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Posts tagged with “Happiness”

Why “Find Your Purpose” is Bad Advice and What to Do Instead

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“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” ~Pablo Picasso

I was fifty-two when I found my purpose. I wasn’t even looking. It literally just smacked me upside the head. That’s a funny thing about life. It throws things your way, and you either grab them and run with them or you turn a blind eye and walk on by.

I used to turn a blind eye. I don’t anymore. These days I’m taking in all that life tosses my way. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

How

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If You’re Trapped Under a Pile of “Should” and Tired of Feeling Unhappy

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“Stop shoulding on yourself.” ~Albert Ellis

I was buried under a pile of shoulds for the first thirty-two years of my life. Some of those shoulds were put on me by the adults in my life, some were heaped on because I am a middle child, but most were self-imposed thanks to cultural and peer influence.

“You should get straight A’s, Jill.”

“You shouldn’t worry so much, Jill.”

“You should be married by now, Jill.”

“You should get your Master’s degree.”

I could go on forever. The pile was high, and I was slowly suffocating from the crushing weight on …

Why It No Longer Matters to Me If My Job Impresses People

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“Do not let the roles you play in life make you forget who you are.” ~Roy T. Bennett

Wherever I go and meet new people, they ask me, “What do you do?”

I love talking about what I do because I love what I do, but It’s not what I’ve always done, and it certainly isn’t all of who I am. It’s part of who I am, but there is so much more.

When we’re young, we’re asked to decide on a career. You know, the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The …

The Simple Path to Change When You’re Not Satisfied with Your Life

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“Making a big life change is scary, but you know what’s even scarier? Regret.” ~Zig Ziglar

Fifteen years ago, I made one of the biggest changes in my life. It was something I had wanted to do for so long but had never found the right time, right plan, or courage to do.

You see, ever since I was in my teens, I had always felt I was meant to be somewhere else.

The town where I grew up was pretty perfect for raising young kids, but it just wasn’t for me as I entered adulthood. I always envisioned …

How I Saved Myself by Surrendering When Everything Fell Apart

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“And here you are, living despite it all.” ~Rupi Kaur

“I surrender!” I said this mantra out loud as my life was spiraling out of control.

I had spent a summer in college as a camp counselor separated from my fiancé. He sent me no letters and did not keep in touch. Still, I held on. By the time I came back home, we were broken. I had also realized he was emotionally abusing me. It took that separation to make me see it.

I realized I had been truly alone in the relationship. I was never lonelier than …

The World Would Be a Happier, More Peaceful Place If…

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How Happiness Sneaks Up on Us If We Stop Chasing It

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One day a man met a hungry tiger. He ran. The tiger chased him. Coming to a cliff, he jumped, catching hold of a tree root to stop himself falling to the bottom where, horror upon horror, another tiger waited to eat him.

He hung on for dear life to that thin root.

Then a little mouse appeared and started to nibble at the root. The mouse was hungry and the fibers started to snap.

Just then, the man saw a ripe red strawberry near him, growing from the cliff face. Holding the vine with one hand, he picked the

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How to Create Happiness Outside of a Relationship and Enjoy More of Your Life

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“Remember, being happy doesn’t mean you have it all. It simply means you’re thankful for all you have.” ~Unknown

For many years I was single. But I wasn’t just a regular single, I was a miserable one.

Rather than enjoying a time in my life when I didn’t have to care about anyone else but myself and using it to devote my full attention to my purpose and passions, I chose to ride the “woe is me” train.

I would complain about being single daily and covet other women’s “luck” in dating. I would blame every guy I dated …

Why We Need to Be Present to Enjoy Our Lives, Not Just Productive

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“Presence is far more intricate and rewarding an art than productivity. Ours is a culture that measures our worth as human beings by our efficiency, our earnings, our ability to perform this or that. The cult of productivity has its place, but worshipping at its altar daily robs us of the very capacity for joy and wonder that makes life worth living.” ~Maria Popova

I was high on productivity. I had one full-time job, two part-time jobs, and a side hustle. I was getting everything done. Sounds perfect, right?

Then I started hating my life.

I had read enough …

One Question for Anyone Who’s Stuck in a Rut: What Do You Believe?

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“You become what you believe, not what you think or what you want.” ~Oprah Winfrey

What do you believe? During the forced stillness of the pandemic environment we’re all living in, this is a question I’ve been faced with more intensely than ever. In particular, I’ve come to question what I believe about myself, and how that impacts every element of my life.

Coming out of years of self-help for social and general anxiety, a long-standing eating disorder, and several dissatisfying personal relationships, I had to come to question what these external realities reflected back to me. For what …

How I Overcame the Stress of Perfectionism by Learning to Play Again

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“What, then, is the right way of living? Life must be lived as play…” ~Plato

I am a recovering perfectionist, and learning to play again saved me.

Like many children, I remember playing a lot when I was younger and being filled with a sense of openness, curiosity, and joy toward life.

I was fortunate to grow up in Oregon with a large extended family with a lot of cousins with whom I got to play regularly. We spent hours, playing hide-and-seek, climbing trees, drawing, and building forts.

I also attended a wonderful public school that encouraged play. We …

How I Found My Place in the World When I Felt Beaten Down by Life

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“Some people are going to reject you simply because you shine too bright for them. That’s okay. Keep shining.” ~Mandy Hale

After I finished school, I was excited about moving forward with life.

I thought about the career that I hoped to have, where I hoped to live, and the things that I wanted to accomplish.

After starting off as a secondary high school English teacher and becoming disappointed with the ongoing changes in the public school system, I went to graduate school for law. I thought it would open up a lot of possibilities, but it did not.

I …

How I Reclaimed My Life When I Felt Numb and Unhappy

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“All appears to change when we change.” ~Henri-Frédéric Amiel

The biggest life-changing moment in my life would have looked unremarkable to an outsider looking in.

I was at a point in my life (my late twenties) where everything seemed to look good on paper. I had a great job, I was living in downtown Seattle, and I enjoyed the live music scene. Aside from not being in a relationship, I thought I had “arrived.”

The only problem was, I was miserable, and I barely acknowledged it. A part of me knew that I wasn’t happy, but I tried to …

The Joy and Power of Realizing I Am More Than My Job

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“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ~Brené Brown

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“It’s so nice to meet you. What do you do?”

These are the questions we are asked our entire life. When we’re children, everyone always asks about the future. They excitedly ask, “What will you do?” The subtext of this questions is:

“How will you be productive in society? How will …

Easing Anxiety: How Painting Helps Me Stop Worrying

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“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” ~Kahlil Gibran

Anxiety has followed me around like a lost dog looking for a bone for years now.

I feel it the most acutely when I’m worried about my health or my daughter’s health. I notice a strange rash or feel an unusual sensation and all of a sudden: panic!

My worries are not limited to health concerns though, and my ruminations go in the direction of dread about the future of the world, worries about my finances, and fears that I’m not good …

Why I Ignored Morgan Freeman’s Advice on How to Live My Best Life

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“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” ~Roy T. Bennett

When I was a college senior, God, or the voice of God (aka Morgan Freeman) came to my campus to give a talk. At the end of the talk, I beelined toward the mic set up in the aisle of the auditorium, excited to ask my question and for him to share his wisdom with me.

“Hi, thanks so much for being with us today! As a college senior trying to figure out what to do next, I was …

The Key to Helping a Person Who Is Depressed

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“Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems. Look for someone who won’t let you face them alone.” ~Unknown

Depression for me is like constantly walking up a hill.

Most of the time the hill has only a one percent gradient. You can hardly even tell it’s a hill. I walk, run, jump, skip along, doing cartwheels and stopping to smell pretty flowers and listen to bird-calls; it’s sunny and warm, with clear blue skies.

Even though I have to put in a little bit of effort to walk up, times are good.

And then something happens in …

Hate Your Life? 4 Ways to Boost Your Happiness

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“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” ~Desmond Tutu

I hate my life. Does this statement ring true to you at all? Do you feel like you’re at rock bottom? The good news is, it might not be as bad as you fear.

I spent a lot of time feeling afraid of everything.

I had an emotional collapse, and it made life suddenly seem terrifying. What had happened? Had the town I was living in changed? Had my country suddenly become different?

No, I had changed the filter through which I saw …

How to Get Out of Your Head and Show Up for Your Life

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“If you think there’s something missing from your life, it’s probably you.” ~Robert Holden

Most people would agree that thinking too much can cost you your peace, your happiness perhaps—but your life? Surely that’s a bit of an exaggeration.

I’ll explain with a story.

I remember taking my daughter to the park one day when she was around three years old. Like all kids of that age, she was thrilled and mesmerised by her surroundings—the insect crawling up the blade of grass, the ducks squawking in the pond, the dog chasing the frisbee nearby.

She was fully engaged with the …

14 Daily Happiness Habits to Adopt Right Now

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“The biggest lie we’re told is ‘Be with someone who makes you happy.’ The truth is, happiness is something you create on your own. Be with someone who adds to it.” ~Unknown

That’s what we all strive for, right?

Happiness, I mean.

I used to think that happiness was about my external world. If things were going well for me (in my career, social life, relationships, etc.), then I was happy. If things weren’t going well, which things often weren’t in one area or another, I felt frustrated, angry, or defeated.

Later, I realized that long-term happiness isn’t about …