NamesAreOverrated,

Pedophiles are made not born.  Your brother’s camp abuse shows that.  Just because he is aware of that and what he did to you does not mean all that scaring and behavior automatically stops.  He needs therapy for despite he knows on some level that it is wrong and says that child molestors are disgusting does not mean that the imprinted trauma and related unconscious behavior goes away.

Talk to your brother and get him into counseling.

http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1658-5-ways-were-making-pedophilia-worse.html

http://www.cbc.ca/firsthand/m_features/pedophiles-resources

Mark

Tiny Buddha website has multiple articles on dealing with anger. Go to the Home page and do a search on “Anger issue.”

With that said, we learn how to survive and behave from our caregivers, usually that means our parent(s).

You said that you’ve also fought with your mother plus you are going through puberty.  Both are ingredients for having a hard time controlling/managing/being aware of your emotions at the time they bubble up.

You said that you can simmer down when you go into your bedroom.  Why don’t you give yourself a timeout before things get out of hand?  Go off to your bedroom before the anger totally consumes you while letting your mother know you are going off to cool off by yourself.  Let your mother before the next argument that this is what you are trying to do to address your anger issue and then she would know to give you space and time to calm down by yourself.

Let your mother know what you have shared with us, i.e. you are struggling with how you express your anger and want to change your behavior.  This way she can help you or at least be aware of what is going on inside with you.

Check out the Tiny Buddha articles as well.

Good for you for being aware of your issue and wanting to change it.

Mark

Bellamondo,

It sounds like you are depressed if you lost interest in life and can sleep all day and night.

Some useful things to try are: get psychological help maybe get anti-depressants, exercise, volunteer to help others who are worse off than you.

Start from there and then you will be more resourceful to tackle the bigger questions like finding your life’s purpose.

Best to you,
Mark

Craig,

Yes it is deadly that when an anxious tries to have a relationship with an avoidant.

I wonder how do you know that 50s + people are overrepresented by avoidants.  From your personal experience?  I would question that for I believe we attract those whose characteristics/wounds are why we need to work on for ourselves.

There are articles on the web about trying to co-create a relationship with an avoidant.  Of course there is a spectrum of attachment and it is not across the board consistent either.

I tell people I have only three initial criteria for woman that I want for a relationship: 1. chemistry 2. kindness and 3. self-awareness.  The self-awareness piece means to me taking responsibility for their own shit and that they are working on it.

I have no answers or suggestions here for I am looking for myself as well.  I consider myself an avoidant-secure attachment personality.  However I am highly self-aware and communicative.

Mark

Edd,

It seems like what you like about Chloe is something you like as a friend.  If you take sex out the equation then why can’t you be platonic friends?

Nobody will be perfect for each other.  Part of the great thing about relationships is that they help us grow and mature.  What seems like to be very important is not so much as we get use to each other and learn to love each other even more deeply or maturely.

Make sense?
Mark

Samantha,
I found your other postings especially about the one of your concern about your boyfriend’s drinking.

If you are going to stay with him then I encourage you to go to Al-anon.  This is a support group that have friends, family and loved ones who have an addict/alcoholic in their lives.  It will help you recognize that your worries and concerns are not unusually and what to do about them.

I take the approach that people are going to do what they are going to do no matter what I say or do, especially those who are addicts.  I cannot change them.  I can only change myself.  The person who is responsible to change is that person themself.  I am only responsible for me, not my partner.

I can only express my concern, love, and boundaries about what is acceptable.  I value clear and honest communication in all relationships.  It is up to you to decide how acceptable it is if your boyfriend lies about significant things that are against your core values and exhibits behavior that affects the relationship.

Mark

Plotinus,

I can relate to your frustration, disenchantment and worry with your journey in finding meaningful work, a place in society, a path to something more fulfilling and economically practical.

It sounds like you really like to think deep and theoretically and ponder life’s higher questions from your interest in theology and classical languages.

You toying with the idea of going into a monastery may be a good way to go since this type of life and orientation seems more aligned with those things you are drawn to.

I believe that your abbey retreat is a good start to have that time and environment to ponder.  I recommend do not go into that experience with an specific outcome in mind.  I would just be in the moment-to-moment experience and notice what comes up from that.  Let go of expectations and “goals.”

Mark

I still would reach out to the vet even though s/he is not your dog’s vet and that you don’t know him/her.

They are use to dealing with grieving pet owners.  S/he might be a good resource in addition to the others I suggested.

Take care Alissa.