Hi Austin,

It sounds like you have grown and matured very much. You are no longer the same person. You can’t continue to blame and punish yourself because at the time, you were very young and made a mistake. I would not give up on love. Ask her out for coffee, and let her see for her self the person you have become. I highly doubt you would hurt her again. Don’t put any pressure on her to get back together. Just make it light, tell her jokes, make her smile. Don’t talk about “getting back together” Just go very slow. The ball is in her court. She knows you still care for her. Ask her out again. Don’t give up on love. Just some thoughts.

Hi Noah,

I don’t know..I am confused a bit. You are punishing yourself, for the person you were in the past. The person I see writing these posts sounds like he has grown, matured, learned from his mistakes. Don’t let your past ruin your future. Go where your heart is. Don’t blame the old person anymore who used to lie. You are a new person now, today in the present. Don’t give up on live with your ex before it’s too late. Just some thoughts. I hate to see you beating yourself up over past mistakes.

Hi,

I too feel very much alone and lonely, and what’s sad, is that I don’t have social anxiety. However, I have felt rejection and abandonment since childhood. A feeling of never belonging..like I’m on the outside looking in. I was never popular in school. I was never asked to my High School Prom, I preferred to be around animals and showing my horses instead. I couldn’t wait to get out of school and go to the stables, while all my friends were into men. I felt like unlike the rest, a misfit. I felt misunderstood by my family as well, and they cut me out of their lives because I have mental illness. They didn’t want to take the time to understand it.

I’ve always reached out to people. But when I got in my forties, it seemed my “friendships” were superficial, and I was accepting crumbs. I am now 55. No family and one close friend who lives 5 states away. I have one friend who comes over and watches movies with me, but as soon as the movie is over she immediately leaves, not even saying “bye”. I feel I am watching the world go by, everyone having a life and fun, and I have no car, on disability, nothing. It’s not alot of fun. I was volunteering with animals, and had transportation where two women picked me up, but the sanctuary closed. That was pretty much my life. Now, I’m trying to figure out where my life is and purpose is.

Hi Mr. Ritz,

I just read your post, and it looks like you had alot of great replies. I wanted to answer, because your story sounds alot like mine. I am 55 now, and am currently disabled. Had to stop working several years ago. I don’t go into all the details. But I too went from job to job. I think my longest job was 3 years. I did it all I think. Retail..hated it..had to stand around a store all day in high heals sometimes I would have to open and close the store, going in at 9am leaving at 9pm. I was only in my early 20’s. Already started having having back problems from the constant standing in heels. Then I had to work alot with teenagers. Although, my sales quota was very good, I wasn’t happy.

I also did alot of work in call centers. Customer service and tech support. I liked it, because I sort of felt I was so much on phones, taking 100+ calls a day, did not have to deal with annoying co-workers. Although there were at times, I did enjoy some comraderie and laughter. It was the irate customers I did not like. Also having to be monitored. I took alot of these jobs, but never really happy and never lasted. I also did alot of temp work..just could not find anything I liked. Finally went back to school and finished my AA degree and BA degree. But no luck in that either, as everyone in the field wanted 5 years experience and Masters degree, but by this time, I had so much school loan debt.

So, I went back to call center jobs..annoying co-workers, irate callers, being monitored. I started having anxiety and panic attacks, depression and hospitalizations.

I am wondering if you would be happier working from home? Maybe a telecommuting job, I’m not quite sure how to call it. You wouldn’t have to deal with annoying co-workers and bosses so much..just some thoughts.

Hi David,

After only six months, it might not be a problem with “messiness” or her “controlling” your diet, but both of your coping skills and conflict resolution skills. Instead of fighting, which is not healthy for any relationship, if you truly love each other, you have to find ways to effectively communicate each other. There has to be a better way than “nagging” someone if they are messy, as that will never work, and her controlling issues will never work either. Because it will just put you on the defensive and a fight will evolve. You both need better communication skills at dealing with conflict and sitting down and calmly talking to one another. Using “I feel” statements. “I feel hurt when or uncated for or disrespected when you tell me I am messy and what I am supposed to eat”. “I feel you are trying to fix or change me instead of living me the way I am”. Then she could say, “I’m sorry, I have made you feel this way, maybe we could work together to find solutions”. If she gets angry, just tell her you won’t fight with her anymore, and will talk when she is ready and leave. I would also suggest couples counseling to help with better coping and more effective ways of communication and dealing with conflict.

Hi Noah,

I think I’m some way, you need to have some closure with your ex, whether it is finding out what truly happened to spur the relationship. I also feel in a way, you and perhaps your ex, maybe there might be some reconciliation. I think that is why you continue to think about her after all this time. Maybe what you need is closure.

Hi Liv,

You state you “judge her” can you provide some examples? If she has been a good friend to you, I would not judge her based on her troubles with other people. Sometimes we never know all the truth. If she has been honest and not betrayed you, and if she has been a good listener and buys you a birthday present, it shows she cares about you, maybe not necessarily meaning she is an “attention seeker”..

Hi Nina,

Yes, LDR, has worked for a few. I had a friend get married, but it was extremely draining on her. But both of them had the rescources, time, money, and commitment to see each other several times a month, and they videochatted several hours a day. It was alot of hard work. In your post, in the course of two years, you have only seen this man twice, and it only seems to be of an intimate nature and being “hidden” from your parents. This makes any relationship whether long distance or local unable to thrive or survive.

In your thread you state he “treats you harshly”. My question is, why would you want to be with a man who does not respect you, does not put any effort to come and see you, you have seen him Only twice in two years, where you have to “hide” this from your parents? Surely you deserve better? Just some thoughts..