Posts tagged with “forgive”
How Forgiveness Enables Us to Stop Hurting Ourselves
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes
I was planning a seminar event with one of my good friends. (Let’s call her “Randi.”) It was a great match; she had event planning and design expertise, and great energy in front of an audience. I understood the structure of such an event, and I authored much of the content.
It was a powerful presentation and we were going to be a great team bringing the material to life. We spent months putting the seminar together: rehearsing, setting the date, booking the …
Learning to Forgive Our Imperfect Parents for Their Mistakes
TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of physical abuse and may be triggering to some people.
“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.” ~Oscar Wilde
I couldn’t tell you if Oscar Wilde’s quote is entirely accurate. You see, my biological parents abandoned me and left me with my grandparents at birth.
Growing up with grandma and grandpa was the best childhood I could have ever imagined, and I didn’t miss my biological parents at all. I guess in that sense they were my parents, and perhaps Oscar Wilde’s …
Why Forgiveness Is a Gift to Yourself and How to Release the Past
“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese
On a snowy winter day in the dark month of January, I got hit by a car. My left leg was immediately amputated. A darkness started growing in my seventeen-year-old heart that day.
Harvey was the man driving the car that hit me.
Because of Harvey’s decisions, I didn’t have my leg. Because of Harvey, I walked in pain. Because of Harvey, I lost my confidence as an attractive woman.
At the trial two years later, Harvey and I weren’t allowed to talk to each other. …
Letting Go of the Guilt That Keeps You Chained to the Past
“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, guilt, or possessions—we cannot be free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
One night after my nine-year-old son had just gone to bed, he asked me if I would lay with him, as he was scared. I was getting ready for a busy week and was tired, so I replied, “No, you’re fine. Go to sleep.”
When he died the following afternoon after being hit by a car, I remembered what he’d asked me. The guilt that followed me from that …
A Letter from Your Future Self
“The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll
Dear Past Me,
Remember that day when you thought all was lost? When you thought there was barely any point in carrying on?
The bank account was dangerously low.
You were arguing with everyone close to you.
The roof was leaking.
It felt like everything was a struggle and the so-called abundance of the Universe was nowhere to be seen.
You were going over the mistakes you’d made.
The money you had lost.
The opportunities you had missed.
You were going over angry …
How to Move On When You’re Hurt and Waiting for Closure
“Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
Ah, closure. That feeling of vindication, or a sense of completion—it can be very enticing!
There are times when seeking resolution is really important. If we are having an argument with our partner, settling it can help strengthen our relationship. If we are having a disagreement over a contract, determining the outcome may be required to continue with the project at hand.
In these types of situations, seeking resolution is very relevant.
That said, there are loads of situations that occur in life …
Burn Away Your Barriers to Love: 7 Ways to Live a Beautiful Life
“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi
My grandmother is nearing the end. She’s had a good life, a family, a loving husband, dancing and singing, growing things, running a business.
There are some skeletons in the closet though; her early life had some very heavy experiences that made her afraid and may have held her back. On balance, a great life, but there were challenges.
Right now, she’s slipped into a dream world and she is often still there when her …
Forgiving and Letting Go When You Feel Resentful
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Ghandi
My childhood was in many ways a nice childhood. I feel like a complete twit to complain about it. I know other people have gone through so much worse. I’ve read really difficult childhood stories and my heart literally bleeds for these people.
Growing up I was shy, un-confident, and withdrawn. I treated school mostly like a prison sentence. I put my head down and tried to do my time without falling in with the wrong crowd.
My parents were, and are, good parents. They provided …
Free Yourself from Regret and Transform Your Life
“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” ~Marianne Williamson
I always had a hard time accepting all of me. As early as I can remember others defined me by saying “You are so weird.” Not in a malicious way but more in a “you don’t fit into our familiar box” sort of way.
I spent most of my teens and twenties attempting to conform to others or numbing myself to a point of not caring what they thought. If someone would have told me that forgiveness and compassion would lead me to …
Forgiving In a Situation That Feels Unjust
“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown
There I was: numb from a conclusion of a dismissal based on a finding that there was “no reasonable prospect of success.”
Harassed, bullied, victimized, stalked both in-person and online, the Human Rights Tribunal tossed me into another discarded pile of victims to be ignored by the courts because a group of goons were cleaver enough to hide the body of proof.
My assailants comprised of four individuals. One was a divorced teacher …
Forgiving the Unforgivable and Ending Your Own Suffering
“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” ~Malachy McCourtro
I was completely unprepared for the emotional hailstorm that bombarded me when, back in 2001, I learned that my wife had been having an affair with my best friend of twenty-plus years.
My normal, predictable life (which I absolutely loved, by the way) had been virtually shattered overnight. Not only did it culminate in a very bitter war (see: divorce), it also marked the onset of a toxic poison that had begun to work its way into my veins: resentment.
It began with …
How My Anger Led Me to Forgiveness and Peace
“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” ~Alice Duer Miller
As an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a relative, I had become accustomed to keeping secrets. Silence, I was taught, was a good thing. It protected people that I loved.
So for over a decade, I carried the dark and overbearing weight of my past in secrecy and in silence, believing I was the only one in the world who’d ever experienced such abuse—until I learned from a college workshop that one in four women and one in five men fall …
Becoming More Authentic: Accept Yourself and Forget Approval
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings
For most of my life, I was a chameleon. I stayed under the radar, hoping I’d blend in and not draw attention to myself. I was full of self-doubt, so I molded my personality and beliefs based on my company. I traded my authentic self for the security of being liked by my family and friends because of my fear of being judged.
By suppressing my opinions, I was perceived as easygoing, but at what cost? I disrespected myself by allowing others to influence major …
3 Unconventional Tips for Forgiving and Letting Go
“The greatest obstacle to connecting with our joy is resentment.” ~Pema Chodron
Forgiveness is good, right? I don’t mean in a heal the planet kind of way—I mean in a selfish, me me me kind of way.
We want to let go of our resentments and connect with people genuinely. We want to feel happy and contented, full of love for ourselves and those around us. We want to run, carefree, through the fields in a pretty cotton dress, not sit around in our pajamas, twisted with bitterness.
But how do you experience genuine forgiveness and stop feeling resentful? Because …
Forgiving People Who Show No Remorse: Have You Suffered Enough?
“That which I do not forgive in you, lies unforgiven within myself.” ~Buddhist Proverb
When I decided to forgive the driver that killed my nine-year-old son, I struggled to believe I could or should.
In the beginning of my grief I had so much anger toward her, and because she was not showing remorse, I wanted to find ways to punish her so that she would be in the same pain that I was.
She did not come forward to say she was sorry or try to meet up with me after the accident, and this was hard for …
4 Questions to Turn Your Anger Around and Forgive
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes
For a long time, I had a stressful relationship with my dad. We had a falling out after I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. He didn’t understand what I was going through in regards to eating and body image, and I tried to push him out, so we stopped talking.
Somewhere inside of me, I had built up anger that was directed at him and I just couldn’t bring myself to forgive him or let go. And he was just clueless, not knowing …
Start Healing the World: Take Responsibility for Healing Yourself
“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” ~Marianne Williamson
We all have the fundamental desire to create an ideal world, where everyone is healthy, happy, and free of suffering. The habitual tendency we all have is to look around us, find out what’s wrong with the world, and then try to “fix” it.
While it’s true that horrible things happen around us everyday, to transform the world we all experience, we have to start with ourselves. We can only create change in the world if we first start with our own …
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