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Forever Healing: 4 Things I Now Prioritize After Cancer

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“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” ~Audre Lorde

I’m a year out after completing chemo treatment for non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and on my healing journey. Cancer is a nasty little thing and can rear its ugly head at any time again. So, to minimize those recurrent chances and to feel like I’m doing all that’s in my control, I’ve accepted that this healing path will be for the rest of my life.

I originally thought I’d be spending this first year rebuilding myself. And I have. …

How I Started Enjoying Solo Adventures and How You Can Make a Big Life Change

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“We need solitude, because when we’re alone, we’re free from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts.” ~Tamim Ansary

I walk along a country path feeling peaceful and free. I wander at my own pace, sometimes briskly and other times pausing to take in the view. There are no conversations to take me out of the moment or distract me from free-flowing thoughts. I set my own course and distance, being accountable to no one except myself.

Spending some leisure time alone brings me a sense of freedom, confidence, and …

How My Divorce Was the Portal to My Greatest Dreams

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“The way of love is not a subtle argument. The door there is devastation. Birds make great sky-circles of their freedom. How do they learn it? They fall, and falling, they are given wings.” ~Rumi

You can create your dream life from devastation.

I speak from first-hand experience.

On Thanksgiving Day, my husband knelt before me and said he didn’t think he loved me anymore and didn’t think he wanted to have children. He had flown in that day from our  home in NYC to see me perform in a Christmas musical in Salt Lake City. Both being working actors, …

7 Pillars of Mental Health: How to Feel Your Best (Almost) Every Day

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“Sending love to everyone who’s doing their best to heal from things they don’t discuss.” ~Unknown

When I was twelve years old, I planned on taking my own life. I had a plan, I had the means, and I thought about it every single day for months. No one was aware—not my family, not my best friends, not my teachers at school or my peers. It would have been a huge surprise in my community had I attempted it, because I didn’t appear as someone who was severely depressed.

Thankfully, I never acted on it, and fifteen years later I …

5 Things I Did Because I Didn’t Feel Good Enough and What I Do Now Instead

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“You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise Hay

Since I was a little girl, I believed there was something fundamentally wrong with me.

So I was always trying to find a way to fix myself and be worthy. To feel good enough.

No baby is born thinking they aren’t worthy, and neither was I—or you.

This came from our early beginnings.

I had a very traumatized dad, who I now understand was struggling with his own pain from his childhood.

He would lose his temper …

Handling Lifequakes: How to Navigate the Storms of Change

By in Blog, change & challenges

“How you revise, rethink, and rewrite your personal narrative as things change, lurch, or go wrong in your life matters a great deal.”  ~Bruce Feiler

It’s happened to all of us.

Just when life is going smoothly, a big, scary event comes along that threatens to ruin everything.

A frightening diagnosis, a relationship breakup, the death of a loved one, a job loss, or the COVID-19 pandemic.

Your life gets turned upside down when you least expect it.

I don’t know about you, but my life has been full of significant life changes over the last ten years: my …

How to Overcome Relationship Conflict with the Internalized Other Practice

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.” ~John Steinbeck

In the early stages of my relationships, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the other person was thinking. Hours of pondering whether they liked me, over-analyzing every text message, and worrying that every fight meant it was over.

Over time, in a good long-term relationship, these challenges settle down. While longevity is not the only marker of a successful relationship, feeling safe and comfortable with someone over a decent stretch of time is undoubtably lovely. All those fear-based worries and insecurities fade,

…

How Replacing Worry with Gratitude Turned My Whole Life Around

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“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” ~Willie Nelson

You know you’re not living the life of your dreams when you’re doing mundane things like brushing your teeth, doing laundry, getting dressed, or preparing a meal, and your constant thoughts are “Oh, we need more toothpaste or laundry detergent, but we can’t get either right now. Money’s too tight.” Or “We should get more milk and lettuce, but we have to put that money toward our utility bill so our lights don’t get turned off.”

This train of thought started to be the norm for me …

I Forgive Forcefully (An Act That Takes Great Strength)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You don’t have to rebuild a relationship with everyone you have forgiven.” ~Unknown

“Forgive” and “forcefully” are not two words I have ever joined together before.

My idea of forgiveness involved kind and gentle meekness.

Goodness.

Altruism.

Compassion.

But never forcefulness.

Well, not until I waded through the choppy waters of forgiveness after I had the courage to leave my abusive marriage.

Forgive is a Verb

Forgiving isn’t an emotion. It’s an action. It’s a process that has no time limitation or expiration date.

It can’t be ordered, demanded, or rushed.

When I first discovered that my husband had been …

How to Release the Fear That Keeps Our Lives Small

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“Being cut off from our own natural self-compassion is one of the greatest impairments we can suffer.” ~Gabor Mate

It was late at night, and I couldn’t sleep. I could almost hear the thudding of fear that was exploding in my chest. I tried to identify the singular cause of the fear, but it didn’t feel like there was just one thing.

There were so many things.

It was the world at large and problems in it; it was how my kid was feeling this morning when they got home from school. It was the rift between my husband and …

My Husband Left Me for Another Woman: How Forgiveness Set Me Free

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“Allow yourself to be proud of yourself and all the progress you’ve made. Especially the progress no one else can see.” ~Unknown

I watched my then-four-month-old daughter wiggle around on the floor on her belly, arms flailed out to the side in her pink-footed pajamas, giggling hysterically. Her brother, four years old at the time, was launching himself from our king size bed onto a pile of pillows next to her, over and over. He’d land with a thud and a loud “oof,” cracking himself up,and she would break out in hysterics right with him.

I

…

How I Went from Approval Seeking to Authentic Living

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“My life transformed when I stopped caring what people in the stands thought.” ~Brené Brown

One afternoon, I had coffee with a friend who told me that she and her family all have a garden campfire every Friday night and toast marshmallows. It sounded so rustically idyllic compared to our normal frozen pizza and movie tradition that I asked my husband if we could do the same that evening.

He sat down to pick up the remote control and casually replied that he was too tired to build a fire, then thought nothing more of it. But I felt devastated …

Take the 30-Day Self-Care Challenge!

By in Blog

Hi friend! As we approach the New Year, I imagine many of you, like me, are thinking about what you’d like to do differently in 2024—or who and how you want to be in the year ahead.

Though we likely all have varied goals, I can say with total confidence it all starts with the same thing: self-care.

Whether you want more adventure, meaning, peace, love, joy, or anything else, it’s all more attainable if you feel your best, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

With this in mind, I recently created a 30-Day Self-Care Challenge that can help us all take …

Being Grateful for the Peaceful Coexistence of Joy and Pain

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“It’s a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that, but if you are grateful for your life, then you must be grateful for all of it.” ~Stephen Colbert

Life is not a war; you do not conquer it, nor do you overcome it. You simply accept that suffering is an inevitable and necessary rite of passage on our paths throughout life.

No one is immune to pain; it is only dished out at different levels, and our own internal experience is incomparable. We share similar human experiences—that is the tie that binds us all together—but …

How I Overcame Self-Hatred and 6 Ways to Love Yourself

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Sharon Salzberg

When was the last time you looked at your reflection and extended love to yourself? Before I discovered the life-changing power of self-love, I had not extended love to myself for years. This is the story of how I transformed my self-hatred into self-love, how it changed my life, and several tips to practice in your life.

For a long time, I believed self-love was something to be avoided at all costs. Like many, I had become habituated to the “hustle and …

Why I Sense Threats Everywhere and Panic All the Time

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“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.” ~Bessel A. van der Kolk

I have a prescription for Lorazepam.

After coming home from picking up my first ever bottle from the pharmacy several years ago, I threw the bottle at the wall and cried.

I used …

How a Rescue Dog Helped Heal My Lonely, Longing Heart

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“Maybe it’s time for the fighter to be fought for, the holder to be held, and the lover to be loved.” ~Unknown

There’s this cheesy saying I heard once—“Dog, when spelled backwards, is god.” As a companion to my dog, I can honestly say this is truer than you might ever imagine it to be.

There is something special about dogs or perhaps animals in general. They are not plugged into the matrix of human dramas and suffering the way we are entrenched in it. And because they are out of that cycle, in a way, they become our bodhisattvas.…

How to Draw Your Way to a Life You’ll Love

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“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” ~Albert Einstein

We all know the basic script we are encouraged to follow in life—work hard at school, then go to university or get a good job. Conform and fit in and everything will be fine.

I did well at the first part; however, by my early twenties, the “everything will be fine” bit wasn’t happening for me. Far from it. I had been prepared for a “basic script” life, but I wasn’t happy by any means, and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

When I left school in the UK, before going …

Think You Need to Prove Your Worth? A Simple Exercise That Might Help

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“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” ~Maya Angelou

A few years ago, I operated on the belief that my worth was tied to what I could offer others. If I couldn’t assist with job opportunities, provide transportation, or support someone in some way, I didn’t see the point of forming a connection.

This mindset stemmed from a period in my life when I was married to someone battling drug addiction. He often remarked, “Without you, I’d probably be in jail or dead,” and deep down, I knew it was true. It was a perfect match, …

10 Reasons and Helpful Tips to Make It a Dry December

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“The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself.” ~Wallace Wattles

In all my years of drinking, I never thought I’d hear myself suggesting a Dry December. Nor could I have predicted that the month I’d eventually decide to embrace my sober curiosity would be the holiday month.

Before I decided to give an alcohol-free lifestyle a chance, I had completed many Dry Januarys, occasional Sober Octobers, and even one Dry July. (Dry July was the hardest for me because I really felt like I was alone in trying to …