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Posts tagged with “loss”

How to Turn Pain into Strength and Wisdom

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“The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.” ~Unknown

Some would say that when it rains, it pours—a fitting statement for the events that have recently taken place in my life.

In mid-September my life took an unexpected turn. My wife, to whom I had been married for only four months (having been together for six years prior), had been acting strangely toward me.

She was suffering from fits of depression that would range from her sobbing on the couch to sitting by the fireplace, drinking heavily while listening to songs that would make your heart …

The Best Way to Help Someone Who’s Grieving (Including Yourself)

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“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson

Yesterday marked the second anniversary of my stepmother passing away. I still remember that day vividly; I remember going to work like it was any other day, mulling over life, and then making my journey back home from work. As I walked into my apartment building …

The Stage of Grief You’ve Never Heard of But May Be Stuck In

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“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

Since I was a little girl I have believed in the power of wishes. I’ve never missed a first star, a dandelion plume, or load of hay (load of hay, load of hay, make a wish and turn away) to express to the universe my deepest desires.

When I was fifteen and my dad was at the end stages of cancer, I …

Let Go of Regret by Making a Promise to Yourself

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“Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

Regret can be such a paralyzing emotion, yet it is also universal. At some point in our lives, in one way or another, we each wrestle with regret.

Regret seems to rear its ugly head most when it comes to relationships. It happens when a relationship ends and we feel as if we could have done something more. This feeling intensifies when the other person decides that a second chance is not worth the fight. Most of all, we face with regret once it sets in that the past …

Moving Beyond Pain to Find Happiness and Meaning

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“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~ Unknown

Most of us have experienced a day or event in our life that changes us forever.

I remember that day vividly, and it still invokes incredible pain in my heart. It was the middle of the night in February. I was twelve years old, and I awoke to my mother screaming and crying to my brother that our dad was dying. He died in his sleep from a massive heart attack.

I will …

Why Self-Pity is Harmful and How to Let It Go

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“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson

Some of us experience more adversity and painful events in our lives than others. We wonder why our difficulties don’t happen to the “bad” people out there instead of us. Unfortunately, life is not fair.

Awful things happen. Dreadful circumstances or tragedies will affect most of …

The Blessing of a Broken Heart: How Pain Can Lead to Healing

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“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” ~Ruth E. Renkel

My last breakup was on April 16th, 2012.

I remember the date because on the evening of April 17th, as I sat with a blotchy red face and tears in my eyes, my dad told me I soon would remember that day and be glad I was no longer sad. “Men are like buses,” he said. “If one leaves you behind, rest assured another will come.”

I found his support very touching, but it did little to console me. If …

Dealing and Healing After Loss: 9 Tips to Help You Get Through the Day

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“Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you don’t know where to start, start anywhere. I keep telling myself that every time I am stuck.

Well, I’ve been a widow for year and a half, and I am twenty-four years old. Maybe that’s the way to start here.

My husband had cancer. We tried to enjoy the time before his passing as best we could, so he would die with memories, not dreams. And I guess that the fact that he died content is quite an accomplishment in our relationship.

But it doesn’t change …

How to Heal a Broken Heart and Wounded Spirit

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“We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.” ~Marianne Williamson

My life fell apart on a warm August evening a few years ago. It had been a full summer: family visits, plans for a cross-country move, barbecues, and plenty of travel. We were happy, my husband and I.

Or so I thought.

On that August night, my husband came home to our cozy New York apartment, sat down, and told me, behind a smother of hands and hunched shoulders, that he’s in love with another woman. Well, not so …

6 Things to Do When You Feel Small and Insignificant

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“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~Robert Schuller

On nights when the stars shine bright in the Arizona desert, I remember to tell myself to pay attention to the universe’s handiwork. From space, the Earth is a mere speck in the galaxy. I am humbled by this knowing, by my smallness. I call it my Ratatouille moment.

Ratatouille is an animated movie that tells a story of a dreamer, a remarkable rat named Remy, who aspires to be a chef. Emerging from the sewers one day, Remy was shown a different vantage point of the city.

To his …

Stop Resisting: Surrender to Your Body to Transform It and Your Life

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“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Most people don’t realize that your relationship with your body affects your entire life. Why? Because if you are fighting with your body, you are fighting with yourself. And if you are fighting with yourself, you are resisting what you truly desire in life.

I know too well what it feels like to fight with your body. I had the same fear as most people…

If I love my body as it is today, it will get worse. I will gain more weight. If I keep my constant …

Finally Letting Go of the Pain and Moving On after a Breakup

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“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C. S. Lewis

Another year over and you’re still troubled by a relationship that ended last year or in years past. The whole thing is dragging on too long—why can’t you just get over it? But every time you think about it or bump into your ex, you feel ruined again

How about giving your feelings another shake?

Rattle them in any direction—a new one. If it turns out to be the wrong direction you …

Dealing with Loss: 3 Uplifting Truths About Death and Grief

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“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live.” ~Natalie Babbitt

I stared at my reflection in the mirror as my face contorted into a painful grimace, tears streaming down my cheeks. My throat constricted to keep the sobbing at bay. My grandmother was dying, and this is how I coped with death: by falling apart.

I was lucky; this is the way death is “supposed” to go. Grammy was 96 and had lived out her old age in comfort.

While I knew I would miss …

7 Ways to Cope With the Grief of Heartbreak

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“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis

Shock. That was the first feeling. Shock and disbelief.

This isn’t really happening. Denial.

Look into her eyes. Slow realization. I’m not dreaming. Fear.

Wave upon wave of torrential sadness. Messy.

We’d been in a long-distance relationship, and as far as I was aware, everything was inutterably perfect. I was as happy as I’d ever been; I was in love.

For months, I’d been planning to travel across the country to see her. …

Learning to Love and Live Again When Life Gets Hard

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“The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.” ~Unknown

It’s when you’ve woken up with a full day ahead of you after only two hours of sleep.

It’s when there’s nothing for you to do but sit by your friends as they deal with tragedies and all the hard stuff life throws at us.

It’s when you don’t know how to handle the situations in your life that are anything but black and white.

It’s when you feel utterly helpless and powerless as you watch someone you care about aching with the deep soul wounds that …

When You Don’t Feel Good Enough for Someone Else

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“Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.” ~Lululemon

I recently started going through what has been the most difficult situation I have ever had to bare in my life: the end of my twelve-year relationship.

I have gotten to know the darkest and most hidden places inside me, and pain so deep that I did not know we as a species were capable of feeling it.

It has been through this process and my will to endure, survive, and overcome that I have had to dig deep to find meaning and answers.

I …

You Are the One: 5 Helpful Tips for the Brokenhearted

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“All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~Sir Thomas Browne

Anyone who has ever gone through some sort of heartbreak knows what awful pain it can cause, both physically and mentally. It can be devastating, shattering, and overwhelming for your spirit.

In the beginning of 2012 I had my heart broken by a person who I thought was “the one.”

Between tears and desperate calls, I found myself searching the Internet for remedies to get over an ex. I knew I was a strong person, but I just couldn’t see anything becoming brighter or better ever.

I constantly …

How Feeling My Pain Made Me Feel More Alive

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“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” ~Kenji Miyazawa

I used to run from pain.

My father died suddenly when I was six. For years I stuffed it down, never letting anyone know my emotions, how I was feeling, and I ran from situations that could cause me to lose, to feel pain.

My heart would jump and feel fear every time I received bad news or a “bad” email from a boss. I only wanted to feel good things. I stayed out of relationships for fear of the eventual loss and bad feelings, …

The Gains in Our Losses: Growing Through the Pain

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“In this world of change, nothing which comes stays, and nothing which goes is lost.”  ~ Anne Sophie Swetchine

I’ve always been a “cat guy.” This was long before my Buddhist friends told me stories of how cats are true earthly masters, here on earth to show us the way. Or, to demonstrate the meditative perfection of the feline purr. Or, how the life of a cat is seen in some traditions as reward for good karma.

When I lived in rural Nova Scotia, the house was blessed with two cats named Midge and Mooch—tabby mixes, who would come …

5 Ways to Thrive When Life Feels Chaotic and Uncertain

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“All great changes are preceded by chaos.” ~Deepak Chopra

A personal tempest blew through the doors and windows of my life, and I am forever changed. Think major upheaval in every area of your life. Conjure Dorothy Gale, Robinson Crusoe, Job, yeah them.

In the process, I’ve learned that the disorienting storms of life are not just about survival but of learning to thrive. It is not in spite of daunting circumstances that we grow but because of them.

For three years, painful and unexpected events descended all at once. My long-term marriage, often filled with anger, hurt, mistrust, …