Posts tagged with “acceptance”
How I Stopped Worrying About What Others Think of Me
“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.” ~Sonya Parker
On August 4, 2022, I buzzed off my long, thick, luscious hair.
I marched up Sandy Boulevard in Portland, Oregon, walked into Take Pride Barbershop, and sat in the chair with the most badass barber. She quelled my last-minute fears and boldly took the clippers to my never-shorter-than-shoulder-length hair.
It was instant liberation.
I had finally worked up the courage to do so after four years of internal debate and worry, which went something …
How Pain Can Be a Teacher and Why We Need to Stop Avoiding It
“The strongest hearts have the most scars.” ~Unknown
I always hated pain when growing up. For as long as I can remember I tried to avoid it. Physical pain was uncomfortable, but emotional pain was the real torture. It was sometimes easier to have a fight and stop communicating than to have a challenging conversation.
Disconnecting emotionally and withdrawing from painful experiences was my de facto subconscious strategy. I still pursued goals and succeeded, but this didn’t feel painful to me because I used my passion and bravado to drive through the long hours and grueling work.
If I wasn’t …
How I’ve Stopped Letting My Unhealed Parents Define My Worth
“Detachment is not about refusing to feel or not caring or turning away from those you love. Detachment is profoundly honest, grounded firmly in the truth of what is.” ~Sharon Salzberg
A few months ago, my father informed me that he’d been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Although he seemed optimistic about the treatment, I knew that hearing such news was not easy.
After a few weeks, I followed up with him. He ignored my message and went silent for a couple of months. Although his slight ghosting was common, it made me feel ignored and dismissed.
In the meantime, I …
How I Learned to Let Go of Attachment to Things I Want
“The happiness we seek cannot be found through grasping, trying to hold on to things. It cannot be found through getting serious and uptight about wanting things to go in the direction we think will bring happiness.” ~Pema Chodron
When I was a kid, my parents used to take me and my younger brother fishing during the summer with some family friends. Sitting in the backseat of the car as we drove through the countryside, I had no worries about the future. It was a time of innocence.
On this particular trip, which stands out in my memory, I would …
How I’ve Navigated My Grief and Guilt Since Losing My Narcissistic Father
“One of the greatest awakenings comes when you realize that not everybody changes. Some people never change. And that’s their journey. It’s not yours to try and fix it for them.” ~Unknown
In 2021 my father died. Cancer of… so many things.
Most of the events during that time are a blur, but the emotions that came with them are vivid and unrelenting.
I was the first in my family to find out.
My mother and sister had gone on an off-grid week-long getaway up the West Coast of South Africa, where there’s nothing …
3 Life-Changing Insights for Control Freaks (Lessons from an Ant Infestation)
“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ~Jean-Paul Sartre
“So did you figure out what your shadow totem is?”
This was the first thing out of my husband’s friend’s mouth as I sat down to dinner at a local downtown restaurant, across from my husband and a couple friends we were meeting up with.
I laughed at the choice of question but then paused with wide eyes and replied, “YES, I DID! Oh my gosh. It’s an ant!”
The backstory is that we had previously had a conversation about animal symbolism, and how figuring out …
An Unexpected Place to Find Kindness: What Made Me Feel Like I Belong
“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” ~Mother Teresa
Routines are important to me. I rely on certain things to bring me back home to myself; to feel clear and open in my mind, body, and heart.
One of the activities that bring steadiness to my life is swimming. It’s one of my greatest pleasures. There is something magical to me about the feeling of water on my skin, the repetition of the arm strokes that calm my mind, the sound of my breath that relaxes my body, and the …
Growing Old Gratefully: How to See Each Year as a Gift
Growing old gratefully. Yes, you read that right. Gratefully. Why on earth would I be grateful for getting older, less youthful, and more wrinkly with every passing year?? I hear you cry. Let me tell you why I’m trying hard to do just that.
One bright Saturday afternoon some years back, while chatting with my uncle, he reminded me that my fortieth birthday was fast approaching. I rolled my eyes and said, “Yes, Uncle, thanks for the reminder.”
He looked at me for a minute and then said, “You know, you should be grateful for every year of life you …
How I Started Appreciating My Life Instead of Wanting to End It
“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” ~Willie Nelson
Few things have the power to totally transform one’s life as gratitude. Gratitude is the wellspring of happiness and the foundation of love. It is also the anchor of true faith and genuine humility. Without gratitude, the toxic stew of bitterness, jealousy, and regret boils over inside each of us.
I would know. As a teenager and as a young man, I lived life without gratitude and experienced the terrible pain of doing so.
Outwardly, I appeared to be a friendly, happy, and gracious person. I …
How Grieving My Parents’ Divorce (20 Years Later) Changed Me for the Better
“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” ~Zora Neale Hurston
At the age of thirteen, my childhood as I knew it came to an end. My parents sat my brother and me down at the kitchen table and told us they were getting a divorce. In that moment, I could acutely feel the pain of losing the only family unit I knew.
Although my teenage self was devastated by this news, it would take another twenty years for me to realize the full extent of what I had lost. And to acknowledge that I had never …
The Secret to Letting Go (And Why It’s Okay if You Can’t Right Now)
“It’s not a matter of letting go—you would if you could. Instead of ‘Let it go,’ we should probably say ‘Let it be.'” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn
When I was in my twenties, I went to see an acupuncturist because I’d been through a bad breakup and felt uncertain about my life path and purpose. “Went” is a kind way of saying it; I was dragged. I didn’t want to go, but my family was going and thought it might be supportive with all that I was going through.
I was dealing with a lot of rough emotions and felt like I …
How I Stopped Feeling Embarrassed and Ashamed of Being Single
“Be proud of who you are, not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” ~Unknown
“When was your last relationship?” my hairdresser asked as she twisted the curling wand into my freshly blow-dried hair.
“Erm, around two years ago.” I lied.
“Why did you break up?” she asked.
“Oh, he had a lot of issues. It wasn’t really working out.” I lied again.
I had gotten quite good at this, lying to hide my shame over being in my early thirties and never having been in a serious relationship. I had learned to think on my feet; that way, no …
How I Learned the True Meaning of Strength After My Son’s Death
“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” ~Oprah Winfrey
I tried to stay strong after my fifteen-year-old son Brendan died in an accident. It shattered my world. The shock of it numbed me but when that wore off, I knew I needed to be there for my husband and two other children. Zack and Lizzie were only ten and thirteen and needed my strength. So, I built a wall around my heart and pushed through my day. I went back to work, teaching piano students in my …
My Dying Friend’s Woke Wake and Why We Need to Talk About Death
“Death smiles at us all; all we can do is smile back.” ~Marcus Aurelius
Recently, on a beautiful blue-sky Saturday, I attended my first “woke wake.”
My dear friend has welcomed in the love and care of hospice, and she and her family wanted to host a celebration.
The meaning of “woke” signals an awareness of social action, with a focus on racism and bias in our culture. She also wanted to be “awoke” to the experience of her wake. More importantly, her party was an honest expression that she will die soon. Her acknowledgement was courageous.
We share so …
I Worry I’ll Never Change – Here’s Why I Still Accept Myself
“Our journey is not about changing into the person we want to become. It’s about letting go of all we are not.” ~Nikki van Schyndel, Becoming Wild
I recently went on personal retreat to once again try to heal my wounds, see my patterns, and find my purpose. I loaded my car with journals from the last two decades and a book of poetry dating back to 1980. I packed my cooler full of nourishing food, but then added a six pack of beer and an expensive bottle of wine—completely unaware that I was about to sabotage my personal growth …
The Major Aha Moment That Helped Me Stop Fixating on Fixing Myself
“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” ~Maya Angelou
My newest friend ended our three-month-long friendship on a July day when I’d just returned from a dreadful summer vacation. Her Dear Jane email read, “It’s not you, it’s me.” The lever had been pulled, I was dumped, and I thought, “Ha!” I’d spent the last three months trying to help her fix her problems. I knew she had more problems than me.
But then an anxious, obsessive thought loop began. What did it really mean? How could it not be about me?
This wasn’t the first …
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