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Posts tagged with “happy”

Why You Feel Anxious In Relationships and How To Stop

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“I was feeling insecure you might not love me anymore.” ~John Lennon

After doing years and years of self-esteem work, I thought I was fairly well adjusted and secure. I thought I was fairly confident, self-assured, and not at all needy. But all that changed when I got into my recent relationship.

My subtle thought pattern of fear, distrust, projection, and unhappiness started creeping in. Again? Seriously? I thought I was past all that.

As it turns out my attachment disorder runs much deeper than I thought it did. What about yours? I mentioned attachment theory in one of my …

Unreasonable Boss? 8 Ways to Honor Yourself in a Toxic Workplace

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“Good bosses care about getting important things done. Exceptional bosses care about their people.” ~Jeff Haden

“I’ll need you to log your work down to the minute on this spreadsheet,” she said pointing to my computer where an elaborate timesheet was swallowing up my entire screen.

I looked up at her, confused—nope, more like utterly stunned. Was she for real? My body seemed to know before my mind that I’d just entered some sort of workplace twilight zone.

I had a sinking feeling in my gut, and it was sounding some sort of alarm deep in my chest, making my …

How to Calm Your Mind Without Sitting to Meditate

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“Our way to practice is one step at a time, one breath at a time.” ~Shunryu Suzuki

Sitting meditation has always been challenging for me; practicing mindfulness, even harder.

As a self-confessed worrywart who has contended with constant ruminations, flashbacks, and nightmares for most of my life (more on this later), all prior attempts at being fully present and not thinking merely served as reminders of how little control I had over my mind. Then I took up hiking and stumbled upon a form of meditation that literally transformed my life.

Initially, just being out in nature on scenic trails …

Lost Everything? 8 Tips to Help You Get Back on Your Feet

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“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~Robert H. Schuller

About two years ago, I was working in a professional career that I had been building for nearly twenty years.

I had been at my company for thirteen years, and had been generally commended and given positive reviews and regular bonuses and raises for most of that time.

I had just left a terrible and traumatic relationship, and due to two years of criticism, gaslighting, and conflict, was experiencing severe depression. I was on medication that made it hard for me to focus and which gave me anxiety …

Why Surrendering to Life is the Key to Positive Change

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“Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.” ~Eckhart Tolle

“Surrender” in current colloquial language equals failure. According to the Oxford Dictionary, without an object, surrender means to “stop resisting to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.” With an object, it gets even worse: “Give up or hand over (a person, right, or possession), typically on compulsion or demand.”

How then can surrender be the key to joy?

At age thirty, I was defeated by life. Down for the count. But, I did …

How to React Calmly in Stressful or Frustrating Situations

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“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.” ~Unknown

Working in an office requires us to spend more time with our co-workers than anyone in our personal life. How those co-workers act can have a big impact on us. Noticing a co-worker’s interactions during a recent marketing job gave me insight into how I react in stressful or frustrating situations outside the office.

My cubicle sat next to a team of individuals who were required to …

How a Terrified, Socially Anxious Guy Became Relaxed and Confident

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~Viktor Frankl

Life is hell… or so I thought for most of my thirty-four years.

My intense social anxiety, an over-the-top and uncontrollable fear of people and social situations, ruined much of my young life. I operated completely alone, living only inside my own head, without even realizing it.

Now, it’s rare that I’m too afraid to talk to anyone. And I face multiple difficult decisions, discussions, and even confrontations …

How I Forgave What I Couldn’t Forget

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“Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that their behavior was ‘OK.’ What it does mean is that we’re ready to move on. To release the heavy weight. To shape our own life, on our terms, without any unnecessary burdens. Forgiveness is pure freedom—and forgiveness is a choice.” ~Dr. Suzanne Gelb

I remember the feeling of blood rushing through my veins, my head pounding, and my heart beating faster. Every time I remembered what happened, I either cried or felt a wave of depression. This guy was someone who’d hurt me in a way that I never thought would happen. His deeds …

7 Mind-Shifts to End Depressed Overeating

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“Maybe the reason nothing seems to be ‘fixing you’ is because you’re not broken… You have a unique beauty and purpose; live accordingly.” ~Steve Maraboli

Have you ever seen a woman down a family-sized tin of chickpeas?

Or eat six pita pockets stuffed full of avocado, cheese, tomato, and onion?

Or a dozen greasy samosas?

I used to overeat when I was depressed. I’d eat till I was so stuffed, the only thing I could do was sleep.

(Like Valium, but with added fiber.)

I’d been doing it since I was a kid.

My family was vegetarian, so I …

How to Cope with the Fear of Aging

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“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~Mark Twain

Time is the most precious asset we’ve got. It means life, and it’s never coming back.

In a world where everyone seems to be in a rush, it feels like time is flying. Not sure about you, but when I was a child, I felt like I had all the time in the world. Much later, as a grown-up woman, always busy to do more and achieve more, I had to sign up for time management courses so that I could cope with …

How to Move On When Your Ex Already Has

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“Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” ~Jack Kornfield

I picked up the butter cookies and a small postcard-sized painting I had brought for her.

I took the third-floor hotel elevator down.

Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths.

The elevator ride was less than five seconds, but our time spent apart was five years.

Five years after the divorce I had flown up to see her again.

I’m not sure what led to this meeting. We had emailed each other a couple times out of …

The Best Things in Life Are Free (and Healing)

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“The six best doctors: sunshine, water, rest, air, exercise, and diet.” ~Wayne Fields

I’ve always believed the best things in life are free. Sunshine on your skin next to a body of water ranks up there as one of my favorite experiences. I love nothing more than to be in a pool in the summertime.

Though doctors have helped me with my depression, nature has provided me with my best doctors. When I’m in nature, I feel restored.

When I was a child, I used to like to go on adventures. I would venture off into my parents’ backyard …

The Power of Perspective: A Simple Way to Ease Anxiety

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“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.” ~Eckhart Tolle

One of the first ideas I learned in law school was “the reasonable third person,” a legal fiction created to help figure out if someone has acted unreasonably. There’s no clear-cut definition, so I spent a lot of energy arguing what a reasonable person would do. This hypothetical person haunted my law school exams, and later, my career.

But I realized the reasonable third person could teach me something beyond the courtroom. I could apply that …

How to Relax in Meditation When You Have a Busy Mind

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“The Tao is always at ease. It overcomes without competing, answers without speaking a word, arrives without being summoned, accomplishes without a plan.” ~Lao-Tsu

As a longtime meditator and participant in the awakening process I am constantly on the lookout for hints that illuminate the path. I am open to these hints regardless of their source, so many of my teachers have been young children.

We may have many differing reasons to practice mindfulness and meditation. Regardless of the specific motivation, all meditators experience distraction and mental rebellion from time to time, and it can be quite frustrating. Many new …

Rethinking What Really Matters: The Four Most Important Things in Life

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“Life is short. Focus on what matters and let go of what doesn’t.” ~Unknown

Our most precious commodities are not our smartphones, 3D TVs, brand new cars, or even our big and impressive houses.

Our most precious commodities can’t be found at the bank. They can’t be ordered online. The truth is, they are on a very short list.

Amongst our most precious commodities are our purpose, time, health, and our relationships.

How I Came to This Conclusion

Several years ago I realized I was accumulating more in my life. More things that didn’t really matter to me or …

The Big Little Secret to Rejection: How to Get Past It Quickly

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“I am good at walking away. Rejection teaches you how to reject.” ~Jeanette Winterson

Rejection is something that can impact all the big parts of our lives—friends and loved ones, education, jobs, and romantic relationships. It can change how we see ourselves, paralyze us into not taking chances, and even make us give up on pursuing our dreams.

There’s a lot of wonderful advice out there about rejection, but I wanted to share a bit of a different perspective. It’s a simple perspective I was lucky enough to hear a long time ago, but have only just begun to …

We Don’t Have to Be Confident and Together All the Time

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“At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” ~Christine Mason Miller

Eighth grade was a bit of a bad year for me, if I’m being honest. The dust had settled after the seventh grade popularity battle, and I had some close friends and we were mostly surviving, but there was one class I just could not make a go of.

I didn’t have any friends in the class, or rather, the one I did have made a choice to hang with the popular girls, and left me to …

You Deserve to Chill: How to Create Space to Heal and De-stress

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“She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.” ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Why do we stress ourselves out? Why is it that being productive and getting tasks done is more important than healing and taking the time to feel calm?

Stress and anxiety can affect our lives in so many different ways. A few years ago, it manifested itself in me physically, in a pretty gross way.

There was a time I had a plantar wart on the bottom of my left foot, and it was very painful. When the pain got to the point that I couldn’t …

I Am Thankful for My Struggle

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4 Ways to Boost Your Happiness and Overcome Hedonic Adaptation

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“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

One of the biggest challenges in life seems to be the attainment of happiness. Everyone wants to be happy (or so they say). But what does happiness truly mean, and how do we not only find it, but embrace and maintain it?

Researchers have come to the conclusion that happiness has three separate elements. First, there’s the amount of happiness you are genetically predisposed to have, which accounts for about 50%.

Studies were done on identical twins who were raised together and on some who …