fbpx
Menu

Posts tagged with “self-compassion”

The 3 Ms That Help Me Cope with Seasonal Depression

By

“The word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” ~Carl Jung

My two-year-old son looked up at me with his big, blue, beautiful eyes.

He wanted me to play. I took a toy car in my hand and rolled it along the wooden living room floor we were both sitting on, making an enthusiastic VROOM as I did it. He smiled. He appreciated my effort at sound effects.

The streetlights standing on the road outside our living room window were already glowing warmly, even though it was barely 4:30 p.m. and the sky was …

The Major Aha Moment That Helped Me Stop Fixating on Fixing Myself

By

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” ~Maya Angelou

My newest friend ended our three-month-long friendship on a July day when I’d just returned from a dreadful summer vacation. Her Dear Jane email read, “It’s not you, it’s me.” The lever had been pulled, I was dumped, and I thought, “Ha!” I’d spent the last three months trying to help her fix her problems. I knew she had more problems than me.

But then an anxious, obsessive thought loop began. What did it really mean? How could it not be about me?

This wasn’t the first …

How I’ve Redefined Success Since ‘Failing’ by Traditional Standards

By

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” ~Christopher Reeve

When I was a child, I wanted to save the world. My mom found me crying in my bedroom one day. She asked what was wrong, and I said, “I haven’t done anything yet!” I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could try to make a difference.

At fourteen, I joined a youth group that supported adults with disabilities. We hosted dances and ran a buddy program. I helped with projects at state institutions and left saddened by the conditions for the residents. I planned to work at a state …

How Releasing Control Opened Me Up to a Limitless Life

By

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” ~Richard Bach

I have always wanted to create a family.

As a child, I lovingly cared for my dolls and fell head over heels for my college boyfriend. Kneeling before me with a ring, he said, “I want you to be the mother of our children.” I swooned as we walked down the aisle at the tender age of twenty-two, convinced I was set for life. I had the husband, and I would have the family.

I entered into our marriage with the expectation and security …

Why I Had to Stop Judging Myself to Start Healing from Childhood Trauma

By

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~Brené Brown

A few years ago, when I began recovering from childhood trauma, the first thing I learned was that I needed to master the skill of self-awareness.

However, becoming aware came with some pretty hard truths about who I was, what I did, and how I acted because of what had happened to me.

Although I eventually found the courage to face some challenging experiences from my past, I wasn’t ready to forgive and accept myself.

When …

How I Learned to Love My Body Instead of Hating Her

By

“Your body does not need to be fixed, because your body is not a problem. Your body is a person.” ~Jamie Lee Finch

I was thirty years old when I realized that I was completely dissociated from my body.

I grew up in the height of the purity culture movement in American Evangelicalism. Purity culture was based on one primary concept: abstain from sex until marriage. But the messaging went further than this.

I sat next to my peers in youth group while the male pastor stood on stage and told us young women to always cover our bodies. For …

After the Assault: What I Now Know About Repressed Trauma

By

TRIGGER WARNING: This article details an account of sexual assault and may be triggering to some people.

The small park down the street from my childhood home: friends and I spent many evenings there as teenagers. We’d watch movies on each other’s MP3 players and eat from a bag of microwave popcorn while owls hooted from the trees above.

Twigs lightly poked against our backs. Fallen leaves graced skin. Crickets hummed in the darkness. The stars shone bright through the branches of the redwoods.

Eight years later at a park in Montevideo, Uruguay, darkness again surrounded me. Leaves and twigs …

My Deepest, Darkest Secret: Why I Never Felt Good Enough

By

“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” ~Brené Brown

Lunge, turn, reverse, jump, land and rebound, push, pull, cut, run, double turn, fling, pause…

Not good enough! Smooth the transitions, make it cleaner, find more ease!

Heart pounds, ragged breath, muscles burn…

You need more weight on the lunge and point your damn feet when you jump. Do it again.

Repeat. Lunge, turn, reverse, jump, land and rebound, push, pull, cut, run, double turn, fling, pause…

What is your problem? Why is it so sloppy? Clean it up! Do it again.…

5 Ways to Start Healing from the Grief of Betrayal and Domestic Abuse

By

“If your heart hurts a little after letting go of someone or something, that’s okay. It just means that your feelings were genuine. No one likes ends. And no one likes pain. But sometimes we have to put things that were once good to an end after they turn toxic to our well-being. Not every new beginning is meant to last forever. And not every person who walks into your life is meant to stay.” ~Najwa Zebian

It’s hard to describe what betrayal feels like. Unless you’ve experienced it, I mean, in which case you’ll know. You’ll know that moment—the …

Addiction Is Messy, But These Things Help Me Stay Clean

By

“Staying sober really was the most important thing in my life now and had given me direction when I thought I had none.” ~Bradley Cooper

I remember that exact feeling of shame that washed over me when I was filling Yeti water bottles with 100 proof vodka instead of water. Then I chugged it, all while knowing it was the worst idea. Yet, I couldn’t stop.

Addiction is messy.

My social outings were with the wealthiest in the town, always with plenty of other alcoholics in my midst. I surrounded myself with people who drank like me because why on …

5 Ways to Use Movement (Not Exercise) to Support Your Mental Health

By

“Nothing is more revealing than movement.” ~Martha Graham

It seems like only yesterday that I was at home with a newborn, a kindergartener, two dogs, and a husband who, just like me, was working from home, when we were thrown into the unthinkable COVID19 pandemic.

It didn’t take long for the stress and tension to build in my body. The feeling of instability, uncertainty, and fear, not to mention the post-partum anxiety, took its toll on my body as it became more rigid, bound, immobile, and frozen.

All the ways I had relied on movement as exercise were taken away, …

How to Release the Fear That Holds You Back and Keeps You Small

By

“The purpose of fear is to raise your awareness, not to stop your progress.” ~Steve Maraboli

I used to hate my fear because it scared me. It terrified me that when fear arose, it often felt like it was driving me at full speed toward the edge of a cliff.

And if I were driven off a cliff, I would lose all control, all function, perhaps I would collapse, perhaps I would shatter into a million pieces. I was never totally clear on the details of what would happen if I let the fear get out of control. That’s …

How I Stopped Chasing Men Who Hurt Me and Found Healthy Love

By

“There are two things you should never waste your time on: things that don’t matter and people who think that you don’t matter.” ~Ziad K. Abdelnour  

“What is wrong with me?” I asked myself. Crying in the dark of the night. “Why doesn’t he love me?”

I’d tried to fold myself in all the ways I could to be loved and accepted, but it was never enough. I found myself repeating patterns of chasing men who just didn’t want me. Same cry in the night, different men.

The more I chased them, the more they ran away, and the deeper …

4 Anxiety-Calming Techniques I Wish I Used When I Freaked Out on a Plane

By

“When thinking about life, remember this: No amount of guilt can solve the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.” ~Unknown

I was buckled in on a small, twenty-person airplane, and we were heading toward the runway, when I looked out the window and saw the airplane wheel was wobbling.

I gathered my courage, unbuckled my seatbelt, and approached the flight attendant, who told me to sit back down.

“I think there’s something wrong with the wheel,” I said.

He looked out the window and said, “It’s fine.” But then he radioed the pilot, who turned the …

How to Deal With Low Moods: A 4-Step Plan to Help You Feel Better

By

“And some days life is just hard. And some days are just rough. And some days you just gotta cry before you move forward. And all of that is okay.” ~Unknown

I have always struggled with low moods. I guess that considering that I spent close to twenty years of my life inactive and depressed, this could be seen as progress. But that still didn’t feel good enough.

I wanted to feel more balanced, light, and happy, and I wanted to achieve it in natural ways without having to take any kind of medication since that hadn’t worked for …

How I’m Healing from Abuse After Going in Circles for Years

By

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Recovery is a process. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes everything you’ve got.” ~Unknown

We are often told in therapy that we need to dig deep and explore our feelings until we find the root of our problem, as though we’ll finally have peace and relief just because we’ve found the “Nugget of Trauma.”

The problem with long-term childhood trauma is that there was not just one Nugget, or one moment that we were left reeling from. For many of …

All the Ways I Tried to Numb My Loneliness and What Actually Helped

By

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings.” ~Mandy Hale

I feel so alone right now. Like, crawling out of my skin, I’ll do anything I can do to not feel this way alone.

I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Thank goodness I have tools to take care of myself. Let me explain.

My earliest childhood memory is my mother’s empty bed. The sheets are white, untucked, and messy.  The duvet cover is loose and hanging halfway on the floor. The room is quiet, there’s no sign of mom, and I …

The Truth About Mr. S.: The Sexual Predator from My High School Band

By

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with accounts of sexual harassment and assault and may be triggering to some people.

“There can be a deep loneliness that comes from not having a family that has your back. I hope you can find supportive people who show up for you.” ~Laura Mohai

I feel and have felt extreme sadness, anger, isolation, and fear over several sexual harassments and assaults in my life.

The first time I was sexually assaulted I was seven. I was at a friend’s birthday pool party. My friend’s dad put his hand down my swimsuit and grabbed my …

How My Narcissist Ex Was a Catalyst to My Healing and Self-Love

By

“It’s okay to let go of those who couldn’t love you. Those who didn’t know how to. Those who failed to even try. It’s okay to outgrow them, because that means you filled the empty space in you with self-love instead. You’re outgrowing them because you’re growing into you. And that’s more than okay, that’s something to celebrate.” ~Angelica Moone

I thought I had married the love of my life. I had never felt a connection so strong before. I was sure he was my soul mate, and I thoroughly believed he was my twin flame—my one and only.

I …

How I Found Peace and Self-Love After a Toxic Relationship

By

“Bravery is leaving a toxic relationship and knowing that you deserve better.” ~Unknown

When my marriage ended, it left a huge void that I desperately needed to fill, and quickly.

Along with my divorce came the unbearable feelings of rejection and being unlovable. To avoid these feelings, fill the void, and distract myself, I turned to dating. And it turns out, it was much too soon.

What seemed like a harmless distraction soon became what I needed to feel wanted and loved. This was a way to avoid doing the harder work of learning to love myself instead of needing …