Hi liwii,

Well, if you are selling a HOUSE, I think that’s a definite sign from the Universe that you should be broken up. And stay broken up for a long time.

I wouldn’t live with anyone unless you’re married. This way if you break up you wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of selling a HOUSE. I can’t imagine all the work and angst of selling mine, and I’m not going through a break up.

As far as your sexuality goes, sexuality is so fluid. Don’t get hung up in defining yourself. You’ll never be able to do it (nor should you) and you’re only going to drive yourself crazy. I would go on lesbian dating apps and see if you would even like going there. I know you have a low libido, are picky about partners and that women are more work. But this way you’ll get that initial experimentation reconnaissance mission out of the way.

Best,

Inky

Hi miyoid,

You could have the best parents in the world and still crave a partner. You could also have the best partner in the world. But eventually the man (usually) dies before the woman does. So eventually you will again be alone.

I think humans in general spend AT LEAST twenty years on their own. Ten if they’re lucky.

So you might as well learn how to be happy, content, and self satisfied on your own!

Routines, reading, volunteer work, doing things you love, getting an animal, visiting your neighbors, events, clubs, gardening, worship, favorite shows, trips, meditation, family, crafting, art, music…… This list goes on!

Best,

Inky

Hi Nicole,

I think it’s a bit terrifying that you’ve been living with a man for a year and a half and you had no clue he had a daughter. I mean WHAT ELSE IS HE HIDING?? Even if this is his only backstory baggage, it shows that he could commit a murder, mail fraud, cheat on you, etc., etc., etc. and you would NEVER KNOW.

For me, THAT was a deal breaker! I would move out.

Honestly.

Inky

Hi Liz,

I don’t know if he is The One. As there are many Ones. He does sound like a GOOD One!

Tell him that the other guy ruined it for you, and that if he doesn’t mind can you hang out as friends this summer. He will probably say “Yes” and treat you even better (to show you he’s not THAT guy!) and will be around in the fall. By then you will know your heart and give him a chance romantically. Or not!

Best,

Inky

Hi Susan,

I don’t know if you’re checking back to read this thread.

Anyway, you need to redefine yourself! You parented two living children to adulthood! That is a big deal! The younger one sounds like three in one!! Listen, I raised a special needs child AND a “problem child”. They turned out great, and guess what? I’M TAKING ALL THE CREDIT!!! You are a Matriarch! Own it!!

As far as the social aspect, force yourself, as suggested above, to go to one Event a month. Sit in the back. Sit in the aisle. Duck out early. Whatever makes you most comfortable. After that, go to classes (in whatever!). After that, join a club. Yes, it’s SO CLICHE, but what else is there? And for all people knock religion, churches and temples do WONDERFUL things for the community. I have met the best, coolest people working for greater causes.

Best,

Inky

Hello Again!

Well, let’s just say my rebound guys were “long weekend stands”. Those short summer vacation romances.

One guy I think may have been falling for me, but who knows? I was healing my own heartbreak and I really didn’t want to unwittingly do that to someone else. Was always very kind to him.

This was one summer between Junior and Senior year of college. I am mostly monogamous most of the time by nature. Culture is responsible for the rest of my monogamy. Loyal to the same person for a quarter of a century thank you very much!

Inky

Hi JHK,

Is your friend really wondering this? Why would you ask for her?

The truth is people DO use other people as a stepping stone to move on.

In fact, there is a saying among women that is: “The best way to move on from someone is to move under someone else”… to put it crassly.

I for one definitely used people as warm bodies to snap out of heartbreak when I was younger.

I just made sure none of them were in love with me.

Best,

Inky

Hi LinLin,

Time is the great equalizer. As the years pass, the actions and voices of the multitude of exes will become ancient history. Their ridiculous statements and failures will be buried under all the loving words and actions of people who adore you. Finally, you will accept the best friends and lovers that surround you and will never even be able to remember the past and everyone will feel sorry for the guys who ultimately missed out on so much.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Inky.