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Posts tagged with “self esteem”

If You’re Trapped Under a Pile of “Should” and Tired of Feeling Unhappy

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“Stop shoulding on yourself.” ~Albert Ellis

I was buried under a pile of shoulds for the first thirty-two years of my life. Some of those shoulds were put on me by the adults in my life, some were heaped on because I am a middle child, but most were self-imposed thanks to cultural and peer influence.

“You should get straight A’s, Jill.”

“You shouldn’t worry so much, Jill.”

“You should be married by now, Jill.”

“You should get your Master’s degree.”

I could go on forever. The pile was high, and I was slowly suffocating from the crushing weight on …

I Was a Bulimic Nutritionist, but I’m No Longer Ashamed or Hiding

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“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” ~ Brené Brown

I felt like a hypocrite. I would tell my nutrition clients to eat a salad with vegetables, then I’d go home and scarf down an entire pizza. After guilt and shame set in, I would purge and throw it up.

I think I became a nutritionist partly so I could better control my relationship with food. If I learned the secrets behind eating I could biohack my way to putting the fork down, losing weight, and finally being happy. This was back when I thought thinness equaled happiness.

It’s taken …

Hurt by Negative People? How to Stop Taking Things Personally

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“Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.” ~Kamand Kojouri

The saying goes that money makes the world go round, but of course that’s not true.

It’s our relationships.

How we relate to other people and how they relate to us keeps our world turning. When things go well, all’s right with our world. When things go badly, it can feel as though our world has ground to a halt.

This is exactly how I felt whenever I had a difficult experience with a …

Why I Never Fit in Anywhere and the One Realization That’s Changed Everything

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“Don’t force yourself to fit where you don’t belong.” ~Unknown

When I was young, I was a real daddy’s girl. He was so proud of me and took me everywhere with him.

When my parents got divorced and my dad moved away to start a new life with a new family, I didn’t understand why he left, as I was still a child. I thought that he didn’t love me anymore. I felt abandoned and rejected. Perhaps if I’d been better behaved, prettier, cleverer then he wouldn’t have left me?

Until recently, I didn’t realize the impact that this has …

A Life-Changing Insight: You Are Not a Problem to Be Fixed

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“I decided that the single most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.” ~Anne Lamott

I remember one particular clear, cold winter morning as I returned home from a walk. I suddenly realized that I had missed the whole experience.

The blue, clear sky.

The lake opening up before me.

The whisper of the trees that I love so much.

I was there in body but not embodied. I was totally, completely wrapped up in the thoughts running rampant in my mind. The worries about others, work, the future; about …

20 Journaling Prompts to Help You Love Yourself

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“Time spent in self-reflection is never wasted—it is an intimate date with yourself.” ~Paul TP Wong

I’ve found journaling is a polarizing activity. People love it or hate it. (If you are in the latter group, don’t worry, you’ll still get a lot out of this!) Personally, I’ve hit both ends of the spectrum at different points in my life.

I spent many years in a place of self-loathing. I truly believed I was just not blessed with being born a likable person. And this belief fueled decades of social anxiety, avoiding parties, coming up with lame excuses to …

How to Embrace Your Physical ‘Flaws’ and Feel Comfortable in Your Skin

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“When you’re comfortable in your skin, you look beautiful, regardless of any flaws.” ~Emily Deschanel

I started doubting the way I looked at the age of eight following comments from other children, about my twin sister being cuter/prettier than me. During adolescence I suffered from bullying because of my appearance and thought I was ugly. Like many others, I believed for many years that everything would’ve been easier if I was better-looking.

At eighteen, when I left home for military service (mandatory in Israel), I started to get positive feedback from men and to feel much better about the way …

How to Create Happiness Outside of a Relationship and Enjoy More of Your Life

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“Remember, being happy doesn’t mean you have it all. It simply means you’re thankful for all you have.” ~Unknown

For many years I was single. But I wasn’t just a regular single, I was a miserable one.

Rather than enjoying a time in my life when I didn’t have to care about anyone else but myself and using it to devote my full attention to my purpose and passions, I chose to ride the “woe is me” train.

I would complain about being single daily and covet other women’s “luck” in dating. I would blame every guy I dated …

7 Reasons I Was Scared to Take up Space and How I Boosted My Confidence

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“You are allowed to take up space. Own who you are and what you want for yourself. Stop downplaying the things you care about, the hopes you have.” ~Bianca Sparacino

I deserve to take up more space. Plain and simple. By taking the space I deserve, I further build the confidence I need to live a rich life that resonates with who I truly am.

Over the past several years, I’ve had to navigate a new life after hard breakups, difficult career transitions, and moving back home. I’ve had to face the feeling that I’m not doing enough. …

My Secret to Overcoming the Painful Trap of Perfectionism

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“A meaningful life is not being rich, being popular, or being perfect. It’s about being real, being humble, being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others.” ~Unknown

Hello, I’m Kortney, and I’m a recovering perfectionist.

Like so many of us, I spent the greater part of my life believing that unless something was perfect, it wasn’t good at all. There was really no in-between. If it wasn’t perfect, it was a failure.

One of the problems with perfectionism is that it’s common to believe it’s a positive thing. In our society, people tend to value it. If …

When You Struggle with Being Yourself, Remember This

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“Make the most of yourself… for that is all there is of you.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every day, it was more or less the same. I presented an edited version of myself to the world. I felt a deep level of discomfort with the idea of letting myself go. Could I? Should I? The answer was “no” every time, even if it wasn’t always a conscious decision.

It felt wrong to be myself in a society where we’re conditioned to believe that we have to look and be a certain way to fit in. I believed that no one …

How to Know If Hidden Low Self-Esteem Is Holding You Back in Life

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“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.” ~Audrey Kitching

You can try it all—exercise, a bubble bath, a relationship, a promotion, and everything else that you think will make you happy. I have come to learn those things will not give you the kind of happiness you desire until they coincide with you knowing your worth.

At my unhappiest times, my eyes were …

Be Good to Yourself: 10 Powerful Ways to Practice Self-Love

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“Self-love, self-respect, self-worth: There’s a reason they all start with ‘self.’ You can’t find them in anyone else.” ~Unknown

It was one of those nights.

I was in a busy New York bar, having fun and enjoying myself. That was, until someone asked me: “So, what do you do?”

Within a few seconds my fun, happy, playful side vanished and in entered a girl full of doubts and insecurity.

The truth was… I had no freaking idea about what I was doing! I had just left my corporate job and now I was on a journey to …

Failing Doesn’t Make You a Failure (and You Can Still Succeed)

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“Remember that failure is an event, not a person.” ~Zig Ziglar

Take a second and imagine little you. running around like the little ragamuffin you were. Imagine as far back as you can—back when you were first able to comprehend feedback from parents, teachers, or whatever other authorities were around.

When considering the cause of low self-esteem, the most obvious answers fall under the umbrella of past abuses or failures: a parent who demanded straight A’s, an abusive spouse, etc. These are common forms of mistreatment that cause some people’s self-esteem to tank.

But for those who’ve lived fairly easy …

The Fascinating Reason We Fear Rejection and the Key to Acceptance

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“Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” ~Steven Pressfield

“We need to talk to you.”

I looked up from my book. The other thirteen girls in my class had assembled around me.

Part of me was annoyed that they interrupted Indiana Jones’s latest adventure. But another part couldn’t shake the feeling that I was facing the sixth grade execution squad. My heart began to beat faster, my shoulders tensed, and sickening fear spread through my body.

“We don’t like …

How to Boost Your Self-Worth: 7 Tips to Feel Better About Yourself

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“The more we see ourselves as a vibrant, successful, inspiring person who boldly declares and manifests her vision, the more we become just that.” ~Kristi Bowman

I was kind of a chunky kid growing up.

In my own little world of trolls and playwriting, I didn’t notice the chunk. I genuinely liked me. But when I entered the “real world” of opinions, people, and comparison, I began to realize or rather feel that perhaps my body wasn’t good enough.

This thought was like a seed that was then planted in my brain. And every time I thought about it, …

How to Feel Good Enough (When You Feel Anything But)

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“There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them.” ~Ralph Marston

I recently had a personal conversation with someone who was describing some struggles they were experiencing. In passing, they mentioned “It’s okay for you, you’ve fought your battles” and went on to talk about how I’m married, I’m working in a career I love, and I’m “successful.”

Listening to them, I could feel my heart breaking, partly for them: I know what it’s like to compare my insides to someone else’s outsides and find myself severely wanting.

But I …

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem So You Can Thrive in Life

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“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

Aren’t you tired of it?

You know, that sneaking suspicion you aren’t enough.

That inner commentary about where you fall short all the time. The mean internal remarks about your ability to handle life and how you just don’t measure up.

And aren’t you fed up with how it’s been holding you back from pursuing what you truly desire?

A better relationship or more meaningful …

If You Don’t See Your Worth

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Source: Live Life Happy

Confessions and Lessons from a Former Approval Addict

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“It’s not your job to like me. It’s mine.” ~Byron Katie

I’m short. I’m stumpy. My nose looks like a pig’s. My inner thighs touch when I walk. My gums show too much when I talk. I have to change the way I look. Maybe then you’ll like me.

I obsess. I overanalyze. I get caught up in my head. I dwell on things I should let go. I can never simply go with the flow. I have to learn to be laid back. Maybe then you’ll like me. 

I’m shy. I’m anxious. I’m dependent on reassurance. I ask for …