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Search Results for "past relationship" — 1212 posts

Coming out of Survival Mode: How I Healed and Found Peace

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“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” ~Audre Lorde

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I realized that I no longer needed to fight for my survival, but I do know that it came after several years of prayer, healing, and intensive work. It wasn’t an event, but rather the feeling of peace and calm that comes after a storm.

For me, the storm dissipated slowly. It was the kind of storm that kept swirling and re-emerging until I finally realized that it would take concentrated …

Why I Didn’t Love Myself (and All the Suggestions That Didn’t Help)

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“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise Hay

There is a lot of hype around self-love these days. The media and marketing world often bombard us with messages insinuating that the key to self-love lies in consumerism. For a long time, I bought into this idea.

I would see an advertisement urging me to treat myself to a high-end face cream for a dose of self-care. Or a promotional email landing in my inbox might suggest that a calming lavender bubble bath was just what I needed …

How to Clear the Emotional Clutter That Weighs You Down

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“Declutter your mind, your heart, your home. Let go of the heaviness that is weighing you down.” ~Maria Defillo

I remember perusing through a used bookstore in a small New England town as a teenager. A book caught my eye—maybe because its spine was a MacIntosh apple red—and I slid it off the shelf. It was titled Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston.

Back at home in my apartment in Boston, I devoured it. That book shifted the trajectory of my life. Fast-forward seventeen years later and living clutter-free is not only my lifestyle, it’s my calling …

When the People We Love Shut Us Out: What I Now Understand

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“Have patience that is all unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like closed rooms, like books written like a foreign language.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

I started thinking about a distant relative on a walk in the woods. I had thought about her more often when she suddenly stopped speaking to our family, well over a decade ago. I would reach out to her through email, but after not hearing back over the years, I thought about her less and less and eventually stopped trying to connect with her.

On this particular walk, I began to

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How I Found a Beautiful Purpose by Giving Up the Search

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“You and your purpose in life are the same thing. Your purpose is to be you.” ~George Alexiou

We all play a pivotal role in society. But I’ve toyed with the New Age spiritual notion that we all have a unique purpose on Earth to fulfill—a purpose for which we have chosen to be here.

I used to wonder if I could only be happy if I found this one resounding and elusive purpose.

If I knew my soul’s purpose, I believed my life would suddenly have endless meaning and vitality. Once I found my purpose, I would leap out …

181 Days Teetotal (And Counting): All I’ve Gained Since I Stopped Drinking

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post references an account of sexual assault and may be triggering to some. 

“When you quit drinking you stop waiting.” ~Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A Love Story

I’m now at 181 days teetotal. I prefer teetotal to sober. I say sober sometimes, but teetotal feels lighter, airier, and I feel lighter and airier these days.

For the life of me, I can’t remember when I took my first sip of alcohol. It probably came from a grownup’s glass.

What I can remember is being sixteen or so, half waking up from a blackout with a friend’s hand down …

Accepting Fear and Sadness as Normal Parts of a Good Life

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“Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.” ~Naomi Shihab Nye

I knew it was around that time. When I opened my eyes, it was pitch black outside and I couldn’t yet hear the chickens in the distance waking up. It was 4 a.m. again.

In the past few days, I have loved this gift of jet lag; transitioning to a thirteen-hour time change has afforded me this dark, mysterious quiet that has woken up inside of me the place from which I write—a place that spontaneously arises when the

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I Felt Like I Didn’t Belong: 5 Lessons from a Former Misfit

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“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” ~Maya Angelou

In my final year of high school, I had a horrible breakup. I was heavily attached to my girlfriend because, with her, for the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged. Growing up in Germany, of Arabic roots, made me feel like I belonged nowhere. I didn’t feel German nor Arabic.

With her, I finally thought I had a place somewhere. So when this relationship ended, all I wanted was to escape. I hoped a change of location would solve …

How Childhood Bullying Influenced How I Treat Others as an Adult

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“For me, that strong back is grounded confidence and boundaries. The soft front is staying vulnerable and curious. The mark of a wild heart is living out these paradoxes in our lives and not giving into the either/or BS that reduces us. It’s showing up in our vulnerability and our courage, and, above all else, being both fierce and kind.” ~Brené Brown

Many people have experienced bullying in their lives and have possibly been a bully by association without realizing it at the time.

While the type of bullying may differ, the emotions are often the same. Bullying is …

How I Found My Worth in Spite of My Father’s Abandonment

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“Because if I myself saw my worth, I wouldn’t base my worthiness on someone else’s seeing it.” ~Unknown

I can’t be sure which title I would have preferred. Daddy, Poppa, Pa, Dad. Aren’t these the endearing titles one earns when they live up to all that it means in the role of the first and most important man in a little girl’s life?

The one who she can count on for love, guidance, comfort, and safety. The one who she adores. The one who teaches her how to play soccer or baseball because she is a tomboy through and through. …

8 Signs You’re Carrying Deep Shame and How to Start to Heal

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“If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.” ~Brené Brown

Did you know that one of the biggest causes of suffering is unacknowledged shame? It makes us believe that there’s something wrong with us and we’re not good enough.

When we have deep shame inside, instead of being true to ourselves, we “dress to impress” so others will like us, which eventually makes us tired, depressed, and anxious because …

When You’re Terrified of Conflict: Why True Intimacy Means Speaking Up

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“Conflict avoidance is not the hallmark of a good relationship. On the contrary, it is a symptom of serious problems and of poor communication.” ~Harriet B. Braiker

I walk on eggshells in my relationship. I have for the past ten years.

I try to design everything out of my mouth to lead to the least amount of friction between my wife and me. And you know what? It’s hurting our relationship.

You see, I’m afraid of confrontation. For me, confrontation leads to tension and tension can lead to stress and angst.

When I was a kid, tension, stress, and angst …

How I Freed Myself from Anger by Owning it Instead of Blaming Others

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“The opposite of anger is not calmness. It’s empathy.” ~Mehmet Oz

In December last year, I went to India to study yoga and meditation. About a week into my training, I noticed I was becoming increasingly angry.

I thought that coming to this peaceful and supportive place would be all about gentle healing while perfecting my yoga practice. Instead, I was furious, very negative, and frustrated with everything.

Eventually, I talked to my teachers and shared what I was going through since I was becoming worried. They explained that since the training was intense and we were doing lots of …

Nature is Our Greatest Teacher: Lessons from atop an 8,263-Foot Volcano

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“Deep in the forest I stroll to hear the wisdom of my soul.” ~Angie Weiland-Crosby

In October 2021, my partner and I embarked on a journey to summit Mt. St. Helens, an 8,263-foot active volcano in Washington State.

We have hiked thousands of miles across the United States, Costa Rica, and Mexico, but this was our first attempt at a summit hike. I was bubbling with excitement and nervousness!

Mt. St. Helen’s greeted us with grace and gentleness. The sky was clear, the views of Mt. Adams to the east were stunning, and the temperature was moderate.

We were chatting …

5 Painful Effects of Parentification Trauma and How I’ve Overcome Them

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“Sometimes people wound us because they’re wounded and tell us we’re broken because that’s how they feel, but we don’t have to believe them.” ~Lori Deschene

I’ve always been proud of how I can handle life so well. I’m great at managing responsibilities and taking care of others, but I’m not so great at being aware of my own needs. It’s part of being a highly sensitive individual and growing up with parentification trauma.

Overcoming parentification can take years. If you’re like me, you might not even realize it’s something you experienced until you’re well into adulthood. More people should …

3 Lessons on Finding Love That I Learned When Looking for My Soulmate

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“Your soulmate is not someone who completes you. No, a soulmate is someone who inspires you to complete yourself.” ~Bianca Sparacino

For years I was in what seemed like an endless search for my soulmate—someone who would understand me, love me unconditionally, and share my values and interests.

It felt like I needed someone in my life to feel happy, fulfilled, and whole.

I went on a handful of dates, but I got friend-zoned at times, rejected at others, and ended up with the wrong people the rest of the time.

What pained me the most was how I repeatedly …

How to Heal through Metaphor: Tap into the Secret Language of Your Brain

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“As soon as I allow the Universe to replace my fear-based beliefs with new perceptions, I receive a miracle.” ~Gabby Bernstein

As I was packing up my mother’s nursing home room after her death, I found a little heart-shaped stone that had the word “serenity” on it. I took it back to California with me and I hold it frequently. It’s heavy, solid, and soothing, and it reminds me of her.

I love the weight of that little stone.

When we’re grieving, heavy things are comforting. It’s not surprising that when we want to release stress, many people go …

4 Types of Regret and How to Leverage Them for a More Fulfilling Life

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“Regret is not dangerous or abnormal, a deviation from the steady path to happiness. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human. Regret is also valuable. It clarifies. It instructs. Done right, it needn’t drag us down; it can lift us up.” ~Daniel H. Pink

It happened when I reached midlife.

I’d experienced regret before, but this was different.

In my forties, I struggled with several deep-seated regrets all at the same time.

And I didn’t handle it well.

If only I hadn’t chosen to fall into unhealthy habits that were hard to break, like smoking cigarettes …

How Following Our Instincts Now Can Protect Us from Pain Down the Line

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“There is a voice inside of you that whispers all day long, I feel this is right for me, I know that this is wrong. No teacher, preacher, parent, friend or wise man can decide what’s right for you. Just listen to the voice that speaks inside.” ~Shel Silverstein

Some time ago, a guy I knew suggested I go swimming with him and a friend of his. I accepted.

I didn’t know him well. Sometimes he would say hello and be warm, while other times he would ignore me. Since he was a longtime friend of a girl I knew, …

7 Comforting Thoughts That Helped Me Build Self-Confidence

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“Today I want you to think about all that you are instead of all that you are not.” ~Unknown

I had done it again.

I had managed to talk myself out of doing something because I wasn’t completely certain I would be successful at it.

I was an expert at sidelining myself—keeping myself from going after the things I truly wanted. I knew, by heart, all the reasons I wasn’t good enough to achieve my goals in life. I had subconsciously decided that my own personal growth and success weren’t worth the risk of failure or rejection.

As a result, …