My mornings are almost entirely taken up by running or other workouts. I wake up super early (sometimes 4:30am) and have running partners, workouts, or run on my own. If I sleep in I’ll read a few blogs (DIY/Recipes/This place). I’ll pack my stuff for the day and head out, then eat breakfast at or before I get to work if I ran first.

Evenings are much more open and when I’m on my own I’ll take a walk around the town (I work in a city), go to a bookstore to read until I feel ready to go home, or go home and cook a nice meal and then watch a funny show with a glass of wine. If I have plans it’s usually to go to happy hour with friends.

I tend to get anxious in the evenings sometimes, especially if it’s because I have no other plans and feel like I’m forced to be alone. I used to play video games and draw on my tablet in my free time and never had problems being alone until I started college and lost interest in those things. I plan to also do more to decorate my apartment with some DIY projects, clean up a few areas so I don’t have to do it all on the weekend, and do some reading or journaling while listening to music to help me feel at peace. I want to fit in more meditation (I started using the Headspace app! Love it) but it’s hard because I’d rather do it in the morning but am too busy. I’m never anxious in the mornings and feel most productive/positive then.

Hello Annaliskincaid, I think that this great that you want to be a nurse. That sounds like a great plan to start with. Nurses have many opportunities to learn and grow, they make good money, and they help others. Ask around at hospitals and doctors offices and see if you can work there doing any work to gain some experience. Find housing nearby and even apply for subsidized housing. Move somewhere where you can take a bus. Take an online class. Do some “interviewing” – not for a job, but where you call and schedule a 30 minute appointment to ask a nurse how he or she got there, and what suggestions they have. Most people are willing to help, if you give them a choice of when to talk. Ask if you can shadow a nurse for an afternoon. Do something little every day to work towards your goal, even if it is only scheduling in 20 minutes and then journaling about why you want to be a nurse.
I am sorry about your dad.

Hopelessdreamer,

You’re receiving some valuable advice and tips from Stephen. A guy’s perspective is always so important! I’d also like to acknowledge your level of self-awareness. That is so important in moving forward successfully! What kinds of practices or exercises do you or have you done to explore your feelings about your self? Do you currently take part in any self-care practices that nourish, honor, and acknowledge who you are as an individual and your worthiness?

Get out of your comfort zone, definitely! At the same time, begin some personal development work to dissolve and transmute your fears. Different practices like journaling, emotional freedom technique (EFT) and affirmations are all great places to start.

Much love my friend,
Paula

Congratulations on escaping! I’ll be out a year in March after 12 years of trying to make an insane situation work. My ex is a narcissist and gaslighting is a specialty of his. Psychotherapy helped me see what he was doing. Reminded me of the cycle of abuse so I would remember what he was doing to me – as he was trying to do it again. It taught me about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and that there are times when getting myself to eat and sleep were all that was important. I read a lot on the internet – took what I liked and ignored what wasn’t helpful.Yoga is awesome. Journaling is too. Meditation. Hot baths. Whatever makes you feel good and whole. Surround yourself with positive people who understand what you’re going through. Go easy on yourself. It takes time and patience to heal.

Sending you peace and light. :0)

Hi Steph,

It sounds like you are going through a tough time at the moment but you are definately not alone in this. Most people go through a phase in our life where we feel stuck, unmotivated and end up with a few bad habits (e.g. unhealthy eating habits or some kind of addiction). It usually happens when someone suffered a big disappointment in life and people do this to help them avoid doing things that may lead to further feelings of hurt and disappointment. The trouble is, your mind is telling you that you need to pull out of this but your heart just doesn’t feel it and when your mind is at war with your heart, you tend to end up with a lot of guilt and self criticism. This in turn feeds into the need to escape, like watching TV etc just to avoid feeling anything at all.

Things like passion and motivation are emotions that comes from our heart and a suggestion I have for you is to do something that you really love, something that you will have a good time in regardless of the results. For some peole, this can be things like travel, meditation, travel, drawing, journaling, walking….the list goes on. The important thing is that it is something that resonates with you rather than something that something that someone told you is a good idea. Also try to do this in a park if you can as the outdoors environment can do wonders for your mood even by just being there.

In regards to friends, making too much of an effort sometimes can have an adverse effect to what you want to achieve. The thing to remember here is that you are not going to like everyone you meet no matter how nice they are and the same is true on the reverse. If they don’t reciprocate your efforts, it’s better to move on than to invest energy into earning the approval of someone you don’t even like.

When meeting new people, I generally prefer someone who is genuine, comfortable in their own skin and open minded. It’s a bonus if they are intelligent and/or have common interests but they are secondary compared to the other traits, which anyone can learn.

Hi, MusingMan, anxiety and panic attacks are the worst feelings, but it can be overcome. I’m wondering what caused the first panic attack four months ago, as that may give some insight. I can recommend the book “When Panic Attacks” by Dan Burns. You need only read the first part that has all the exercises to get a fantastic does of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a very effective (and drug-free!) method to combatting anxiety and panic.

Secondly, I would have a conversation (in a journal) with the panicked part of yourself. Usually that part of ourselves is the part that experienced some sort of trauma in the past, such as abandonment, engulfment, being told we were worthless or an actual attack of some kind, etc. What does the grown up part of yourself that knows everything is going to be OK need to say to the scared part of you that is convinced everything is going to be terrible? Write down that conversation. The irony is, the more you give voice to the scared part of you, the less panicked s/he will become.

Never underestimate the power of allowing that scared part of yourself express emotions. Anxiety is ultimately emotions that have been shoved back down. When they escape – as they all must do at some point – they do so in the form of a panic attack. So, get into a safe place (have a good therapist on hand, a great friend, or somebody or something you trust to calm you down) and have that conversation and express those emotions.

Doing these practices along with meditation, journaling, developing a spiritual practice of any kind, reaching out and confiding in trusted friends about the situation, etc. are all ways to support that scared little person inside of you, so that s/he feels comfortable enough to express what is needed to heal.

Fear is here to teach you something – to uncover a negative belief that is not true, so ultimately, once you get past your anxiety, you will actually be a calmer and more peaceful person that you were – even than before the anxiety began. I know it because I’ve lived it!

I have a success story! I was diagnosed last year or so with general anxiety, depression and OCD. It was brutal, I was in a constant state of fear and emptiness. I had panic attacks when I had to make a phone call to a place of business or go to the grocery store. Ultimately what helped me the most was building my self esteem through journaling. Exercise was also a major component and I still do it regularly. If I skip a few days, I can feel the tension and Anxiety set in.

I still have anxiety and depression. They will always be there but I know how to manage it now. Meditation makes me much more in tune with my body and mind and I can squash that anxiety with some slow deep breaths. It gets easier and someday, you will get to the other side. Don’t doubt that. I wish you all the best!

Stefan,

Rock Banana hit a lot of points bang on. Mate, I’ve been seeing you post here on the forums a lot, and I’ve offered to reach out to you personally, and even given you advice in numerous threads. Some of these responders are being sympathetic and I get that. We all feel good after a little bit of reassurance by a “oh it’ll be okay” or “I know how you feel it gets better” and etc. As much as I get what they’re trying to do, that is boost your spirit, I’m going to tell you a bit differently. So I’m just going to lay it right here in front of you:

You are attracting all of the negativity that is happening in your life. Life isn’t just going to miraculously get better for you on a whim. That is not how it works. As Rock Banana said, “create the life you want to create.” One of the most common things I’ve been seeing in your posts is the amount of negative self-talk you bring upon yourself. That is not helping you get anywhere at all. If anything, it is creating the future scenarios for you as you are manifesting them. Why bring yourself down and dig a deeper hole? You need to take control of your physiology and thought processes.

Calm yourself. Practice diaphragmatic breathing. Practice mindfulness. Spend alone time with yourself in nature. Exercise. Listen to inspirational music (I can recommend you a lot!). Watch inspiring videos (I can provide links). Try new things. Break out of your comfort zone. Practice these rituals. Start journaling (very therapeutic, jot down what you are grateful for).

I can keep expanding this list, but ultimately, it comes down to you taking action. What is your motive for action? What makes you tick? Are you going to let circumstances hold you down because you are putting a bad meaning on it, or are you going to invert that meaning and act accordingly? Are you going to let life beat you down permanently?

Change isn’t going to happen over night. It takes persistence, perseverance, patience, and courage. Practice it day in and day out. Get out of your mind of negative thought and let go of thought. Remember what it was like being a baby and experiencing things for the first time as it were all new to you? Guess what, we didn’t have thought control us there, we had wonder because thought wasn’t there. Our minds were focused on our surroundings, not in our mind. The ego is so damaging, and the more you let thought control your life, the more you are stuck and confined by the walls you put up for yourself.

I can go on and on Stefan. I don’t want to see you just ending your life. You are better than that. Know that. Believe that. Manifest that. BUT. You need to take that first step and take action. And train your mind.

The next time I see you post, I want to see a changed Stefan, not a Stefan who is still talking down on himself. Because that isn’t going to get you anywhere in life.

Hi Optimist Chick and Troubled,

I felt a huge pull to reply to you individually as I can relate with you both,

Optimist Chick,

I definitely agree that everyone heals different and has different ways of dealing with things. It does after all make us all unique and pretty damn awesome if you ask me. I saw a counsellor a year ago due to also bottling things up which in turn affected was affecting my happiness. She asked me about my family history, pointed me in the direction of books I may find helpful (which for me at the time just weren’t) and a handful of other tips and techniques that I just couldn’t grasp. I decided to end the sessions as I wasn’t benefiting at all and decided I would take my own path to healing my own way. I’m still on this journey and will just put this out there that what I’ve benefited the most in healing (and still do) is journaling. Its not necessarily writing a list but just writing down your day, how you’re feeling and anything you’re stressed about. I have always kept things in and I found recently that when I journal I’m able to go back a few weeks at a time and really see and reflect on why I was feeling stressed and what was really going on with me then. I recently looked back at one of my journals from a year ago and it just felt so bizarre, it didn’t feel like that was even me that had written some of the things in there. My point being that journaling may be a nice little safe place for you to get down everything and look back and reflect on it. I personally have found doing this has grounded me a lot and made me understand myself so much more as looking back I can see things a clearly. Give it a go if you wish, even for just a month. A personal favourite is writing in my journal by a lake along one of my favourite coastal paths. I hope in some way you find this helpful.

With warmth

Troubled,

My heart goes out to you more ways than I’m able to type in these words and I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. I hope sharing my story with you may help in some way. I to had an ex who was what I would come in and out of my life. After we broke up we were still sleeping together, he would call when drunk, text when drunk and when he left to go travelling around Australia asked me to move there with him so we could start a fresh (which I did and do not regret as I met some pretty amazing people through a tough experience). This was all on going for 5 years, and around three years ago he started seeing someone else. Whilst with someone else he would still text me, try and call me (thankfully I turn my phone off at night) and mess with my head but I decided when I started to see someone else two years ago, I would block him and all of his nonsense out of my life. I blocked him on Facebook and also changed my number. During this time while I was with someone else he sought new ways to get in touch, emailing me to which I would constantly ignore. I never replied until six months ago after the guy I was with and I broke up and I needed to rid myself of all the toxicity in my life. I very nicely told him I would like him to leave me alone and that I needed to move on with my life and him contacting me wasn’t helping. He replied which irritated me as he was not respecting my needs or me so I blocked his email and I haven’t looked back since. My point of all of this is when you take some control over your happiness and your life you start to feel a lot better in yourself. If you feel as though you were happier when you were not in the relationship with him I would definitely go and talk to someone about this, as well as really taking some time out and figuring out whether you can forgive him. If you’re able to work through this with a counsellor and with him involved in the counselling then even better. Though its never easy, once you start to figure out what it is YOU want and need in this life, you really start to move forward within yourself and your happiness can benefit so much from this. Talk with someone, journal your feelings when you’re upset or angry, reflect through walking and spending time in nature and just spend as much time on yourself figuring this all out as you need. I would definitely let your husband know also what it is you’re doing and going through and ask him to respect it. We all deserve to be happy after all. I hope this helps you in some way.

With warmth and hugs to you both,

Tiny Butterfly

Claire,
I seriously could have written this post. I called my bf over and read it to him. I said “see, I’m not crazy, do you see that I’m not the only one?” And he goes… “no just you and her are crazy” hahaha..

I also come from a 13 year relationship where I felt confident and secure. The relationship became complacent and I knew I couldn’t live with it. There was something missing.

Shortly after I met a man who I now share a home with. A man who I quickly feel deeply in love with and visa versa. The one who had everything my last relationship was lacking. A person who also tells me how much he loves me, showers me with affection, tells me I’m beautiful.

However – the only thing that has continuously been an issue in our relationship are my thoughts about his past. We too have polar opposite pasts. I had only been with my ex and he’s been with many, many women (from all over the world…). I too am the only girl he’s been in love with and had this type of relationship with. We’ve been together for about 2 years now.

And yet… here i am in the exactly same place you are. I struggle with issues of feeling like “enough” and confident throughout this whole relationship! (minus those blissful first few months)

Is it our minds always looking for something wrong?
Is it the fear that to have something so good we create the ways it could go wrong?
Is it jealousy?

I wish I knew. I’ve gotten better with time though…I used to just simply pass a girl on the street and instantly be in a bad mood – and he would clearly see it – just from the thoughts about his past women. Yet in my last relationship I never was that girl – I felt confident and beautiful in who I was.

For a while, I thought maybe it was that our beliefs about sex were so different and that’s why I was focusing so much on these negative comparisons.

But really – it’s only me. It’s my lack of acceptance within myself that leads me to not accept his past and who he once was.
My bf has also been supportive on this issue, talked to me, reassures me, and truly has been sensitive to my needs. But I know this is something that I need to work on myself.

I want to move past this too. It feels like I have put my own life on hold these past couple of months because my mind is so clouded with these thoughts. If I get over one of his past sexual experiences my mind is onto another (why did I need to know so many details??)

I wonder if it has anything to do with being in a long term relationship and quickly moving onto another. With the end of my last relationship came a lot of questions in who I was and what I wanted out of life. I’m still working on those questions and I wonder if that lack of knowing is filled with these negative thoughts.

It’s truly obsessive thinking. I’m not sure how to control it. I wish I had some good advice. Journaling has helped. Saying things out loud to him that are on my mind help because then they pass. I guess I just wanted to share that you weren’t alone in this issue.