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Posts tagged with “beliefs”

5 Beliefs About Happiness That Make Us Unhappy

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“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.” ~Anthony de Mello

Do you believe in soul mates?

I did. I also believed that the only way to be blissfully happy was to be with mine.

At a New Year party, I finally found her. As we chatted and danced through the evening, we fell in love. It seemed perfect.

Life, however, had other plans. Soon after, she moved to another city. I never saw her again but continued …

How to Change Your Life by Changing the Stories You Tell Yourself

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“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

I used to watch people on the streets and in restaurants and think that their boisterous conversations and broad smiles were evidence that they lived a life much better than mine.

I assumed that they were happier than me, smarter than me, and worth more than me. All around me was evidence that this was true: my meager bank account, my junky car, my thrift store clothes.

I would sit in my apartment and try to imagine what it would be like to be someone else.

I wondered what …

You Are Not Your Thoughts and Feelings, and They Don’t Have to Bring You Down

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“Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ” ~Reinhold Niebuhr

Think about the future! Don’t do something you’ll regret! You need to plan for tomorrow! I wish I hadn’t done that! Will things ever work out? Why did they do that? Will I ever find happiness? Why has life made me the way I am? What’s wrong with me?

Around and around it went inside my mind, a never-ending internal conversation full of questions and uncertainties—the not knowing driving me insane …

5 Childhood Mantras That Are Poisoning Your Happiness

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“So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us.” ~Gaston Bachelard

I woke up to the sun peeking through the bedroom curtains and I cautiously opened one eye to check if my little brother was still asleep on the other side of our room.

I was excited about the day. The sun was shining and we were meeting up with some family friends for a picnic in the park later that day. All I cared about was we would be having lots of treats at that picnic and the park we were going to had …

How to Change What You Feel and Believe About Yourself

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“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” ~Robert Gary Lee

A year ago, I began to accept that I was depressed, and had been for a long time. It was scary. I broke up with my live-in boyfriend of almost three years, quit my job, and though I didn’t want to, I moved halfway across the country to move back in with my parents.

I was a wreck; all of the feelings that I had been suppressing for years, some literally since childhood, came flooding back. My only defense in the past had been to ignore these feelings, though I …

Are Limiting Beliefs Holding You Back and Making You Feel Bad?

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“If you believe yourself to be limited in some way, whether or not it is true, it becomes true for you.” ~Brian Tracy

I have often wondered why the most formative years of one’s life, in early childhood, tend to be the hardest for us to recall.

Most of us cannot even begin to tap into those memories. Those scant memories that do bubble up to the surface are often fog-tinged and dreamlike. Images or sensations may appear, but the linear, day-to-day recollection evades us.

Perhaps Mother Nature does have a sense of humor, because, oddly enough, it is usually …

Overcoming the Painful Desires and Beliefs That Feed Addiction

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“Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~Byron Katie

I had spent five horrible years in and out of rehabs and support groups for my substance use problems. Along the way, there were a few periods where I cleaned up for six months, eight months, and almost a whole year one time, but nothing seemed to stick.

The worst part was that even with all of the painful effort it took to keep the drug and alcohol use going, and all of the painful consequences that were piling up, I was happier in …

Releasing Negative Beliefs: How Letting Go Sets Us Free

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“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~Andre Gide

I have walked on water.

The frozen wasteland known as Chicago had kept me inside, wary of the intense cold that was breaking records that particularly frigid winter. But after interminable snow days, I began to feel like a caged animal that needed to break free.

I woke early one morning, overcome with the urgent need to connect to something living, something wild. I wrapped myself in countless layers like the kid in The Christmas Story and ventured out into the …

The Real Reason Some People Always Seem to Push Your Buttons

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“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” ~Buddha

I always felt invisible whenever my husband and I got together with a certain couple.

Every time we saw them, it triggered feelings of rejection because they would go on and on about themselves and never ask about how I was doing or feeling. I went home feeling ignored and sad every time.

Finally, after putting up with this non-reciprocal relationship for a number of years, I decided that it was best for us to break free from it. 

For the longest time I couldn’t figure …

You Don’t Have to Believe Your Negative Thoughts About Yourself

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“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~ James Allen

We all have a picture of ourselves in our minds. A picture of what we believe we are like. A picture we choose to believe no matter what.

We can cling to this idea about ourselves all we want, but that will not make it true. This is not as easy to realize and even harder to accept, but it’s an important step toward a conscious life.

I believe we all go through dark phases when our image of ourselves breaks …

Overcoming Fear and Perceived Threats to Work Toward Your Dream

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“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

I awoke with a jolt. I heard the steady breathing of my sleeping partner next to me. I checked the clock; it was 3:30 AM. With a deep exhale, while rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I reached out to my bedside table to grab my phone.

For a moment, I hesitated. I knew that tickets went on sale at 4:00 AM New Zealand Time and that they would be going fast.

The U.S. event I wanted to attend would require a considerable financial investment (air travel …

How to Start Feeling Confident, Worthy, and “Enough”

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“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen

Low self-esteem is like a garden weed. Uproot it while it’s small, or face the consequences of an unruly mess down the road.

Its true, I have gone to extreme lengths to supplement my low self-esteem. Hair colors, tattoos, new hobbies, new jobs, moving in, moving out. I was always waiting for there to be “enough.”

Enough what? Enough things where I could rest, feel satisfied, and be “equal” to everyone else. However, even though I often got what I wanted, …

Think Like a 5-Year-Old to Start Living the Life of Your Dreams

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“Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.” ~Unknown

A little over a year ago, my brother and I decided to write a book together. At the ages of nineteen and twenty-nine, this was a really scary thing for us.

Neither of us considered ourselves “good writers,” and we especially didn’t think highly enough of our writing to imagine that we’d ever write a book.

I made C’s on most of my papers in high school and college and, quite frankly, my confidence in my writing was pretty low.

Each time I tried to sit down and write even a two-to-five-page paper, …

What to Do When You Feel Caged: The Key to Lasting Freedom

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“Wherever you go, there you are.” ~Confucius

Everything I do is about living and sharing freedom. But what is freedom anyway?

To understand freedom, it’s helpful to understand its opposite. The opposite of freedom is feeling caged, constricted, and ruled by guidelines you don’t believe in.

For many people, their job feels like jail. For some people, their community feels like jail. For others, school feels like jail.

I’ve been in all those jails. And for the most part, I was in those jails because I didn’t know there was an alternative. Now that I know the alternative, I have …

5 Steps to Deal with Emotional Baggage So It Doesn’t Define You

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“Sometimes the past should be abandoned, yes. Life is a journey and you can’t carry everything with you. Only the usable baggage.” ~Ha Jin

You’ve probably heard of the fear of missing out but what about the fear of letting go?

My father was volatile and mentally unstable. Criticism was his preferred method of communication. As a child and teenager, I learned to keep my thoughts and feelings locked away and became an expert at deflecting personal questions.

Without realizing it, I carried this habit into adulthood, avoiding any talk about my feelings or turning them into a joke. …

3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Enter A Relationship

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“Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.” ~Lloyd Strom

Recently, I did something radical; I entered into a relationship with the intention of extending love. I consciously set the goal of peace.

It’s with the intention to experience more peace than ever before that the relationship began, and it’s with that same intention that we decided to end the relationship. In between it all, I felt deeply connected, heard, and loved.

What did I do differently this time that allowed me to experience a new level of peace and love? What about this relationship created the …

Burn Away Your Barriers to Love: 7 Ways to Live a Beautiful Life

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“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

My grandmother is nearing the end. She’s had a good life, a family, a loving husband, dancing and singing, growing things, running a business.

There are some skeletons in the closet though; her early life had some very heavy experiences that made her afraid and may have held her back. On balance, a great life, but there were challenges.

Right now, she’s slipped into a dream world and she is often still there when her …

Get Unstuck: Stop Believing the Negative Stories You Tell Yourself

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“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

We’ve all done it, right? Somehow, somewhere, something bad happened to us and since that moment we’ve continued to tell ourselves the story about what might and could go wrong in our future.

For me, the biggest negative pattern I’ve had to release stems from my parents’ divorce. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a positive person. When I was a kid I was happy-go-lucky, nothing much bothered me, and life was pretty awesome.…

8 Limiting Beliefs That Keep Us Stuck (and How to Overcome Them)

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“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

For almost three years, I’d been living out of a suitcase, relocating every three to six months. To some people, this lifestyle sounds adventurous and exciting. But anyone who’s ever lived like this understands how exhausting and scary it can be: I felt unsettled in my career, unhappy in my relationships, and completely alone in the world.

While I knew I was unhappy and that I wanted to make a change, the truth is that I felt completely stuck in the lifestyle I’d chosen for myself. When I brainstormed about what was …

Speaking Your Mind Without Being Hurtful

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“If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.” ~Buddha

Many of us allow other people’s opinions to dictate what we believe, value, or perceive. It’s not always easy to stand up for our beliefs and opinions when others, particularly those we care about, constantly bombard us with their views.

You might be thinking, “No, not me! This never happens to me. I’m strong in voicing my beliefs.”

At one point or another, we all conform our opinions, either to avoid confrontation or judgment or because we’re losing faith in what we …