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Category “love & relationships”

Love Isn’t Enough (and Other Reasons I Ended My Toxic Relationship)

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“Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

Sometimes we prolong relationships for the sake of comfort and familiarity. We’re fearful of what’s out there, and life without a partner. No matter how many times we’ve been hurt, taken for granted, or had our needs neglected, we still choose to stay even if our mind and heart strongly suggest otherwise.

I thought I was strong for putting up with my ex’s mistreatment. I had held the ability to forgive in high regard, and I wanted to keep that standard.

I’m not exaggerating …

What to Do After a Breakup: A Brief Guide for the Newly Single

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“Even in the loneliest moments I have been there for myself.” ~Sanober Khan

Last year, I decided to leave my boyfriend, who I had a loving and wonderful relationship with. I left for logistical reasons. I didn’t like the city I lived in or my job. But my boyfriend was happy there, so he stayed and I left.

The world doesn’t prepare you for a broken heart. There aren’t benefits you can apply for when the person who’s been beside you for years one day isn’t. The reality is that unless you’re married, people understand your feelings for a …

Break the Cycle: How to Stop Hurting Others When You Were Mistreated

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“What’s broken can be mended. What hurts can be healed. And no matter how dark it gets, the sun is going to rise again.” ~Unknown

I grew up with difficult and hurtful parents who spoke critically, with the intent to demean.

Each word of sarcasm, each thinly veiled joke or put-down undercut my self-esteem. Each knocked me down a rung in life and kept me from my potential.

Rampant comparisons to other Indian kids succeeding academically, attacks of my mediocre performance at school, and harsh language were my mother’s weapons of choice.

When someone attacks your self-esteem repeatedly, you …

Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken – Interview and Book Giveaway

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Note – The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. They are:

  • Jennifer Moore Hardesty
  • Margie Lynn
  • Dr. Mac
  • Ryan
  • RB
  • Justme
  • Rogério Cardoso
  • Fernanda Garza
  • Benjamin E. Nichols
  • Terri Cross

When you’re dealing with heartbreak, it can feel like the pain will never go away.

You may know, intellectually, that everything heals with time, but in that moment, when you’re suffering, it’s hard to hold onto hope.

Like all humans, I’ve experienced my fair share of loss, and I’ve felt scared, depressed, alone, betrayed, rejected, regretful, and angry—with other people, with myself, and with the world.

Losing someone or …

How We Suffer When We Judge Other People’s Choices

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“The greatest gift you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.” ~Brian Tracy

Two months ago I travelled back home to Connecticut to care for a sick parent. My dad was preparing for cancer treatment, trying to figure out the medical system, and packing up to move all at the same time. He was overwhelmed with stress and exhausted from his pain medication. As a caring and health-conscious daughter, I was eager to help.

I had visions of cooking him meals of steamed greens and healthy soups. And I stocked my suitcase with supplements that …

Forgiveness Isn’t Weakness – Don’t Let Anger Hold You Back and Weigh You Down

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“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” ~Gandhi

For many years forgiveness was not in my mind, let alone my vocabulary. I was taught to believe that forgiveness was a sign of weakness, and I certainly did not forgive anyone who hurt me.

In the past, I have engaged in acts of revenge, which I thought was the right thing to do at those times. I was wrong.

One event that springs to my mind was when I was the target of a cruel prank. A group of guys had taunted a young man …

Having Doubts Doesn’t Mean Your Relationship Is Doomed

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“When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.” ~Fred Rogers

There aren’t many clichés I resent more than this old chestnut about finding true love: “When you know, you know.”

As a late bloomer and skeptic who took her sweet time to get into a relationship, after decades of singleness and observation, nothing made me feel more like an outsider than the idea that love is an unexplainable phenomenon reserved for people who “know.”

In my early years of singledom, I believed I “knew” things. I had unwavering faith in a …

7 Simple Ways to Give Back to the World When You Have Little Time or Money

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“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.” ~Maya Angelou

Being charitable is often seen as a zero sum game, giving away our time or money for the benefit of others. As uplifting as it may be to give to a cause you care about, most of us feel we lack the authority to truly make things happen.

I discovered the transformative power of helping others when I was eight years old. My friends and I had imaginations like other children, but in the …

When You’re Hooked On an Abusive Partner and Scared to Walk Away

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“We set the standard for how we want to be treated. Our relationships are a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

I’ll be honest. I knew my ex was a screwed-up guy. My head told me that not long after we met. The alarm bells were screeching. Could I hear them? Of course! Did I listen to them? No. My heart told my head to sod off and I agreed.

Here was a charismatic, gorgeous man focusing all his attention on me. I was the only one in his universe. Fireworks that would rival Sydney’s New …

How Your Ego Thrives on Fear and Keeps You Panicked

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“The ego is the false self—born out of fear and defensiveness.” ~John O’Donohue

“The soul is like a wild animal—tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient, and yet exceedingly shy.” ~Parker Palmer

Does it sometimes seem like the world is just a little too much for you? Do you feel that you need to protect yourself from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune? (Thank you, Hamlet.) Are you a fragile flower being buffeted by life’s storms?

Then I think you’ve been listening to your ego too much. I understand all of those feelings very well, but I’ve recently discovered something life-changing…

Love Is In the Little Things

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“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” ~Robert Brault

Valentine’s Day has never been a big deal to me. It always felt commercialized, so forced. I’ve never felt I needed Hallmark to remind me to do something special for my husband, or vice versa.

This certainly isn’t a reflection of how we felt about, treated, or appreciated one another; it just wasn’t a priority to us.

In our more than seventeen years together, some years I would receive a card, flowers, or chocolates, but other years it would …

Your Anger is a Guide: Embrace It and Set Yourself Free

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“Where there is anger there is always pain underneath.” ~Eckhart Tolle

In the sixth year of marriage, my husband shocked me by telling me that he had decided on an open marriage. This would give him permission to do what he was already doing, having an affair.

In one of my rare times of anger I argued and struggled with him. I can still see myself hitting him in the chest as he tried to put his arms around me to reassure me of his love.

As he defended his position, he reminded me that I wasn’t being rational. I …

You Never Know How Much Time You Have, So Forgive While You Can

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“Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.” ~Corrie ten Boom

I sat next to my stepmother Elaine in her hospital room. I was thirteen. We’d met six years prior as she took a stepmother’s role and had a strained relationship and didn’t speak to each other for parts of it.

Elaine was facing terminal brain cancer. So far she had kept herself together and composed, remaining strong on the outside. I was trying my hardest to do the same for her.

It had all started back when I was seven and my dad took …

What to Do When Someone You Love Is Sick and Struggling

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“Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.” ~Unknown

As a graduate student in public health, I spent my days talking about illness and death. Normal lunchtime conversations among students covered topics like: how to define a case of multiple sclerosis, the most effective strategy to stop HIV transmission among injection drug users, and the probability you’d be alive in five years after a breast cancer diagnosis.

None of this talk about illness remotely prepared me for the experience of illness. I was blissfully naive when I started dating a man named Evan with a cough …

5 Things I Wish I Did When Dating an Addict

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“Don’t let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace.” ~Kimberly Jones

I was finally in a solid place when I met my now-ex-boyfriend earlier this year. I had created some healthy habits for myself and was fully recovered from the eating disorder that had ruled my life for eight years prior.

Things had turned around completely for me, as now I was getting my first novel published and had a flourishing greeting card line.

When I first met my ex, who I’ll call Alex, it was love at first sight. I was completely infatuated with this …

Surviving Loss: You Always Have Choice

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“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” ~Stephen Covey

One ordinary night after an ordinary day of work and family, I went to bed a mother, wife, teacher, writer-person.

I remember falling asleep between sentences exchanged with my husband after an evening spent with just the two of us on our patio, something we rarely seemed to find the time to do in our busy lives. We promised each other that we’d make a concerted effort to have more of these “dates.”

The next morning, on what was supposed to be another …

The Two Biggest Mistakes Newly Single People Make

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“Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other.” ~Russ von Hoelscher

If you’re single right now, this is your moment. And by single I mean not dating, not sleeping with people, and not engaged in romantic mingling of any kind. I mean truly single.

When we’re truly single we have a chance to transform like never before. We have the opportunity to face into our pain, transmute it, and turn our heartbreak into our greatest lesson.

Two of …

5 Lessons from a Dating Detox (for Anyone Who’s Looking for Love)

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“Sometimes when you lose your way, you find yourself.” ~Mandy Hale

Ever since I can remember, I was determined, even desperate, to find love. My life felt empty and lonely.

I wanted to be happy and feel loved. I believed everything would be all right if only I had my man.

For years my self-esteem was non-existent. I had no clue how to build a relationship with a man. I had no boundaries. I felt unworthy and unlovable.

I started dating online. I kept meeting different men and occasionally I would meet someone who I would see for a …

The Truth Behind Judging Others and Why We Do It

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“Judging is preventing us from understanding a new truth. Free yourself from the rules of old judgments and create the space for new understanding.” ~Steve Maraboli

For a long time, I was a judgmental person. I would look at other people walking along the street—who had no idea I was even paying them any attention—and make all kinds of comments based on their appearance, their dress sense, the way they talk, walk, their weight—anything that took my fancy.

“She shouldn’t be wearing that skirt—it’s too short.”

“She should focus on losing weight, not scarfing down that bar of chocolate.”

“Her …

6 Questions to Help You Love Yourself More When It Feels Impossible

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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

In 2012, self-love became the most important thing in my life. After self-loathing and addiction led me to rock bottom, there was nowhere to go but up. When someone asked me last year how long I’d been on the self-love journey, I counted back from 2012. That’s when I thought it began.

In my old journals, however, I recently found something strange and incredible—my self-love journey started long before I thought it had. Years prior to hitting rock bottom, I’d been having the same …