Edit: Don’t get me wrong. Do what you love and the $$ will follow and all that. But get something that will pay the bills first so you don’t have that stress. Meanwhile, follow your bliss, and if you make $$ from that, great!

Hi anita,

We do seem to have opposite outlooks! My feeling is the OPs (original posters) will take what they themselves find useful and leave the rest. And further, they are looking for solutions/outlooks from ALL perspectives! I think for this AM’s post I was saying, “Their relationship is not real” and you were saying, “Your pain is real”. Both could be simultaneously True, depending on how the Poster views it!

OK, I’ll bite… If you have any insight into my Daddy Issues I’d be glad to hear it!

Sorry for the thread hijacking, erin, if you are still here!!

Hi anita,

Well, I am no master LOL. I still have triggers. I still vent. I still have insomnia OR wake up at 3 in the morning. BUT! The every day question I ask myself (Every. Day.) is this: Do I want to live there?

1. Young Inky was hurt by emotional abandonment for sustained periods of time by her Bi-polar, Narcissistic Dad. Who is wonderful to literally everyone (ANYone!) else. She did not see it until she was a teenager. But she BREATHED it, unknowingly, for a decade.

2. When Young Inky was an adult, it was IN HER FACE. So much, in fact, that the PRESENT moment became a sanctuary. “Is my Dad being a dick right this minute in front of my face? No? OK, cool, let’s have fun!”

3. Books by Wayne Dyer and Eckert Tolle helped Inky in her thirties. Also her local Buddhist Meditation Center.

4. People become attached to their pain because if they gave it up they believe that their hurt didn’t matter, or, worse, that THEY don’t matter. I transmute my hurt into Prayer. By focusing on The Creator, The Universe, The Good, whatever you want to call Him/It, I can derive some sort of comfort by going above and beyond my Issue of Choice (Dad!)

OK, Wow, very therapeutic to write this!

Have to go, maybe more later!!

Hi erin,

I think Spirituality is meant to help us (in real world life). Not necessarily have it be our life path (i.e. “I am a teacher and I teach this”). I suffer from these thoughts myself. There’s Spiritual Life which is Real Life, and then there is the real world life masquerading as Real Life.

Some people (like myself) take the bad things that happen personally. As if it is a Dark Force keeping us from The Light. The solution? Keep heading towards The Light, The Good, The Divine. DESPITE the bad stuff! Spit in its face! Carry on AS IF nothing bad had happened! Soon The Tipping Point will happen where you will be Safe, Loved, and feel OK for the majority of the rest of your life. That is my prayer for you, anyway.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Again!

I actually used the Whole Foods example because Whole Foods represents US and the Malomars represents TV/internet! LOL

You NEED real food, but we CRAVE what tastes good!

When you’re out of the house and only visit occasionally, your Dad will actually look forward to seeing you!

Hi Ladybug,

OK I am the QUEEN of Daddy Issues!! LOL

First of all, it is likely that your dad is depressed if the TV and computer are the highlights of his day.

And in his mind he is doing everything “right” and then you or your mom complain, then he’s upset. Some men cannot have Deep Conversations! Also, he is hitting the age of Mid Life Crisis Land. He is upset too, but for different reasons that have nothing to do with you and your mom (the definition of mid-life crisis!) This is why they really bicker.

Lastly, if you move out and don’t see your parents as often, the “dam dailies” will become a special occasion! You want your existence in your dad’s life to be a special thing for him!! And you are, don’t get me wrong! It’s just… OK, a Whole Foods opened up near us. The first few shopping trips there everyone raved about the food in my family. Now it’s “Whole Foods again? I want Mallowmars!” … I didn’t see our daughter for FIVE MONTHS and when she was coming home I was literally FREAKING OUT I was so excited! Now she’s been here a month and we’re all, “Oh, that’s nice” LOL.

What I’m saying is that you’re asking a very limited person to be an idealized version of what you think he should be. View him as a stranger or a kid ~ he’s nice enough, but limited.

You have to love him for what he is ~ that is true love. It’s hard, BELIEVE ME!

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi Ritu,

OH Wow.

OK, he is/was WAY too entangled. They were married. No, separated. A business together. A child together.

And for him to act like everything was conventionally Normal?

You know people who live double lives? Think Multiple Personality and Schizophrenic. That’s how he’s living.

For him not to tell you or even give you a hint, he basically MADE YOUR DECISION FOR YOU. You know who that is done to? Children.
Parent: “We’re going to the carnival. Get in the car.”
Kid: “Hey, this isn’t the carnival, this is the dentist!”
Parent: “Yes, well…”

Trust me, if you tell people the story, anyone will immediately see how Effed Up this is and how wrong he was. They won’t view you as a home wrecker at all!

Have no contact with him for at least a year! This will give you your sanity back. He owes you that much. And never get entangled with him again! There are plenty of normal people out there! Give them a chance.

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi Girish,

Oh, I’ve been there! You have the best time with someone, and then are plagued with doubts as soon as you get home!

I think the remedy is to let things take their natural course, make a vow to yourself everyday that “No matter what, I will be unapologetically myself”, and to give it time.

Then I predict two years later it will be as if you’ve never not known her, that she will be as comfortable as your favorite pair of jeans.

Be simply You and let The Universe take care of the complexities ~ if any indeed exist!

Blessings,

Inky