Oh anita! ***hugs***

As we each have discussed to other people ~ some people should NOT be parents!!

I hope this idea helps: We expect love from parents because… WE’VE EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE!! Whether in many past lives, or in our DNA, we remember/”remember” feeling LOVED! We don’t miss what we’ve never experienced!!

The pain of your mother not being the mother she should be, or my pain of my father not being the father he should be ~ what we REALLY want is the love of the Archetypal Father, or the Great Mother. Of course, no one in physical form can be the Higher/Ideal/God/dess like Parent! We all fall short.

Maybe one day or one lifetime, on a spiritual level, your mother can visit you and communicate, “My dear, sweet child. I am so, so sorry I did that to you. That SHOULD NOT have happened to you! I love you and one day/lifetime, in some way, I will TRY to make it up to you!!”

You can have a Ritual where she says/”says” that. You can do things for yourself that a Mother SHOULD do for you! Make a list of things you can be, do and have if you were a child. Have your TRUE Mother give/”give” it to you.

May you have the best dream or a very real vision where you get healing.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Gabrielle,

You were in a relationship but not married, correct? Well, this is what dating is for ~ to see if you’re compatible for marriage (in my old fashioned mind). So you apologizing to his family, your family and the church ~ well, it’s no one else’s business! Of course the only person who will need/want to give you forgiveness is your boyfriend.

Unfortunately, this affair (it’s not called an “affair” unless you are married, it is really just “cheating”) your boyfriend (yes, he is just a boyfriend) he will hold over your head. It gives him fodder to fight over.

Well, for his sake AND your sake, I advise that you break up with him. He will be shocked, hurt, upset. After all, YOU broke the rules, so YOU are the bad guy, and YOU are breaking up with HIM!?! Impossible!

This will put him in his place on a very real level. He is not your husband. You are a free agent. You should have cast each other free or moved on to a marital relationship after three years. Subconsciously you cheated because you are still searching for your nest.

This will do two things: It will force BOTH of you time to heal (give it a year) and it will force him NOT to have this actively over your head! You apologized. You shouldn’t have done it. You’re done.

Then, you have to forgive YOURSELF. Tell yourself, “This is not who I am.” Then find another person (or go back to him but give it AT LEAST a year so you can truly start over) and do it right this time. Get married. Settle down. Start a family.

From my Old Fashioned Self,

Inky

Hi Libby,

Your son is fairly young, right? How old is he?

Dollars to donuts there is something he is NOT telling you. I remember you had issues with your family. Well, kids don’t think about their extended family all day every day, so I’m telling you that’s not it. Not enough to have panic/anxiety/suicidal thoughts.

Example: My son had been bullied and I did not even hear about it until the last day of school! And my other son would suddenly come down with pneumonia and migraines and it turned out he was so stressed out by this one horrible teacher he had. As soon as she was out of his life, no more migraines!

This is what I did whenever life became “irregular”:

I would be as happy as I could around my children (no telling them or them overhearing of my problems). I would go out with them (a change of environment). And I would have classical music or “spa” music playing when I was making dinner (the house is a place of calm) and I would watch classic movies or public broadcasting (high quality shows). I’d volunteer in the school quite a bit (teachers AND children will treat your child better unconsciously if your presence is there). Cook organic/healthy food, no junk food. Keep their room organized (calming). If they are young enough/will let you, read to them. I’d drag them to church, too!

Of course, it should be like that all the time, but I made sure it was all the time when something was “off”.

When the home and school front has calmed down, you might be able to ferret out what’s really going on. Did something happen? Anything abusive?

Just throwing suggestions out there!

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Inky.

Hi J,

Even as a slightly older adult, friendships fade and/or change. They are situational friendships. You can’t get mad when they end, they just do sometimes.

And yes, I’ve had friendships where I had to end it. It was more awkward as a stable, grown adult, to do it. Meaning I couldn’t blame it on anything like school, moving, etc. I just tried to cool it. But then the other person got mad.

“ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE?!”

(No, b/c you’re crazy)…. Many stories with that one, many, many stories…

But what you don’t want to do, especially with women is “Talk about it”. It solves nothing and only makes things more Weird, IMHO.

I don’t know when she stopped contacting me, whether it was after I yelled at her not to give her DD’s inheritance away to charity or when she stalked me at my father’s house when we tried to sneak out of our own house (yes, you read that right) so we could enjoy a holiday in peace!

Sorry for rambling,

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Inky.

Hi Atlas Thinks,

Of course you know that she’s not angry at **YOU**. She is angry that (even a decade plus later) that her parents are no longer together. That her dad SEEMS to treat you like a queen/better than he treated her mom, that she forgets her mom may very well have stayed home with her too, OR she’s resentful that her sibling got the perfect SAHM. So what if you were a “tennis mom”/soccer mom? (what we call SAHMs with older kids). You keep the household running and take care of your child and her dad! listen, my mom was a SAHM, worked part time OR had her own business at various points when I was growing up and apologized for none of it!

I know she’s an adult, but she is not grown. Her rant was the grief of a child. I said shocking things to my step father even as a late teen, and he was a perfectly lovely person.

I say perfect your role. How would you treat a college aged daughter? With my own flesh and blood daughter I text, call, FB and send a care package. When she comes home I say, “OK! Let’s go shopping at Stew Leonard’s!” (a tradition). For her birthday and Christmas I buy her presents. And if she is/says something bad to me, I say, “I don’t like that!” and leave the room.

If I had a sister in law I might remember her birthday and give her a call and invite them over for holidays. That’s it!

They may very well have Aspergers. It is a gift, really. You CAN’T take it personally. For my nephew I give him books and am thinking of getting him a privacy tent so he can go into his “cave” wherever he is! LOL

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Inky.

Hi Everyone! Happy Thanksgiving, no matter HOW you spend it! 🙂

Getting back to the original question, at my darkest hour, I can think of how I was Abandoned by Father, a victim, had failed, am not living up to my potential/”potential”, have had a spiritual identity crisis…

On my brightest day I can think of how I am the Princess Archetype, as well as a Priestess, Magician and Artist Archetype! How I met and married my soulmate, have three gorgeous children, am living “the Dream” in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, and how I’m in the prime of life.

It’s like the movie Bambi LOL. You can only watch the scenes where he’s playing with his mother and his forest friends, and falling in love and having children of his own. Then it’s the best movie in the world! Or you can only watch the scenes where he’s being chased by Man, his mother dies, he fights off a rival stag, is attacked by a pack of dogs, is shot himself and falls off a waterfall. Then it’s “What the heck is this Disney movie?!?”

I know most of us aren’t religious, but I found this gem of a passage in Psalms: “Forget your father’s house… Your sons will be princes throughout the land”. It’s like it was written for me, personally, on a spiritual level.

Take comfort where and how you can. And having a positive outlook is better than a kick in the azz.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Unavailable,

Well, actions speak louder than words. The only way to SHOW her is to move to where she is. That might freak some people out though! LOL!

Aside from that, regular correspondence. But shake it up! Text one day, Skype the next, FB occasionally, call sometimes, send a care package! That’s what I do for my DD, communications at different times in different ways ~ so she knows we really are thinking about her and that it contacting her isn’t part of a boring “routine”.

Another thought ~ in the old days they had Promise Rings. She can also wear (I forget what they call it!) an Irish ring ~ if it points one way she’s available, if it points another way she is seeing someone. Some physical token she can wear and look at.

Good Luck!

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Inky.

Hi Aida,

It’s natural to want to turn a bad experience around. It would be great if he apologized to you, praised you publically, tried to make it up to you. That will probably not happen. I should, though. It SHOULD.

Sometimes it’s only knowing what we DON’T want that you find out what you DO want!

So chances are your future relationships will only be better!

Don’t beat yourself up. You gave him eight months because we see our own goodness in others. Well he’s not as good as you. The eight months you gave him was a gift.

Hang in there!

Inky