@Rhaenys thanks mate. Try asking your friends to set you up, plenty of dating apps some more meaningful than others! Good luck mate.

Hi @Tim / @Kkasxo / @Shelbyville / @Sammy

I need help, the past few days with ‘B’ have been so beautiful and amazing. Yesterday it was her date night idea (I was keen to take it in turns this time instead of her doing all the leg work, so we equally feel spoilt) Anyway because of Covid we are limited but she made a den probably not even doing it justice in description but there were lights and snacks, it was so cosy to cuddle and watch a movie. It was a simple idea but she made it look and feel so magical with the way she put it together.

I really loved the evening and as I was walking home an intense feeling I don’t know how to describe. When I look at her this pang of pain hits me, I feel so sad for how I treated her before. I don’t know if I need to go to a confessional or something. I just don’t know how I could hurt someone like her.

Since we reconciled she is taking it at her pace but has really wiped the slate clean, she hasn’t punished me or used it to her advantage / made me feel guilty like I know some women can do. She’s just being the very same kind, generous, fun authentic self she was and sticking to her boundaries. I don’t know, i wanted to ring her last night and tell her how I feel but at same time we had such a beautiful evening and I don’t want to put a dampener on things when it’s going so well.

I am embarrassed to admit I was crying in bed all night. I don’t what is happening here.

@Danny

Bro there are a few things that are happening here, brace yourself:

1. You are falling in love
2. Suffering anxiety as you do

How do I know? I’ve been there. It gives you a strange mixture of hope and guilt.

You’ve found someone who accepts you for who you really are without the pretense we put up to impress others, she has seen the flaws, the weaknesses and has CHOSEN to be with you. It’s unreal right? It feels incredible! That my friend is REAL LOVE….

…but at the same time your mind will do everything it can to remind you of why you are not enough for this special person. It will throw out the… “You hurt this beautiful woman. You don’t deserve her etc etc…” therefore making you feel dread too.

You’re in a battle now and it’s with yourself, it’s up to you to overcome it, if you want a meaningful, deep partnership because if you get over this obstacle and let it develop that is exactly what it will be given your descriptions of your wonderful lady.

I suspect during that initial 6 months when you were together the first time, you actually began to fall for her then subconsciously but were very unaware of your feelings because it got pushed down amongst your brain working overtime to sabotage as a way to protect you after what happened with ‘A’  and that’s why you ended up hurting her and believing you didn’t belong together. You know all this. You are a self aware and intelligent guy. So utilise that side to keep pushing through the self doubt.

Now you are equipped with the knowledge that you care about someone else’s life more than your own and that’s why you feel sad for what you did. It hurts even more knowing you hurt someone you love.

As @Shelbyville said we all are fallible and make mistakes, you need to forgive yourself, if that means taking a confession or making a spiritual connection with God to seek repentance than do that. She can’t give you the redemption, you need to find that within yourself.

You need to also be aware ‘B’ will along the line disappoint you, make a mistake and when that happens its your time to show the compassion she showed you. That is accepting her, for her flaws. You have to CHOOSE her, don’t be afraid to.

Falling in love mate is a beautiful thing you are being vulnerable and it will feel intense. This time the only difference is you need to get to a place where you believe that you truly deserve her love, her kindness and by offering her the same will help nurture an equal footing in the relationship.

Don’t ruin it by running in abject fear again. Come on here myself,  @Shelbyville, @Kkasxo will be your guidance so you don’t spiral into self sabotage. Forgive yourself, it so clear you have someone very good for you mate. A person who really understands the essence of who you are and deep down every person craves that more than anything. So don’t throw it away because I can guarantee there will not be another chance with her.

If you let this grow by spending time in her presence, respecting her boundaries you’ll realise more than the sex you’ll start to just want the comfort of her being close to you.

Enjoy her company, let it flourish, take time because in my opinion saying ‘I love you’ should carry weight and be a commitment to accept and cherish that person no matter what. So don’t just say it as a grand gesture. Wait until you feel stable and have proven to each other in your actions that you really will honour those words.

I have faith in you mate. Believe in yourself! You have more control than you think, each decision leads us down a path, don’t go down the REGRET route again or it will just prove you haven’t learned or grown from the mistakes you made with her before.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by Tim.

@Lucie doll I forgot to address your message, it almost got lost amongst the posts, do forgive me.

Thank you so much, I’m still dumbfounded by the kindness of strangers although I do see this thread and its posters as a little community in itself now. I’m chuffed, I never thought after the very dark periods in my life, the spiral i took. I’d be able to live to see the day where I was in a really fulfilling and happy relationship. Perseverance and making the right choices,  surrounding oneself with the people who keep you moving towards better and are good for your soul, are KEY. Keep on growing doll and I promise you, you’ll attract good and learn to hold onto it too!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by Tim.

@Sammy, proud of you!!! That’s honestly all I can say. Because that takes strength and a whole load of courage – so kudos to you!

Thank you for all your kind words guys, I see them all. I’m actually going away to stay with a friend this weekend for a overdue girls night. All the way in Southend too so looking forward to an evening walk by the seaside, water has always calmed me. Get away from reality even if it’s just for a night..

@Lucie I think I may have tagged you in error. There is another Lucie on this thread nonetheless I’m glad to read you are well. Wish you all the best in life!

@Sammy doll, so lovely to hear from you! Thank you for your warm wishes, baby is a little plum and soon we will be entering the 2nd term. Really excited but how are you? Reading your strong words to @Kkasxo, I would also like to add I’m very proud of you too!

@Danny Hahah your post to @Sammy, bro be careful might land yourself in hot waters. Things can easily be misconstrued. However , understandable and just do your thing to relieve the pressure and focus on the LTR goal! You have a very good woman worthy of the struggle!

Yes EQ is derived from IQ but I prefer EI! Really impressed you are doing some reading on literature around your emotions. It will help you tremendously! Message if you need anything,  slow and steady wins the race!

I think I’ve said it before women can be fierce and independent but that natural sensitivity and fragility is to be respected and cherished. You make her feel safe and secure , you’ll reap the rewards too.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Tim.

Happy Birthday @Shelbyville! Have a good one mate 👍

Cheers bro, I’ll pay more attention to what I write. Thanks!!

@Sammy I hope you didn’t find my post crude. Sorry mate if you did!