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Posts tagged with “selfish”

“Am I the Narcissist?” How to Tell If It’s You

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“Narcissism is voluntary blindness, an agreement not to look beneath the surface.” ~Sam Keen

Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Am I the narcissist in this relationship?” If so, you’re not alone. This question can feel heavy and unsettling, especially if you’ve spent years tangled in a toxic dynamic. The more you try to figure things out, the more confusing it becomes.

But here’s something to hold onto: The very fact that you’re asking this question is a sign that you probably aren’t narcissistic.

Am I the Narcissist?

Victims of narcissistic abuse often find themselves questioning their actions, …

It’s Okay to Have No Purpose Beyond Being and Enjoying This Moment

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“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

I was sitting on my yoga mat with my legs stretched out in front of me. I bent forward into a fold, puffing and clenching my jaw as I extended my fingertips toward my toes. I was growing angrier by the second.

A slew of sour thoughts marched through my brain.

This is stupid. I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing. I’m so out of shape. Other people have no trouble with this pose. …

Why We Need to Put Ourselves First and Prioritize Our Own Happiness

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“Putting yourself first is not selfish. Quite the opposite. You must put your happiness and health first before you can be of use to anyone else.” ~Simon Sinek

If you’re someone who cares deeply for the people in your life, you may want to do anything you can for them. This devotion isn’t always reciprocated. Not to say we should only think of things in a transactional nature, but sometimes we can selflessly give ourselves away to people who are careless with our own needs.

It often leaves us feeling like we’re being taken advantage of.

It often leaves …

3 Questions Every People-Pleaser Should Ask Before Making a Decision

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“The one thing you learn is when you can step out of your comfort zone and be uncomfortable, you see what you’re made of and who you are.” ~Sue Bird

I am a recovering people-pleaser.

I grew up in a hardworking, blue-collar house, nestled in a humble, rural, blue-collar town. I was instructed, both consciously and unconsciously, on how to fit in and play my part.

My entire decision-making process revolved around what I was supposed to do, how my actions made others feel, and the impact I would have on the status-quo. I became a teacher because that …

When You Focus on Yourself, Don’t Forget Everyone Else

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“Time and good friends are two things that get more valuable the older you get.” ~Unknown

In recent years, we’ve collectively been talking a lot about creating boundaries and letting go of things that no longer serve us. Many of us have gotten better at permitting ourselves to say no and to escape old habits and routines. We’re also more open about our choices to reject people and places that exude bad vibrations or bad energy.

I love that we’re becoming more conscious of the universe that’s always changing all around us. Together, we’re acknowledging the power we have to …

How to Ask for What You Want and Need (No, It’s Not Selfish)

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“It’s not selfish to put yourself first—it’s self-full.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

I’ve always thought of myself as individualistic. When I was a teenager, I often felt the desire to go against the grain, dressing alternatively and shunning bands my peers liked because I felt they were too popular. So it came as a huge surprise to me when my therapist called me a people pleaser the other day.

I recently started cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, and during the first session my therapist identified that I put other people’s needs and wants ahead of my own.

He’d asked me to give …

5 Myths About Setting Boundaries That Steal Your Joy and Lead to Resentment

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“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” ~Brené Brown

Do you find yourself saying yes when you’d rather say no? Are you inexplicably exhausted all the time? Do you often experience anger, bitterness, or resentment toward yourself or others?

I did too for a long time.

I’m a recovering people pleaser. For as long as I can remember, I desired to keep everyone around me happy. I was also very fearful of …

How To Take Your Life Back From People Who Ask for Too Much

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“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority.” ~Mandy Hale

It sucks, doesn’t it?

People who ask too much of you?

People who steal your time and drain your energy.

Who just keep on attacking your natural defenses, abusing your loyalty and exploiting your love.

You want to stop giving, to say no! But frustratingly, when you try to pull away, they say or imply that you’re the selfish one.

And in some cases it’s unwanted or impractical to distance yourself from that person, especially if they’re a family …

3 Times When I Wasn’t a Good Friend & How to Avoid My Mistakes

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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

In this current age of social media, it is easy to have large and wide social circles. I believe that the larger and wider these circles get, the shallower the friendships become.

I’ve always been a person who is very selective when forging friendships. I think that has mostly stemmed from the fact that I value depth over breadth, and quality over quantity.

For this reason, I have had a handful of friendships …

It’s Not Selfish to Do What’s Best for You

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Source: Spirit Science

We Have to Love Ourselves Enough to Say No Sometimes

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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

I’m a people pleaser. I know so many of us are. We want to see everyone around us happy and do our best to make this happen. This can mean anything from being kind, to offering favors, to lending a helping hand, or simply just being there, being supportive.

But, it can also mean not knowing how to say no, apologizing incessantly, spending money when we’d rather not, reaching beyond our emotional means, and stretching ourselves so thin we barely have any energy …

Friendly Reminder

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Source: Chibird

Why It’s Not Selfish to Ask Someone You Love for Help

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“Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had.” ~Unknown

I’m a woman in midlife who thought she was set after a long successful career and the promise of financial security. I supported my own way through most of my life, fending for myself and then my two children, even during a 15-year marriage that ended badly and another that never really began.

For a number of reasons my plans for an early and secure retirement ended a few years ago. The long story is for another time; the short story is health, burnout, spiritual …

Wanting to Feel Good and Look Good: Why Do We Do What We Do?

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“Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” ~Shakespeare

Have you ever stopped to question why you do what you do? Or how it looks to other people?

I’ve done this pretty much all through my life. In fact, an outsider might say that I’ve spent more time analyzing my place in the world than experiencing it.

In some ways, this is true, and not uncommon for someone who’s chosen to be a writer.

As a young child I used to silently mouth the words of what I’d just said after every sentence I uttered.

Even as …