You’ll Be OK
Redefining Closure in Order to Move On and Get Living Again
“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ~Unknown
I would love to identify as someone who, when her relationships crumble either gradually or all at once, is able to wipe her hands clean and go about her life without any closure.
I fantasize about the tears, time, and energy I would save if I didn’t feel the need for closure and if I didn’t agonize about trying to have these heartfelt and “necessary” conversations with the people with whom I’ve had falling outs.
For years, I was shackled to the belief …
Nothing Is Permanent: Letting Go of Attachment to People
“Impermanence is not something to be afraid of. It’s the evolution, a never-ending horizon.” ~Deepak Chopra
I have been reading a lot lately on attachment and impermanence. It’s a big topic, one that is often hard to wrap your head and heart around. How can I live a life without attachment? Doesn’t that mean that I am not being a loving or caring person? I mean really, no attachment—it just seems cold.
This all started for me when the love of my life told me, “I love you, I am just not in love with you.” Ouch.
To say I …
5 Lessons from a Breakdown: How to Make Hard Times Easier
“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” ~Benjamin Disraeli
Three years ago, at twenty-five, I had a breakdown that stole over two years of my life and almost killed me.
People often think of breakdowns like car accidents—one almighty crash that results in the dissolution of that person’s being. But for most of us, breakdowns are a slow descent into madness. They creep up on you. They change you one small step at a time until you no longer recognize yourself.
You get exhausted walking around the supermarket for your weekly shopping. You …
3 Surefire Ways to Embrace Being Different
“To be nobody but yourself in a world doing its best to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human can ever fight and never stop fighting.” ~e.e. cummings
I’m gay. I’m married to a woman and we have a beautiful daughter together. I also have an ex–boyfriend that I was with for quite a significant time. Most of my friends are straight, and I thought I was too until about five years ago when I fell in love with my now-wife.
It was a crazy time, and I suddenly had to deal with being different…
We Are More Than What We Do for Work
“I’ve learned that making a living is not the same things as making a life.” ~Maya Angelou
My friend Nick and I were talking one day about our plans for after graduation. We talked about marriage and whether our religious beliefs would factor into our weddings when the time came, or whether our mothers would just run the whole show. Then the question came that grounded me.
“Do you think that you’ll be a workaholic?” Nick asked.
I chuckled and said I could practically guarantee it, as workaholism has always been part of my identity—and a proud part, at that. …
Why We Compare Ourselves to Others on Social Media and How to Stop
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick
We all have certain triggers that can cause our confidence to take a sudden nosedive.
For some, it’s a trip to the gym. If you’re self-conscious of your body, watching fit people strut their stuff in their tightest fitting gym clothes likely has you over analyzing your every body part.
For others, it may be a certain individual—a family member, friend, or enemy that, for whatever reason, leaves them with the dreaded feeling that they just aren’t enough.
We all …
Finding Happiness on the Other Side of Fear
“Most of us have two lives: the life we live, and the unlived life within us.” ~Steven Pressfield
We are so scared of the unknown. Anything that we haven’t yet experienced can lead to fear.
I will forever remember my first time skydiving. I was absolutely terrified. Are you sure this parachute is going to open up? “No ma’am, it’s not for sure. But it’s highly likely.” Great.
During pregnancy, I was scared nearly every day for nine months as I wondered, “How in the world is that going to come out of there?” Well, one thing was …
The Amazing Typewriter Artist (Who has Cerebral Palsy)
Paul Smith, who lives in an Oregon nursing home, creates amazing works of art using a typewriter, in spite of the cerebral palsy that makes precise movements extremely challenging. One keystroke at a time, he recreates scenes from his childhood, famous paintings, and beautiful landscapes, proving where there’s a will—and passion—there’s a way.
A Simple Technique to Quiet Your Mind and Be Present
“Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more.” ~Osho
Meditating. It’s one of those things that we all know we’d be better off doing, but most of us struggle with it immensely.
It’s difficult. It’s hard to find the time. And it often doesn’t seem like it’s working.
For many years, I’ve tried to make meditation a regular habit. But rarely can I do it consistently. It’s almost always the first thing to go when I’m crunched for time or feeling stressed.
Of course, those are the times that meditation is best!
But, for …
Doing What’s Good for Us: What We Need Beyond Discipline
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” ~Annie Dillard
When I first engaged spiritual practice, I tried to meditate while counting breaths. “I can’t do this!” I lamented, “It’s too hard.” The green satiny cushion filled with buckwheat chaff felt hard and unforgiving.
My legs ached. I kept checking my watch. My mind ached.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
The watch taunted me, and I did not feel the least bit edified by the experience.
But every few moon phases, I’d try again: half an hour of hellacious discomfort, of shifting in my chair or—if I …
When Self-Help Doesn’t Help: Doing What’s Best for You
“Your inner knowing is your only true compass.” ~Joy Page
Are you someone who devours self-help books, blogs, and articles?
Do you take pleasure in checking out the latest advice from this “expert” or that “guru”?
Are you someone who puts into play the advice proposed but are still left feeling somewhat unfulfilled afterward?
The Trouble with Self-Help
The trouble with self-help advice is that sometimes it leads us down the path of us not helping ourselves at all. Sometimes we get so caught up in someone else’s vision that we lose sight of our own.
Truth be told, what …
Managing Chronic Pain: 5 Lessons from Being Hit by a Truck
“Pain can change you, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad change. Take that pain and turn it into wisdom.” ~Unknown
You know how people say, “It was like being hit by a truck”?
I know what they mean.
But the impact took over ten years.
It was a cold, snowy January, and I was in my car, singing along to the radio.
I was doing a steady, careful sixty miles per hour, in the middle lane of a busy British highway. I was on my way to deliver my first solo course for the company I’d …
Walk Toward Your Dreams: If Not Now, When?
“Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.” ~Alan Cohen
Last year I was suddenly made redundant along with half of my colleagues, as our company was being taken over. It was swift and severe. It was also a blessing.
I didn’t want to work for the new company whose values conflicted with my own. And I had been wavering on making a decision about my career.
Now I was being forced to decide but I just wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. At least, that’s what I told myself. Fear makes …
A Mindful Way to Find Relief from the Pain of Envy
“The more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow.” ~Unknown
Envy is such an overpowering and overwhelming feeling, often something hidden, or masked by a smiley face, or fuelled into rage and resentment. I’ve experienced all of these emotions in my life, and as I neared my fortieth birthday, I felt that I could not go on. I was crippled by the “envy story” stuck on repeat mode inside my mind.
As I watched friends and family swoop by me in terms of outer achievements and success, the envy …
From Loathing to Love: What Makes Us Feel Worthwhile
“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~Unknown
My healing journey can be described through what I call the “self formula”:
Self-Doubt > Self-Loathing > Self-Destruction > Self-Awareness > Self-Love
Mine is the oldest story in the book. Adolescent angst. Mental deception. Physical revulsion. I feel fat. No, scratch that. I am fat. This girl in the mirror is ruining my life. Woe is me.
Groundbreaking drama, right? How original of me to “feel fat.” Surely, you’ve never heard that complaint before.
Except it wasn’t just a complaint. I …
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