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Search Results for "self esteem" — 525 posts

5 Things That Helped Me Feel More Secure in Friendships

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“Our brains are wired for connection, but trauma rewires them for protection. That’s why healthy relationships are difficult for wounded people.” ~Ryan North

If popular culture is anything to go by, everyone has the perfect gang to hang with in coffee shops, engaging in witty banter. Or a BFF who knows them better than anyone else and will be there through thick and thin. So, if friendships make you anxious and you find them hard to navigate, it’s easy to feel ashamed and think it’s just you.

I had problems with friendships for most of my life, and it often …

How to Recognize and Overcome Dysfunction in Your Family

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“A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.” ~Buddha

Family is often considered the cornerstone of our lives, providing support, love, and a sense of belonging. However, not all family dynamics are healthy, and breaking free from toxic patterns can be crucial for personal growth and overall well-being.

Unhealthy family dynamics can manifest in various ways, …

My New Goal: To Believe in My Inherent Worth

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“I have inherent worth. It cannot be raised by my strengths or lowered by my weaknesses or defects of character.” ~Pia Melody

Perhaps you’ll resonate with the way I am feeling as of late: I tell myself I am enough. I have always been enough, just as I am, without doing anything at all. But I struggle to accept this truth without feeling like I have to earn it. Like I have to take a zillion steps for self-care, accomplish a certain number of goals, or do enough things to win validation from other people.

I believe at the …

5 Practical Tools to Balance Your Chakras (Energy Centers)

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In my personal development journey, one framework has captivated my attention and focus for more than a decade.

Understanding and working with this system has had a profound impact on my journey toward increased self-awareness, healing past wounds, and feeling more aligned and authentic to myself. So much that all my yoga classes and coaching approaches integrate this system in a holistic way.

Rooted in the wisdom of Eastern philosophies, this ancient system that has captivated seekers for centuries—the chakra system.

The chakra system remains a bit misunderstood and esoteric, reserved for a select few: yoga teachers or energy healers. …

5 Things I Did Because I Didn’t Feel Good Enough and What I Do Now Instead

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“You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise Hay

Since I was a little girl, I believed there was something fundamentally wrong with me.

So I was always trying to find a way to fix myself and be worthy. To feel good enough.

No baby is born thinking they aren’t worthy, and neither was I—or you.

This came from our early beginnings.

I had a very traumatized dad, who I now understand was struggling with his own pain from his childhood.

He would lose his temper …

How I Went from Approval Seeking to Authentic Living

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“My life transformed when I stopped caring what people in the stands thought.” ~Brené Brown

One afternoon, I had coffee with a friend who told me that she and her family all have a garden campfire every Friday night and toast marshmallows. It sounded so rustically idyllic compared to our normal frozen pizza and movie tradition that I asked my husband if we could do the same that evening.

He sat down to pick up the remote control and casually replied that he was too tired to build a fire, then thought nothing more of it. But I felt devastated …

How a Rescue Dog Helped Heal My Lonely, Longing Heart

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“Maybe it’s time for the fighter to be fought for, the holder to be held, and the lover to be loved.” ~Unknown

There’s this cheesy saying I heard once—“Dog, when spelled backwards, is god.” As a companion to my dog, I can honestly say this is truer than you might ever imagine it to be.

There is something special about dogs or perhaps animals in general. They are not plugged into the matrix of human dramas and suffering the way we are entrenched in it. And because they are out of that cycle, in a way, they become our bodhisattvas.…

The Alchemy of a Broken Heart: How to Transform Your Pain into Purpose

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“Life changes. You lose love. You lose friends. You lose pieces of yourself that you never imagined would be gone. And then, without you even realizing it, these pieces come back. New love enters. Better friends come along. And a stronger, wiser you is staring back in the mirror.” ~Preetham Mohanty

One year ago, I quit my high-stress job. Then my husband quit me.

There had been signs of our unhappiness in the six months prior, but I thought it was dissatisfaction with our work lives, not with our relationship. It was clear, though, that our dynamic had changed—we were …

How I Found the Courage to Leave My Unfulfilling Job

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“‘What if I fall?’ Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” –Erin Hanson

Have you ever considered how much you’d be willing to tolerate before feeling forced to leave a workplace?

In this economy, people wonder whether leaving their jobs to preserve their mental and physical health without another lined up is worth it if it means financial insecurity. So many people feel stuck in their jobs, and I was no exception.

I told myself any money was better than no money, so I stayed with a job that made me miserable.

After spending several years with the company, …

How I Am Learning to Trust My Body More and Control It Less

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“I’m a beautiful mess of contradiction, a chaotic display of imperfection.” ~Sai Marie Johnson

I don’t identify as having an eating disorder. I don’t struggle with anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating.  Yet I exercise precise control of my weight, down to the pound. If I gain a mere two pounds, I can feel it. First in my stomach. Then in my face.

That’s when the self-loathing kicks in.

I beat myself up for gaining those two pounds.

I wear a shirt to sleep at night, instead of being naked like I am when I am two pounds lighter.

I …

5 Things to Remember When Heartbreak Feels Too Heavy to Bear

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“If you feel like you’re losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.” ~Unknown

For a big lover like me, heartbreak has always gotten the best of me. I have felt heavy pain from the ending of a relationship, the ghosting of a situationship, and the loss of what could have been with someone I never dated. And I’ve experienced the sting of friendships leaving my life.

It’s all heartbreaking.

It starts with a crippling, piercing full-body agony. And eventually it grows into a dull ache …

How I Found My Worth in Spite of My Father’s Abandonment

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“Because if I myself saw my worth, I wouldn’t base my worthiness on someone else’s seeing it.” ~Unknown

I can’t be sure which title I would have preferred. Daddy, Poppa, Pa, Dad. Aren’t these the endearing titles one earns when they live up to all that it means in the role of the first and most important man in a little girl’s life?

The one who she can count on for love, guidance, comfort, and safety. The one who she adores. The one who teaches her how to play soccer or baseball because she is a tomboy through and through. …

8 Signs You’re Carrying Deep Shame and How to Start to Heal

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“If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.” ~Brené Brown

Did you know that one of the biggest causes of suffering is unacknowledged shame? It makes us believe that there’s something wrong with us and we’re not good enough.

When we have deep shame inside, instead of being true to ourselves, we “dress to impress” so others will like us, which eventually makes us tired, depressed, and anxious because …

5 Painful Effects of Parentification Trauma and How I’ve Overcome Them

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“Sometimes people wound us because they’re wounded and tell us we’re broken because that’s how they feel, but we don’t have to believe them.” ~Lori Deschene

I’ve always been proud of how I can handle life so well. I’m great at managing responsibilities and taking care of others, but I’m not so great at being aware of my own needs. It’s part of being a highly sensitive individual and growing up with parentification trauma.

Overcoming parentification can take years. If you’re like me, you might not even realize it’s something you experienced until you’re well into adulthood. More people should …

Leaving an Abusive Relationship: What I’ve Learned and How I’ve Moved On

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“Sometimes things have to go wrong before they can go right. Sometimes we have to let the wrong people walk out before we allow the right people to walk in. Sometimes we have to feel weak in order to know what it’s like to feel strong. Sometimes you have to be broken to realize you’ll never be shattered.” ~Unknown

Leaving is the hardest part—that’s what they say, right? I don’t know if I agree. It takes courage to get out, but the healing process can be brutal.

It’s an ongoing process that seeps into every aspect of my daily life. …

5 Ways to Heal from a Highly Critical, Controlling Parent

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“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise Hay

When I was growing up, it felt like nothing was good enough for my dad. And all I longed for was his acceptance and love.

He had this temper that would blow up, and he’d blame me for how he felt. He would outright tell me his behavior was my fault. That if I’d behaved better, he wouldn’t have had an outburst.

When he told me I wasn’t enough or worthy, I believed him. I was constantly walking on eggshells …

6 Things to Remember When You Feel Anxious in Your Relationships

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“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” ~Kahlil Gibran

Relationships have always been anxiety-inducing for me, and I know it stems from my childhood.

As a kid I would often silently mouth words I’d just said, hearing them in my mind and evaluating whether I’d said something stupid or wrong. I was always afraid of saying something that might make someone upset.

Junior high was a particularly rough time in my life. I was insecure and had low self-esteem, and I was desperate for approval from other kids, which made me …

How I Learned to Let Go of Attachment to Things I Want

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“The happiness we seek cannot be found through grasping, trying to hold on to things. It cannot be found through getting serious and uptight about wanting things to go in the direction we think will bring happiness.” ~Pema Chodron

When I was a kid, my parents used to take me and my younger brother  fishing during the summer with some family friends. Sitting in the backseat of the car as we drove through the countryside, I had no worries about the future. It was a time of innocence.

On this particular trip, which stands out in my memory, I would …

How I Claimed My Right to Belong While Dealing with Imposter Syndrome

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post briefly references sexual abuse.

“Never hold yourself back from trying something new just because you’re afraid you won’t be good enough. You’ll never get the opportunity to do your best work if you’re not willing to first do your worst and then let yourself learn and grow.” ~Lori Deschene

The year 2022 was the hardest of my life. And I survived a brain tumor before that.

My thirtieth year started off innocently enough. I was living with my then-boyfriend in Long Beach and had a nice ring on my finger. The relationship had developed quickly, but …

We Are Both Darkness and Light: How to Reconcile Them and Grow

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“We have to bear our own toxicity. Only by facing our own shadows can we eventually become more light. Yes, you are kind. But you’re also cruel. You are thoughtful. But you’re also selfish. You are both light and shadow. I want authenticity. I want real. I claim both my light and my shadow.” ~Kerry Mangis

Many of us can recall the painful moments that have shaped us. As we grow older, we become intimately aware of all the ways we were hurt, wronged, or betrayed. I think it’s a natural impulse, to number these moments …