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Posts tagged with “forgive”

How My Anger Led Me to Forgiveness and Peace

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“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” ~Alice Duer Miller

As an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a relative, I had become accustomed to keeping secrets. Silence, I was taught, was a good thing. It protected people that I loved.

So for over a decade, I carried the dark and overbearing weight of my past in secrecy and in silence, believing I was the only one in the world who’d ever experienced such abuse—until I learned from a college workshop that one in four women and one in five men fall …

Becoming More Authentic: Accept Yourself and Forget Approval

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“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings

For most of my life, I was a chameleon. I stayed under the radar, hoping I’d blend in and not draw attention to myself. I was full of self-doubt, so I molded my personality and beliefs based on my company. I traded my authentic self for the security of being liked by my family and friends because of my fear of being judged.

By suppressing my opinions, I was perceived as easygoing, but at what cost? I disrespected myself by allowing others to influence major …

3 Unconventional Tips for Forgiving and Letting Go

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“The greatest obstacle to connecting with our joy is resentment.” ~Pema Chodron

Forgiveness is good, right? I don’t mean in a heal the planet kind of way—I mean in a selfish, me me me kind of way.

We want to let go of our resentments and connect with people genuinely. We want to feel happy and contented, full of love for ourselves and those around us. We want to run, carefree, through the fields in a pretty cotton dress, not sit around in our pajamas, twisted with bitterness.

But how do you experience genuine forgiveness and stop feeling resentful? Because …

Forgiving People Who Show No Remorse: Have You Suffered Enough?

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“That which I do not forgive in you, lies unforgiven within myself.” ~Buddhist Proverb

When I decided to forgive the driver that killed my nine-year-old son, I struggled to believe I could or should.

In the beginning of my grief I had so much anger toward her, and because she was not showing remorse, I wanted to find ways to punish her so that she would be in the same pain that I was.

She did not come forward to say she was sorry or try to meet up with me after the accident, and this was hard for …

4 Questions to Turn Your Anger Around and Forgive

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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes

For a long time, I had a stressful relationship with my dad. We had a falling out after I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. He didn’t understand what I was going through in regards to eating and body image, and I tried to push him out, so we stopped talking.

Somewhere inside of me, I had built up anger that was directed at him and I just couldn’t bring myself to forgive him or let go. And he was just clueless, not knowing …

Start Healing the World: Take Responsibility for Healing Yourself

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“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” ~Marianne Williamson

We all have the fundamental desire to create an ideal world, where everyone is healthy, happy, and free of suffering. The habitual tendency we all have is to look around us, find out what’s wrong with the world, and then try to “fix” it.

While it’s true that horrible things happen around us everyday, to transform the world we all experience, we have to start with ourselves. We can only create change in the world if we first start with our own …

Lessons from Regret: The Time is Now

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“Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

“Six weeks ago the doctors told me he had six weeks to live. I don’t think he is going to survive the night.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” I whimpered, my voice barely above a whisper. ‘We don’t have any time left.”

I didn’t think that as a 19 year old, seeing my father die in a hospital was going to be something I would experience. Wasn’t he meant to grow old and grey, with me taking care of him?

Nevertheless, in the early hours of the …

5 Tips to Forgive Instead of Letting Anger Control Your Life

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“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah

I made it my New Year’s resolution to forgive someone for his past actions. Unfortunately, he’s not here to know.

My dad passed away from cancer last September. There are times I miss him a lot; other times, it’s nice to have peace in my life.

We never got along. My mother and others told me it was because we were too much alike, but I knew that was not the case.

That’s …

The People We Need to Forgive Can be Our Greatest Teachers

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“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” ~Marianne Williamson

I lay huddled in a ball, my arms tightly around my knees, screaming at the top of my lungs. “Stop!” I wailed.

It was November 30, 2006. The next day I was turning 13, and it seemed like my life was crumbling before my eyes.

Earlier that night I was on my computer mindlessly clicking, with the usual soundtrack in the background, my mother and stepfather screaming at each other—until I heard a shattering smash. For minutes the house lay silent.

I …

Catch Anger Before It Catches You

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“For every moment you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m not an angel. In fact, my husband used to lovingly call me a “fierce creature.” This fiery inclination can be due to inborn temperament, but it can also be a result of post-traumatic stress or similar brain-impacting life events.

It’s taken a concerted effort, over many years, for me to become more loving, tolerant, and peaceful.

But I still lose it from time to time. Like today, for example, it must have been a triple critical day because I lost it three times in …

Relieve Physical Pain by Releasing Your Grievances

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“Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind.” ~Buddha

When the mind is burdened by a perceived wrong for an extended period of time, the body automatically steps in to carry part of the load. We store many of our painful life experiences deep within the framework of our physical bodies.

If we don’t consciously feel and heal these hurts as they occur, they linger in our muscles, organs, and tissues long after the mind has consciously forgotten the specifics of the event.

The body is actually a repository that faithfully carries this load until the essence …

The Zen of Dogs: On Mindfulness, Compassion, and Connection

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“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” ~Karl Barth

We were lying in bed. I said, “We can’t do it.” She said, “I don’t see what else we can do.” We lay there in silence, trying to figure it out.

It was the third big decision of our relationship. The first was when I asked Nicole to marry me. The second was when she said yes. And the third—the one we couldn’t figure out—was what to do about Ralph.

She’d had Ralph—a female German Shepherd—for a little over a year. Nicole had been waiting for years to get a dog, …

Learn to Forgive Yourself Even When You’ve Hurt Someone Else

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“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” ~Lama Yeshe

Think back to the last time somebody apologized to you about something. Did you forgive them? There is a very good chance that you did.

Now think back to the last time you harmed someone else. Have you forgiven yourself? Probably not.

We all make mistakes. Oftentimes, through our actions, somebody gets hurt.

During this past year, I served as a liaison between my fraternity and a seventeen-year-old cancer patient in a local hospital through the Adopt-a-Family program. This patient, Josh Goldstein, passed away …

Why Forgiveness Doesn’t Work and How to Change That

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“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

Have you ever wondered why it’s so difficult to forgive others?

We all know it feels better emotionally to let go of resentment and anger. We know that our minds are clearer and we function better when we’re not constantly yammering about that story of pain, betrayal, hurt, and humiliation. We even know that releasing all that junk is good for our physical health.

But it’s still hard, isn’t it?

As a doctor of psychology, I’ve learned that the amygdala, that part of our brains …

How to Forgive When You Don’t Really Want To

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“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ~Jean Paul Sartre

Like so many other women, I had a complicated, often fractious relationship with my mother. I had moved thousands of miles away, but an email or a phone call was enough to irritate me.

Visits were tense, nail-biting experiences, where I couldn’t help but analyze each thing that she said to see if it contained a passive-aggressive double meaning, at which point an argument would brew.

For years it had not mattered what anyone told me about how to forgive, and they had told me …

The Difference Between Forgiving and Forgetting

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“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong. Sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

I will never forget the moment my marriage ended.

My husband and I had fought the night before, about many of the same things we’d been fighting about for the entirety of our four-month marriage.

He was dissatisfied with our sex life and my lack of respect for him. I was struggling with bipolar disorder, changing medications, going back to school, and trying to please a man who seemed to find fault with everything I did.

During that fight, he choked me twice to prevent me …

Forgive Yourself and Change Your Choices

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For almost four years I held onto a feeling that I had somehow done something wrong—that I hadn’t tried hard enough, that I had somehow failed my daughter.

In May 2008 my daughter’s father had arrived home after staying out all night. He told me he no longer loved me, found me attractive, or even fancied me, and that at eight years younger than him I was “too old.”

I was completely stunned.

While our relationship had many of the usual flaws, we had never fought, and I’d believed him one month prior, after we bought a new home together, …

3 Ways to Forgive and Create Peace

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“Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind.” ~Buddha

It was a beautiful spring morning when I was terminated from my job. Before it happened, there were rumors, but I refused to believe that something like that could actually happen to me. I felt betrayed by the manner in which the termination occurred.

Without any substantiation, my company suggested that my ethics were compromised and I embezzled from the company funds. Soon thereafter I learned that the sole motive for the company was to replace me and my assistant with part-time employees to avoid paying full-time employee …

The One Thing That Helped Me Forgive My Father

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“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell

I stood in front of my father, man to man, and demanded an apology. His long absence and lack of interest during my formative years had burned within me a resentment that wouldn’t quit. My therapist suggested that I confront him as one adult to another, so there I was.

It didn’t go well. The more I pointed out his failures, the more defensive he got. The more I demanded an apology, the …

Love Yourself, Accept Yourself, Forgive Yourself

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“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia 

You mean I am a source of many wonderful things?

Yes. Actually you are. Own up to it.

Leo has it right.

Love yourself.

Despite all the things that you think may be terribly wrong with you, love yourself. Love yourself.

Tattoo it on your brain.

I can think of so many reasons why you should love yourself, but here’s just one: It is incredibly dull and uninspiring to be around people who …