not following my own heart, and I ended up tanking my marks and dropping out of uni, taking a completely different path instead after that.

My advice: relish in failure. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but honestly my fear of failure and my obsession for perfect everything has been my ultimate barrier to happiness. It’s only in the crucible of struggle do we truly find out who we are and what we are meant to be.

(Personally, I found that school/formal education is the number one way to have my passion for a subject sucked right out of me. Maybe you’re the same and need a different avenue to pursue what you love. Explore your options!)

I’m someone who listens to all genres of music and heavy metal is one of them. I appreciate the musicality of heavy metal, the complex instrumentation and talented singing, and how rousing and high-energy it is. It’s true that the lyrics can be negative though, which is why I try to branch and listen to more upbeat/cheerful music every now and then. There’s nothing wrong with heavy metal music, it’s part of a balanced musical diet!

Lots of hugs, Sapna! You are so incredibly courageous and amazing for picking up everything and moving to Ireland! It could not have been an easy decision. I can only imagine how terribly isolating it is to be an expatriate in a foreign country (especially a European one!) Loneliness is so hard, it’s a feeling I’m well-acquainted with. What has helped me deal with the feeling is: 1) Forcing myself to be social even when I don’t think it’ll be worth it, and 2) Relishing the time I spend by myself.

Also, I just found this article and it made me think of you: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/02/its-ok-to-be-single/ I know what it’s like to be a woman of Indian heritage and have the weight of family and society saying they know what’s best for you. I was recently thinking to back when I was maybe 25 or 26 and telling my parents I wasn’t ready to find someone, and they did not think I was being realistic about marriage and life. Now I’m 33 and so very glad I took so much time learning about myself and relishing who I am as an individual. I have grown so much and none of that would have come without relishing my solitude; without that growth, I would not be in the kind of relationship that involves both compromise and standing up for myself. Being alone has made me a better partner!

Wishing you peace and clarity and that your true path is illuminated!

There was recently a post on one of my favourite advice blogs Captain Awkward titled thusly: “stop auditioning for the approval of people who do not like you”. It must be so incredibly draining and emotionally devastating to deal with, take the fact that they are cutting you out as a blessing in disguise.

That being said, it definitely says a lot that your husband has not spoken to his family regarding their grossly unfair behaviour. Part of being married/in a partnership is having each other’s back, being a team. It’s okay to love your family, but loving them at the expense of your significant other’s mental and emotional health is disrespectful and cowardly.

Petra, whatever you decide to do, I hope it brings you peace! You do not deserve to be treated like this!

Hi Infinite,

Thank you for sharing your stories, it takes a lot of courage to do so! I just wanted to let you know that in my experience (I’ve been on BC for almost 15 years now) ALL antibiotics reduce the effectiveness of birth control, it’s simply irresponsible for a doctor to tell someone otherwise! D: