Posts tagged with “blame”
Take Back Your Power: Let Go of Blame and Focus on the Lesson
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~Robert Anthony
Blame is seductive because it makes us right and them wrong. For a moment, it feels good to say, “It was their fault,” but in the long run holding on to blame only hurts us and does absolutely nothing to help our evolution. In fact, it keeps us stuck.
But, I get it. When we feel wronged, upset, and angry, that person is the only one to blame.
I understand that some things are so egregious and so unforgivable that it seems impossible to not default …
How to Prevent Blame and Criticism from Destroying Your Relationship
“Who is it that’s unhappy? The one who finds fault.” ~Anonymous
If you are anything like me, you yearn to know in your bones that you are showing up in your primary relationship as your best self. You want to be loving, kind, and supportive (and to reap the gifts those qualities sow in your love life). But certain habits of interaction get in the way, making you feel inept and ashamed.
Like many of us, I grew up in a family that was steeped in criticism and blame. Though I rebelled against this behavior intellectually, it found its way …
How Our Egos Create Drama in Our Relationships (And How to Avoid It)
“The ego is the false self-born out of fear and defensiveness.” ~John O’Donohue
I started a new relationship in December 2015, then moved countries to be with my Swedish partner in August, 2016.
The last year has been life changing in the best possible ways. I’ve learned so much about myself, things I didn’t have the courage to acknowledge before.
But it hasn’t all been a bed of roses—some of the insights I’ve gleaned haven’t been that comfortable to see.
We met on an intensive spiritual retreat in India. We’ve both spent many years working on ourselves and our issues, …
3 Ways We Unconsciously Sabotage Our Relationships (And How to Stop)
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source.” ~Anaïs Nin
As a long-time commitment-phobe, my love life has been somewhat inconsistent, to say the least, but this year it seemed I’d finally met someone I was ready and able to think about building a future with. Still, along with this feeling of hope came some challenges that I had never experienced before in a relationship. (And yes, it did occur to me that maybe these two things went together!)
I knew I loved my partner, but we often seemed to argue …
How to Deal with Painful Emotional Triggers in Your Relationships
“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.” ~Unknown
I’ve been looking for a new job, so I recently decided to update my resume.
“Hun, can you please help me with that?”
“Of course, my love.”
“Thanks, babe.”
Not only did my wife help me revamp my resume, she drafted me a killer cover letter as well.
“You’re the best, babe!”
“Happy to help, sweetie.”
I opened the cover letter the other day and found a discrepancy, something that immediately touched my deepest core wound.
There, at the bottom of the page, where my name, …
When Things Go Wrong: 5 Tips for Navigating Your “Why Me” Moments
“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis
Have you ever been cruising down the highway of life only to unexpectedly hit a major pothole that completely threw you off? Maybe you lost a job, ended a relationship, or were betrayed by a friend.
It’s easy to wonder “why did this happen to me?” and stay buried in the pothole. It’s up to us to break free and regain our cruising speed on our life journey. Easier said than done, right?…
How to Stop Blaming Your Parents for Messing Up Your Life
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.” ~Pema Chodron
I was nineteen when it happened.
Legally an adult, but in no way equipped with what I was expected to deal with.
As I found myself agreeing to a marriage arranged by my mum, my thoughts turned to my dad.
We had buried him two days prior. He’d suffered a lot before he died. I wondered what he’d make of all this.
What followed my agreement was nothing short of a whirlwind, but not the romantic whirlwind that’s often associated with marriage.…
How to Let Go of the Pain of Anger and Blame
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” ~Nelson Mandela
Has anger ever filled you up so completely that you felt you’d explode?
Two months after I had a baby I suddenly found myself inextricably angry. Yes, I felt the joy and happy stuff that everyone tells you about.
But having a daughter also triggered a flash flood of buried anger, blame, and resentment. And it was all directed to one person—my mother.
A therapist told me once that my mother had “verbally abused” me. That launched a fifteen-year process of rehashing and blaming my …
The Power of Apologizing: Why Saying “Sorry” Is So Important
“Sincere apologies are for those that make them, not for those to whom they are made.” ~Greg LeMond
When I was growing up, every time I took my sister’s toy or called my brother names, my mother would grab me by the wrist and demanded that I offer an apology. What’s more, if the apology didn’t sound meaningful enough to her, I had to repeat it until my tone was genuine. An apology was the basic reaction to any mistake.
Now that I’m older, I see apologizing as more than just a household rule. My younger self didn’t understand the …
What Helped Me Forgive Myself and Honor My Needs
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes
Have you ever tried to forgive someone who hurt you, and despite your best efforts, it was just too hard? So you beat yourself up because you were not able to forgive, and the pain was still there?
I spent years trying to forgive others.
I tried to forgive a family member for abusing me as a child.
I tried to forgive my primary school teacher of seven years for constantly hammering that even though I was a straight-A student, I wasn’t …
5 Helpful Things to Do When You Think Life Sucks
“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” ~Pema Chodron
You know that foreboding fear we all have—that something will go terribly wrong and life will never be the same again?
Mine is that something will happen to our daughter. She is our only child. We battled infertility for years before conceiving her. I keep telling myself that it’s just an irrational fear and that every parent probably has it to some extent, but it’s a constant companion that stealthily follows me around everywhere I go.
So, on …
Ending a Toxic Relationship: When It’s Time to Say “No More”
“Worry less, smile more. Don’t regret, just learn and grow.” ~Unknown
The day finally came when my heart was strong enough to speak up.
I had spent many years trying to be the calm, sensible one. The one who would try to rationalize my sister’s behavior just to keep the peace.
For years the strategy was to keep everything in its place and accept what was said, done, or requested. The day finally came when the weight of accepting the burden was too much to bear.
No amount of talking would convince my sister that I was being reasonable. It …
When Someone Blames You: How to Cope with Misdirected Anger
“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” ~Robert Brault
My ex-boyfriend is angry with me.
I met him soon after he had broken up with his then fiancée, and he thought he was ready to move on, but wasn’t. After many months of messing me about, we ended it. I cut off contact because it still hurt me and I still cared for him.
Eventually, I wrote to him to see if I could get some closure and to consider if we could salvage a friendship. His reply was scathing, vitriolic, angry. He blamed …
How to Take Responsibility for Your Life Without Blaming Yourself
“The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands.” ~Robert M. Pirsig
Many of us are exploring what it means to be responsible for ourselves, to be creating our own reality. These are concepts that in some situations are easy to grab ahold of; at other times, the meanings are far more elusive.
I’ve seen, in myself and in others, the tendency to beat ourselves up while we are learning what self-empowerment really means. I think this is a natural result of our cultural programming, and it’s understandable that we’d …
4 Simple But Powerful Tips to Reduce Stress and Anxiety
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ~Charles Swindoll
I found Tiny Buddha because I have never dealt with stress and anxiety all that well, and once I became a full-time working mum of two, this had become a real issue affecting my quality of life.
It was one day earlier this year when I was battling yet another bout of the flu, and I’d just learned about something out of my control at work that would make life even harder, that I went rushing by a group of my friends, not even …
4 Steps to Let Go of Blame in Your Relationship
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~Dr. Robert Anthony
After living alone for five years, I moved in with my girlfriend just eight months ago. I knew that I would have to make some adjustments, but I had no idea what they might be.
I expected most of the changes to be around the dynamics of our relationship and spending too much time together. I didn’t foresee any personal growth coming out of it.
But that’s exactly what happened. I grew, and I evolved.
What Sparks a Fight
For both me and my girlfriend, cleaning …
Take Back Your Power and Start Loving Your Life
Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Lindsey Kasch
“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” ~George Bernard Shaw
Excuses. We all make them.
We make them for everything all the time without even realizing it, pointing the finger at someone or something else, anything or anyone but ourselves.
I didn’t think I made excuses. Blaming people? Who me? No way!
Once …
Non-Dual Thinking: There Are Things We Don’t Know
“Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” ~Shakespeare
It is not possible to grasp the infinite from a position that is finite. Seems like a good place to start.
“Dual” thinking, as I understand it, is the idea that something has to be “either/or.” That it’s either good or bad. Right or wrong.
Here’s another way describing it: The concept of up and down seems to make sense from an earthly or gravitational perspective, but if you are somewhere out in space, it suddenly makes no sense at all. There is no up or down.
The …
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