Posts tagged with “relationships”
Why You Have to Share What You Really Feel and Want in Relationships
“Any relationship that could be ‘ruined’ by having a conversation about feelings, standards, or expectations wasn’t really firm enough anyway, so there isn’t much to ruin.” ~Unknown
So many of us believe that not expressing ourselves is a noble thing to do. We get to feel stoic and in control. Others get emotional and overwhelmed while we can keep it together. The idea that we are strong because we don’t express our feelings is also socially reinforced, so we keep doing it because it’s the right thing to do, right?
Not quite.
In my previous blog post “The Negative …
How to Re-wire Your Brain for Better Relationships
“For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke
I was eight years old when my father and I somehow ended up in a heated, verbal struggle. I don’t remember what we were fighting about, but I remember that he was yelling at me.
I already knew by then that my father didn’t deal well with anger. It wasn’t uncommon for him to explode into fits of rage. I don’t …
3 Practices That Help Ease the Pain of Being Highly Empathetic
“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.” ~Walt Whitman
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another’s experience and understand with depth the gravity of their situation. In general, I believe the world needs more empathy.
But I’ve learned over the course of my twenty-nine years that sometimes being a highly empathetic person is incredibly painful. And sometimes too much of a good thing is a bad thing.
Hearing stories of the pain that people experience can be extra painful when your mind tries to carry their pain around …
Understanding Is Love (and the World Needs More Love)
“Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand you can’t love.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
I recently attended a weekend workshop, and there was a man in the group who always had a strange look on his face whenever we had to look for a partner to work with. I noticed that some people avoided him, like they didn’t want to work with him. Perhaps it was the vibe he gave off because of the way he looked at people.
At some point later in the weekend I sat with him. It was hard to put my finger on it, …
10 Things You Need to Know to Maintain Strong Friendships
“A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.” ~Frank Crane
Studies show that feeling connected to other people is a core human need. A sense of connection impacts not only on our mental health but also our physical well-being. It reduces our risk of disease and increases longevity.
While the research is clear, statistics also suggest that our level of social connectedness is declining. Social media might help us be more widely connected, but it doesn’t usually replace the connection we experience in offline friendships.
It seems that as adults we aren’t that good at friendships. People …
Being Shy Made Me Strong, and It Can Do the Same for You
“Never assume that loud is strong and quiet is weak.” ~Unknown
This quote seems counterintuitive, right?
For many years, I, too, scoffed at the idea.
Having dealt with crippling shyness throughout my life, I know firsthand what it’s like to feel weak, powerless, and trapped because of it.
As a child, I remember clinging to my mom’s leg and using her body to hide from strangers. Then, as I got older, this shy behavior manifested into a fear of speaking my mind, interacting with others, putting myself out there, and so on and so forth.
My quiet and timid nature …
The Power of Saying No (Even to People You Love)
“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho
“Yes, of course.”
“Yes, that’s no trouble at all.”
“Yes, I can do that.”
“Yes, I’d love to help.”
Yes, yes, yes. “Yes” seemed to be the key word in my relationships with partners, family, friends, and colleagues.
I wanted to be helpful, kind, and thoughtful; I wanted to be there when people needed me. I didn’t want to let them down or disappoint or displease them. I spent a lot of my time devoted to my self-image as a capable, nice …
Confrontation Can Be Hard, But It’s Worth It
“When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.” ~Fred Rogers
I was immediately uncomfortable when the older gentleman rode up on his bike and loudly told us that our kids shouldn’t be riding their bikes on the velodrome; it was against the rules.
If it had been just me and my daughter, I would have said no problem and left the area, maybe even apologized. But I wasn’t alone, I was with my friend and her son, and my friend doesn’t back down from confrontation like I do.
Instead of saying okay …
10 Ways to Give the Gift of Your Presence (The Best Gift You Can Give)
A couple weeks back I shared a quote on Facebook that really spoke to me:
“A child is going to remember who was there, not what you spent on them. Kids outgrow toys and outfits, but they never outgrow time and love.”
I love this quote because it puts things in perspective, and it’s true not only for kids but for all of us. Sure, shiny things are nice and appreciated, but what we all really want is love, and time with the people who mean most to us.
For those of us who are fortunate, the holidays are all …
13 Insights About Relationships That Could Save You A Lot of Pain
“It’s amazing how quickly someone can become a stranger; it’s even more amazing how quickly someone can become a treasured friend.” ~Unknown
The past six months have been unbelievably difficult for me.
My “normal” life turned upside down and inside out, as my beautiful daughter continues to fight a complex pain condition, which took us all by surprise one bright and sunny Monday afternoon. And literally, in a single heartbeat, just like that, instead of a regular routine day of school, work and afternoon activities, our time was consumed with juggling doctors, hospitals, tests, and specialists—all of us fully devoted …
How I Stopped Feeling Guilty About Doing What’s Best for Me
“A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment.” ~Laurie Helgoe
Do you ever worry that if you fulfill your needs you will disappoint others? Do you ever feel guilty for doing what’s best for you?
For years, I felt guilty about taking time for myself. I thought that being alone, away from the rest of the world, meant being selfish. This was especially true in one toxic relationship that kept dragging me down because I was afraid to make a change. As a peaceful, …
How I Learned to Trust Others by Learning to Trust Myself
“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” ~Frank Crane
I’ve had trust issues for as long as I can remember, but didn’t realize it until after my divorce.
Divorce can be a traumatic experience, and in this case, it made me begin to take stock of my life. I began to reflect on my failed romantic relationships and why this was a repeat pattern for me.
I realized then that I never let people in for fear they will let me down, belittle or make me feel …
Why I Can’t Always Be the “Strong One” and What I Do Now Instead
“She was strong and weak and brave and broken… all at the same time.” ~Unknown
My mom was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder when I was seven years old. It’s a chronic condition that doctors say can be managed but not cured. The symptoms included manic high energy, depression, delusions, hearing voices, reduced need for sleep, and loss of touch with reality.
There were many times of stability for her, when she was on the right medication, taking it routinely, and attending regular psychotherapy. But if any of these elements were missing, those moments were often short-lived.
She was the …
The Difference Between Love, Lust, and Attachment: Why We Have It All Wrong
“Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency and has more to do with love of self than love of another.” ~Yasmin Mogahed
The feelings we get when meeting someone new are hard to understand at times. We have biopsychosocial and even spiritual responses and interactions with people we come into contact with.
We’ve all met someone and felt like we just want to be around them. They make us nervous (butterflies), we can’t think straight, we’re self-conscious, we just feel an overwhelming… pull toward them.
I have (like many before me) spent my life …
What Heartbreak Taught Me About Creating My Own Happiness
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~Stephen Chbosky
A few years ago I was completely heartbroken, and I thought I would never find love. I’d gone through a string of painful breakups over a number of years, but I thought I’d finally met someone I could be with for the long haul. I’d been dating this guy for a few months, and everything seemed to be going smoothly, until one day he stopped calling. Just like that, he disappeared from my life. It was as if we had never met.
What was worse, he didn’t tell me why …
Why No One Else Can Make Me Feel Insignificant
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Significance.
A phenomenon most of us only notice once we lose it.
If you’re like me, you’ve had (and could still have) a love/hate relationship with significance. Simply because it often seemed so elusive. Just out of reach.
Our journey together started as far back as I can remember.
As the youngest of three siblings, I often felt unheard. Overlooked. Ignored. Insignificant.
I thought it was normal. Didn’t all little sisters bear the same cross? Apparently not…
As a young adult, I looked to my friends to …
The Top 7 Reasons We Stay in Bad Relationships
“Some of us think that holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” ~Hermann Hesse
She knew it sooner than I did. And more intensely than I did.
I, on the other hand, may have considered our differences but never thought of them as deal-breakers. I tried to justify the many struggles we had between us and believed that our marriage could work despite the challenges.
I had this feeling things would get better and stayed hopeful no matter how bad our relationship got.
I told myself that her extraverted personality and my more introversion could …
The Past May Have Shaped Us, But We Have the Power to Change
“If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down.” ~Toni Morrison
Our very first relationship is the one we develop with ourselves. However, even that one is shaped by outside forces.
You may or may not believe that we choose our family. Regardless of your position regarding how your soul made it to your parents’ household, the truth is that the environment we are born into determines a great deal of the rest of our lives. This is especially true about the way we relate with ourselves and others.
We learn by observing …
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