Posts tagged with “healing”
The Most Powerful Tool for Healing: Tell the Right Stories
TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.
“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of ourselves.” ~David Richo
In my mid-thirties, I had what I experienced as a breakdown.
If you had asked me ten or even twenty years earlier whether I had been sexually abused, I would have said no. But in my mid-thirties, strange and scary memories started surfacing in my body—along with pieces of story and language.
These pieces of memory and my responses to them seemed to glue together …
How Journaling Helped Me Heal from Grief and How It Can Help You Too
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” ~C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
The day I was told that the man I loved was going to die from cancer, I did two things: I made a pact with myself never to have more than one bottle of wine in the house. I knew the risks of numbing pain and I knew that it didn’t work. Then I went to a stationery shop and bought a supply of fine moleskin journals.
My journey through grief started the day the pea-sized lump behind my husband’s ear was given a …
Healing, Forgiving, and Loving After a Painful Break Up
“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do.” ~Anonymous
About five years ago, I learned the biggest lesson of my life about self-love and losing oneself in a relationship, through a breakup that almost killed me.
After going through another night of three hours of sleep, I drove myself to the ER to save my own life. I hadn’t eaten or slept much in three weeks, and the scale pointed to ninety-seven pounds. I felt weak, malnourished, and unloved.
Three weeks …
How I Healed My Strained Relationship with My Mother
“Give without remembering. Receive without forgetting.” ~Unknown
It was Sunday, April 12, 2015. I had just finished my grocery shopping and was about to leave the parking lot when I noticed a call from my dad.
I called him back so we could talk for a few minutes. He said, “Troy died.” I thought of his friend Troy, who I’d met a couple years prior, and said I was sorry to hear his friend had passed. My dad realized I had not heard him correctly. He said “Troy, your stepdad, he died this morning.”
I felt like someone had punched …
Why I No Longer Believe There’s Something Wrong with Me
“Our thoughts create our beliefs, meaning if you think about yourself a certain way for a long enough period of time you will ultimately believe it.” ~Anonymous
You’re ugly. You’re stupid. You’re a loser.
Imagine thinking this way about yourself every day. No exaggeration. That was me.
When a girl didn’t want to go on a second date with me, I told myself I was ugly. When I didn’t know what someone was talking about, I told myself I was stupid. When my Instagram post only received two likes, I told myself I was loser.
I spoon-fed myself toxic …
The Most Compassionate Words and How They Heal
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” ~Dalai Lama.
It wasn’t until my mother died that I was able to feel her love and have that mother-daughter relationship that I’d been craving all my life. It was not until she died that I was able to learn, and truly feel, compassion—for her and for me.
I’ve always known that compassion for others is a nice thing. We all know that. But it wasn’t until I truly felt it that I was able to create a deep sense of healing.
My mum and I always had …
Letting Go of the Victim Label: The Past Will Not Define Me
TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of domestic violence and sexual abuse, and may be triggering to some people.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~Unknown
It wasn’t long ago that I lived my life as a professional victim.
It wasn’t intentional, but somewhere along the way I had internalized the fact that my victimhood gave me an excuse to remain stuck. As long as I was a victim, I had a reason to wallow in sadness and self-pity, a reason to not move forward, and sympathy …
He Left, But I Will Not Give Up On Myself
“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do. “ ~Brené Brown
He just left our home.
After eighteen years together, fifteen of them being married, he left as we had planned, as we had gently and lovingly discussed.
We are on a break, a trial separation. What you hear about separation and divorce is all so achingly true. It feels like a death, a chasm where all the worst feelings imaginable pile in on you, where you can’t quite breathe right.
The pain is visceral—like someone …
How to Find That Something That Feels Missing
“The spiritual path is simply the journey of living our lives. Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don’t know it.” ~Marianne Williamson
I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst tightening of my chest that I had ever experienced. My heart was racing uncontrollably, my hands were clammy and cold, and nothing I did brought relief.
I prayed. I chanted. I tapped. I prayed and then prayed some more.
I thought I was going to die. I started to immediately regret all of the …
Why I Now Appreciate Years of Pain and How Gratitude Healed My Life
TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of abuse and may be triggering to some people.
“Hope is faith’s impoverished sister, but it’s a start.” ~Maureen Barberio, Gettin’ Out of Bullytown
My life wasn’t always easy. It’s not always easy now, as a matter of fact. But there was a very long period where it was quite difficult and painful. It is sad how many of us can say that, isn’t it?
I grew up in a dysfunctional home with two sisters. My father was an alcoholic and was physically and verbally abusive. My mother, herself a victim of …
The Most Powerful Way to Help Someone Through Emotional Pain
“When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark.” ~Unknown
I walked in for my monthly massage and immediately sensed something was off.
A layer of desolation hung in the air like an invisible mist, ominous and untouchable, yet so thick I felt as though I could reach out and grab a handful in my fist, like wet cement, oozing out between my fingers.
I’d been seeing the same masseuse once a month for three years, repeating the same routine each time. I wait in the hallway just outside her rented studio, a …
Highs and Lows Are Part of Growth and It All Makes Us Stronger
“Just like a muscle needs to tear to grow stronger, sometimes we need to wade into our own darkness to find a brighter light.” ~Lori Deschene
Sometimes we need to journey into the deepest, darkest, scariest, most painful places inside in order to reach the next level.
This is what happened to me earlier this year.
When I was younger, I was in an abusive relationship that created a lot of stories in my head. These stories became beliefs that I carried around for a long time. Beliefs like, “I’m not good enough,” “Relationships are painful,” “I don’t …
What to Say (and Not to Say) to Someone Who’s Grieving
“Remember that there is no magic wand that can take away the pain and grief. The best any of us can do is to be there and be supportive.” ~Marilyn Mendoza
My mother, an articulate and highly accomplished writer, began to lose much of what she valued a few years ago. Her eyesight was compromised by macular degeneration, her hallmark youthful vigor was replaced with exhaustion, and many of her friends began to die. Finally, and cruelest of all, her memory began to go, slowly at first, and then with increasing speed.
Her struggle and her suffering in the last …
How Creativity Heals Us and Why It’s a Gift to the World
“Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world.” ~Brené Brown
I wrote a poem today for the woman I love(d).
Just a few weeks ago, I fully believed she was the one I’d be with forever. Love forever. My heart was open so deep and wide to her. We talked about marriage and living together in the woods, making art, and being a family.
Then things got tough. We talked, we tried, we read books, jetted our intention out into the universe. But we just couldn’t keep it together.
There was so much pain. But also …
Making the Hurt Visible: How I Stopped Hating the Man and Learned to Listen to Myself
“Ignoring isn’t the same as ignorance, you have to work at it.” ~Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale
We’ve just passed the year anniversary of an event that has greatly changed our country. The shock of the election results last year sent waves of powerful emotions rippling through our nation.
Personally, I felt the effects as intense and immediate grief. It was as though I had just lost my dearest companion.
I had days of shock, despair, feelings of intense cold with physical shaking and episodes of vomiting and nausea, followed by weeks of sleepless nights, spontaneous sweating, nightmares …
Breaking the Chains of Victimhood When You’ve Been Abused
“Toxically shamed people tend to become more and more stagnant as life goes on. They live in a guarded, secretive, and defensive way. They try to be more than human (perfect and controlling) or less than human (losing interest in life or stagnated in some addictive behavior).” ~John Bradshaw- Healing the Shame That Binds You
Do you feel like a victim? Are those around you suggesting that you are acting like a victim? Are these same people telling you to get over it and move on? Do these judgments and statements feel harmful or helpful for you?
Most people making …
Lost Everything? 8 Tips to Help You Get Back on Your Feet
“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~Robert H. Schuller
About two years ago, I was working in a professional career that I had been building for nearly twenty years.
I had been at my company for thirteen years, and had been generally commended and given positive reviews and regular bonuses and raises for most of that time.
I had just left a terrible and traumatic relationship, and due to two years of criticism, gaslighting, and conflict, was experiencing severe depression. I was on medication that made it hard for me to focus and which gave me anxiety …
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