You should both speak your heart AND let it go. I don’t know what you went through, but I can understand pain, especially when you feel like you’ve been keeping that pain bottled up. You should speak it. Not to her, because I think you should, at the very least, give you both some space from each other. But it might help to talk to a friend or family member or counselor. In the past, I have written down my anger and feelings of ill will towards others, and burned the pages.

Keeping all that pain and anger inside of you is like a poison for your soul. Find a way to express it in a healthy way (like journaling, talking to a friend, meditating about it, talking to a counselor, writing poetry or music, etc.,) and let it go. An adaption of the Christian Serenity Prayer that I like is, I have the courage to change what you can, I have the serenity to accept what you cannot change, and I am searching for the wisdom to know the difference.

i know we might not see eye to eye because i’m a teenager in high school and you’re, well, college but i’m sort of going through the whole anxiety thing. i’ve been suffering with anxiety a lot these past few years and it’s only getting a little better now. i mean it’s sort of a miracle that i’m actually talking to someone i don’t know right now. for me, it helps to do things i love. drawing, reading, singing, acting, playing music and all that whatnot because when you do things you love, all that matters is doing that one thing you love to do. or those many things you love to do. the fact that I’m not everybody’s favorite or i’m not the prettiest, funniest, most outgoing or whatever doesn’t matter and i feel like…i dunno…i’m awesome. you said you like journaling, drawing, and singing. you should keep doing those things. especially if you’re good at them because it would be a waste if you didn’t. and if you feel like you aren’t good at them, try improving or finding something that you are good at. if you feel yourself making excuses to not do them then force yourself to get up.
I understand you’ve gone through a lot in your life. I can’t say my life has been a smooth ride either. my mom and dad are separated, my sister ran away from home, i’ve been bullied almost my whole life, and that’s probably not even half of it. I’m not saying my life was any harder than yours. you’ve obviously suffered a lot. but what i’m saying is you can’t base you today on you from the past. you can’t let past struggles take over your life and ruin any opportunities that will come a knockin at the door. You gotta learn to love yourself so that you don’t let yourself feel like you’re worth nothing. You have to remember that whenever you fall, you will stay down unless you pick yourself up and keep on moving. Sorry if i’m being super cheesy. Google does that to you.
Also, remember that the only reason you’ll ever feel like there is no hope in the future is because you’re not looking at all the possible futures you could have.

I hope this helped. Best of luck to both you and me. Have an awesome day, night, today, tomorrow, and future.

Here is something I posted exactly on this topic, telling my story and my advice: http://linktoyourself.com/2013/08/stop-emotional-eating/

I highly recommend intuitive eating over any rigid diet – it is so much more holistic. I personally read the book “Diets don’t work” by Bob Schwartz. That book takes you through several emotional questions that really helped me out. http://www.amazon.com/Diets-Dont-Work-Naturally-Step-By-Step-ebook/dp/B003F8S7FE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1390163956&sr=8-1&keywords=diets+don%27t+work

Generally when we do something that doesn’t serve us, it’s because that behavior is in some way comfortable and sustainable by our ego. So when we try to break the bad habit or change our status quo, we end up self-sabotaging our efforts. One of the things that helped me the most was ask myself “How is this serving me?” and “what am I afraid of?” – as in, what are you afraid of in eating well? What if you didn’t binge eat? There is always something that your ego is afraid of, which is why it chose the solution of emotional eating to protect you.

Also, in terms of calming yourself, I highly recommend meditation, EFT, and journaling. I have several brief meditation videos on YouTube on Favorites for when I need a quick calm-down. I would also recommend building a daily habit of meditating because that will REALLY help you be more in control of your cravings. Emotional eating doesn’t help anxiety at all, it just numbs you and destroys your self-esteem.

I’m sorry that you are so sad and in so much pain. I understand the feelings you have, because I’m in my own perfect storm too. It’s overwhelming. Do you have anyone who has been there for you in all of this except your loving husband? Perhaps you need to find that person. I’ve been reading too, and I’ve especially liked reading Brené Brown, who talks in great length about shame and guilt, and perceptions. If you haven’t read them, please do. One is “The Gifts of Imperfection” and the other is “Daring Greatly” My life blew up and I’m trying to make it back. There are days I cry everyday, and then there are days when I think there’s a tight enough band aid around my heart only to have it yanked off again.
There are days, I talk and cry to my dog, who loves me unconditionally and looks at me to say…let’s go outside and have a long long walk. Having a change of scenery and trying to focus on nature helps for a time. I have made a commitment to journaling, trying to find a daily affirmation…a small one, an achievable one that helps me find hope and to try again. Forgiving myself…well, that’s a work in progress. I volunteered to do some service work for a charity, and that seems to help the mantra of ” I am a good person, with a good heart with lots to offer others.” It is a great distraction to stop those inner voices that are so destructive.
The perfect storm seems like the tallest mountain, the highest building in the world. It’s one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Dig a bit deeper, you’re stronger than you think and only you can start building a fresh start. I’m trying too.

The body is at its most ambitious and most fertile peak in all aspects while in the age-range of the good ole’ 20s – I believe it has something to do with hormones in healthy and well-rounded individuals. That being said, writing stories, endlessly as you state, is, in my humble opinion, absolutely gorgeous, fun, worth every moment spent and admirable. A true character-builder. What got me started in writing was documenting the world as my season began. I’m sure you have heard all of the “sayings” that go a little something like this: It’s about the journey, You only see what your eyes want to see, Silence is golden, I would write this for hours though I’ll stop there on that topic. I’m sharing my season-story with you as you shared yours with, well, here.

Before that, did you read the newest blog post on Tiny Buddha website, This blog-posting ? I have memories being washed into my consciousness at the moment. Here’s my season story;

Age: Within my early 20s, I was the ultra-cautious, studious and ever-present wholesome person. Everyone around me was doing AND saying the same (similar) as above, as what you write about, very similar, if not a little too similar.

These scenarios and party-focused friends had no reflection on me in the beginning of turning 21, or maybe I did not have a reaction to them. Had these scenarios impacted my consciousness, I was not tuned into their frequency, which, in itself, is a subconscious reaction, later rising to the surface of consciousness.

People did say I was more interested in learning, reading, writing and developing than taking a day-off of life to enjoy my youth. The labels did begin to be placed around me/on me, though, labels did not have form nor did they have impact at that time. I did not ignore, I was raised to understand people, many people in this vast world we live in, speak to mirrors. Without discounting a friend, I noted the words (I still note the words) and labels they see within my eyes and recognize that these words and labels are what they are, reflections & reflected from unto another, like an echo or recorder, through the years I’ve learned that some people repeat, and like a record player, some people skip, repeating infinitely until they are woken up to the life they’re living.

Labels and categories a person places creates a fraction in the others’ psyche. I’ve observed and counseled many “frienemy” situations. When the party life began, drama rose, intensifying after a while subsequent to the labeled friends’ psyche sometimes breathing in the poison. Repetitive intoxication with futility often breeds shadow effects. After learning this with experience, secrets and whispers were within each friend and each friend turned to me, I listen and focus, the most important person is the one in-front of you, the most important time is now.

When I was going through my initial season, we all had fantastic careers, some remaining in classrooms, our attentions focused as a single intertwined sponge unfolding in water. With all of the toxins being ingested within a daily social life, I was able to see that friends were transforming into various identities, individual persons within individual people, growing in directions that I thought fascinating. We were/are bicoastal, we are labeled with the word “Guh”, we are the trendsetters, regardless of if I was going out with them every night or not, regardless if I partied as they; we were/are all one group, together and individually labeled “Guh”.

The term “Guh” is a southern term for Guys & Gals of the Southern Stocracy, the benchmark for southern society during our era. Some friends were southern Bells continuing duties, kings & queens within Orders of official Mardi Gras, ran and started new companies, we worked our mind’s core hard for the educations and family was indeed watching/guiding. “The time of our lives” was, at that time, socially focused on us and we were (still are) urged to go through & turnout. We are as tight as ever though divided by thousands of miles, today. I didn’t have to party like everyone to be labeled a Guh, I was named “Voilà” and Voilà is referenced as a Guh whether I intoxicated myself or not. It’s by association. This is part of my life, though, not defined as “I am” within my consciousness. The family and parents were more impressive with the destruction of our youth through partying and maintaining social standing, this all would have transpired, regardless

With all of the “society-first” & “socialize-hard” backwards raising, another aspect of this “set-up” lifestyle included duties for the family name umbrella. The southern way is clique first. The families knew all and pressured us to fulfill our “social responsibility.” Unfortunately, hypocrisy was/is forefront. Expectations were to party hard and have a façade of perfection. if you’re reckless enough to make a fool of your name, you’re forever cast like a skipping shell across the water.

After a while, I began to notice the most blatant, initial change in quite an unexpected modus operandi. When the lights went down, personalities changed, having one mask in formal sittings, one with friends, another during a work-day and another while in party-mode. Living a quadruple life, I was very intrigued at the extent these friends were splitting, consciously, so I began intensely documenting, journaling several books with several hundred hand-written pages of parchment, leather wrapped & mediaeval-style, so not what anyone else was doing, often laughed at in the beginning, the actions I set forth made a difference, both at that time for my psyche and in later years with friends. I maintain the same journals, now with artwork included such as drawings, sketches and the occasional painted page when not painting on canvas.

The journals are current, some of the most therapeutic, enjoyable zoned-out time that I carved out for sanity. After these friends got over the laughing, they became intrigued with their stories, maybe too much. We began substituting our names with character-names, another façade. This was the only way to maintain us all on the same page, no pun intended. These books are known as the Guh Bylaws and all of us copied our stories into a merged central book, then, of course, many of the hard-core partyGuhs changed their history-facts and hide their actions as if they were shamed, though, through my eyes, these are everlasting impressions from memory and within the original form, still on the original parchment wrapped in leather, this set of books are still a growing saga of the life I live and observe. I wrote on the parchment rather than joining the party drunken, at least for a long time.

Later, the label(s) placed upon me was “a late bloomer” in the party-world and “Horus” to friends & families, both are funny, to me as I became “Horus Voilà.” The thing is, I noticed that the friends were ashamed every day after a while, the party didn’t stop for them. When merging our history to a main book to be passed down to “Lil Guhs”, the actions and extent of the party was edited again by each person.

While all of this was flowing in a strong current, I maintain(ed) my own head. Instead of partying I was studying, in a gymnasia, at a charity board-meeting, speaking with someone with wise words, I was (am) learning.

When I began noticing that I was focused on career as a primary, I was persuaded into a direction by everyone within this “normal” world, rather than practicing in the gymnasia, rather than physical activity, when I noticed this, I began to pull and see new faces into my life, not on purpose, people were just drawn, I was in need of fun, party-goers know the symptoms.

The Guhs began to extend their “Live Fast, Die Young” mentality and some began a treacherous path once the Lil Guhs began their season. AGE. This is when I was pulled (willingly) into the club circuit, house parties- I didn’t go overboard and I saw more than anyone should. Fun at times, in the beginning, though I felt I was not my self, I wasn’t. I was not solely focusing on career advancement, I was a butterfly.

When I stepped into the parties and participating within this, for lack of better word, stage, there was a moment when I had enough–the moment I began joining the party, joining in that manner. Oh the headaches! This life of fun was more than a career unto itself. I was scheduling appearances, where I would be, when, with whom, dressed in which way, when and where… I began noticing peer pressure of friends onto others, I began noticing these friends did not enjoy careers, they were escaping on a level I hadn’t seen, of course because I was not participating at that level. I was maintaining a balancing act with my career and a super-social life. I was young and I had everything to lose, I maintained moderation and I didn’t see another friend who had moderation. When in super-social gear, career advancement was not as it was, I was having fun and learning, learning is the central-guide to all that I see, still. I noticed that the fun was somewhat a façade in hindsight. This group vacillating between 20 – 40 individuals and couples, my self included, were in the deep southern states of the US, on the Gulf of Mexico. I began seeing a proper façade with a hidden drink in so many people’s hands. Seeing outcomes in choice-paths made by friends began my exit. We were now solidified as a standard, years had passed since we began going through our youthful, playfulness, one year had passed (about to pass) since I joined the party to celebrate my youth, I began to see that there was not a point, there was an excuse, an escape, a tangible fear-of-future which drove the plastered faces.

I learned a new faceted perspective of will. I learned people’s mirrors were inherited from their families. I learned that every little thing that you say or do changes and impacts the unexpected. I learned parties give headaches/hangovers/overall-grossness, I saw on many that partying hard can certainly give wrinkles as though with every day and night that passed by was as if an elixir was being drank that drained the youth and beauty from the once-pretty faces. As I exited I noticed friends aged rapidly more than others. I learned the wild fun, for me, is an instance that is enjoyed then detached, I can drop in and drop out of any scene, though, most of the people, very diverse people, seemed to have something in common, they don’t want to admit, still, they continue to party well after their season. The Guhs are drinkers and party-hard always for the most-part. I learned to let go and I learned the power of goodbye.

What’s worked for me?

‘Having patience with all things, but chiefly having patience with myself.’

I try and apply this rule as I develop new healthier ways of living that include

1. Daily meditation (Shamatha and Metta – they don’t come easy but after sitting everyday for 10 minutes for about a year, I think I’m getting the hand of it.)
2. Exercise (Running, walking, lifting weights, cycling – anything that gets me moving and adding lots of variety to my routines)
3. Journaling
4. Listening to inspiring podcasts and lectures
5. Letting go of comparisons, evaluation, and judgement – of myself, but mostly of others.
6. Making healthy food choices
7. Connecting with people from all walks of life and trying to help them in any way I can
8. Wearing nice clothes (Not expensive clothes, just making sure I feel comfortable in what I have on)
9. Keeping my apartment clean and free of clutter or knick-knacks. (Your living space reflects your mental space and vice versa)
10. Spending time in the natural world – hiking, camping, sitting in the park and communing with nature

I’m looking forward to hearing other people’s ideas and suggestions. 🙂

Dearest Bernadette

I think the first thing that you need to hear is that there is nothing wrong with you. You’re not damaged and there is no problem with you – life brings you to where you need to be in order to help you grow. So wherever you are today is where you’re meant to be – as sucky as that place can seem.

You say “Past few years ive become very angry and depressed,” – have you thought about the fact that you’re trying so hard to please everyone else that you’ve forgotten how to please yourself? You need to look after yourself and do the things that bring joy to your life instead of trying to make everyone else happy. Remember that you need to love yourself first – because the way you treat yourself is a guide for how other people are going to treat you.

“cause I have this mentality that no one likes me, and that I should be lucky im with so and so” – you need to let go of this idea, and the idea that you don’t deserve the best. You deserve happiness, but you won’t find it if you’re looking for it in someone else.

You do seem as though you have many negative thoughts and attitudes to work through, and you should find someone that you can talk to about how you’re feeling. If you want, I am around to talk to. I would also suggest journaling. Recognise your negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Write down the things that are good about you. Write down the things you enjoy and what you want out of life. Find ways to treat yourself well. Start doing things that make YOU happy and fulfilled.

If you want to talk more, I’m here. Wishing you all the best.
Ke

I completely understand what you are going through I have been there and still working my way out, what I have found through reading and expiriance is that taking time out and RESTING/giving yourself a break is really important, which can be really hard when you feel so anxious as doing nothing is the hardest thing to do lol, but lack of giving yourself space and time to relax in the past I think builds up and creates all of this anxiety, so the anxiety is sort of alarming you to slow down in a way.. when I first expirianenced anxiety at that level I couldn’t even write myself a cover letter when applying for jobs, I just simply couldn’t think straight and I felt like I had totally lost my mind, I even spent about an hour deciding what to wear for the day everyday and the tiniest things I couldn’t decide on, so it’s understandable that your not in the mind frame to apply for more work; I also think that not having much to fill out your day gives you more to stress and think about as your not really preoccupied with anything else, so I think it can make anxiety worse in the beginning but I usually make and did make to do lists everyday to ensure I kept myself busy. At the start it didn’t matter what I did though, the anxiety was still the same and sopmetimes still is, like my day just goes before my eye’s and i’m like what did I do and where did the day go?! to the point where it feels like I have stood still while the world passes by, even when I was/am really productive; it always just seems like our day is wasted because we are stuck inside our heads the whole time and we miss every thing that is going on around us. but it takes time.

Not sure about what you should do, but what I have done myself is take time away from a stressful job (as it was contributing to everything for me) and try your best to look for a job that is a little more low key or at a place you feel comfortable explaining what you are going through. Remove the biggest stressors in your life including work, relationships and environment if it’s possible to do so and take it easy for a short time, do what you want and have a break. That’s what I have done, invloive yourself in things you are interested in aswell, that can really help 🙂

I believe it’s ok to take a step back sometimes to absorb the noise and craziness and just rest and reflect, doesn’t mean you have to be jobless by the way.. Do things you enjoy and write in a journal about how your feeling and whats going on for you; you get a lot of answers by journaling I have found personally, they say the best time to journal is write before you go to sleep as that is when your sub conscious mind is most active and you end up writing things and thoughts that are right at the back of your mind which could be contributing to your anxiety. I have made many discoveries by journaling.

Hope that has helped in some way.. 🙂

hope your feeling well/better x