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Great to hear that 🙂
Thanks for asking. I’m doing terribly bad.
After a lot of reading, I finally found myself diagnosed with adult ADHD.
It’s gonna to be a painful process to destroy everything I’ve created and start over again.
It’s painful to read without a proper paragraph constructed 🙁
Let me sum up the story.
1. You finally accepted him as your boyfriend, and the beginning was great.
2. Things started to get messy later, communication broke down.
3. He tried to escape from you, as you can see how much he tried to get away from you, trying all kinds of methods like ghosting and etc.
4. Finally he was confrontational.
PS: “i made a mistake, i was never ready for commitment, im bad for you and you deserve way better, i cant give you what you want or need, im not for you”, this kind of breakup reason is quite classic, meaning he can’t be the person you expected. Well, in other words, in a nutshell, he just want to say, he doesn’t love you anymore.
Since he is honest and tell you about what he feel, don’t waste your energy to look for the reason.
Move on. Don’t look back. You will be fine after some times.
In order for a relationship the last, you will need to constantly re-love your partner. Because as time pass and as we progress to other phrase of life, we change. Because of long distance relationship, you guys are not catching up in the same pace and the same page, that’s why you changed. You loved him last time didn’t mean you will love him as the same amount in the future.
There is nothing wrong here. If you don’t love him then call it off.
In our life, we have a lot better things to do.
( Do you have enough workout? )
( Chill out with friends, catch up with them )
3. Social network
( Meet more people. In your colleagues, workplace and etc. The more people you meet the more experience you again )
( When is the last time you enjoy doing something you like ? )
Let’s put these goals into your life as the main focus rather than thinking about him.
Hope that helps.
George.November 19, 2018 at 1:03 am in reply to: Is my GF blowing me off, or is she genuinely too busy to meet? #238363
let’s not be too desperately to see her, when never she say she is busy, she might be busy.
Just be patient, give a 2 months time buffer.
Somehow if she is free and then you manage to meet her, you’re still good.
first of all, you’ll need to have a clear mind which direction you will be heading to in the future. So, obviously, regardless of the sexuality of your boyfriend, he is constantly showing you his uncertainty towards the future. And at this point, it’s clear enough that no matter how you guys will progress, the result is the same; breakup. Having a sexless relationship is a sign that the love is going downhill, the novelty has started to wear off.
I know as you live together with your boyfriend, breaking up could be a lot harder. Imagine if you trigger the breakup he would go crazy and cry and hold you back. I know it’s hard but at the end of the day, you’ll need to plan your breakup properly.
Ain’t you have your answer?
“It seems to me now that he is self-centered and not willing to change or accommodate the way I want in a relationship. “
He doesn’t like phone calls and sms, how do you keep the same page with him? Look, we all have a busy life everyday, and we change everyday. Without communication, the relationship will soon die out because you ain’t dating someone you know, you’re just dating a stranger, basically.
It’s clear that he didn’t invest a lot on the relationship, he doesn’t communicate, he doesn’t give you surprise, not even a single efforts he put in. Well…a relationship takes two to tango.
Hope you’ll get the picture.
Being independent and feeling weak when you’re in a relationship is two different things. let’s breakdown.
Feeling happy when you’re single probably because you do not need to feel & worry like “someone is lying you”, but deep down, your core, the foundation that you built over year, you’re still extremely insecure when it comes to having a relationship.
2. Feeling Weak
As mentioned previously, deep down you still feel insecure. That’s why you will always suspect or falsely accuse your partner lying you on something. This is something that reflected your childhood, adolescence or adulthood’s growth. Probably because you have been cheated on the last relationship you had or somewhere in the journey in your growth your perspective towards “trust” skewed by bad things that happened to you. And you’re lacking of life goals, and when there is no goal to strive, and when you meet someone you love , you put your goals on your partner. And subsequently, this happens to you “I felt completely attached to him… as if I was completely helpless without him!”
Life goal by definition I mean; Hobby, Friends, Family, Career, relationship, social life; every of this piece plays an important role for our mental health. if you’re putting your partner that constitute 100% of your life goal, there’s where you can’t live without him.
To overcome your problem:
1. Reestablish your life, where you will have your focus on many areas; social life and etc.
2. Figure out why you can’t trust your partner. Is it because you afraid he cheat on you? If yes, go google why man cheats their partner.
3. Learn to distinguish what is the different between love, attachment, and lust. If your partner is on the “love” category, you’re good to go.
1. Let past be the past. Let’s not look into the sex you had with him previously as the main focus, since it is a consensual sex.
2. If you still interested on him, let him come after you, sincerely. If he ain’t doing so, build up your self. Focus more on yourself. Hang out with other guys. You will eventually figure out he’s not the only one.
3. If he asks to have sex again, reject his request. draw a clear line. Telling him you will only have sex with someone who is your boyfriend.
The best way is to take more selfie photos on your Facebook.
I am sorry to hear about your unfortunate and misery life. But it’s OK, you’re not alone, everyone in this world face difficulties and it’s all depend on how one face it.
Your value towards “happiness” skewed, do you know why? Because you think that only you have “sex”, only you have someone loved you, then you consider yourself happy. This way of thinking actually reflected to your background; because you are extremely low-esteem, you need recognition from other people like “being loved” in order for you to feel happy. If you primary focus on ” feeling happy” is put under “love and sex”, that could be a problem. As long as you are having a dysfunctional relationship it will drag you down to the emotional breakdown stage.
No, happiness/success is not gauged by love or sex, it’s about how much you appreciate and love yourself. But prior to this, you have a lot of works to do, you’ll need look for a full time counselor on daily or weekly basic to be able to give your guidance on how to function your life.
Trust yourself, you ain’t a failure, you’re just unlucky at this phase of your life where you keep your career on and off. You are still doing great. Life is all about sometimes you fail, sometimes you win. The fact that you have to admit that everyone is unique, your wife has higher money making abilities and it doesn’t mean you are either. All you have to do your best to look for another job, and from there, you strive again.
Reading from what you described that your wife has threaten to divorce it seems like you’re on the verge of the marriage now. Things gonna be messy at this point of time. As of now, could you discuss with your wife, amiably, that you would want to keep this marriage going and seek advice from couple therapist and do some adjustment to make the marriage working?
There is no way a person can read another person’s mind without communicating.
What I suggest have a face to face conversation with him. Everything happens for a reason, there might be something bothering him.
Either he watches porn openly in front of you or behind you, guy is always a guy. We watch porn regardless openly, or sneakily. Even thought some day you might convince him not to watch porn, he will still watch porn behind the scene. Guys that told you they never watch porn is completely a liar.
You will need to get rid of your girl’s logic in order to keep your crazy anxiety/insecurity under control;
if he watch porn, you will start to compare yourself with the porn actress, in other words, you’re jealous. We man are programmed to have emotionless sex. Our sex desire can easily be triggered by visual or appearance, unlike women, they are based on “feeling”.
So next time when you see your husband watch porn, it doesn’t mean they are attracted by the actress, the next moment they have sex with you, they already forgot what they have watched.
This is a good video for you for your reference. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlZsGpWJmos
What you have been through I would say is normal. We are human being, sometimes it’s hard for us to let go of someone else if deep down we had developed a very strong bond there. For the past few months perhaps you’re masking your emotion by keeping yourself distracted and busy with something else, and by the time you saw your ex, out of the sudden a lot of flashbacks triggered. Just continue to progress your life, by the time you’ve found the purpose or someone special in your life the intensive feeling will subside.
If you have never had a serious relationship and plus you claimed that all those, maybe I called them flings, and they only caused you heart break then you have to re-evaluate and revise your situation, from your personal trait to choosing a partner. If you’re a toxic person, you’ll tend to attract toxic partner, is a vicious cycle.
Ask yourself what makes you to choose a partner and what makes you not to go into a serious relationship. Start small. Better up yourself, be a quality person, from there you will start to attract quality gentlemen out there. Do bear in mind that there is no “the right one” and there is no perfect couple. A relationship takes two to tango.