@Peter

I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experiences too!

What you shared is really interesting. It is well known that religion provided moral structure for people. But in times before psychologists, psychiatrists and pharmacology they provided a level of emotional support. It’s a very good reminder!

Another thing I remember reading about perspective is that you can go on vacation and visit Paris yet never know the true nature of Paris. You can live in Paris for many years and still never know the reality of Paris.

My interpretation of this is how our unique individual perspectives do not allow us to see reality which is probably composed of  everyone’s experience of Paris.

@Peter

For many the practice detachment has been a about detachment from desire. No desire = no suffering. Probably true only I don’t see how such a practice of detachment would not end in indifference and or unconsciousness.

I have been reading The Heart of Buddha’s Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh. The way that he describes overcoming attachment is beautiful. He suggests that rather than indifference it involves loving everyone equally. To me the idea of nonself (I hope that I am using this correctly) is relevant to because it addresses grasping. If we are all part of each other we have nothing to lose. The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying shares this concept of nonself too. Anyone we spend time with will become a part of us. As for developing compassion and empathy for people that we don’t have relationships they suggest recognising that we all have Buddha nature within us.

“To joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world“. So far every wisdom tradition I have come across asks that question. Can you engage fully in life, as it is, the wonder and the horror joyfully? Can that be Love? My intuition is that a experience of enlightenment would involve such a realization.

Many Buddhist monks are from countries that experienced war so they have written a lot about this subject specifically. They discuss empathising with the soldiers killing their loved ones. Understanding that they are often conscripted with no choice but to participate in war. Not to mention, they may be punished severely if they attempt to desert. Soldiers are considered pawns, not the agents perpetuating the war. Also, we all know the devastating impact on mental health that being a soldier can have. In this way, they were able to love the enemy harming them. Many monks who were imprisoned and punished for their beliefs chose to see that as an excellent opportunity to deepen their practice.

Tsoknyi Rinpoche shared that many masters have ego and it is a normal healthy part of being a person. His suggestion was to watch the ego and not let it drive action.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Peter!

Jiddu Krishnamurti has a very interesting definition of enlightenment. He describes enlightenment using a concept of violence and non-violence. If a violent feeling arises and is surpressed this creates conflict.

He considers enlightenment to be viewing emotions without judgement or thought. This IMMEDIATE action of non-judgment without thought as feelings arise is considered to be enlightenment. This immediacy is very important because it would mean that you already have to be in a state of meditation as feelings arise otherwise thoughts, attachment and conflict would occur.

He also suggests that anyone claiming to be enlightened is not, as ego is what claims enlightenment.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Deci

Who knew that the Tibetan Book of the Dead, while being a valuable incentive for those living during a time of death and dying without the will to enlightenment, also serves as a reference and source of comfort for the living in terms of its provisional tenets at a time of social loss, must, as well, be seen as a last-ditch device for the dying by its upholding the possibility of sudden enlightenment for those with the karmic potential at the time of their death, in order to see essence without needlessly having to experience the bardic realm when the veil between Creation and Nonorigination finally dissolves.

This is a reductive perspective which honestly seems dismissive of well respected books written by well respected masters. Isn’t it possible that monks trained in Buddhism for their lives actually have a deeper understanding than a layman?

You’re right Buddhism didn’t invent enlightenment. Many generations of Buddhist practitioners just dedicated their lives to chronicling the process because the main principles involve overcoming suffering and should be shared with humanity. Even suffering itself is based on perspective. If you alter your perspective you no longer suffer. Though this might require action or acceptance.

From experience, I can understand that it can take practice to get to a state of non-practice. A beginner at meditation may struggle to sit and do nothing due to the discomfort with thoughts originating from their own mind. Personally, I struggled to do breathing meditation initially due to trauma. I had to learn other kinds of meditation before I was comfortable enough with the practice to overcome that trauma response. It is very difficult for people to incorporate mindfulness into their everyday lives without practicing meditation.

Hi Lloyd!

Sorry for the late reply, it’s been busy!

What you shared makes a lot of sense to me. I’ve certainly had similar experiences with depression.

I think you’re on the right path! I have faith that you will be able to overcome the challenges that you are currently facing in time.

Considering the trauma that you have experienced the emotional pain you are in makes sense. It takes time to heal and recover from these experiences. It is okay to not feel okay.

My perspective on happiness is that it’s like many ordinary moments you experience in your daily routine. Except emotions and thoughts have settled and are clear. Without this weighing you down there is a chance to experience happiness and appreciate beauty.

Humans have a negativity bias, so it can be difficult to notice good moments when things are challenging. Gratitude practice can be helpful for drawing our attention to positive experiences throughout our day. Have you tried this before? If so, did you find it helpful?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Deci

What I discussed are Tibetan Buddhist beliefs. From the Buddhist perspective, due to belief in reincarnation these practices are done to help guide you to achieving a better reincarnation. It is said that if you achieve enlightenment you become a Buddha, yet most Buddha do not choose to walk the earth, many go to the Buddha realm.

The reason why dying helps certain people achieve enlightenment is because dying is a process that dissolves the ego.

It takes many lifetimes to achieve enlightenment. There have only been 20+ known Buddhas throughout human history. This is how rare achieving enlightenment is. Enlightenment is a rare phenomenon. Rare in death and even rarer still  in life.

I believe that practicing meditation can do a lot of good and enact a lot of change even before achieving enlightenment. The Dalai Lama himself doesn’t claim to be enlightened. Many masters do not claim to be enlightened. Yet, they still help many people with the level of spiritual attainment that they have achieved.

Personally, I am doing these practices to benefit my mental health. Psychology is largely based on Buddhist practices and I have reached the limit of what psychology can achieve.

I’m guessing that you haven’t read the Tibetan Book of the Dead or the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. Most people do not like discussing death. But there are Tibetan Buddhist practices that are heavily linked to death.

You’re right living and dying are reflections of similar phenomenon. Sleeping is considered to be a state similar to death. The quality of your sleep is considered a reflection of your practices.

Compassion is a big component that many masters discuss with building a level of attainment.

Hi Eric

Personally, I like asking questions about other people when I’m feeling anxious. This takes all of the responsibility off me when it comes to conversation. People love to talk about themselves. Not to mention, it encourages other people to ask questions which are much easier to answer than spontaneously coming up with conversation.

Also, letting people know that you are shy is helpful. Telling people your name is also helpful.

Or ask how their weekend was (if it’s near the start of the week) ask what their plans for the weekend are (if it’s near the end of the week).

The people at the gym seem really kind. Especially the guy who tried to share his food with you.

You could also bring in gum or a snack and ask people if they want some?

Maybe you could try setting yourself goals? Start out by picking one thing a week to say? You could pick something that you are most comfortable with. How do you feel about this idea?

Hi David

It’s good to hear that you are moving on.

Your situation reminds me in a round about way of a relative. Her husband beat her for 10 years. She finally had the courage to demand that he stop and he did. Then she started beating him. He complained and asked her to stop. She said I’ll stop in 10 years.

10 years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone and people say it takes half the length of the relationship to get over it. Your ex experienced a lot of pain throughout your relationship and despite that she was unwilling to let you go.

What you are doing now is the kindest thing you can do for both of you. When she is no longer in contact, in time you will both have the chance to move on.

This is a big step for you! Well done. I’m sure that you and your therapist will accomplish some great things together.