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Posts tagged with “relationships”

How Expectations Undermine Our Relationships and Happiness

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“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ~Bruce Lee

A few years ago, my husband was away from me for a few weeks, working in another town. It was summer, and we were living close to the beach at the time, so I often spent my Saturday nights walking along the ocean at sunset, enjoying the colors and sounds.

One Saturday night I was in a simply glorious mood. The beach was filled with happy families and couples, the Atlantic was a particularly lovely shade …

7 Vital Choices for Happy Relationships

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“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~Lao Tzu

A little over a decade ago I thought I was going to marry my college sweetheart and become a young bride, which made it all the more devastating when happily ever after didn’t pan out. When we broke up, I felt literally like I lost a limb, complete with phantom sensations of his hand in mine.

It didn’t take long for a dark guilt to bubble up—a constant festering reminder of all the mistakes I’d made. I was highly unstable and insecure back …

Are You Settling for Less Than You Deserve in Your Relationship?

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“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” ~Alexander Graham Bell

It was around six years ago that I faced the moment of truth. I was sitting on my meditation pillow, having spent the last few moments in deep contemplation about my current state of affairs. I was satisfied with practically every area of my life except for the one that meant the most to me—my love life.

About five months prior, my relationship with my boyfriend …

Happiness Starts with You

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When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them

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“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou

I remember first hearing these words in my early twenties. I heard them. I just didn’t follow them. Hence, I brought myself a whole lot of painful lessons and needless suffering because I always wanted to give people a second chance, and a third, and a fourth … You get the picture.

I was the girl who always saw the “potential” in people. The person they “could” be, with a little love and nurturing from yours truly. I considered myself to be one of the most …

When We Hold onto Relationships That Hurt Us

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“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.” ~Unknown

Human beings are genetically programmed to desire love. Embraces are as important to us as food and water.

Perhaps that’s why when we find someone—the wrong someone—we’re often too blind to see it.

We feel it and yet we hide it away, write it off as an odd case of commitment phobia or just a hiccup in our new relationship, oblivious to the fact that were heading into a future of sleepless nights, constant worrying, and consistent phone checking.…

9 Tips for Anyone Who Dates Emotionally Unavailable People

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“When someone tells you who they are, believe them.” ~Maya Angelou

After having been a rebound girl the summer of 2013, I swore I would never get involved with another emotionally unavailable man who had baggage and was a poor communicator.

I thought I was a pro at all of the tell tale signs. Until I met X in 2015.

He came on very strong in the beginning, telling me he deleted his dating app after our first date, that he turned down other dates because he didn’t want to waste time with other girls, and showed me in more …

Authenticity May Feel Risky But It’s Worth It

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“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~Brené Brown

Growing up I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute I would be on top of the world and the next I felt overwhelmed by anxiety. I didn’t know how to share my difficult emotions in a healthy way with my friends and family, so I started suppressing them instead.

I realized early on that it felt safe to hide my feelings, because no one could judge me if I kept them to myself. I believed …

Why You Might Feel Like You’re Always the Victim in Relationships

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“Your relationship to yourself is and always will be directly reflected in all your relationships with others.” ~Vironika Tugaleva

Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t know why this is happening to me?” or, “My ex is really crazy”? I have said myself, “It’s not my fault he’s a jerk.”

It can be so easy to play the victim. Surely some of us are indeed victimized, but being a victim is a whole new ball game. Pointing the finger was an art for me. Thing is, one finger was pointing at you and three were pointing back at …

When You’ve Fallen for Someone Who Isn’t Right for You Right Now

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“You have to learn to get up from the table when love is not being served.” ~Nina Simone

I completely fell for someone.

It was one of those instantaneous connections, the kind that movies are made of. That’s how it was in my head, at least.

But it didn’t matter, as I was moving to another city, traveling, and exploring by this point. There was no way anything was going to happen, because there was no space in either of our lives for it.

Almost a year later, we found our way back to each other. It was fireworks. Long …

3 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Unsupported in Relationships

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“A community of friends supporting each other can make a world of difference.” ~Unknown

Many of us feel we’re not getting the support we want or deserve in relationships.

Maybe we’ve never felt supported by our friends or family. Maybe we don’t feel supported by our peers or co-workers. Maybe we don’t even feel supported by our partner.

This can leave us feeling drained, tired, and unhappy, like we’re moving through life without much fuel to keep going.

During my adolescence and early adulthood, this was a huge struggle for me. I rarely found a place or group of friends …

How Emotional Pain Can Cause Us to Act “Crazy” in Relationships

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“We all exist in our own personal reality of craziness.” ~Alejandro Jodorowsky 

Most of us have heard stories of “crazy” women (and sometimes men) and psycho exes. They are our friends, boyfriends’ exes, family members, and sometimes they can even be us.

Often people (including ourselves) are quick to judge these people. We write them off as emotional wrecks. We label them. We shame them. It’s hard not to judge when we are not equipped with the tools to deal with behaviors we don’t understand.

It’s even harder to feel empathy when we experience suffocation and feel our boundaries …

How to Stop Trying to Fit In and Finally Belong

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“Perhaps home is not a place, but simply an irrevocable condition.” ~James Baldwin

It’s normal, isn’t it?

Wanting to be accepted. Longing to feel at home. Hoping for that reassuring up-nod from the universe that says, “You’re one of us. And you get to stay.”

So you try to fit in wherever it feels right. You get the job everyone approves of. You marry the person you’re supposed to. You say yes most of the time. And you’re as good as you’re supposed to be.

You’ve jumped through every hoop and worn all the right masks, but it seems that …

How to Foster Better Relationships Just by Being Present

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“When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I love to pose a question in my journal and watch carefully for the myriad responses from The Universe. I always know how much attention something needs based on the quantity and clarity of the answers I receive.

Lately I’ve been pondering the question: How can I be a better sister, daughter, and friend? The Universe has been responding with a metric truckload of answers.

The common theme?

Get present.

With our busy lives, we’re …

6 Things to Keep in Mind When You’re Trying to Make New Friends

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“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” ~Alice Walker

When I was young, I never actively wanted friends, probably because I didn’t know the benefits of having strong friendships. I got along fine in my social circle in high school, in part because I could translate Latin more quickly than my classmates, which was helpful to some of them, and because I was pleasant enough.

I wasn’t going to get on anyone’s nerves, at least not on purpose. In fact, I was so careful not to be a bother to anyone …

9 Ways to Release Your Limiting Beliefs So You Can Find Love Again

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“The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.” ~Deepak Chopra

The end of my marriage was a life-shattering event that rocked my world and made me question my existence.

My breakup led to a full existential, spiritual, and personal crisis.

After putting the pieces back together, I feel like I’m ready to love again.

It took me a long time to feel open to another relationship because I was stuck in the past, replaying the story of my former relationship over and over again in my mind.

I also held a set of disempowering and …

Why We Might Feel Lonely and What to Do About It

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“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” ~Dorothy Day

Throughout my life it’s been really hard to admit when I’ve felt lonely.

I’ve been through intense periods where I have been without others.

I’ve been surrounded by people yet have felt no real connections.

The people I have loved have been physically or emotionally absent.

I’ve simply been alone over weekends, over weeks, over months, over years, and it has been grueling and horrible.

I found I had to monitor how much I shared …

4 Secrets to Falling in Love Every Day

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“It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.” ~John Bulwer

I am very fortunate to have come from a loving family. My family members have a wide range of personalities, and even though they’re all very opinionated, they are not judgmental in the least.

Growing up around these amazing people allowed me to recognize that superficial differences don’t matter much when people share a profound love.

Regardless of whether you’ve experienced this type of bond, you’re probably familiar with the benefits of love.

Love acts as a buffer against stress and helps you avoid being overcome by …

That Person Who Irritates You Could Be Your Greatest Teacher

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“The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.” ~Byron Katie 

On the bus home from Disney World, my best friend sputtered, “Angela, you are such a huge control freak!”

First, I went into an angry rage. I accused her, “How dare you call me a control freak! I planned this whole trip.”

Next, I resorted to pouting and pointing my finger at her, listing every possible way she was the control freak.

I was in complete victim mode. Classic, right? Little did I know that this incident would be an important self-growth tool for me.

She returned …

6 Ways to Deal with Critical, Judgmental People

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“When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” ~Unknown

We all have people in our lives who unintentionally hurt us. Their words may sound harsh. We may feel judged. And they may question our choices so much that we feel emotionally unsafe around them.

People can make comments about our career choice, living situation, life partner (or lack of), child-rearing decisions, and hobbies—and often when we didn’t ask for their opinion or advice.

Oftentimes, the healthiest choice is to stay away from these …