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Search Results for "past relationship" — 1208 posts

9 Things to Tell Yourself When You’re Afraid to End a Relationship

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“F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours.” ~Zig Ziglar

No matter how old I get, no matter how experienced I become, ending a relationship is agonizing.

It represents a loss, and losses hurt.

Deep down, I know if I go through with it, I’ll feel freer—well, not right away, but in a little while anyway—but I’d rather crawl under a rock and ignore the whole thing.

When I was a teen, I went out with a guy who had a major crush on me, although I wasn’t attracted to him. …

How To Change The Past By Changing Your Thinking

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“The most positive action we can take about the past is to change our perception of it.” ~Deepak Chopra

Death didn’t happen quickly like in the movies.

A compassionate nurse set the tone and gently guided us through the ordeal. Mom, Dad, my other brother, and I spread out so that one of us held each of Chris’ hands and feet with a person at his head. Time passed in slow motion.

In horror, I watched for more than an hour as his breathing abated, with the pauses in between his raspy, strained breaths becoming longer and longer. I fervently …

4 Ways to Have More Affectionate, Loving Relationships

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“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” ~Simone Weil

This morning I was busy French pressing coffee for my husband and me. Everything was going great; I was happily humming along, looking forward to starting my day. My lovely husband came up behind me and bear hugged me gently.

Now, I’ll admit that I don’t usually take this well when I’m in the middle of something. If I’m cooking (which I’m particularly serious about), I’ve been known to push him away and say something along the lines of “I’m cooking! Back!”

This is not sensitive or caring. It’s …

5 Tips to Create a Loving Relationship, With Fewer Disappointments

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“Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.” ~Lloyd Strom

Have you ever felt less about a relationship when it didn’t exactly pan out like a fairy tale? I sure did.

I had it stuck in my mind that a great relationship should be picture perfect.

When reality would give me a sobering slap showing it was far from perfect, I would walk away from a relationship that refused to meet my standards.

I thought that a relationship is like a flower in a pot, ever blooming by itself. No hard work whatsoever. But the “flower” also has …

How Painful Relationships Can Be The Best Teachers

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“Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

“This is it,” I thought. I finally found the man I had been waiting for.

Of course, it had taken me thirty-nine years and a painful divorce from my husband of ten years. But that was all worth it, I told myself, because it had led me to the man who seemed to see, understand, and love me the way I had always hoped someone would.

Things were blissful in beginning. We made breakfasts together, took romantic vacations to exotic locations, we fantasized about buying vacation houses. Our developing …

Dealing with a Relationship Crisis: How a Little Distance Can Bring You Closer

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“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to go forward.” ~C.S. Lewis

When you’re in the middle of any sort of relationship crisis, the very last thing you want to do is let go. Conflict with someone you love often makes you want to do the very opposite, especially when the other person is already doubting the future of the relationship.

When we’re feeling threated by the loss of someone we love, we act from a place of fear. Our stress hormones sky rocket as …

Ending a Toxic Relationship: When It’s Time to Say “No More”

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“Worry less, smile more. Don’t regret, just learn and grow.” ~Unknown

The day finally came when my heart was strong enough to speak up.

I had spent many years trying to be the calm, sensible one. The one who would try to rationalize my sister’s behavior just to keep the peace.

For years the strategy was to keep everything in its place and accept what was said, done, or requested. The day finally came when the weight of accepting the burden was too much to bear.

No amount of talking would convince my sister that I was being reasonable. It …

How to Redefine Yourself by Letting Go of the Past

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“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

When I was eight years old, my mom had her first mental breakdown. The illusion of a typical suburban family shattered as the household descended into chaos. When the counselors and child protective services stepped in, I knew: I was undeniably different.

When you’re a child, family life is the classroom through which you learn how the world works. Once my mom was hospitalized, I realized how very different my lessons were.

Mortified, I retreated into a …

Why Forgiveness Is a Gift to Yourself and How to Release the Past

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“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

On a snowy winter day in the dark month of January, I got hit by a car. My left leg was immediately amputated. A darkness started growing in my seventeen-year-old heart that day.

Harvey was the man driving the car that hit me.

Because of Harvey’s decisions, I didn’t have my leg. Because of Harvey, I walked in pain. Because of Harvey, I lost my confidence as an attractive woman.

At the trial two years later, Harvey and I weren’t allowed to talk to each other. …

8 Solutions for Loneliness That Don’t Require a Romantic Relationship

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“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~Joseph F. Newton

The epiphany has finally occurred. Why on earth has it taken so long? I ask myself this as I look back on the last nine years, which I have spent trying to cover up my real issue. Loneliness.

After getting married at twenty and then leaving nineteen years later, it took another two years before I met another man that I fell in love with almost instantly. He told me from the very beginning it would never be a relationship, and yet I have persevered with our …

How to De-Stress Dating and Stop Tying Your Worth to Relationships

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“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown

I’m all too aware that dating can feel like a grinding, painful roller coaster to nowhere.

If you’ve hit your head against the wall as many times as I have, you know how frustrating, depressing, and downright disheartening it can be. Meeting someone new, going on a few great dates, getting excited, having one/both of you sort of stop calling; then repeating the process over and over is enough to make you want to give up for good.

The ups and downs in this cycle can make …

How Relationship Issues Can Lead to Growth (and Why It’s a Daily Process)

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“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown

Relationships are tough. Even more difficult is maintaining healthy boundaries within a relationship.

My head hurts and I feel like I’m going to throw up. Let me explain. I’m in a loving, healthy relationship with a beautiful woman, and I’m proud to call her my partner.

Great, so why do I feel like I want to throw up? Well, because last night was a tough night for us, for me, and today I have …

Stop Attracting Unhealthy Relationships: 3 Promises to Make to Yourself

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“When you stop trying to change others and work on changing yourself, your world changes for the better.”  ~Unknown

For years, I was entering relationships with men where I saw their potential to be a good match for me, if only they would completely change who they were.

For twelve years, it was the same pattern until one day I finally realized something was broken.

After my last unsuccessful relationship, where I was just holding on, hoping he would change and be the person I wanted him to be, I had had enough. So, I took a much-needed hiatus to …

3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Enter A Relationship

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“Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.” ~Lloyd Strom

Recently, I did something radical; I entered into a relationship with the intention of extending love. I consciously set the goal of peace.

It’s with the intention to experience more peace than ever before that the relationship began, and it’s with that same intention that we decided to end the relationship. In between it all, I felt deeply connected, heard, and loved.

What did I do differently this time that allowed me to experience a new level of peace and love? What about this relationship created the …

What We Need to Do Before We Can Have Happy, Loving Relationships

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“Once you have learned to love, you will have learned to live.” ~Unknown

Ever since I was a young girl, relationships have fascinated me, particularly romantic ones. I had beautiful fantasies of my perfect partner appearing and completing me. We would fall in love and live happily ever after.

As a child, I believed that being in a romantic relationship, and especially being married, meant lasting happiness. All the love and joy I would ever want or need would be mine when “the one” arrived. Daydreams of my soul mate filled my tween brain.

This fairy tale view of relationships …

Dealing with Disappointing Relationships: Change Your Expectations

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“If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective.” ~Unknown

Sometimes it feels as if you are completely in control of your life, but when it comes to relationships there’s always the other person.

In a relationship, you can’t be the puppeteer. People have their own emotions, behaviors, actions, beliefs, scars, wounds, fears, dreams, and perspectives. They are their own person.

How often have you wanted a relationship to be something that it was not?

How many times have you said a certain word or phrase in order to spark a specific reaction?

How much do you expect from …

Make Peace with Your Past: Find the Good and Embrace the Lessons

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“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~Tony Robbins

Daughter of an alcoholic. Welfare recipient. Teenage mother. Non-college attendee. Poor decision maker. Unhealthy relationship participant. Financial disaster. Evictee.

All of these statements described me. They also propelled me into action, transforming me into an over-achieving perfectionist. Yet they still weighed me down because I felt like I had to constantly prove I was better than my past—better than the circumstances from which I came.

It took a lot of effort.

It took a lot of energy.

It was …

Finding a Good Match: Know What You Want and Need in a Relationship

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“You’ll never find the right person if you never let go of the wrong one.” ~Unknown

I recently left a relationship that I was not happy in. Although my ex was definitely an unconditional lover, it painfully bothered me that the man I loved was not taking care of his responsibilities.

Since I’ve entered my twenties, I’ve been looking for more than just a good time; I need a stable partner who will be able to meet our shared expenses and obligations in the future. So, I was faced with the crucial, inevitable decision of calling it quits.

I cried …

A Lasting Romance Is Built on Flaws: 6 Tips for a Strong Relationship

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“Let our scars fall in love.” ~Galway Kinnell

We all bring our own baggage to any relationship. I know that my past relationships have shaped my approach to love and romance. When we seek out that special someone to share our life, the disappointments of our past relationships tend to get in the way of new discoveries.

It’s human nature to size up a potential partner by drawing from past experience.

There are so many ways to catalog the possible flaws: He’s too short. She’s too tall. Too fat. Too thin. Not enough education. Too much education. Or you become …

Dealing with Loneliness: Hold onto Patience, Not the Past

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“Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength.” ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

Last night, I discovered the tiniest of creatures in my shower: a minute scorpion, no larger than the average human fingernail.

I could not for the life of me work out how it had ended up here because I live on the third floor of an apartment building in a busy South African city. Nonetheless, there it was—a little fellow in the corner of the tiles, receiving ricocheted water droplets on his tiny little carapace.

My main personal learning theme for this year …