What You Can Control
How to Stop Feeling Inadequate and Embrace Your Imperfect Self
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen
As I sit in bed typing this, all cozied up with a hot cup of tea and my fuzz ball Maestro relaxing at my feet, I feel happy and at ease.
I scan the room and see a couple of stacks of laundry that need to be put away. I recall that my daughter’s toys are still strewn across the house because I didn’t feel much like stopping to pick them up prior to my retreat …
5 Ways to Find Your People (The Ones Who Really Get You)
“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown
For probably over thirty years—since I was old enough to know I needed them—I’ve been looking for my people.
You know the ones—the people who get you, somehow; who are on the same wavelength. Some might even say the people who share the same brand of quirky, crazy, or oddness that you do. The ones who understand why you do what you do, or if they don’t understand, they either ask or they just accept, and either way is …
Imagine a World Without Hate
Imagine a world without bigotry. Imagine a world where inspiring individuals like Martin Luther King Jr., Anne Frank, and Harvey Milk, all victims of hate crimes, lived on to contribute even more to society.
Dealing with Life’s Inevitable Pain: 4 Lessons to Help Reduce Your Suffering
“Suffering is not caused by pain but by resisting pain.” ~Unknown
Pain is everywhere. Whether through heartbreak or a broken bone, we all struggle with unavoidable hurt at some point in our lives. Often, even the suggestion of suffering is enough to send us running for cover.
One of our most basic instincts is to avoid being hurt, and for good reason. The world is full of sharp objects and hot frying pans. While our instinctive wiring is helpful when it comes to cooking, it only contributes to our suffering when applied to the pain of relationships and physical discomfort …
8 Solutions for Loneliness That Don’t Require a Romantic Relationship
“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~Joseph F. Newton
The epiphany has finally occurred. Why on earth has it taken so long? I ask myself this as I look back on the last nine years, which I have spent trying to cover up my real issue. Loneliness.
After getting married at twenty and then leaving nineteen years later, it took another two years before I met another man that I fell in love with almost instantly. He told me from the very beginning it would never be a relationship, and yet I have persevered with our …
Release Your Anger by Choosing to Lose
“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” ~Alice Miller
I was quietly watching a documentary with my wife when the phone rang. An icy voice informed me that I was supposed to be at work at 6:00; it was already 7:00 PM. It was my boss.
Great, that’s all I needed—an unexpected night shift with a resented supervisor.
In my worst mood, I jumped in my pants at quantum speed and then ran toward the train station on the other side of the street.
Although the road seemed clear, a car was approaching and the driver didn’t …
Stop Over-Depending on Others and Seeking Their Approval: How to Set Yourself Free
“Some people think it’s holding tight that makes one strong, but sometimes, it’s letting go.” ~Unknown
I got a week off of work recently to spend with myself, which is always a wonderfully centering experience for me. I’m an introvert, so I love my alone time. But as I took the time to introspect about some relationships in my life, my Zen-like vacation mindset disappeared.
It had happened again, and my mood alternated between mad and depressed all weekend. You see, sometimes I turn into a puppet.
You probably know the feeling, even if you’re not sure what I’m …
How to Find Your Path When Life Suddenly Changes
“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” ~Ruth E. Renkel
As an ocean lover, I frequently visit the shore, even during the winter. Encouraged by a day with blue skies and forecasted temperatures above freezing, I hopped in the car and headed for the coast.
The beautiful view of the ocean is the best part of the six-mile walk I intended to do. However, as I neared the coast, I noticed a thickening layer of fog. By the time I parked, the fog had completely blocked my view of the sun and everything at a …
Finding Contentment in the Rhythms of an Everyday Life
“The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.” ~Paulo Coelho
As the day of my daughter’s second birthday approaches, I have found myself reflecting more and more on the first few months of her life.
She arrived on a Sunday morning as winter gave way to spring, full of life and ready to embrace her humanness as only a brand new human can. There was snow lingering on the ground, and the sunrise that day was full of anticipation and the unknowing that comes along with waiting for something that is impossible …
Man Teaches Amputees in South Sudan to Make Arms
“When you look at a picture of a boy with bandaged stump arms, what do you do? Do you just, ‘Aw that’s too bad,” and close the computer and go to bed?”
Not Mick Ebeling. What an amazing man. What an inspiring mission. What a powerful reminder of what we can do when we care.
Addicted to Approval: Reclaim Your Self-Esteem
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
The past few years have been full of hard but necessary lessons that I needed to learn about my relationships with others—their limits, boundaries, what healthy relationships are and are not.
I realized that the foundation for some of my relationships (the unhealthy ones) was my need for attention and approval. This, of course, was futile, because we can only truly feel good about ourselves despite outside opinions.
Because I felt inadequate and overly self-critical due …
Transform Your Relationship by Assuming the Best Intentions
“Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.” ~Mildred Barthel
I used to think he was out to get me. The man of my dreams was continually plotting to undermine my happiness in countless ways, all for some mysterious reason I couldn’t comprehend.
“Can you give me a ride to work today?” He missed his shuttle on the morning I had my first speech, a forty-five-minute drive in the opposite direction. He obviously didn’t want me to succeed in my career.
“Are you wearing that tonight?” Oh great, just before we go out to meet …
How to Use Comparisons for Growth Instead of Feeling Inferior
“The heart is like a garden: it can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love. What seeds will you plant there?” ~Jack Kornfield
Comparison is something we all struggle with at one point or another. Although it’s something that conventional self-help wisdom urges us to avoid, it’s also a way of gauging where we fit in the world.
Usually, when we engage in comparison, we do so from an ego-based perspective and find ourselves (or others) lacking. This approach doesn’t benefit anyone involved, but, until recently, this was my predominant experience of comparison.
I also had the belief that healthy …
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 