Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

by Lori Deschene

“What we must decide is how we are valuable rather than how valuable we are.” ~ Edgar Z. Friedenberg

Just now I saw an ad on the right-hand side of my Facebook page promoting a webcast about purpose. The message reads, “Are you meant for greater things?”

This immediately caught my eye because it essentially appeals to our deep-seated need for significance.

We all want to feel that we’re important—that our lives matter—and that often comes down to feeling that we’re doing something special.

When I was younger, I wrapped my identity around singing and acting, and I hoped I’d one day perform in movies or on Broadway.

I remember one day in my high school chorus class, we were singing “On My Own” from Les Miserables. This was a song I frequently sang at auditions, and it felt like it was mine.

There was one note that I always held for a prolonged time—so I held it, even though the entire class had stopped singing.

From the piano, the teacher yelled, “This is not a solo!” I realized then that I’d refused to blend. In a very obvious way, I’d reinforced that I needed to stand out from the crowd. I needed to be the star more than I wanted to perform.

Initially, I felt ashamed of this instinct, but over time I’ve learned that wanting to feel special and valued is not inherently bad.

What’s detrimental is not being aware of that desire, and then making choices that don’t fully align with our values and priorities in the pursuit of external validation.

The alternative is to ask ourselves: What is genuinely important to me? What do I enjoy doing for the sake of it? What’s the difference I’d like to make, whether people know I make it or not?

We inevitably feel like our lives matter when we do something about the things that matter to us.

In this way, we become part of something greater than ourselves, instead of focusing all our energy on doing something greater.

I have realized I am special and important—just like everyone else.

We all want to feel worthy. But maybe we don’t need to stand out from the crowd to do it. Maybe the greatest feeling of worth is knowing we’re all connected, and we all have the capacity to do something worthwhile for ourselves and the greater good.

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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Marcella Chamorro

“What I am is good enough if only I would only be it openly.” ~Carl Rogers

From the time my grandmother gave me a copy of Little Women when I was five years old, I knew I wanted to be a writer and create books like that one.

As I grew up, I devoured books left and right, working my way up from The Babysitters’ Club Little Sister to 1984. While other kids were asking their parents to take them to a toy store, I was begging for a trip to the local bookstore.

What can I say? The nerdy heart wants what it wants.

I wrote stories and articles in a private journal, amassing hundreds and hundreds of pages of text over the years, but I still had not developed the courage to let anyone read my work. I locked them up tight but longed for an outlet.

When I started blogging a few years ago, it was out of the desire to finally let my writing free—a passion I had mistreated for way too long.

Soon after reigniting this passion, though, my subconscious fears found a way to suppress it all over again.

I wrote articles long and short, but, for some reason, I kept them focused on the topics I thought people associated me with, what seemed both safe and to the point: technology.

I waded hesitantly in the waters, writing about industry topics and news without infusing my own voice or experiences in the text.

I feared a reader would disagree with anything I wrote, so I didn’t take a stance on any of the topics I felt strongly about. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Roo Mulligan

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~Nelson Mandela

My dog, Elvis, is a sweetheart and a scaredy cat. When our vet found him, he was roaming free with a wire collar embedded in his neck and a raging case of mange. It took her thirty minutes to chase him down and three months to nurse him back to health.

When we first adopted him, he was afraid of everything: bikes, strollers, loud noises, sprinklers, and people. The only things he was never wary of were other dogs. Through a lot of patience and love, Elvis has come a long way. He is no longer afraid of people or bikes, but he still hates sprinklers and he’s always on guard.

This past spring I took Elvis on a walk at a local state park. It was a beautiful day, sunny, high 70’s with a light breeze. We had a great time traipsing through the woods. When we came around the corner at the bottom of a hill, the river sat gleaming in the sun before us. Elvis stopped, sat, and refused to get any closer.

I knew he needed to get his bearings, so I paused and let him absorb what lay before him. I spoke gently to him and tried to persuade him to keep going.

He dug his paws in and started to maneuver his shoulders into this Houdini twist that allows him to slip out of his harness. I stopped and we turned around. Because of his fear, Elvis never got to see or smell all the wonderful sights and aromas awaiting him at the river’s edge.

People are like that too. We traipse happily along in our routines, always doing and experiencing the familiar.

As soon as we have an opportunity to expand our horizons, to see a new place, meet a new person, or accept a new job, our fear kicks in and we stop. We hold back; it’s too scary. 

We don’t know what lies before us. All we know is it looks big and scary, and we fear all the unknowns. If we could just take that leap, act on faith, and move forward despite our fear we would learn (just as Elvis would have) that while it is new terrain, it is still dirt and grass. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

This is the 3rd post in a 10-part series. If you’ve been following this series since I launched it, much of this post will be redundant for you. Scroll to the bottom to read today’s two questions!

If you didn’t read those two posts, allow me to explain:

Throughout May, I am going to publish ten blog posts, each with two poll questions. I plan to gather all the responses and include some of these insights in my next book.

Each time you respond to these questions, you’re entering for a new chance to win an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

I plan to give away one book for each of ten posts. I will mail them all at the same time, at the end of May.

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

WHAT’S THIS NEW BOOK ALL ABOUT?

In short, this is going to be a book about what it means to win in life.

I feel compelled to explore this topic because I spent the majority of my early life thinking I needed to achieve massive, visible success in order to be significant.

For years, I felt convinced I would be happy if I only got the right job, or could afford the right apartment, or if I could somehow garner admiration and validation. Life was a constant battle to be better and arrive somewhere else.

It was one huge race with no clear finish line; and despite my best intentions at obtaining happiness, I felt miserable and dissatisfied.

In my next book, I plan to break this all down for anyone who can relate to this quandary. I’ve by no means arrived at a place of permanent satisfaction, but I’ve been living in these questions for the past several years.

And I’ve made significant progress in defining success for myself.

That’s the crux of this book: It will be a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Somewhere right now, someone out there feels exactly like you do.

Someone is thinking that things could be better and wondering if they’ll ever arrive. Someone is remembering how things were before and wondering if they’ll ever let go. Someone is missing someone they love and wondering why they had to know loss. Someone is radiating with hope and joy and wondering if it will last.

Somewhere right now, someone is struggling in much the same way as you.

Someone is out of work and cash and wondering what might be next. Someone is waiting for an important call and wondering if it’s best not to know. Someone is walking away from no good and wondering if they can go on.  Someone is walking toward something new and wondering if they should turn back.

Somewhere right now, someone is transforming in much the same way as you.

Someone is stretching into a new role and wondering if it feels right. Someone is reaching for a new goal and wondering who they can become. Someone is trying their hardest to create change and wondering if they’re making strides. Someone is getting ready to take a leap and wondering if they’ll feel more alive.

Despite all our differences, we all deal with the same things, in different times and different ways.

We’re all striving and struggling, learning and growing, and sometimes it can feel like we should be somewhere else–smarter, wiser, further along, or closer to having an answer.

But right now in the middle, in the messiness and uncertainty, this is where we all live.

No one has it all figured out—and maybe that’s the point. When we’re finished, we’re finished. Is that really a choice we’d make?

Somewhere right now, someone is deciding it’s okay to be right where they are.

Take a deep breath, look around, and let that person be you.

Photo by robocdh

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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Paul Jun

“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

One morning I woke up and noticed a few, strange red bumps on my arms—bug bites, I thought.

Then, the next day, more bumps. Within one full week, my skin went from being clear and tan to being covered with red, scaly, teardrop spots all over my body, including my face.

My self-esteem and confidence were thrown out the window; my comfort zone reduced to about the size of a prisoner’s cell.

I went to the dermatologist, avoiding any possible eye contact or bright office lights, and made my way into the office. The doctor came in and I watched her eyes go straight to my arms and hands. By the look of it, she immediately knew what it was.

I’ve had Psoriasis before but nothing this excruciating. She explained to me that I had Guttate Psoriasis. In short: no magic pill to cure it. Creams alleviate it (although they never worked for me, ever). Light therapy helps, but the ultimate cure: meditation and believing that I would get better.

Just put yourself in my shoes for a second and imagine your skin completely shifted gears on you over the course of one week, and the only answer that you get from a professional with a foreign-sounding name, holding an iPad, is meditation and belief. Sounds like a load of crap, right?

But when you’re in the mercy of the unknown, and you literally feel like jumping out of your own skin, you will do anything to get better.

I’m not here to complain or give you a medical testimony on Psoriasis: I’m here to tell you how my skin alleviated tremendously in about two months by being mindful of my actions and thoughts, harnessing the effectiveness of words, and exercising the practice of meditation. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Kate Swoboda

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

By the end of 2011, I was trying my hardest not to see it: burnout.

I’d been going full steam ahead since I turned my part-time business into a full-time vocational mission, back in 2009. When people remarked that I was doing a lot, I would wave away their comments and say facetiously, “Well, you know—I’m a Sagittarius with three planets in Virgo.”

Part of the reason I didn’t want to really look at what was going on was that 2011 had been a banner year. After years of hard work, I was (finally!) starting to see the benefits that come with it: increased traffic, more clients, and more requests to collaborate on projects with people I admired.

But the burnout was obvious: not looking forward to Mondays, not wanting to check email, feeling perpetually tired and overwhelmed, and sometimes, resentful.

I really wanted to be away from the computer, away from email, and definitely not getting distracted with social media. This thought was always followed by an immediate fear: “I can’t do that! I’ll lose everything I’ve worked for!”

But as Chodron says, fear is what happens when we move closer to the truth.

My truth was that I wanted a complete digital break. So finally, from December 15^th 2011 through January 15^th 2012, I took one.

Since so many people have asked me “how” I could possibly run a business and take thirty days away from being online, I’ll share what I learned. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

This past Monday, I introduced my new book and invited you all to respond to two questions for possible publication in it.

As I mentioned in that blog post, I am going to publish 10 blog posts like this between now and the end of May.

Each time you respond to these questions, you’re entering for a new chance to win an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

I plan to give away one book for each of 10 posts. I will mail them all at the same time, at the end of May.

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

To recap from my first post: 

WHAT’S THIS NEW BOOK ALL ABOUT?

In short, this is going to be a book about what it means to win in life.

I feel compelled to explore this topic because I spent the majority of my early life thinking I needed to achieve massive, visible success in order to be significant.

For years, I felt convinced I would be happy if I only got the right job, or could afford the right apartment, or if I could somehow garner admiration and validation. Life was a constant battle to be better and arrive somewhere else.

It was one huge race with no clear finish line; and despite my best intentions at obtaining happiness, I felt miserable and dissatisfied.

In my next book, I plan to break this all down for anyone who can relate to this quandary. I’ve by no means arrived at a place of permanent satisfaction, but I’ve been living in these questions for the past several years.

And I’ve made significant progress in defining success for myself.

That’s the crux of this book: It will be a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” ~Aristotle

Yesterday I wrote at Starbucks for the first time since my surgery, after my doctor cleared me to walk.

I felt an immense sense of relief to be outside my home, where I didn’t feel quite so isolated. And I was grateful for every nuance of that day—the fresh air, the feeling of life going around me, and the sense that somehow, I was part of it.

But the walk wasn’t easy. I get winded pretty quickly right now, and I simply don’t have a lot of energy.

I don’t yet feel like myself, mentally or physically—I’m occasionally lethargic, often distracted, and sometimes a little weak.

So yesterday I wondered how I might be able to see this feeling as a gift. What would it look like to embrace my current state instead of bemoaning it?

I decided that every time I needed to take a break—whether it was walking, or writing, or doing anything else—I’d notice and appreciate something beautiful around me.

And I’d vocalize it as often as possible.

While writing this tiny post, I complimented one woman on her colorful shirt, and told another man how lucky we were to get seats, since it was crowded yesterday.

I essentially created a joyful game out of something that could otherwise be frustrating. I may need to do everything more slowly by necessity; but I’m also consciously choosing to benefit from that need.

I admit this might be more challenging to apply to certain situations. It’s not always easy when you’re in pain or feeling despondent to find something good in it.

But maybe that’s something we can explore when we’re not feeling like our best selves: What would it look like to leverage what is to somehow better ourselves?

That might mean focusing on the little things that make a dark day brighter. It might be appreciating that we have people to lean on. Or it could be as simple as feeling grateful because this moment will eventually pass.

There will be times when we feel things that we likely would not choose. But we can always choose to do something good—in spite of our feelings, and maybe even because of them.

Photo by Nomadic Lass

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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jennifer Bailey

“Sometimes questions are more important than answers.”  ~Nancy Willard

My twenties and thirties were an endless quest for “The Answer.” As if there were only one.

The one answer that would change everything. Make everything right. Make me happy.

What Didn’t Work

I searched high and low for answers. I’d read the latest book, hoping it held the key. I’d watch to see what others said and did, assuming they had the answers.

My M.O. was simple:  read, observe, imitate, emulate.

I was always searching outside myself. 

Always thinking finding the “right” answer would hold the key to happiness and contentment.

I’d think, “This is it!” 

“This” being a new career, new city, new relationship, new wardrobe, or new hobby.

Inevitably, though, the proverbial bloom on the rose faded and whatever “this” had been became the latest thing that wasn’t.

The problem was, I never did land on the right “answer.”  All my searching and seeking deceived and misled me.  Or more honestly:  I deceived and mislead myself with all my searching and seeking.

I couldn’t understand why I kept getting the answer wrong. I was smart and resourceful. I was making an effort.

Why didn’t I seem to want what I thought I wanted? Why did my “answers” for happiness keep turning out to be wrong?

Shifting Focus

It was only years later I shifted my attention to a different part of the equation, and started to focus less on the answers and more on the questions.

And that has made all the difference.

It finally dawned on me: My answers were someone’s right answers, just not mine.

How did I come to this breakthrough? Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that could happen to it.” ~C. C. Scott

During these past couple of weeks, while I’ve been recovering from my surgery, I’ve been watching a show called I Shouldn’t Be Alive, which has an entire season on Netflix.

Each episode chronicles the experiences of a person or people who came close to death in an adventure gone wrong.

One episode features two teenage boys who survived in a tiny boat, without food or water, for several days lost at sea. Another tells the story of an endurance athlete who survived two freezing nights in a canyon near Moab, Utah after falling 60 feet and shattering her pelvis.

The title itself pulled me in—this idea of somehow cheating death. But it’s not just the physical survival that’s so compelling; it’s also the emotional and mental fortitude that helped each of these people stay alive, despite knowing their odds of rescue.

Though in each case, they were obviously fortunate to be saved, many lived far longer than one might expect their bodies could endure—and it was often because they found a compelling reason to hold on.

They thought about the people they loved, and all the life they’d yet to live, and in doing so found a strong motivation to push through their pain and keep going.

Through sheer will, raw instincts, and determination, these people overcame seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and in doing so, created their own miracles.

Most of us will never need to combat starvation, subfreezing temperatures, or killer sharks, but we’ll each have our own battles. Many will push us, stretch us, and compel us to question just how much we can take.

We may find ourselves feeling hopeless or resigned, and we may wonder if there will ever be a light at the end of the tunnel.

That’s when we need to realize the brightest light is within us.

We are the ones who can save us. We are our own rescue mission.

We may not have all the answers. And we may need help and support along the way. But ultimately, when we’re feeling stuck, we’re the ones that need to hold on, push through, and make our way to the other side.

We’ll inevitably face challenges in life. The best defense is believing that we are strong, we will survive, and we will be better for it.

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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Caroline van Kimmenade

“Curiosity is one of the great secrets of happiness.” ~Bryant H. McGil

I don’t think I’d be alive if it weren’t for my curiosity.

Is that a dramatized statement? Maybe.

For me, curiosity has brought a curious kind of “fun” and “enchantment” to an otherwise bleak, painful, and seemingly hopeless period in my life.

Diagnosed with “burn-out” (a.k.a. adrenal fatigue) in 2009, my life quickly unraveled in front of me. I lost my job, my health, and my social life.

From what seemed like one moment to the next (but in fact was a shift happening over numerous weeks) I lost the ability to read or concentrate on pretty much anything for longer than a short instant.

Did I have it coming? Apparently.

Did I see it coming? Not really, no.

So, there I was. I could only manage one task a day. Making a simple phone call was a task.

It was difficult to accept, and it was frightening.

I’d always assumed that, whatever happened, I could rebuild my life. I could go and get a job somewhere else and start over, I could make things work.

Now, it seemed I couldn’t make anything work. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Josh Lipovetsky

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

Though there are many events outside of our control, we do have the power to change our own lives. So what’s stopping us?

In a word: fear.

Fear is a great survival instinct. It helped our ancestors survive the rigors of daily life. But nowadays, fear holds us back from achieving what we want to achieve.

My Story

I grew up living in fear. In school, I tried to win the approval of other people by letting them bully me. I was terrified of being disliked, and this constantly worked against me.

When I was 15, I suddenly came down with Crohn’s Disease, a painful autoimmune disorder. It was the beginning of a new journey; a journey that would permanently enroll me in the school of hard knocks.

I believe the biggest fear I am in the process of overcoming is the fear of going against society’s expectations. One example: Society expects you to be gloom and doom when you’re going through a tough illness. Not me.

Before I even started learning about personal development, I tried to lighten up the days of the doctors and nurses in the hospital with a smile and positive demeanor. This completely cut through expectations, because “sick” people aren’t supposed to smile.

When I started feeling better, I decided to work on my fears even more. I went to online school, where I worked on the fear of being a self-disciplined learner.

I started a daily stretching routine, and posted a video of myself doing a full split online. I sent it to my old ballet teacher, and she invited me to come to dance in her studio.

That idea had never even crossed my mind. A swirl of irrational thoughts went racing through my mind:

• What if I’m not good enough at dancing to be in the studio?
• What if I get sick?
• What are all of the people going to think of me? I have an NG tube in my nose that makes me look weird! Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s note: This is a contribution by Katie Tallo

“A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.” ~Proverb

My name is Katie and I am an over-planner. I spend way too much time laying out meticulous plans as if they were exquisite bejeweled gowns. I spread them across beautiful handmade notebooks, trim them with pink and green headings and sub-headings, and step back to admire them when I’m done.

They are tomorrow’s plans. Each one more stylish, more elaborate, more organized than the last. Each one the perfect plan. But in reality, not one of them is. Once the latest plan has been printed or pasted or posted, I grow weary of it and want another.

I’m addicted to perfecting my plans, but not actually executing them.

This repetitive crafting of the next best laid plan has me caught in a time warp where I’m forever looking ahead, forever color-coding the future, forever laying out a decorative path that I don’t have time to explore because I’m too busy planning and perfecting.

My perfect plans are nothing more than plastic-sealed sofas no one ever touches or perfectly manicured rose gardens no one ever smells.

They are an illusion, they are excuses, they are busy-makers, they are attempts to control the chaos, and they only succeed in helping me avoid the real work of digging and pushing and acting and living today, not tomorrow.

Maybe your plans feel this way too. Do you find yourself planning and organizing and researching and preparing, but never really getting down to mastering anything except planning?

You could be like me—a bit of a perfectionist, a slight over-achiever, a touch bossy, a tad of a control freak, but I bet you are a whole lot more than that. You’re also likely a soulful human being with dreams and goals and a desire to live purposefully and joyfully.

If so, here’s a new plan of attack that just might get you out of your perfect planning rut. Choose a simple, heartfelt habit and do it every day. Don’t worry about being perfect or doing everything all at once, just repeat this habit each and every day.

Today, I will walk the dog, grab a coffee, then come home and write a few pages of my novel. Now there’s a good plan—a plan that I can do today and maybe even repeat tomorrow.

Maybe I’ll end up getting in shape, feeling good about life, and finishing that book I’ve been writing. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Ana S.

“Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

Relationships end; everyone knows that. The tough part is actually dealing with suffering, accepting, letting go, moving on, and processing a whole lot of other feelings at the same time.

Six months ago my ex-boyfriend decided to end our relationship because he couldn’t forgive me for a mistake I made.

During the first weeks of our break up I decided that it would be best if I just gave him some time to think things out.  I accepted the consequences of my error and decided not to pressure him.

I knew it was my fault we were in this mess, and he was suffering from my wrongdoing (which didn’t involve infidelity).

After a month we saw each other again, and he told me that he could not forgive me for what I did—that my mistake meant that I didn’t love him and had never loved him throughout our three years together.

I asked for forgiveness. I asked for a second chance. He told me he couldn’t trust me anymore and couldn’t risk getting hurt again. I accepted his decision, and started moving on with my life.

Two months passed, and one night he called me. He told me that he missed me terribly and wanted to see me. The next day we went to Starbucks.

He told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me, that he compared every woman with me, and that he wanted to give “us” a second chance. But then he told me he was too scared to fully commit to me and that he wasn’t sure what he wanted. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

IMPORTANT NOTE: This post contains two poll questions and a giveaway for an autographed copy of the Tiny Buddha book. If you want to skip to the two questions, scroll to the bottom!

As you may remember, I wrote my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, with input from the community.

Before I began writing, I asked a number of challenging questions on the @tinybuddha Twitter page, and then included nearly 200 of those responses in the book.

I’m about to start writing my second book, also to be published through Conari Press, and I’d like to do something similar—except this time I am going to ask the questions directly on this blog.

I plan to publish 10 blog posts, each with two related questions, between now and the end of May. (For those of you who’ve been following my post-surgical progress, I plan to start writing in June, giving myself a month more to heal more fully!)

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

Each blog post will also be a giveaway. By answering the questions, you’ll be entering to win an autographed copy of Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions (meaning I am giving away 10 in total–1 for each of 10 blog posts).

I will mail all the books at the same time, at the end of May (once I’ve asked all the questions). Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Kate Britt

“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen

I recently participated in a 21-day online fitness support group. I needed some external motivation to help re-establish a daily habit of fitness activity. My lazy butt was so reluctant to start this! Nevertheless, by the last day of the challenge, I was enthusiastically back into the habit.

We all know it takes three weeks of daily repetition to form a habit, so my success may not surprise you. What surprised me was why I ultimately met my goal.

It turned out that nothing about my success was about the physical aspects of daily exercise!

When I retired a few years ago, somehow that translated into retiring from regular fitness activity. Retirement meant I could rejoice in not having to do anything. No expectations. No shoulds. Just do what I want to do, every minute of every day.

We’re constantly told we “should” exercise—30 minutes daily, or 3x/week, or 10,000 steps a day, or blahblahblah.

Yes, but I also have a lifetime resolution to eliminate “shoulds.” My attitude toward exercise had become resistance-based because of all the “should” advice. I’d given myself permission to avoid it. Hey, I’m in charge of my own body, right?

But now, a few years later, my body has begun to show the deterioration symptoms of being ruled by my retired, lazy butt. I needed to put a stop to that. I decided I “should” exercise.

Gradually, this 21-day fitness commitment reminded me that my lazy butt is a mental state, not a state of butt!

First, I realized how easily I’ve been letting anything—whatever—thwart my exercise plans. Any excuse was a good one. Grocery shopping to do? Well then, I certainly can’t fit in that aqua-fit class! Rain? Yay, I don’t have to go for that walk! Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.” ~Unknown

Yesterday I felt frustrated.

The night before, I’d overheard my boyfriend telling a friend he’d thought I’d be in less pain at that point, a week after my surgery. Suddenly I felt disappointed in myself—that I should be healing more quickly, or somehow doing more.

Of course I know he didn’t intend for me to feel that way, especially since it was a conversation that didn’t involve me, but I created that meaning in my head, probably because I’d also expected that I’d feel better sooner.

I had a bad headache yesterday, and I was somewhat dehydrated, so I ended doing very little beyond listening to a healing meditation, watching TV, and sleeping—translation: I crossed nothing off my to-do list. And it’s getting pretty long.

So I started mining my situation for lessons, and here’s what I remembered:

We are more than we produce. Even if we feel we have a lot to do, sometimes doing nothing is the healthiest choice of all.

We owe it to ourselves to be patient with ourselves. Even if we feel we should be doing more, we’re doing the best we can.

We deserve to be kind to ourselves. Even if we accomplish great things in life, they won’t provide us with satisfaction if we don’t already have our own love and compassion.

We need to remember we have time. Even if we’re using this moment to recharge, we can trust that things will get done—when we’re in a better place to do them.

We have a choice to make in this moment. Even if we feel frustrated, or scared, or confused, we can choose to make peace with the present instead of fighting and resisting it.

We might not feel productive, or engaged, or purposeful, or connected. But this moment is a chance be present in our experience and embrace the lessons and possibilities of the here and now.

We can only grow from right where we stand, but first we have to accept it.

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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Madison Sonnier 

“To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I used to refer to myself as a white crayon in the coloring box of life.

Have you ever wondered what purpose a white crayon serves? There are all of these other beautiful colors to be put to good use, but the white crayon just kind of sits there and tends to get overlooked.

That’s exactly how I felt. I felt like I was just merely existing and not serving any kind of purpose. And at the time, I sort of wasn’t.

I wasn’t doing anything except coming up with demeaning nicknames for myself, and trying to swallow the fact that I might never be of any importance in the world. I honestly felt like I didn’t matter at all.

I thought that in order to feel like I really mattered or that I was doing something worthy enough, I had to be doing something big—something that everyone noticed and applauded me for.

We live in a society where the little things we do often get overlooked and it has a way of making us believe that those things don’t matter.

They do.

Compassion, understanding, small acts of kindness, or a willingness to simply reach out to others in any way can all make a huge difference.

I want to share a few real life examples of little things making a big difference, including my own story in which I realized this fact.    Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“In chaos, there is fertility.” ~Anais Nin

I am someone who strives to maintain some sense of control amid chaos. One way I do that is by obsessively organizing my space.

For example, there can only be four pairs of shoes left by the downstairs door, in a place where exactly four fit—and they need to be lined up neatly to look like tiny foot soldiers, standing at attention.

During my third day recovering from surgery last week, while I lowered myself in a squat to pick up a fifth pair that didn’t belong, my mother reminded me how I can be obsessively neat and suggested I let things go.

At first this seemed as impossible as asking me to walk backwards on my hands. Letting things be felt completely unnatural.

Then something happened. The other day I looked down at my coffee table, with Starburst wrappers, magazines, and take-out containers scattered across the surface, and suddenly I felt relaxed.

My space felt far more lived in; and I felt far more comfortable when I consciously chose not to be distracted by the imperfections. Instead of being things that didn’t belong, they were things that belonged for now.

It wasn’t about consenting to be a messier person; it was about learning to relax into the messiness for a while, and knowing eventually, when the time was right, it would be clean.

Isn’t that how it so often works in life? We need to get messy in our creative processes before eventually sculpting something polished. We need to get messy in exploring problems in relationships or at work to eventually find solutions.

And we need to feel comfortable in that messiness, or else we’ll be tempted to try to control the chaos—the contain it, simplify it, or maybe even run from it.

But the chaos is often where we make our greatest discoveries. It’s where we really come alive, if we’re willing to lean into it.

This week I’m doing far less than usual, but I suspect on some levels, I’m actually doing more. I’m learning to relax, focus, and create without needing a rigid control over everything around me.

Life is chaos. Our job isn’t to create perfect order. It’s to explore, create, expand, and evolve within the inevitable disorder.

Photo by h.koppdelaney

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