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Posts tagged with “happy”

Take Off the Mask: 6 Tips to Be More Authentic

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“Being who you are is another way of accepting yourself.” ~Unknown

Years ago I struggled to be authentic. I was a consultant who worked with senior people in big organizations. As a black female fresh out of graduate school, I was frequently the youngest, the only woman, and the only minority in the room.

Because I was so different from those around me, at least on the surface, I was concerned about how other might perceive me. So I put a lot of effort into portraying myself in ways that I thought would increase the odds of others accepting …

The Power of Apologizing: Why Saying “Sorry” Is So Important

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“Sincere apologies are for those that make them, not for those to whom they are made.” ~Greg LeMond

When I was growing up, every time I took my sister’s toy or called my brother names, my mother would grab me by the wrist and demanded that I offer an apology. What’s more, if the apology didn’t sound meaningful enough to her, I had to repeat it until my tone was genuine. An apology was the basic reaction to any mistake.

Now that I’m older, I see apologizing as more than just a household rule. My younger self didn’t understand the …

How to Make Ordinary Relationships Extraordinary

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“In the end, who among us does not choose to be a little less right to be a little less lonely.” ~Robert Braul

I’ve been married to my wife for almost ten years, most of them involving struggle and drama.

I had two failed marriages before that.

This qualifies me to give relationship advice because, well, let’s just say I’ve made every mistake someone could possibly make while attempting to be in a relationship, so I’ve definitely figured out how not to do it.

Blunders, confusion, and oversights, not to mention abject failures, have bludgeoned me into a few realizations—the …

The Best Way to Be Happy with Someone

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Source: Positive Outlooks

Why People Who Bring Enough to Share Are Happier

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“Joy comes not through possession or ownership but through a wise and loving heart.” ~Buddha

We all have these random little personal philosophies or rules that we live by. Oftentimes, these rules are hidden beneath the surface, not in a form that we are aware of or is easily expressible.

But I do have one particular “random little personal philosophy” that I live by (and am aware of!) and would like to explore further. It is my philosophy of tipping.

This philosophy of tipping was thought up specifically with reference to tipping, say, in restaurants, but can easily …

20 Tiny Changes That Can Completely Overhaul Your Life

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“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Proverb

Ever felt down in the dumps, absolutely sure that you wanted to transform your life but no idea where to start?

About three years back I stood at that intersection.

I’d spent years earning one advanced degree after another, until I landed myself a job that paid well but the stress level was so high that I had little room for anything else.

I’d married a wonderful guy whom I’d fallen crazily in love with, but …

Connecting with Your Peaceful Self to Overcome Fears and Worries

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“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” ~Unknown

It was an ordinary school morning in a busy European city. I seem to recall it was spring, as my memories store the feeling of awakening after a long winter.

I was seventeen and getting ready to go to school. Following my standard morning routine, which included eating my meticulously assembled breakfast, I walked to the tram station.

The city I lived in at the time was situated in a beautiful valley, and the tram ride offered a trip to the hub of the city. My high school was downtown in the historical part …

How to Listen to Your Body (and Become Happy Again)

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“Keeping your body healthy is an expression of gratitude to the whole cosmos—the trees, the clouds, everything.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

It’s embarrassing, isn’t it?

You don’t want to make a fuss about tiny health annoyances.

But you feel lethargic for no apparent reason. You get constipated, especially when you travel. You have difficulty sleeping.  And your hormones are all over the place.  You hold onto that niggly five or ten pounds like your life depends on it.

Sound familiar? I’ve been there too.

I was working at a dream job and living on the French Riveria. I was paid …

How to Stop Tying Your Worth to Things Outside Yourself

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“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.” ~Unknown

There’s nothing like being one of the few black kids in your school to make you feel like the odd person out.

Well, that was my experience, anyway. I appreciate my parents’ desire to provide my brother and me with a safe neighborhood to live in and a good education, but growing up in a predominantly white area really affected me. I very rarely felt like I fit in among my peers.

That didn’t stop me from trying, though. I did …

Rethinking Resolutions: One Powerful Intention for the Year Ahead

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“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace, and love.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

In January, what I desire most is to slow down.

My heart wants to use the New Year as a time to reflect on the year that has passed by—what felt right, what didn’t feel right, and areas of potential growth. And my mind wants to use the New Year as an opportunity to look ahead and discover the ways in which I can improve …

Finding a Job You Love: 5 Things You Need to Do

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“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ~Confucius

I once worked for a big international consultancy firm (okay, it’s McKinsey, don’t tell anyone) and hated it.

Everyone told me how lucky I was to have that job. They went on and on about how prestigious it was, how I got to travel the world, work with executives on the big topics, and hang out with brilliant colleagues.

As much as all of that is true, I still hated the job. Not because of McKinsey, but because of me.

It might …

How to Motivate Yourself Instead of Criticizing Yourself

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“I define depression as a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy about how you wish your life would be.” ~Dr. John Demartini

I always wanted to do things “right.” I was the little kid at the front of the room, raising her hand for every question. I was great at pushing myself to succeed and please.

My drive to be perfect was an asset through college and law school. I rocked high grades and landed a big firm job right out of school. But that same drive drove me right into a therapist’s office at twenty-five, where I …

Why Being Real Matters More Than Being the Best

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“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” ~May Sarton

Have you ever compared yourself to others on social media?

You’re not alone if you have. It’s human nature to compare, compete, and seek value in the opinions of others. To aspire to the heights others seem to have attained.

But how real are those people we compare ourselves to really being? The ones who seem to have it all together? Perfect family, ideal job, loving relationship?

I would venture to guess they’re not being very real at all.…

7 Things to Realize When You Think You Don’t Matter

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“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.” ~Hafiz of Shiraz

Have you ever felt like you didn’t matter?

Were you ever held back from pursuing something because the voice in your head said, “Why bother?”

You’re not alone.

I once felt that way too, but I discovered a way out of that dark time.

In my early twenties, fresh out of college, I had my first professional job interview. I had the blissful optimism and naiveté characteristic of most college grads seeing a world full of infinite …

You Don’t Need Other People to Validate Your Feelings

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“When you give another person the power to define you, then you also give them the power to control you.” ~Leslie Vernick

It’s coming up on the anniversary of when I left a relationship that was both my unhealthiest and my greatest catalyst for growth.

While I’m able to see that he was a spiritual assignment I needed in order to evolve, I can’t help but feel resentful. But what surprises me isn’t my anger at him; it’s my anger at myself. Let me explain.

Disastrous relationships are nothing new for me. My past is riddled with complicated, codependent, and …

How to Tell When Someone Needs a Friend

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“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” ~Unknown

When I was in high school I was shy, to say the least. I guess a more accurate description would be to say that I was insecure. Painfully insecure.

Looking back, I don’t know why I cared so much. But I did. I was too insecure to ever say hi to anyone in any of my classes, or to try to sit with anyone new at lunch.

There were even some days when I went through the entire school day without speaking a word. I felt utterly alone …

4 Tips to Live a Balanced, Happy Life with Fewer Regrets

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“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

Balance has become an ever-elusive thing these days. The onslaught of technological breakthroughs, aimed at making life easier, has given way to a societal expectation that we are available around the clock.

This has bled into our careers, where our employers have ever increasing expectations that we can do more in less time. We have 168 hours in our week to sleep, work, rest, be with our loved ones, and pursue personal interests.

Unfortunately, the majority of people in the world today …

How to Change Your Life by Changing the Stories You Tell Yourself

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“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

I used to watch people on the streets and in restaurants and think that their boisterous conversations and broad smiles were evidence that they lived a life much better than mine.

I assumed that they were happier than me, smarter than me, and worth more than me. All around me was evidence that this was true: my meager bank account, my junky car, my thrift store clothes.

I would sit in my apartment and try to imagine what it would be like to be someone else.

I wondered what …

How to Intentionally Embrace Change in the New Year

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“Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” ~Glenda Cloud

What do you do when you come to the end of a calendar year as it approaches the start of another one? Do you get caught up in the festive season hype and then, as you roll into the new year, find it all a bit anticlimactic? Or, are you a bit like me and prefer to keep it a quieter, reflective time?

We know that calendar time is really artificial, for true time is simply an infinite and continuous cycle of day and night, seasons, birth and death, and change.…

Your Worth Is Not Dependent on What You Do or Accomplish

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“A life’s worth, in the end, isn’t measured in hours or money. It’s measured by the amount of love exchanged along the way.” ~Unknown

I’ve had a go-go-go personality for as long as I can remember. I think I was born with it.

Both of my parents were small business owners who truly believed that with enough hard work and heart-and-soul dedication, you can accomplish anything.

By the age of three, I was a gymnast; by early elementary school, a competitive one, with a coach who was constantly (and sometimes aggressively) pushing me to the next level.

Therein began the …