Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by TylerTervooren

“A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.” – Unknown

Two years ago, I was sitting in my car thinking just after being laid off from the job I thought I’d probably spend the rest of my life doing. According to how these stories usually go, I should have been mad; I should have been scared; I should have wanted revenge.

But I didn’t feel any of these things. Instead, I felt an unexplainable happiness—like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. When the shock of the moment wore off, I realized why I was so happy; all of a sudden, anything was possible!

It had been years since I’d tried something new. It’d been years since I’d taken a risk on myself. It’d been years since I’d actually felt alive. And this moment had snapped me out of it.

So, sitting there in my car that day, faced with no idea what my life was going to look like starting tomorrow, I asked myself a simple question:

What would my life be like if I did something that scared me every single day?

Two years later and I’m relatively convinced it’s the best question I ever asked. It’s lead me to new and interesting relationships, up mountains, to strange countries, and into self-employment.

None of these things were comfortable—quite the opposite, actually, but they were all worth the effort.

Giving Stress a Good Name

I think it’s been a while since stress has gotten a fair shake. It’s no four-letter word—literally or figuratively—and for the bad rap it’s gotten in ruining lives, it’s also reaffirmed just as many. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Renee Oglesbee

“I believe that every single event in life that happens is an opportunity to choose love over fear.” ~Oprah Winfrey 

Facing fear came in the form of the death of my father in 1997. He was diagnosed HIV positive and at the time, the world saw this as a death sentence, and so it was.

His goal became to find a level of peace, a level of contentment about what was happening to his body, his mind, and in his soul in preparation for leaving this life. He enlisted my help to choose when and how to die.

I made the commitment to help him die with grace and dignity, in our home. That process took five years with many ups and downs. The final letting go happened while lying next to him in his own bed.

He drew his last breath and simply let go, peacefully. “We” were successful in creating a space for his passing to be perfect for him, exactly as he chose it to be.

That was the hardest thing that life had ever “asked” me to do. The aftermath of that single event had drastically changed my life. Initially, it was not for the better, as it created in me a need to protect myself against ever feeling the pain of letting go of someone I love that much.

It has been a double-edged sword. I found myself in tremendous fear—fear of having what I want and losing it. It has been a very long journey for me. I’ve struggled to let go of the belief that if I have someone in my life who I love so completely, they will “leave.” My commitment to not feel that pain ever again has been a huge hurdle for me.

It was this year, on my 49th birthday that I “met again” the woman I believe with my whole heart I am meant to share the rest of this journey with. I say met again because she showed up in my life as a woman I have “known” for approximately 20 years. She was completely and utterly unexpected!

I have let go of the protective armor around my heart with the help of a very talented life coach. I find myself trusting that should she “leave,” I have it in me to let go with grace. I trust myself to love completely, again. In return, I attracted into my life a woman that has completely opened her heart to me.

Because I took the risk of opening up, I will now get to live with her in Wimberley, Texas, where I’ve always wanted to live.

Even more miraculous, I can now work with a mental health organization there that supports one of my greatest missions in life: to cure mental illness, not just manage the symptoms. I feel it is part of my life’s purpose to share the Ho’oponopono practice of releasing limitations—and I may not have stumbled into this specific opportunity if I didn’t learn to open my heart.

I am giving up every last shred of “security” I have worked so very hard for, to face my fears. I will not die never having lived and experienced love because of my fears.

….and this is what I know: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Matthew Alexander Sloane

I’m in the middle of self-publishing my first book. Ever since college, I dreamed of publishing my work and now I’m enjoying the reality of going for it.

For weeks, I’ve gathered testimonials. As you may know, they are powerful tools, especially when the people providing them are recognizable to the target reader.

My challenge: how do I get testimonials from all these people I respect? Well, I’ll tell you what I did and how I failed before I understood what worked best.

Asking

The first answer to how one gets help is “by asking.” Yes, some people miss that part by never trying.

Why is that? Why do we hold back from asking?

For me, there’s a lot of fear that comes up when I’m about to ask for help.

• What if they say “no” to my request?
• What if they ignore my request?
• What if they see my request as a waste of time?

And those are just my conscious thoughts. There’s a good chance my subconscious replaced the words “my request” in the statements above with “me.”

• What if they say “no” to me?
• What if they ignore me?
• What if they see me as a waste of time?

Sort of slaps the ego a bit harder—makes sense why we wouldn’t want to see it that way. Feels more painful, huh? Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” ~Flora Whittemore

I have been running this website for almost two years. A few months back, I met a goal I set for myself: I eliminated most of my other freelance work, and focused my energy on Tiny Buddha.

Since I don’t require much money to live—and since my eBook has been selling regularly—I was able to transition in the spring. As a consequence, I decreased my workload dramatically.

Now that I have more time, I realize that I need to discover a sense of purpose beyond writing and editing, and not just through hobbies and fun. Essentially, I need to find new ways to contribute to the world, regardless of the income it generates, because I crave a greater sense of connection and engagement—outside the world of the web.

Last week, I received an offer to run a ‘tween website, working part-time hours. My first paid writing gig was for a ‘tween magazine, back in 2006. This felt meaningful to me, not just because I fulfilled the dream of seeing my byline in print, but because I understand how difficult it is to be that age.

Many of my problems began in junior high, when I was chubby, overdeveloped, harassed, and even abused by other kids. Because that time was so traumatic for me, I revel in the opportunity to speak to girls who may be struggling to love themselves.

This leaves me with a tough decision to make: Do I listen to the instinct that tells me to try to help young girls? Or do I listen to the instinct that tells me to stay unplugged when I’m not working on Tiny Buddha?

Do I do what comes naturally to me—what I’ve done through various sites these last five years—and keep analyzing, advising, and helping online? Or do I step outside the world of the written word, onto a path I’ve yet to define, and see where it may lead?

One seems to involve a lot more certainty. I’ll definitely feel fulfilled writing for girls (and the extra money couldn’t hurt). But I’ll likely also feel frustrated that I’m continuing to spend so much time alone, at my computer.

The other revolves around a million unknowns. What’s next if it isn’t online? How do I pick one of the many ideas I have, and how can I bring it to fruition? How do I know that what I choose will work out, and if it doesn’t, that I won’t regret not going the other way?

The answer is I don’t, can’t, and won’t. We can never know for sure when we make a decision that it’s going to pan out as we hope. All we can do is follow our strongest calling, and then trust that whatever the future holds, it will enrich our lives, one way or another.

Since I’ve been struggling with career-related decisions recently, I turned to the Tiny Buddha Facebook page and asked the community, “How do you make a difficult decision?” I collected some of the responses that resonated with me most strongly: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Shannon Kaiser

“It’s not who you are that holds you back. It’s who you think you’re not.” ~Unknown

Over the past four years, I followed a career path that felt soulless.

As I moved from city to city, climbing the corporate ladder, I noticed that, ironically, the bigger my paycheck, the emptier I felt. Something about advertising felt lifeless, cold, and desperate to me.

But I ignored this feeling and worked over it, drank over it—binged, exercised, and ate over it.

I pressed forward like a steel freight train on a mission to find my happiness. When I got to that new level, the thing I thought would make me happy was still just a few more achievements off, just a couple more dollars away. I was always looking “out there” to find my peace.

I had convinced myself that this was the best way to live my life. It became normal to cry in the bathroom at work. It wasn’t until I got laid off one year ago, from my big marketing job in Chicago that I recognized miracles do exist.

I picked up my depression and moved to the west coast. I bought my dream car, adopted a dog, and landed a perfect boyfriend—and then I took another job in marketing.

It was only a few weeks until the fear-ridden depression started to nudge up against me. The cry festivals picked up again, and I walked around like a shell of a human being.

I would arrive to work lifeless, cold, and afraid to listen to my inner voice. I would say to myself, “I went to graduate school for a marketing degree, so I better stick to this.” But it just wasn’t what I wanted.

I was pretending to be the corporate climber. The more achievements, awards, cities, clients, and money I could get, the more I could say I was worthy. It was all a big circus, as I quietly hid myself behind the illusion of success and fulfillment.

I secretly longed for freedom. Every day I would sit under the fluorescent lights and cry inside.

I felt like a caged animal that wanted nothing more then to break free. But fear, and fear alone, was holding me back. Then one day I arrived to work, and the cage doors propped open. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note:  This is a contribution by Caroline McGraw

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” ~Unknown

Have you ever paused at a podium, feeling your hands shake as you speak to the senators before you? Have you ever laced your skates, shuddering as you heard your name announced as the next skater to compete? Have you ever found out about an amazing opportunity (say, a chance to post on Tiny Buddha), only to realize that you’re terrified to try?

I’ve been in all these risky scenarios, so I know how intimidating they can be. By definition, risk-taking doesn’t guarantee that you’ll attain your desired result. However, there are a few things you can do to optimize your chances of succeeding when an opportunity comes your way.

1. Get yourself prepared (and keep your eyes open).

Malcolm Gladwell said it in Outliers, and I’ll say it again:  It takes time to achieve expertise. To be precise, it takes about 10,000 hours of practice to become a true proficient. This is no small investment of your life energy.

As such, it pays to spend time thinking about the kinds of opportunities you want to prepare yourself for.

If you’re an advocate, what do you want to say to those senators? Start saying it now, even if you’re speaking to an empty room at first. If you’re a figure skater, what elements do you want in your Olympic program? Start practicing those elements every day.

Once you have seriously invested yourself, and have discerned what kind of opportunity you’re looking for, keep your eyes open, because opportunity has a strange way of showing up once you’ve prepared. Said opportunity may be unexpected (the best ones are), but if you’ve put in the time beforehand, you can seize the opportunity when it arises. 

Nevertheless, it’s also essential to… Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~ Pema Chodron

Nine out of ten times when I feel paralyzed, it’s because I doubt myself.

Sometimes I doubt my knowledge—whether I truly know enough to move forward. Sometimes I doubt the choices I’ve already made, as if I can somehow find a sense of control in rehashing what I’ve done and deciding how to do it better in the future.

Other times I doubt my instincts. I think I know what’s right for me, but my mind decides to split and take sides, creating a nagging sense of internal conflict over what I actually want to do.

I’ve mostly dealt with this as it pertains to my dreams, and it’s partially because I’m terrified of doing the wrong thing and somehow ruining everything I’ve been working toward. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, or make the wrong decision and then have to take responsibility for the outcome of my choice.

It feels easier not to choose at all.

But what I’m learning is that there is no such thing as “wrong.” The only wrong choice is not making one. That’s not to say we’ll always create the outcomes we visualize. But maybe that isn’t the point.

Maybe the point is to learn to be less afraid of leaping, knowing that the net may not always appear, but the fall will never be far enough to do any lasting damage.

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately as I stretch outside my comfort zone with public speaking. As a former loner, I don’t deal well with crowds in general, let alone crowds staring at me while I talk vulnerably and passionately about something I love.

The space between the stage and the ground always feels like a massive distance, both in the ascent and the decline. I can’t say for certain I will ever feel fully confident in the spotlight. I may always feel at least some self-doubt, but I can choose not to doubt the choice to stretch and grow.

Doubts are just an inevitable part of life. The important thing is that we act in spite of them. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Mike Krass

“Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers.” ~Unknown

It was a few months into my semester abroad during my sophomore year in college when I realized how special the experience had become.

On the way to class, I strolled past the Pantheon and snacked on homemade gelato.

Preparing dinner consisted of purchasing fresh-picked produce and a fresh-cooked baguette. As my homemade pasta sauce slowly came to a pleasant boil, my roommates and I would sip the finest Chianti 5 euros could buy while eating salami and formaggio (cheese) so delicious it makes your mouth water just thinking about it.

The five months I spent abroad in Europe molded me into the individual I have become today. I learned more about myself than I had in the previous 20 years of my life.

I learned to laugh at jokes in more than one language, cry when parting with the city I had grown to know and love, and develop lasting friendships that bring a smile to my face every time I see the person’s name on my caller ID.

My experience abroad taught me how to live a life free of second guessing and regret. Here’s how.

Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution from Anastasiya Goers

“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha

How would you answer the question: “Are you successful in life?”

I know many people who would say that they are not successful; at least they have not reached success in the areas that feel important to them. I have been one of those people.

One day I asked myself “What keeps me from being successful?” It took me a while to come up with the answer but I realized that I was holding myself back.

Why? Well, maybe I was afraid that when I started something I would fail. Maybe I was afraid that I was not “one of those people” who get everything they go after. Maybe I felt that I didn’t deserve success in life.

The truth is that I didn’t believe that I was able. I was not able to be successful, able to be happy, or able to fully enjoy my life. Does this scenario sound familiar to you?

If you want to be truly successful in life (and who doesn’t?) then first of all you have to learn to believe in yourself. If you do not think that you can be successful, then who will?

Life success does not mean that you will not fail but it means that your mistakes will teach you something and show you a better way to get what you want. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Adrienne Vendetti

A professor once told my class, “In order to live your life to the fullest, you must think about your death every day.”

At the time, I felt too busy to think about my death because I was consumed with law school applications and endless deadlines. But the words came creeping up to haunt me one day.

After I graduated, I moved to Boston to work at a law firm downtown before attending law school the following year. I wanted to be a lawyer because I thought it would be a lucrative, challenging career, allowing me to live what I thought would be a “fulfilled life.”

At first, I was thrilled to be a full-time employee at a law firm, but as time passed, I realized that it didn’t make me happy. And I was surprised. For so long I thought it was what I was meant to accomplish. It was hard to consider that perhaps it wasn’t the right path for me.

I just wasn’t happy at my job. I felt like I was missing the days and living for the weekends. I worked from 8-7, I never saw my friends, and my relationship was crumbling.

I expressed this issue to many of my co-workers, and most of them said something along the lines of, “That’s life.”

Still, I felt certain the “real world” didn’t have to make me feel so unhappy and unfulfilled. I also knew that it might be hard to change directions, but if I didn’t, I would never feel any different.

Suddenly, like a ton of bricks, my professor’s words came to me, and for the first time I thought about death.

Immediately, I thought of my Uncle David who died when I was younger. David was living in Los Angeles, pursuing a career as an actor. When I reached middle school, he died of AIDS. He was 38 years old.

Being young, I had always thought about how his death affected my family, particularly my grandmother, but I’d never thought too much about what things were like for him before he died. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sonya Derian

“Be bold, be bold, and everywhere be bold.” ~ Herbert Spencer

I’m actually much more of a proponent of “going with the flow” then going against it. And sometimes forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do can be considered going against the flow.

But I do that for a different reason, and not everyone would agree.

I have two schools of thought. On the one hand, expansion is inevitable. We’re always called to become more than we are in life. It’s the nature of being human.

On the other hand, there’s something called “homeostasis.” Like a thermostat that’s set to a certain temperature, it will always self-regulate. If it gets too hot, the air will kick in to bring it to a cooler temperature. If it gets too cold, it will start flowing hot air. Whatever the gauge is set to, the thermostat will regulate.

Similarly, there’s an unconscious process within us that self-regulates. We have relationship set points, money set points, and weight set points. We have comfort zones—sometimes ones that we’re completely unaware of.

That’s why people who win the lottery can go back to being at the same level of income or bankrupt in less than 6 years. Their unconscious financial set point didn’t change because they won a million dollars.

Like the thermostat programmed to monitor the gauge, their unconscious thermostat brought them back to where they were comfortable. They can win millions and within years, they are back to where they started.

I suspect that if you redistributed the wealth in the country and equalized it among all people, it would re-distribute exactly the same way within 3 years, according to people’s set points.

I say all of that to say this: Yes, expansion is our nature, but we also come up against our own homeostasis—our own comfort zone. We don’t want to move out of what we know. Click Here to Read More…

by Bobbi French

“The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

This is a phrase that had become a central theme in my life. One night, during one of my all too frequent bouts of insomnia, I sat at my computer and decided to write about my discontent, my middle aged angst.

I have no idea where the words came from but once I typed the first sentence it was like a river overflowing its banks. Turns out, this was the key, the cure for my crisis. Yes, I am 42 and a walking cliché, a woman on the edge, a burned out physician whose career has become all consuming.

I have always been an artist at heart. Nothing moves me more than music, art, books, anything that is the product of the creative process. I actually had dreams of being a theatre performer. But for whatever reason I never believed I had enough talent.

No, my lot in life was passionate bystander. So of course I went to medical school. This was a perfect way to please my parents, to defend against financial insecurity, to prove to anyone in doubt that I was indeed intelligent and successful.

See, the thing is I took a path that seemed right at the time—and who wouldn’t want a career chosen by a 17 year old kid?! I followed all the rules. I listened to my parents; I behaved myself and embarked on a life that was clearly meant for someone else. Click Here to Read More…

by Alexa Hart

Last year, I graduated from UC Santa Barbara with a major in Communication Studies and a minor in Business Writing. During my college career, I created public relations material for both my Business Writing minor and the public relations firm where I interned. As I thoroughly enjoyed my minor and the internship, I decided to apply to more PR positions.

About a month into the job search, I was hired to work at a reputable public relations firm. Excited to start the next chapter of my life, I thought I had it all – a new apartment in San Francisco, great roommates, new friends and a stable job. Wow! This was the real deal. However, the excitement of my first “real” job quickly wore off. Although I may have enjoyed my experiences in college, I failed to ask myself an important question: Was I really passionate about agency PR?

As much as I loved San Francisco and the new friends I was making, I discovered that PR didn’t give me a sense of fulfillment. I got no thrill from bouncing around client accounts doing tasks like monitoring media coverage, drafting pitches, researching speaking opportunities and reading about client competition. I couldn’t spend my days working in an office doing something that didn’t make me tick. Thus, I quickly realized that in order to be happy, I needed to make a change. Click Here to Read More…

by Nadia Ballas-Ruta

“Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” ~H. Jackson Browne

When I was fifteen, I “died” for about a minute or so and then came back to life.  A very severe case of bronchitis that lasted for over a week caused my brush with death. What complicated the situation was my allergic reaction to one type of medicine.

I had what’s known as a near death experience, and it was typical of all other near death experiences. There was bright light, lots of love and a huge reluctance to come back. I tried to negotiate with the dude in charge about letting me stay but he told me I was still needed and that my time was not up. He told me a few more things about my life, things that were too private to share. Interestingly enough, they all came true.

The last thing I remember before coming back was that I saw my body in bed, and I remember thinking that I looked so peaceful. It was kind of weird to see myself from the ceiling of my bedroom and to watch what was happening as if it were happening to someone else. I then opened my eyes; and life as I knew it was never the same.

Prior to this experience, I didn’t have much awareness of death. I knew that it existed but it didn’t seem like it would happen to me any time soon. It was like a distant relative that I knew I would meet in the future—which was many years away.

My childhood was bad for a variety of reasons. When I was born, I had a defect that made my head look like it was on crooked. Kids made fun of me daily. When I was nine, the defect was corrected but the scars of the pain remained. To complicate matters even more I was the first ethnic kid in a neighborhood where racism was rampant.

As a result, I didn’t like going to school. I went through most of my days complaining or lamenting about how miserable things were. When I first got the case of bronchitis that practically killed me, I was happy because it meant that I could stay home from school. Click Here to Read More…

by Michael Reeves

“I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.” ~Lao Tzu

In March 2009, I purchased a return ticket from Melbourne, Australia, to Osaka, Japan—my first overseas adventure. My first solo adventure. For the five months prior, I was completely stressed. I’d never been alone like this before, and wasn’t sure how I’d handle it. The outcome surprised me: I grew far wiser and more spiritual than I could have possibly anticipated.

As a 22 year old Buddhist, I see myself as very calm and relaxed. I seldom stress or worry. But this trip was one thing that threatened my calm. I found solace in reading A New Earth—a magnificently written book—as well as reading the numerous Tiny Buddha quotes. When it was time to board my flight, I was mildly panicky, and even made myself sick. I didn’t want to fly, but I forced myself, for there was no turning back.

The flight was long, and I constantly checked the time. Nine hours later, I had arrived in Japan.

At first, I was thrilled. However, my exceedingly cheap hotel was located in the homeless district. It was late evening, so I couldn’t tell which direction was which. I had to find my hotel before the curfew, or else I’d be spending the night on the streets with countless other homeless people. I eventually found someone who pointed me in the right direction, and I was saved for the evening.

Over the course of the next few days, I explored the area. Despite being on the biggest adventure of my life, I felt little depressed and homesick. I was desperate to meet some fellow Westerners, but I couldn’t find anyone. I was in a sad mental state—complaining, and ruining my adventure.

Until I found myself. Click Here to Read More…

by Michelle Pfennighaus

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~Lao Tzu

It took me three years from the time I decided to leave my career in advertising to actually make the move. I remember the first day I considered a career change. I was in my office with the door closed, searching the Internet for nutrition schools.

I had started college as a physical therapy major and got straight A’s. I changed majors to graphic design because I didn’t like the idea of working in a conventional hospital or outpatient setting. But now here I was deciding that the health field was maybe a better fit after all.

My mom suggested I take a look at a holistic nutrition program she’d heard about: The Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN).

“Mom,” I said, “That doesn’t look like a real school. I need a degree to be taken seriously. I want to do this right.”

Trouble was I had a degree in art. And to apply to any masters programs in nutrition, I needed to have taken a bunch of science courses. Plus, these masters programs were highly expensive and required full-time attendance.

Hmmmm. I looked into the jobs I’d get as a Registered Dietitian and saw that at least in the Boston area everything was a job in a hospital. This was not for me.

I shook off the idea of nutrition and carried on, working in advertising, changing companies and then freelancing. I was looking for something but I really wasn’t finding it. And of course, it’s scary to change careers. It’s easier to keep your eyes down and get through the day. And the next day. And the next. Click Here to Read More…