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Posts tagged with “Fear”

How to Handle Life: Get Out of Your Critical Head

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“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There was a time when I lived almost completely inside myself. I couldn’t handle much of the outside world.

Yes, I am an introvert, but back then, I had such low self-esteem that the only place I felt safe was inside my own head. I had a low tolerance for problems and mistakes. I was life intolerant.

Yet, my inner world wasn’t exactly a peaceful sanctuary; it was a cold, discomforting, and harsh place to be. Mainly because I was fat. Or so I thought. I …

Change Your Patterns and Stop Sabotaging Relationships

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“Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment.” ~Unknown

My biggest relationship fear used to be getting dumped for another woman.

If it actually happened, it was going to be the ultimate proof of my worthlessness.

It wasn’t easy to live with that fear. When it came to conjuring up scenarios of loss and pain, I was like a rag doll in the hands of my imagination.

Even if my partner did not leave me or intend to cheat on me, the fear of being abandoned turned me into a person the man I was with no longer recognized.…

How Fear Melts Away When We Stop Resisting the Present

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“Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it yourself.” ~Eckhart Tolle

The second hand on the clock ticked to 12 like a base runner returning home. It was 9:00AM on Monday morning.

Anxiety set in as I stared at the stack of papers on my desk. Budgets needed to be balanced, new clients needed to be obtained, and advertising campaigns needed to be launched for high-profile brands.

Everybody needed something. It was my first day as an Advertising Executive and I already knew I was in trouble.

In a few hours I was scheduled to …

Making a Big Decision When You’re Not Sure Which Choice Is Right

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“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl

Over the last two and a half years I have made some big changes in my life. And by big, I mean enormous.

First, I moved with my husband and our children from a home I loved for ten years. Shortly after, my husband and I ended a twenty-year relationship and marriage. With that separation, I made the decision to buy the house we had moved to, which on paper, I shouldn’t have been able to buy.

Apparently ending a long commitment and beginning …

When You’re Hiding Your Pain: Why It’s Worth Letting People In

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“All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

We are all interconnected, and we all need each other. Our ability to see and be seen by each other creates a beautiful depth of connection that we are privileged to experience.

This has been a great …

Why You Shouldn’t Wait For Others to Validate Your Decisions

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“Do not let another day go by where your dedication to other people’s opinions is greater than your dedication to your own emotions!” ~ Steve Maraboli

One thing I’m great at is procrastinating. Another thing, overanalyzing every decision I make.

I can even question and try to reason which route I should take to walk the dog. It is truly outrageous, when I think about it.

This leads to paralysis through analysis, and inevitably a fear to commit to change. This is how I got stuck.

A few years ago I was feeling immobile and underwhelmed in my life. I …

When You’re Afraid to Speak Up and Be Yourself in Relationships

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“Your fear is boring.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

It has taken me eighteen years of marriage, two kids, and twenty-plus years of healing to realize I have been afraid of being myself with my husband.

It has taken me decades to step into my power and become the fiercely alive, joyful, and creative expression I am today.

I often think about the guy I met at the bar on the beach and wonder about things like fate, purpose, and “The Grand Plan,” meant-to-be sort of stuff. I stare at my two gorgeous children and part of me knows that every morsel of …

Freeing Yourself from Fear: 4 Lessons from Anxiety

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“The only journey is the one within.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Out of nowhere, my heart starts to speed up. I can’t get a deep breath; it feels like I’m slowly suffocating.

My throat and chest start to hurt, I suddenly feel weak, and my thoughts race through my mind. A desperate feeling comes over me. I lose control, can’t think straight, and can’t stop shaking. I feel restless and don’t know what to do to feel better. And suddenly, this feeling fades away.

Afterward, I feel a little depressed, confused, and tired. Sometimes I cry; sometimes I just sit on …

What You Think You Want Might Not Be What You Need

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“The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.” ~Unknown

I got on that twelve-hour flight thinking I was ready. Yet during the travel from my house to the airport to Belgium, my feelings were suspiciously neutral.

I neither hated where I was nor felt strong emotional attachment. Less than two weeks later, those emotions came out, full force. Ten days into graduate school in Belgium, I realized that this wasn’t what I wanted.

Everyone told me to stay, to tough it out. I didn’t realize then that their advice was for them—that my …

10 Things Everyone Should Learn as a Kid

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“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings.” ~Johann Wolfang von Goethe

In 2010 two major life events marked my life forever: my father lost his battle with melanoma and I become a mother.

Both events came unexpectedly. My father was only fifty-six years old and had never been sick for one day of his entire life. Also, I had other plans at the time, focusing heavily on my career, so I did not want to have a baby just yet.

But life is what actually happens …

10 Choices That Lead to a Happy, Fulfilling Life

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“Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times.” ~Aeschylus

My twenty-sixth birthday was approaching, and I asked myself one question: “Do I want this year to look like the last one?”

The answer was an immediate and very solid no. I frantically began to analyze what I was doing with my life to get this reaction. I was unhappy for most of twenty-five, romantically, professionally, and socially.

I had been with my live-in boyfriend for about a year and a half, and there seemed to be a growing disconnect. Despite the lies, resulting in jealousy and insecurity, I stayed …

How to Stop Being a Doormat and Start Speaking Up

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“Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.” ~Maggie Kuhn

For years I was that person who needed to know what would happen in the near future. I wasn’t content with being in the moment and letting things unfold naturally because it made me anxious.

Knowing, or at least thinking I knew, was a way for me to relax and reassure myself that nothing was going to unexpectedly pop up. The idea of a problem spontaneously arising made me so nervous and anxious that I’d become a doormat instead of speaking up and saying what I really thought.

For me, …

How to Stop Weighing Yourself Down with Emotional Junk Food

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“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” ~Rumi

I want to feel better. Who doesn’t? Yoga makes me feel better most of the time, but if I am being totally honest, I don’t always choose the healthy option. In fact, sometimes I pick the worst thing for me.

For me, a plate of BBQ wings really hits the spot. That is, until a few hours later when the salt and protein load kicks in and I feel terrible. Again.

While I may oscillate between healthy and unhealthy choices for my body, I know how to …

How To Move Forward When You Feel Paralyzed by Uncertainty

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“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life.” ~Eckhart Tolle

A woman in a relationship that is breaking her spirit might remain there for fear of what leaving will bring.

She doesn’t know if she will find another to care for her, and having a warm body is better than having no one. The uncertainty about whether or not she will survive that decision, and be happier for it, keeps her there.

I know the harsh clutches of uncertainty all too well. It wasn’t long ago that I waffled and wavered about every decision I …

Overcoming Approval Addiction: Stop Worrying About What People Think

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“What other people think of me is none of my business.” ~Wayne Dyer

Do you ever worry about what people think about you?

Have you ever felt rejected and gotten defensive if someone criticized something you did?

Are there times where you hold back on doing something you know would benefit yourself and even others because you’re scared about how some people may react?

If so, consider yourself normal. The desire for connection and to fit in is one of the six basic human needs, according to the research of Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes. Psychologically, to be rejected …

How To Calm Your Worries by Admitting What You Don’t Know

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“Most things I worry about never happen anyway.” ~Tom Petty

There was once a wise farmer who had tended his farm for many years. One day his horse unexpectedly ran away into the mountains. Upon hearing the news, the farmer’s neighbors came to visit. 

“How terrible,” they told him.

“We’ll see,” the wise farmer replied.

The next morning, to the farmer’s surprise, the horse returned, bringing with it three wild horses.

“How wonderful. You are very lucky,” the neighbors exclaimed.

“We’ll see,” replied the farmer.

The following day, the farmer’s son tried to ride one of the wild horses. The …

A 60-Second Practice That Will Help You Find Peace and Relaxation

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“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh 

A while back, someone very dear to me entered intensive care. He’s someone I’ve learned so much from, and yet never met. I’ve read dozens of his books, both listened to and watched countless lectures, as well as been inspired to study Zen because of him.

On Friday, November 14th, after suffering a brain hemorrhage, Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Zen master and peace activist, went into a coma. For the past few weeks, Thay, as his students …

6 Things to Do Instead of Comparing Yourself to Others

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“Do not judge by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.” ~Scottish Proverb

I grew up believing I was never enough. Ever. Not when I got all A’s in school. Not when I was in the talented and gifted program. Not when my father made more than enough money for me to buy whatever I wanted.

I became an adult who compared herself to others too, always wondering why I didn’t have what they had or why I wasn’t as pretty or as cool.

I brought this behavior into my relationships and my business. I would get …

We Are All People Who Need People

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“But first be a person who needs people. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” ~Bob Merrill, lyricist, Barbra Streisand, artist

Act 1: Babs and Me

Barbra Streisand and I could be twins.

For starters, we were born on the same day.

Sure, she got here a couple of decades earlier, but except the part where she’s a rich, famous, writer-director-actress married to James Brolin, and oh, that singing thing, we could have been separated at birth.

We both have blue eyes and chemically enhanced blonde hair. We speak the same language; in Brooklyn or Philly, …

How to Stop Fearing the Worst and Worrying About “What Ifs”

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“Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.” ~Charles H. Spurgeon

There’s nothing like a real health emergency for putting insignificant worries into perspective.

By the time I was pregnant the second time, I had left my struggles with anxiety largely behind me. Having been to therapy years earlier to find coping mechanisms for managing my ever-present phobias, I was in a fairly good place when I learned I’d been given a second chance at having a child.

But worry is as much as part of me as breathing, and having lost …