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Posts tagged with “happy”

“Nice” Isn’t a Compliment: Letting Go of the Need to Please

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“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” ~Brene Brown

When I was in the seventh grade, I moved to a new city and started a new school. I was terrified and filled with anxiety about navigating this new world without a single friend. What if no one liked me?

My first week there, I walked through the cafeteria some when two girls called me over to their table. I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking maybe I would be able to make a friend. I went over smiling …

4 Things You Need to Know to Have a Strong, Healthy Relationship

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“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.“ ~T. Tolis

Relationships are not always easy. If you lack the tools to engage properly with a partner and cannot show up in a healthy way, you will find your relationship is ten times harder and most likely prone to failure.

I wish I had known these things when I first started dating, as it would have made my life much easier.

If you want to have a healthy relationship, you must know the following:

1. How to communicate effectively

My …

How to Stop Neglecting and Abusing Your Inner Child

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“Hold the hand of the child that lives in your soul. For this child, nothing is impossible.” ~Paulo Coelho

You’re probably an abusive parent. Even if you don’t have children.

In each of us lives an inner child. This child isn’t just a sub-layer of our personality; it’s arguably the real us, the deepest aspect of ourselves.

Like many people, I’ve been aware of the inner child idea for some time. I thought of the concept mostly as another way of explaining our personal sensitivities or the childish behavior we all are capable of at times. But it’s not …

One Simple Way to Be a Good Friend (A Lesson from My Childhood Dog)

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“To be rich in friends is to be poor in nothing.” ~Lilian Whiting

For eleven years of my life, I was graced by the presence of an extraordinary dog. Her name was Jenny, and she was a black lab and springer mix with a hyper personality and an almost absurd passion for the joy of being alive.

She was a gift to our family from a close family friend, and she was by far the most life-changing gift we ever received.

While there are many stories I could share about her, there is one story in particular that stands …

The One Purpose We All Share in Life

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“We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.” ~ Mary Dunbar

I sat staring at myself in the mirror.

All I saw was failure.

And for the first time in a long while, I cried.

All I could think about was having to get up the next morning and force myself through another day. Force myself to put on a smile and pretend to be happy. Force myself to act like everything was moving in the right direction.

I’d been putting on this façade …

It’s Okay to Cry

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“We need never be ashamed of our tears.” ~Charles Dickens

We have all cried, all of us, some more than others.

But today I am not here to divide us by the liters of tears we have shed.

Today I want to unite us because we are all the same.

We all feel sad, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated at times.

Any stay-at-home parent would understand my frustration, my misery, and my overwhelmed days.

It has eaten me up on the inside. I have been staying at home for the past seven years, looking after my kids, with no face-to-face …

Why We Shouldn’t Rush or Feel Guilty About Emotional Pain

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“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

In July 2012, a conversation changed my life.

Prior to this, I had been struggling to right myself after a difficult loss. Several months had passed, yet I continued to revisit the same sad, angry place again and again. I believed the presence of these difficult emotions meant I was “doing it all wrong.”

I thought, if I could figure out why these feelings were so persistent, I could make them vanish altogether. To assist in the quest, I enlisted the help of …

5 Myths About Setting Boundaries That Steal Your Joy and Lead to Resentment

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“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” ~Brené Brown

Do you find yourself saying yes when you’d rather say no? Are you inexplicably exhausted all the time? Do you often experience anger, bitterness, or resentment toward yourself or others?

I did too for a long time.

I’m a recovering people pleaser. For as long as I can remember, I desired to keep everyone around me happy. I was also very fearful of …

5 Ways to Find Peace: Life Lessons from an 8th Grade Teacher

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“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good Morning, and welcome to 8th grade History with Mr. Bacchus. The first thing I need everyone to do is to take out your class schedule and make sure that it says Mr. Bacchus for this period. Is there anyone who doesn’t have my name on their schedule?

No? We sure? Great!!

Now I need each one of you to take a moment and thank whoever you believe in, the powers that be, or even the magic genie that granted you this wish, because …

Post-Traumatic Growth: How Pain Can Lead to Gain

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“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” ~Shauna Niequist

It’s been over five years since the unexpected death of my oldest son. The first couple years were fraught with depression, despair, and a sense of hopelessness like I had never felt before. I even kept a notebook in my purse outlining the plan for how I would ultimately end my life.

It wasn’t until this past year that I told my friends about how close I had been to the edge. After outing myself, I found out they …

How to Get Closure When Your Ex Won’t Speak to You

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“If you are brave enough to say good-bye, life will reward you with a new hello.” ~Paul Coehlo

Why won’t they call? Can’t they just have the conversation? What’s wrong with them? What did I do to deserve this treatment? Did I mean nothing?

Have you asked yourself these questions at the end of a relationship? I know I have. Actually, I was asking myself these very questions about six months ago. What do you do at the end of a relationship when it doesn’t really feel over or you aren’t ready for it to be done?

First there …

It’s Hard to Be Happy When Someone’s Mean to You All the Time

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Why I Won’t Tell You to Stop Caring About What Other People Think

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“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” ~Mark Twain

I almost didn’t dye the tips of my hair purple a couple years ago because I was so worried about what other people might think. While changing my hair color was something new for me, basing my decisions on other people’s opinions was not.

I tend to look to others for clues about how I should think and act. Sometimes this shows up in small things, like opinions about movies, music, or clothes. Even when asking big life questions, however, my first impulse is often to wonder what …

Are You Showing Up in the World as Your Best Self?

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“Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.” ~Robert Kennedy

Many years ago, I had the opportunity to take a yoga class at San Quentin State Prison in Northern California.

I had visited the prison before, attending other classes, with inmates, on anger management and a class based on …

How to Feel Good In Your Skin: 7 Powerful Lessons on Beauty

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“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” ~Proverb

I struggled with body image for years while I was living in Europe because I have a very fair complexion, oily skin, and thin hair.

During my childhood, people would look at me and comment on how pale I looked and ask my mother if I was anemic. Later on, as I was growing up, people who met me would ask if I was ill, or they would say that I look exhausted, tired, and weak.

It was most difficult during the summers, when there was always a social pressure …

Why We Shouldn’t Force Advice on People & What Actually Helps

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“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ~Stephen R. Covey

This is a post about listening.

I know it’s really unsexy. It’s a topic that’s like the sun; nobody looks directly at it. But you want to create deep and lasting connections with others, and real changes for your loved ones, right?

Right. Stick with me.

Think about your typical day. How often do you listen in a conversation with others without being fully present?

Go on, be honest.

You find that you float in and out of awareness. Certain …

Why Insecurity & Approval-Seeking Lead to Unhealthy Relationships

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“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” ~Robert Holden

As a child I was carefree and enthusiastic. Aren’t most kids? At some point, though, life began to impact me and to affect how I felt about myself.

For as long as I can remember, I was a chubby kid. I began using food as a means of coping, and my family didn’t seem to see it as an issue. Coming from an Italian family, food was correlated with love.

As I moved into my adolescent years, being chubby was no longer “cute,” and other …

7 Clues You’re in an Unhealthy Relationship

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“You don’t let go of an unhealthy relationship because you stop caring about them. You let go because you finally start caring about you.” ~Charles Orlando

Most of us have experienced the pain of being in an unhealthy relationship.

It took me a long time to admit that I was in one. When I finally took off the rose-tinted glasses, I saw my relationship for what it was: an exhausting, lonely experience, with no real long-term benefits, that sucked the life out of me.

I recognized that the relationship was causing me to feel worse about myself, not better, resulting …

Two Lists You Need to Make If You Want to Be True to Yourself

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“If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” ~Alexander Hamilton

For over a decade I worked as a paralegal in the corporate world. I worked hard, and I was a dedicated employee, but I was treated poorly by my superiors.

After a decade of working in this industry I felt lost, without purpose, and I constantly dreaded the next day when I would return to my job.

One day, an attorney that I had worked for came into my office and screamed at me, leaving me in tears.

At that moment I politely shut my office …

How to Speak to Someone About an Unspeakable Loss

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“It’s not about saying the right things. It’s about doing the right things.” ~Unknown

Years ago, my family and I moved to a bucolic little town in New Zealand, where we were immediately swept up into a group of ex-pats and locals. We felt deeply connected to this community by the time I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in the local hospital.

When our son was three months old, a doctor heard a heart murmur. Twenty-four hours later, he died.

In the days and weeks that followed, I wandered in my own fog of grief as I went …