I just wanted to thank TheAwakening for sharing about your experience, and Matt, for your perspective!!

I entered an uncannily similar situation at the beginning of August. I had a strong feeling that I would get the job, and dreaded the phone call that I knew would offer the job. And yet, when it was offered, something inside told me “Yes! Take it!!”. My spiritual journey had really slowed in the past while, and the conflict that I’ve felt while working in this new job has worked as a boot in the rear to bring much more focus to it. I still have really challenging days – like today – but then amazing things happen to counteract it. Like the gentleman that randomly appeared and sold me a beautiful crystal. I have become more and more connected with my intuition as time goes by, it is truly amazing. I am also looking at adding to the volunteering that I do, continuing my education in Social Work, and I’ve even started to consider the possibility of fostering children one day.

My story aside, I really appreciate hearing about someone else’s story. I’ve been working hard at doing the best I can, and have a lot of gratitude and excitement with all that has happened. Some days, of course, are extra challenging… I find it really comforting to hear of someone else in a similar situation. To borrow Matt’s metaphor – it gets a little overwhelming on these stones, while the river is rushing by! So best wishes, from my stone to yours 🙂

The,

There are many components to your question, and it seems like part of what you’re struggling with is figuring out how to follow your heart. Its no wonder that you feel anxiety, your mind is beating you up the whole day. Imagine you had a monkey on your back smacking you in the head all day. Talk about a headache!

I recognize that you’re perceiving a split. On one hand, there is the job that has good conditions, decent environment, fortuitous returns on time spent. On the other, you have a desire inside which is trying to help you awaken to a deeper nature. This makes sense to me, and preludes rebirth. Said differently, perhaps the vibrations you feel are like birthing contractions. Neither mom nor baby can rush it, it is a function of nature and unfolds as it needs to.

Perhaps consider that your awakening isn’t something which happens outside the job, but the job is a factor in it. For instance, imagine a man who loves a woman, and wishes to make love to her, join her in a sacred union of hearts. Then, she takes off her robe and happens to be wearing red undergarments instead of white, and in his dream they were white. Suddenly, the intimacy with the woman dismantles and the sacred moment is lost as she is rejected for not “being right”. This is what I see happening in your journey right now. You were passed a boon by nature, and feel hate for it… as though it is not good enough.

Consider a different and radical approach. Consider accepting that the job you have is exactly where you need to be to learn what you need to learn. Then, look at how your mind is violent against a loving backdrop. Said differently, as you let go of the need for a bigger dream, the joy that is staring you in the face reveals itself. Then, there is no struggle, only gratitude.

My teacher described it as “old boss, just like the new boss”. Or said differently, even if you quit, the restlessness will follow you. How blessed are you to have a situation where you can see that the aggression in your mind is happening from your side! That you paint these incredibly dissatisfying strokes upon an otherwise nurturing canvas!

If you’re with me this far, consider two more ideas. First, the solution to our puzzles are not in the external, such as finding just the right conditions (“job in alignment” or “better fitting job to my higher purpose”) rather it is in relating to any conditions in a loving way. To do this, we stop hoping the outside will give us the peace we seek, and we cultivate it inside us. Have you been keeping up the meditation practice from the spiritual retreat? Do you cultivate metta? Those are the keys, no matter what job you’re in.

Second, the lack of motivation is perhaps from too much “me” focus. My teacher said that generosity is the cause of joy, and as we fall into patterns of restlessness and tastelessness, often looking for ways to help the growth around us will revitalize the vibrancy. For instance, perhaps volunteering at a soup kitchen. Listen for a coworker in distress and give aid. Even putting a little money in one of those “in need” canisters. Use what power you have for the benefit of others. It makes a huge difference.

Then, as you strengthen your heart, the disturbance settles. This job or new job, here or there… the heart will lead you from stone to stone across the river. Namaste, friend.

With warmth,
Matt

This is great!! We have been taught since childhood to not speak highly of yourself as its considered conceited. But we DO need to know US… our true self. Not in an arrogant way but simply in a self respecting way. So here’s my list…

1. I Love that I Love to love others.

2. I Love helping/ taking care of people, and like you Casey, I go above and beyond my own happiness to be there for others.

3. I have a great sense of humor. I sometimes embarrass myself but I still make people laugh. E.g Recently, my best friends Grand Mother passed away; I asked my friend what should I bring with me. She said “Just a sympathy card” to which i said “Should I put money in it?” We both laughed ( I am truly sorry if I have offended anyone but Life is eternal. It does not end when the body dies)

4. I can see the good in the most difficult of situation and/or most disgusting of people. (excuse my judgement)

5. I love to read and grow; I am faced with some very painful moments of my life but I’ve read so much about self forgiveness and gratitude that I am amazed at how much light there is in darkest hours.

May love and light be with you all

Very good advice from Matt.

UD: I found myself in a deep hole about 3 years ago after a series of unfortunate events. I was depressed, down, had the “poor me” syndrome and felt like life was not worth living. I started Reiki and Meditation and am a completely different person today. I will share with you what worked for me.

You’re allowing your ego (mind) control who you are. You need to tell those thoughts that come into your head “no”, “not now”, “stop” or even “shut up” works. Take 3 deep cleansing breaths (in through the nose and out through the mouth), to bring you back to the present moment. You have good intuition since you know that your recent stalker-like actions are not right. Listen to your intuition, not the thoughts that your mind is giving you. Self-work is not easy but so worth it in the end. Living in the now/present moment won’t allow for though-based living. Constantly telling the negative thoughts in your head to get out and quieting the mind will serve you well.

Starting a gratitude journal on paper, in the memo on your phone or just stating them out loud is the best reminder of all the good things in your life. Count your blessings! By focusing on all the positives in your life…you will bring more good things to you. When we focus on the negatives, we get more bad things coming to us.

I started saying the following mantras when I was going through tough times and still say them everyday.

“I am a beautiful child of God and the universe”
“I trust that things are unfolding in my life as they should”
“Please bring people into my life that are for my highest and greatest good & please remove people from my life that are not”

This last one can sometimes be a tough pill to swallow. People come into our lives for a reason. Some stay for a short while, some a season and some for a lifetime. We learn something from everyone we meet. Trusting that a relationship was suppose to end is not easy, but is all part of your path here.

Hope this helps. 🙂

Kim,

I really enjoy they way you’re looking at the experiences you’ve had. On one hand, there is the tragic crumbling of family which would wound even the strongest heart. On the other, you’re looking at the pieces and wondering how to heal. This is such a great place to be, because with a little courage and determination to reclaim your inner peace, transformation can occur! A few things came to heat as I read your words.

When we become wounded, the body starts working immediately, naturally to heal. When we experience loss, grief is the body’s way of trying to let go, accept, and recalibrate itself to the new path. It can be very painful and isolating, and takes time to settle. What you’re experiencing is normal, usual and unavoidable. Don’t despair, however, because there is always a path to joy. Wounds of the heart are healed most directly by forgiveness.

Buddha described anger as a hot ember we grasp with the intention of throwing it at someone, but it is our hand that gets burned. Anger arises like a spear in our mind.. thoughts that sharpen and stab at others. For instance, “some hussy sluts her way in and destroys my family? I wanna kick that wench in the hooha.” It feels like it would right the wrong, to payback the injustice with justice. However, all the anger really does is burn away our happiness. Anger is fiery and corrosive, painful to the body, and produces a feeling of isolation.

So, it is something we look deeply into and set down. It is very usual for you to be pissed off at the ex husband and his wife, because so much of what happened was done with a callous disregard for your feelings. I’m sorry it happened that way for you, dear sister, and your feelings do matter. Your heart was betrayed in many ways, in both the affair, the way he handled the divorce, how you were booted out of your close connections… your pain is very reasonable. Your anger has causes, and because the situation was so twisted, it is tough to untangle them.

So, forgiveness is something we summon within us and create. We don’t have to wait for it to just randomly blossom some day, instead, we can act in a way that helps us forgive the trespasses against us. Remember, this is not about them, this is about you. Forgiveness is what will help you find the joy you’re seeking. Said differently, when there is genuine forgiveness, the pieces of you which are stuck in the past, pulling your mind back into painful cycles will release, and all that energy will rejoin you in the present moment. Then you’ll be free!

As tender as I wish to be, the band-aid has to come off. Its time to dig in your heels, take a stand, and let go… which will happen by wishing them well. With as much sincerity as you can (grit your teeth if needed, but try… this is to reclaim your joy!) “May he and his wife be well, happy and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May they always meet with spiritual success. May they have patience, courage, understanding and determination to meet and overcome their problems, difficulties and failures in life. May they always rise above them with morality, integrity, forgiveness, mindfulness and wisdom.” See how violent the mind becomes? That force is what keeps you from peace, from love, from wisdom.

The release is from a practice called metta. Its a pali word for loving kindness, or the warm and tender sense that arises in us as we wish all living beings well. The self help books won’t do it, the seeking and searching won’t create it… its already in you deeply and profoundly, it just doesn’t arise because of all the layers of anger that rest on top of it. Consider the following practice, which is a guided meditation that helps free the mind from hatred and delusion:

I know how ugly and uncomfortable hate can be, and with some continued effort from you, the goddess inside will rekindle and find her dance again. Its said that forgiveness is divine, and that’s not because of some wishy washy notion of gaining favor with some heavenly father. As we forgive, we reclaim our inherent divinity, touch inside us the force of love that pours into all beings, whether they are a sweet baby cooing or an ex husband who was emotionally abusive. That is them, their bodies. In us, there is divinity, because love is strong and settled independent of how they treat each other or how they treat us. That’s when our wings can spread, receiving divine love like a sail received the wind, and each step becomes full of warm gratitude for the beauty that flows through and around us. Namaste, sister, may the light and love be yours.

With warmth,
Matt

John,

The cause of stress, anxiety and worry is always attachment, as described by the Buddha’s description of the four noble truths. In the case where we worry that our words are doing harm, we have a desire for our words to have an effect in the other. It might be more closeness, their growth, their validation that we are good people. Those are all hindrances.

Instead, we can breathe in and breathe out. We listen, do our best to speak truly, kindly and meaningfully, and then let the seeds go. When we worry, we are preoccupied by the infinite potential of how that moment of exchange may look from their side. This makes our next breath more of a gasp, as we try to draw in peace of mind from the other.

What we give up is the need to appear favorable to others. Sometimes what feels best to say is shocking or painful to those we say it to. If said from compassion, then it is truly our best effort, and how could we do better? Sometimes a shock will awaken the sleeper inside.

Remember that the Buddha taught different things to different people. The dharma is a universal vibration, but adaptive. A hungry man needs food, a thirsty man needs water, and egoic know-it-all needs a stick. Compassion is the willingness to give hugs or slaps depending on what our heart inspires us to do… even when the other may not enjoy what is done.

I have been slapped many times by teachers, and at the time I recoiled and cursed, called them names and demonized them in my mind. After the recoil, there was gratitude, because they did the right thing… and I was a little closer to freedom each time.

Obviously, we don’t just go around beating people up… our heartfelt expression is the anti-suffering to their suffering. We open to the moment, breathe it in and give it back on the outbreath. Then again. Then again. There is no need to get in the way. If our out breath contains self-grasping, we’ll know it because it is painful for us. So we do the same thing for ourselves… breathe in the pain, accept the self-grasping, and let it go. The self settles, the pain subsides, and the energy of the dharma flows again. With each time we let go, we get cleaner, more attuned to the eight fold path, and closer to the freedom for ourselves and everyone else.

With warmth,
Matt

Crissy,

I’m deeply moved by your response, and your gratitude was clear ringing as a bell. You’re welcome, and I am glad we connected! A few things came to heart as I read your words.

In terms of holistic health, it really depends on what speaks to you. Its said that selenite crystals resonate with an angelic healing energy, and when I used to feel isolated and down, I would hold one in each hand and did feel the emotion settle. Over time, as I began to meditate more frequently, they became unnecessary as Buddhist styles of meditation are very profoundly helpful in settling emotions. Depending on how thick the icky is, it might help you get started (like crutches for a sprained ankle.)

Another thing that might really help is if you become a reiki healer. With traumas like ours, there are sometimes lots of root, sacral and crown chakra issues that being able to self soothe with direct energy healing is beneficial. Or, you can lightly trace spirals with your finger tips (almost not touching the skin) around your legs, pelvis, navel and head. This can help areas we’ve put to sleep to protect ourselves. If you have a partner, and you have a stable intimacy, they could also do that for you. Reiki would personally be my first choice however, and the method would be taught during the class.

As for the self sabotaging, that means different things to different people. There are some great books out there on positive self talk. If you’re referring to the all or nothing perfection or worthless behavior, that’s a vacillation that will dismantle as the patterns of shame dismantle. Said differently, when we have a block in our crown, instead of feeling confident humility no matter what result we see, we vibrate between shame (when we feel we failed/dislike the results) and pride (when we feel we succeeded/like the results). The pride/shame knot inhibits the nourishment we get from our creation. I don’t want to dive too deep into all of that, its already a lot to take in! 🙂

Remember to be patient. You’re worth taking the time to heal, and step by step the clouds will part. The sun shines, the rain falls, the grass grows, the flowers bloom. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt