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8 Painful Side Effects of Trying to Please and Save Everyone Else

By in Blog

“Empaths did not come into this world to be victims, we came to be warriors. Be brave. Stay strong. We need all hands on deck.” ~Anthony St. Maarten

From the moment I entered this world, I strongly felt others’ pain. Especially those in my house. They were not okay, and I felt it deeply.

Their intense negative emotions made me feel unsafe. I lived with my parents and my grandparents. Two generations of oppressed and abused women, whom I loved so much.

The men weren’t all bad. They were gentle, deep, and loving. But then they would switch into …

How I’m Overcoming Perfectionism and Why I’m No Longer Scared to Fail

By in Blog, letting go

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive belief system. It’s a way of thinking that says: ‘If I look perfect, live perfect, and work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism and blame.’” ~Brené Brown

I struggled with trying new things in my past. I learned growing up that failure was bad. I used to be a gifted child, slightly ahead of my peers. As I got older, everything went downhill.

Whenever I tried out a new activity, I would quit if I wasn’t instantly perfect at it. If there was the slightest imperfection, I would get extremely frustrated and upset. I …

An Unexpected Place to Find Kindness: What Made Me Feel Like I Belong

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” ~Mother Teresa

Routines are important to me. I rely on certain things to bring me back home to myself; to feel clear and open in my mind, body, and heart.

One of the activities that bring steadiness to my life is swimming. It’s one of my greatest pleasures. There is something magical to me about the feeling of water on my skin, the repetition of the arm strokes that calm my mind, the sound of my breath that relaxes my body, and the …

How I’m Accepting the Uncertain Future (with Less Worry and More Joy)

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” ~Ferris Bueller

For as long as I can remember, my life has consisted of change.

I grew up moving around the world. I went from Canada to Pakistan, Egypt to Jamaica, Ghana to Ukraine, and then finally China to Australia.

Moving to new countries and adapting to new cultures is like a cold plunge to your entire system and way of being. I felt I had no choice but to fit in as quickly as possible.

By the age of six …

How I Changed My Perspective When I Was Too Angry to Be Grateful

By in Blog, change & challenges

This is not your usual piece about gratitude.

I am sure you’re familiar with all the benefits of having a regular gratitude practice.

Chances are you, as a reader of this blog, have a gratitude routine of yours. I was one of you. I have been regularly gratitude journaling for over a year now. I have experienced all the promised benefits of it myself.

Gratitude journaling has helped me reduce my stress, get better sleep, and feel more energized. It improved my mental well-being so much that I even started a social media page to encourage others to practice gratitude.…

Finding Home After Divorce: What Brought Me Peace and Healing

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“We need to learn how to navigate our minds, both the good and the bad, the light and the dark, so that ultimately, we can create acceptance and open our arms and come home to ourselves.” ~Candy Leigh

Divorce is so common that my son, at a young age, asked if my husband and I could divorce so he could have “a mom’s and dad’s house too!” And my daughter agreed because then “we could get double presents on holidays!” Given my experience as a child with divorced parents, I assured them, “Guys, divorce is not really that much fun.”…

How I Found Hope in my Father’s Terminal Cancer

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Without realizing it, the individual composes his life according to the laws of beauty, even in times of greatest distress.” ~Milan Kundera

When my father received a terminal cancer diagnosis, I went through a wave of different emotions. Fear, anger, sadness. It opened a completely new dictionary that I had not had access to before. A realm of experiences, thoughts, and emotions that lie at the very bedrock of human life was suddenly revealed to me.

After the initial horror and dread at hearing the news had subsided, I was surprised to find a new sense of meaning and …

Growing Old Gratefully: How to See Each Year as a Gift

By in Blog, healthy habits

Growing old gratefully. Yes, you read that right. Gratefully. Why on earth would I be grateful for getting older, less youthful, and more wrinkly with every passing year?? I hear you cry. Let me tell you why I’m trying hard to do just that.

One bright Saturday afternoon some years back, while chatting with my uncle, he reminded me that my fortieth birthday was fast approaching. I rolled my eyes and said, “Yes, Uncle, thanks for the reminder.”

He looked at me for a minute and then said, “You know, you should be grateful for every year of life you …

We Are Both Darkness and Light: How to Reconcile Them and Grow

By in Blog, change & challenges

“We have to bear our own toxicity. Only by facing our own shadows can we eventually become more light. Yes, you are kind. But you’re also cruel. You are thoughtful. But you’re also selfish. You are both light and shadow. I want authenticity. I want real. I claim both my light and my shadow.” ~Kerry Mangis

Many of us can recall the painful moments that have shaped us. As we grow older, we become intimately aware of all the ways we were hurt, wronged, or betrayed. I think it’s a natural impulse, to number these moments …

Workaholics: Why Staying Busy Feels Safe and How It Takes a Toll

By in Blog, work fulfillment

“The ego desperately wants safety. The soul wants to live. The truth is, we cannot lead a real life without risk. We do not develop depth without pain.” ~Carol S. Pearson

Workaholism is the body’s wisdom in action, literally.

Some people develop workaholic tendencies because they crave to be seen as the best through their accomplishments.

But I’m not here to talk about people who’re obsessed over their image.

The particular strain of “workaholism” that isn’t talked about enough is a perfectionist’s addiction to productivity.

It has little to do with being recognized for your brilliance or achievements in the …

Two Things Not to Do After a Traumatic Event (Lessons from Being Robbed)

By in Blog, change & challenges

“True emotional healing happens by feeling. The only way out is through.” ~Jessica Moore

Have you ever loved someone so much that you could no longer see who they really were? Or have you ever been young and naive to the danger that surrounds you?

I’m the first to raise my hand and say I did that! I’m a person who trusts people until they give me a reason not to.

Trust

Trust can be broken in so many ways by those you least expect it from; those you love and thought loved you. In some cases, it may not …

How to Let People in So You Can Feel Seen, Heard, and Supported

By in Blog, love & relationships

“We are hard-wired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” ~Brené Brown

In relationships, I have always felt more comfortable being on the sidelines rather than center stage. I liked playing the supporting role to many people’s leading roles. I am good at it; it’s the career I chose for myself as a life coach. However, personally, constantly staying in the role of supporter created resentment.

I felt unseen and unheard, and many of my relationships began to feel one-sided—with me listening and holding space for them and …

Abandonment Wounds: How to Heal Them and Feel More at Ease in Relationships

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“I always wondered why it was so easy for people to leave. What I should have questioned was why I wanted so badly for them to stay.” ~Samantha King

Do you feel afraid to speak your truth or ask for what you want?

Do you tend to neglect your needs and people-please?

Do you have a hard time being alone?

Have you ever felt panic and/or anxiety when someone significant to you left your life or you felt like they were going to?

If so, please don’t blame yourself for being this way. Most likely it’s coming from an …

How I Started Appreciating My Life Instead of Wanting to End It

By in Blog, change & challenges

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” ~Willie Nelson

Few things have the power to totally transform one’s life as gratitude. Gratitude is the wellspring of happiness and the foundation of love. It is also the anchor of true faith and genuine humility. Without gratitude, the toxic stew of bitterness, jealousy, and regret boils over inside each of us.

I would know. As a teenager and as a young man, I lived life without gratitude and experienced the terrible pain of doing so.

Outwardly, I appeared to be a friendly, happy, and gracious person. I …

Dealing with Unrequited Love: How I Started to Let Go and Love Myself

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene

I was a simple girl who met a complicated boy and fell in love. It was unrequited. I loved him with all my heart for six months, and acted like a teenager with her first crush. It was humiliating. I did things that I should never have done—the incessant texting, calling, arranging meetups, and what not.

Embarrassment doesn’t even cover the emotions I feel now. There is also a …

How Grieving My Parents’ Divorce (20 Years Later) Changed Me for the Better

By in Blog, love & relationships

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” ~Zora Neale Hurston

At the age of thirteen, my childhood as I knew it came to an end. My parents sat my brother and me down at the kitchen table and told us they were getting a divorce. In that moment, I could acutely feel the pain of losing the only family unit I knew.

Although my teenage self was devastated by this news, it would take another twenty years for me to realize the full extent of what I had lost. And to acknowledge that I had never …

How to Love Mindfully When You’re a Socially Anxious People-Pleaser

By in Blog, love & relationships

“It’s okay to care about what people think. Just know there’s a difference between valuing someone’s opinion and needing their approval.” ~Lori Deschene

My date—an attractive student in her twenties—talked away excitedly, but all I could think of was this:

“How can I make her like me?”
“How can I impress her?”
“How can I make her laugh?”

I agonized over every word that I said, every response from her, every moment of our interaction, and I poured every single detail that I could find—or imagine—under the microscope of my mind… and all of a sudden, the date was over!…

How I’m Overcoming Codependency and the Need to Prove My Worth

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships, work fulfillment

“Everywhere you go, there you are.” ~Unknown

I have heard this quote many times throughout life, but that was it. I heard it, thought hmm, and moved on. Well, here I am at the age of thirty-nine, and I am really starting to see and understand it.

I first started noticing this idea showing up over and over again recently, at a time of a change in my career. I went from an ER nurse to an RN in the transfer center. So bedside nursing to office work.

I noticed one day, as I was sitting in …

Why I No Longer Chase Emotionally Unavailable People, Hoping They’ll Change

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.” ~Unknown

We met at a bar with Skee-Ball and slushy margaritas for our first date.

She was gorgeous. I noticed that as soon as I walked in. I still wasn’t sure whether we’d have anything to talk about though. The messages we’d exchanged had been minimal.

It turned out we did.

Conversation flowed from one topic to the next—meandering from her passion for biology in college to how I tried to master mountain boarding at summer camp as a kid to …

The Secret to Letting Go (And Why It’s Okay if You Can’t Right Now)

By in Blog, letting go

“It’s not a matter of letting go—you would if you could. Instead of ‘Let it go,’ we should probably say ‘Let it be.'” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

When I was in my twenties, I went to see an acupuncturist because I’d been through a bad breakup and felt uncertain about my life path and purpose. “Went” is a kind way of saying it; I was dragged. I didn’t want to go, but my family was going and thought it might be supportive with all that I was going through.

I was dealing with a lot of rough emotions and felt like I …