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Posts tagged with “healing”

Letting Go of Anger: Forgiveness Is a Choice and a Process

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“Forgiving someone doesn’t mean condoning their behavior. It doesn’t mean forgetting how they hurt you or giving that person room to hurt you again. Forgiving someone means making peace with what happened. It means acknowledging your wound, giving yourself permission to feel the pain, and recognizing why that pain no longer serves you. It means letting go of the hurt and resentment so that you can heal and move on. ~Daniell Koepke

My father leaned back in his overstuffed recliner, eating the double-chocolate raspberry gelato I had just bought for him as he stared entranced at the television.

His feeble …

Healing from Abuse and Feeling Happy and Whole Again

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Scars tell us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going.” ~David Rossi, Criminal Minds

When I was in my mid-fifties, I ordered cable television for the first time in my life.

My husband and I had raised our two sons mostly without TV, but now they were grown and on their own. My husband and I were divorced, and I had moved to a secluded place on the high desert to pursue a writing career.

My Internet service …

5 Crippling Lies About Forgiveness (and the Truths That Set You Free)

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“Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim.” ~C.R. Strahan

It’s not fair, is it?

Getting hurt. All over again.

It wasn’t so bad forgiving them the first time. You rose to the occasion. You became the bigger person. You tried to move on.

You thought you had to. After all, they did ask nicely.

You just knew you’d be BFFs again and go right back to, “Let’s go for Jamba Juice!”

But it didn’t go down like that, did it?…

The Gift Of Unsoothable Pain: Darkness Can Lead to Light

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“Blessed are the cracked for they shall let in the light.” ~Groucho Marx

In 2008, after ten years of marriage, my former husband and I decided to divorce.

It came as a shock to those who knew us. We were living what most would consider the American dream: two healthy children, beautiful home, great friends, strong careers, two incomes—the works.

Though my ex-husband and I got along well, the marriage was missing an intimate, heartfelt connection.

Loneliness and longing grew with each passing year until I could no longer ignore them. I knew the kind of intimacy for which I …

Rediscovering Yourself and Rebuilding Your Life After Loss

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“He who sits in the house of grief will eventually sit in the garden.” ~Hafiz

My life has fallen apart around me.

I ended a five-year relationship with a man I thought I wanted to marry, quit a full-time office job with no further prospects, and moved back to my tiny hometown to live with my parents.

All of these transitions occurred within the same week.

I was twenty when I met my boyfriend, and he was twenty-eight. We spent every waking moment together, dating for four-and-a-half years and living together for two. This time was punctuated with moments of …

Accepting the Loss of a Loved One and Finding Peace Again

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“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

Meaningful relationships are crucial to our happiness. We need the human bond to feel connected and joyful, and we enjoy life much more when we share it with people we love.

There are times, however, when we are forcefully separated from our loved ones. Coping with loss can be one of the most difficult things we ever have to do. Everyone copes …

Share Your Privilege: Your Story Could Change Someone’s Life

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“What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” ~Brené Brown

I think most of us can reflect vividly on the turning point that brought us toward where we are today.

Often during these transitional periods, major life events push us to pursue the peace of mind we have always dreamed of having.

For me, this journey started my sophomore year in college. My father had just passed away from suicide, and subsequently I was diagnosed with major depression for the second time in my college career.

It wasn’t the most pleasant diagnosis to receive, but I was relieved that I now …

Forgiving and Refusing to Let Bad Things Change Us

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“Humbleness, forgiveness, clarity and love are the dynamics of freedom. They are the foundations of authentic power.” ~Gary Zukav

It was a little after 9:00 PM when my mother’s next-door neighbor called upset, hysterical even. Within seconds of hearing her voice, I knew something wasn’t right.

I was getting one of those calls that everyone dreads. Deep breath. She said that my mother had been brutally attacked and had been taken to the hospital.

Breathe Leslie.

“What happened?” I asked in my calmest voice, trying hard to listen and not react. “Where is she? What hospital?”

A family friend had …

Stop Pushing Yourself: 10 Crucial Steps to Avoid Burnout

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“I actually think burnout is the wrong description of it. I think it’s ‘burn up.’ Physiologically, that is what you are doing because of the chronic stress being placed on your body.” ~Richard Boyatzis

Some years ago, when my mother told me that a friend of hers had experienced burnout, I didn’t really listen. Actually, I didn’t want to hear about it. I even felt irritated because she felt sorry for people who got burned out.

My opinion was that they were just being ridiculous and exaggerating.

It was an excuse, supported by a medical certificate from some doctor they …

How to Take Care of Yourself When You Feel Like Shutting Down

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“Displace the pain. Put it in a camera, in a story, in a poem, in a song, in a lover, in a canvas.” ~Unknown

As an aspiring mental health counselor, I’m a huge advocate for self-care. I think it’s extremely important to educate people about the benefits of taking the time to nourish our souls and to give ourselves some TLC.

I have several go-to ways I like to take care of myself, from practicing yoga to immersing myself in nature to writing to taking the time to mindfully apply my favorite lotion.

I find myself engaging in these …

When You’re Hurting and Healing: Give Yourself a Break

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“Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress, which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” ~Unknown

Often these days, I would like nothing more than to move forward. If I could only figure out which way was forward, I would definitely start heading in that direction. If you couldn’t already tell, I’m going through a break-up, the most major break-up of my life so far.

Again, I’m often disappointed that if I were to check a box to describe my “relationship status” it would most likely be “It’s complicated.”…

I’m Not Broken, and Neither Are You

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” ~Marianne Williamson

I used to have this secret habit of flipping through the DSM—The Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders—and diagnosing myself with every disorder in the book.

Reading over the criteria for borderline personality disorder, cigarette in hand and eyes wide open, I scanned the diagnosis criteria.

Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment? Check. Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships? Check. Unstable self-image? Check. Impulsivity that’s self-damaging? Check. Suicidal behaviour? Check. Unstable moods? Check. Chronic feelings of emptiness? Check. Inappropriate and intense …

Releasing Painful Memories to Live More Fully in the Present

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“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.” ~Eckhart Tolle

For thirteen years I’ve lived a high-risk lifestyle that focuses very much on the here and now, because I’m an entrepreneur, and that means making lots of fast decisions that affect the future.

It took a while for me to develop confidence in myself, as we tend to doubt ourselves much more than other people might doubt us. Our thoughts form our doubts, so I knew I had to do something to move forward from the thoughts …

Redefining Closure in Order to Move On and Get Living Again

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“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ~Unknown

I would love to identify as someone who, when her relationships crumble either gradually or all at once, is able to wipe her hands clean and go about her life without any closure.

I fantasize about the tears, time, and energy I would save if I didn’t feel the need for closure and if I didn’t agonize about trying to have these heartfelt and “necessary” conversations with the people with whom I’ve had falling outs.

For years, I was shackled to the belief …

Healing the Past

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Source: Simple Reminders

Healing from Heartbreak and Loving Life, No Matter Your “Status”

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“Getting over a past relationship is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis

I recently stumbled into a clothing store where everything was full of life and color, until I saw the sales clerk.

She had obviously been crying. I perused the merchandise and hesitatingly asked her a question about an item. Tears welled up in her eyes and she said, “I’m sorry, I’m so overwhelmed. My boyfriend just broke up with me.”

I wasn’t prepared for that answer, but as I looked at her more closely I saw …

How I Broke Free from Depression When I Felt Suicidal

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“I’m stronger because of the hard times, wiser because of my mistakes, and happier because I have known sadness.” ~Unknown

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and prescribed anti-depressants when I was twenty-one years old. I refer to this point in my life as the “Dark Ages.”

Leading up to grad school, I’d suddenly become afflicted with incomprehensible despair.

At seventeen, for the first time (at least for the first time I could remember), I considered suicide. I felt as if life should’ve been more than what it was. I had a deep sense that I was supposed to …

Healing from Heartbreak: How to Lessen the Pain

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“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over.” ~Mandy Hale

Heartbreak. It’s a hard thing to go through. And the pain—it’s real, isn’t it? Like tangible pain. Almost as if that person, throughout the time we were with them, emblazoned our hearts with tiny little hooks and, one by one, they’re being wrenched out. Sounds dramatic, but that’s how it felt to me!

This recent breakup has been the most significant in my life so far. …

Can You Make Your Brain Fall Out of Love?

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“Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.” ~Unknown

A long time ago now, but once I was in a relationship that was full of great passion and hot desire, but it was also addictive, distracting, and destructive.

When I noticed that it was ultimately bad for me, I knew I had to “get out.” So, I went cold turkey, as they say, and broke up, thinking I would be able to handle it.

Unfortunately, it was much harder than I thought it would be. Every morning I woke up and found myself in the …

Mind Over Melodrama: 5 Lessons on Self-Awareness and Healing

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“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” ~Julius Charles Hare

In a few months it will be the two and a half year anniversary of my mental breakdown.

I don’t really celebrate the date, partially because I don’t know it—it’s not the sort of thing that you remember to mark on your calendar—and partially because my entire life since then has been a celebration of what I began to learn that night.

I began to learn about myself.

It’s been a wild ride of healing, helplessness, forgetting, and remembering. Many times, I …