“I’d rather be honest and authentic and disappoint some people than to exhaust myself trying to keep up the facade of perfection.” ~Crystal Paine
“You’re the Best Mom Ever!”
Nope.
“You’ve always listened, loved, and let me lean on you.”
Not really.
For most of my adult life, every year before Mother’s Day I stood in front of a beautiful display of cards fairly bursting with love, and tried to find one that my authentic self would allow me to give my mother, and that my mother would be pleased enough with that the day would be calm and …
“Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.” ~Arthur C. Clarke
“You are not alone” is a phrase we speak, hear, and read over and over again.
Testimony and statistics prove that others have lived our types of misfortune. Given that evidence, why is it that so many of us feel as if we are somehow different than all the others who have triumphed over tragedy or are climbing those proverbial mountains?
The seed was first planted ages ago when I was having a conversation with a loved one during …
“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.” ~Carlos Castaneda
I’ve always had issues with food, but in the past five years this struggle became a full-blown eating disorder.
I remember the first time I thought I was too big, in fourth grade. Now I know that I wasn’t too big. Maybe I hadn’t outgrown my baby fat yet, but I wasn’t overweight. Still, all the other girls at my school were smaller than me.
There was one day when a pediatrician came to our school for a …
Update – The winners for this giveaway are:
When life doesn’t meet our expectations, it can devastate our sense of security, threaten our self-esteem, and leave us feeling lost, scared, and out of control. I know—I’ve been there quite a few times before.
Like the time I moved across the country to live with a man I’d met online just a month prior, only to recognize nine months later that we were two broken people who were toxic together.
Or the time I got involved with a multi-level marketing company, thinking I’d be a huge success, only to …
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive.” ~Brené Brown
There is very little in life (if anything) more important than our relationships. How connected we feel to others is a strong predictor of our happiness and our feelings of self-worth.
From a neurobiological standpoint, we are wired for connection. Our deeply connected relationships can ultimately give us true meaning and purpose.
But, if we’re feeling disconnected, alone, and segregated from those around us, how can we become more connected? Why does it …
“Forgiveness is just another name for freedom.” ~Byron Katie
Aside from the fact that I was born on Groundhog Day, I didn’t know why I kept falling into the same relationship patterns, which inevitably led to heart-crushing breakups.
I knew that I had a deep capacity to love, or so I thought, but it somehow wasn’t enough. I always ended up either feeling taken for granted or fighting desperately for my partner’s attention after the initial attraction phase wore off.
I couldn’t help becoming someone else, someone I thought I needed to be in order to avoid being abandoned. …
“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.” ~Charlie Chaplin
When I was eight years old my father burst into my room in the middle of the night, high on drugs, and threw my dresser drawers all over the place.
“Stop your crying!” he screamed. “Stop your crying!”
There was a crazy man in my room and I was terrified.
“Now clean up this mess!”
I was shaking. What on earth could I have possibly done to deserve this? With a slam of …
“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl
Bullies are everywhere. One of the most insidious and destructive forms of bullying is family bullying, because it’s often done in the name of love.
As someone who was bullied by family members for more years than I care to count, I spent a lot of time learning that most of the bullying going on was not about me or my failings—it was more about what other people needed to unload.
Family bullies often pretend to (or believe they can) help by offering criticism…
“The simplest things in life are the most extraordinary.” ~Paul Coelho
Life can be frustrating. Things don’t always go according to plan.
People let you down, your loved ones seem insufficiently appreciative, the future seems uncertain, demands pile up, and stress invades your life.
You start to beat yourself up over mistakes. You might even start to question if you are worthy of love. Life loses its shine.
You’re not alone. Hundreds of millions of people feel this way. But pause for a little while to consider this story.
A personable young man approached me at a gathering and …
“Have the maturity to sometimes know that silence is more powerful than having the last word.” ~Thema Davis
It all started with the forks.
“You need to return my forks,” my roommate demanded one morning as I sat in the kitchen attempting to get some work done.
“I have already said that I don’t have them. We told you that the other roommate has been hiding them,” I replied.
She began raising her voice at me, “I can’t believe you would accuse her. You’re just a mean, nasty person!”
I slowly turned around and said calmly, “Today is my birthday, …
“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” ~Albert Einstein
I am pathetic. I am a walking, talking cliché (well, maybe not walking—I use an electric wheelchair).
I am one of those people who is so desperate to overcome their own sense of lack that they create some giant obstacle to overcome, or some massive achievement to attain, in order to feel that they might just be worth something.
I am an over-compensator, so desperate to feel okay about the fact that I am, in some ways, not as capable as …
“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.” ~Og Mandino
You know when you get a major wake up call that shakes you to the core and gets you to focus on what’s truly important? That’s what 2014 was for me.
My boyfriend and I had gotten married in May 2014 after moving from Toronto to a small town to be closer to his aging mother.
I was working thirteen-hour days to re-establish my wellness business, and things were slowly picking up. I was finally …
“When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
At seventeen years old, baseball was my life. I played on the top summer Connecticut baseball teams, constantly practiced and trained, and dreamed of being a starter for the high school varsity team. Junior year I was on varsity but didn’t get any playing time, so I was putting all my hopes and dreams into spring of my senior year.
When I went to college showcases, I was one of the standout players and I received many letters in the mail from …
“Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don’t be sorry.” ~Jack Kerouac
There was no denying it. I had reached a dead-end. A year and a half spent living in a southern town that was simply too small for me; it was time to go. I needed a city, preferably a large one filled with numerous opportunities for a budding young writer.
Ironically, the very day it dawned on me that it was time to move to a metropolitan area, love summoned me. It shouted to me from thousands of miles away, beckoning me to change the course of my travels.
My …
Since 2009, Tiny Buddha has published articles related to mindfulness, spirituality, and well-being, with a focus on practices like meditation and yoga.
Arguably, this site would not exist if not for the power of yoga. As I wrote in my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, it was during my time volunteering at a New York yoga studio that I experienced profound growth and healing by connecting with both myself and other likeminded individuals.
Before that, I spent more than a decade struggling with low self-esteem, depression, and bulimia. I then spent several more …
“The discipline of creation, be it to paint, compose, write, is an effort toward wholeness.” ~Madeleine L’engle.
Heartbreak, sadness, and loss are uniting experiences across humanity—all of us are likely to experience grief in some form.
In grief, it can be common to feel lost, demotivated, depressed, and also, to experience a loss of self-esteem; it’s difficult to feel good about yourself when you’re processing all of the emotions that go along with grieving.
Developing a regular creative practice can be a helpful, healing way through loss. I used a creative practice to help find my way through a …
“No person, no place, and no thing has any power over us, for ‘we’ are the only thinkers in our mind. When we create peace and harmony and balance in our minds, we will find it in our lives.” ~Louise L. Hay
Seven years ago I felt a tangible sense of despondency about where my life was heading.
Having ended a six-year relationship, I found myself alone, feeling isolated, often with only a bottle of wine (or two) for company on a weekend. For the first time ever I wondered if I had depression.
After weeks of feeling helpless and …
“Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future.” ~Unknown
I used to think when someone cheated on me that I was flawed.
You see, I had a core belief that there was something wrong with me. I never felt enough. I’m not even sure I can fully articulate this feeling, but whatever it was, I just didn’t feel enough. Slim enough, pretty enough, clever enough, worthy enough, or just, well, anything enough.
I’ve now come to see that when someone mistreats you it has almost nothing to …
“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~Tony Robbins
I am always making up stories about what others think of me or what they really meant when they made that comment. And I typically make up the worst case scenario. According to my brain, everyone is mean-spirited and ridiculing me.
This is not an uplifting way to live one’s life. The pessimistic stories I create are generated in part by my low self-esteem, and by convincing myself they’re true, I continue to fuel it. My constantly negative perceptions …
“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown
On a summer night in Hicksville, Long Island, I swung the bat and drove a double down the left-field line. I broke up the pitcher’s no-hitter, and he was one of the best pitchers in the league. I felt completely at home. I was myself.
On another summer night in Vergennes, Vermont, I stumbled back to the fence tracking down a fly ball. I speared at it with my glove, then watched it bounce off of my hand and go over the fence for a grand-slam home …
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.