Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

by Lori Deschene

This past Monday, I introduced my new book and invited you all to respond to two questions for possible publication in it.

As I mentioned in that blog post, I am going to publish 10 blog posts like this between now and the end of May.

Each time you respond to these questions, you’re entering for a new chance to win an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

I plan to give away one book for each of 10 posts. I will mail them all at the same time, at the end of May.

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

To recap from my first post: 

WHAT’S THIS NEW BOOK ALL ABOUT?

In short, this is going to be a book about what it means to win in life.

I feel compelled to explore this topic because I spent the majority of my early life thinking I needed to achieve massive, visible success in order to be significant.

For years, I felt convinced I would be happy if I only got the right job, or could afford the right apartment, or if I could somehow garner admiration and validation. Life was a constant battle to be better and arrive somewhere else.

It was one huge race with no clear finish line; and despite my best intentions at obtaining happiness, I felt miserable and dissatisfied.

In my next book, I plan to break this all down for anyone who can relate to this quandary. I’ve by no means arrived at a place of permanent satisfaction, but I’ve been living in these questions for the past several years.

And I’ve made significant progress in defining success for myself.

That’s the crux of this book: It will be a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

IMPORTANT NOTE: This post contains two poll questions and a giveaway for an autographed copy of the Tiny Buddha book. If you want to skip to the two questions, scroll to the bottom!

As you may remember, I wrote my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, with input from the community.

Before I began writing, I asked a number of challenging questions on the @tinybuddha Twitter page, and then included nearly 200 of those responses in the book.

I’m about to start writing my second book, also to be published through Conari Press, and I’d like to do something similar—except this time I am going to ask the questions directly on this blog.

I plan to publish 10 blog posts, each with two related questions, between now and the end of May. (For those of you who’ve been following my post-surgical progress, I plan to start writing in June, giving myself a month more to heal more fully!)

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

Each blog post will also be a giveaway. By answering the questions, you’ll be entering to win an autographed copy of Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions (meaning I am giving away 10 in total–1 for each of 10 blog posts).

I will mail all the books at the same time, at the end of May (once I’ve asked all the questions). Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Maria Mooney

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

After several excruciatingly painful and profoundly frightening years of undiagnosed symptoms, I was diagnosed with a “progressive and incurable” neurological disease, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (RSD/CRPS), which is characterized by unrelenting pain that is disproportionate to the inciting event, usually an injury or trauma.

As luck would have it, I was diagnosed and, shortly after, hospitalized for the first of three times just as I was accepted into a Master’s program for clinical social work.

I always saw myself obtaining a Master’s Degree and a Ph.D., but how would I accomplish these grueling and seemingly impossible tasks if I could barely stand up long enough to brush my teeth on a cocktail of the most potent narcotics available?

I didn’t have the answer to this question, and a flood of fear and doubt rose up within me like a tsunami crashing onto the shore, drowning hope and destroying all of the life in its path.

I pushed onward despite overwhelming feelings of fear, and medical professionals suggesting that I should quit graduate school and go on disability.

That was three years ago, and now, I have a Master’s Degree in clinical social work (MSW) and a professional license to boot (LSW). Not to mention, I no longer take any medication for the RSD/CRPS thanks to coffee enemas, a vegan diet (heavy on the fresh, organic fruit and vegetable juices), and a will and desperation to be healthy.* Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Anne Samoilov

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

I’ve always been an optimist, looking for the good in situations, even when they seem like the bleakest thing that could happen to me or the people around me.

But failure is a difficult one to turn on its ear.

You know when you don’t reach your goal. You know when you don’t get what you wanted.

Now I know the Rolling Stones sang “You can’t always get what you want…but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” And you know what? Those lines never sat well with me—to just sit and accept it.

So, even though I know there are reasons I didn’t make it big as a recording artist—and that my Pilates business didn’t fulfill me, and that I’ve experienced the sting of working at companies that decided to shut down—I have always refused to simply shrug my shoulders and say, “Oh well!”

I decided to find a new way to handle failure and to not only look at in a more optimistic way, but also find within it clues for my next move.

Here’s what I discovered.

Failure is a step toward your ultimate success.  It’s a lesson.  A challenge. A chance.

When I struggled with my Pilates business, for example, I realized I needed to ascertain where the bulk of my money was coming from and then do more of that. So I made a plan and moved forward. I started doing more of what I loved and what was bringing in income, and less of what wasn’t. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jake O’Callaghan

“What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.” ~Dalai Lama

Success is something most of us want. But we want happiness, too.

I think we go about these two important things the wrong way. With some simple changes, I believe anyone can become both happy and successful.

The Conventional Success Story

A man, dissatisfied with his life, wants to become successful, and, therefore, happy.

So he seeks out a millionaire. The millionaire is the head CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. He has fancy cars, many possessions, and most importantly, a huge mansion.

His business is the leader in his industry. It’s safe to say, he’s a conventional success.

Let’s call the first man Cody and the millionaire Richard.

Cody asks Richard “How do I become successful?”

“Walk to the beach with me,” Richard says. “I will teach you the secret to success.”

He agrees and they proceed onto the sand. Richard continues walking into the ocean. Cody is a little confused, but he follows.

Water is now up to their shoulders. Richard turns, and pulls Cody underwater.

Cody is terrified.

He flails maniacally. He scratches. He kicks. He elbows Richard. He uses every bit of his strength trying to get this man off him.

But it’s no use.

His seconds are passing away. He wishes. He prays. He struggles even harder.

But he is becoming lightheaded. He knows he’s finished. He looks out from the water one last time…

But then he is above water. Richard pulled him out.

Cody gasps for air and spits out water. “What th… What the hell was that for?” he yells.

“To be successful,” says Richard, “you need to want success like you wanted to breathe.”

Gasping For Air

This story is for the super-achievers—people who want to do great things. We often admire these people. You might even want to become like Richard.

It was my philosophy, too. In fact, that story inspired me more than anything I had ever heard. I thought constantly about it, trying to apply it to my life. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Shannon Kaiser

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

A few weeks ago, I took a sip of my morning tea hoping that the day would be better than the prior ones. I had somehow tripped over the cracks of life and couldn’t seem to pull myself back. I had woken up feeling eager to start a new day, but like every other day of my life, within the first few hours, things had gotten off track.

I was stuck in a downward vortex of fear, anxiety and self-ridicule. I read my Yogi tea bag message, “It’s not life that matters; it’s the courage that we bring to it.”

I held back my tears because my courage was feeling impossibly deflated. I was sick of trying so hard.

How much courage do we really need to live our lives?

I realized then that my entire life I’d felt like a fraud. I was renting someone else’s life, trying to pretend that it was me. My only consistency was my inconsistency with not being true and honoring myself. It is exhausting to be someone you’re not supposed to be.

Society conditioned me to believe if you want something you have to work hard to get it. And I worked really hard accepting the fact that life was supposed to be an uphill struggle. All my relationships were superficial. I forced a smile to hide the fact that I felt all alone.

Everyone I knew wanted to talk about the latest fashion buzz, who won American Idol, or what Snookie’s latest drama was. I pretended to be interested, but I was more curious about the pull on my heart. It kept prickling and nagging as to say, “There is more than this, honey.”

For over a decade I lived this delusional nightmare of codependency and a search for security with success.

I chose all my romantic relationships carefully to escape the painful reality of my anxiety. I’d pick partners who were addicted to numbing their pain, too. We’d escape life by doing drugs together and drinking over the fear.

I finally got up enough courage to recognize that the relationship was unhealthy and I would end it only to find myself back in the arms of another addiction—overeating, over exercising, overworking; more men, more drugs. I stayed in a constant state of denial, consumed by my fear-based mind.

I was always waiting for the next thing to happen— the next promotion, the next boyfriend, the next anything to drag me out of the depression. It never occurred to me that “pushing” was the problem. My inner drive was really just a cry for help—a call for love.

I believed the root of my depression was my job in marketing. So after many attempts I finally left that position to pursue a new dream. Again the pushing overtook my world. I declared I would be a travel writer and pushed my way into that industry.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Alissa Finerman

“What matters is the value we’ve created in our lives, the people we’ve made happy, and how much we’ve grown as people.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

Ahhh success! It sounds so good. We all want it, but are you brave enough to define what success means to you and go for it?

Society conditions us to define success as being the best, attaining prosperity, making a lot money, or having a fancy CEO title.

I thought I had “success” ten years ago where I spent five years working on Wall Street at Credit Suisse, an investment banking firm in New York City. I started as an associate on the Corporate Bond Sales desk and was promoted to a Vice President.

I worked at the firm as a summer intern between my first and second years of business school and received a full-time offer. I remember being very hesitant about taking the job because I knew it wasn’t my passion, but I didn’t know what else I wanted to do.

It was exciting when I first stepped on the trading desk—tons of energy, noise, and people sitting less than three feet away from me on both sides. In an unexpected way, the noise faded into the background and I became used to it.

I enjoyed the job at first and how fast paced it was, but after a few years, I realized that I was not engaged on this path. I believed that there was something more for me.

It was confusing because I had a good salary, good title, and a good life, but it wasn’t fulfilling.  Many thought I was “successful” by the traditional definition, but I did not feel like I was on my true path and making a difference.

I stayed in finance for a while hoping my feelings about the role would change—they didn’t! Although I’m interested in the markets, I’m not passionate about them. I wanted to read personal development books in my free time, rather than Barron’s and Business Week.

The truth was finance, although a great path for some, wasn’t my path. This took me a while to admit. It’s powerful to face the truth! The job was draining my energy, and after a few years, I wasn’t excited to start my day.

Often the hardest thing to do is to walk away from something that is good for others but not great for you.

When I was 40 years old, I made a tough decision to change my life and leave the finance world for real. I opted for a much more fulfilling life as a Business/Life Coach, Speaker, and Author. I had to take a step into the unknown and create another career and life that felt authentic.

I love what I do now because I get to read and write about things that inspire me and help others make a difference in their life. I feel like I am making a positive contribution to the world and that makes me happy! Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Peter G. James Sinclair

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Success.

A word defined by you and me.

Do not be manipulated by the definitions applied to that word by others. Choose your own definition.

Though I believe we all have the potential to succeed in reaching our dreams, I have found that success reaches to a far greater depth in our lives.

Whenever I hug my wife of 28 years and tell her that I love her, and she responds in the same manner—there is my success.

Whenever I receive a random text or email from one of my children saying that they love me—there is my success.

When I write something I feel passionate and excited about— even before anyone else has read it—there is my success.

When I present a product or a service to a potential customer in the most professional manner I can possibly muster—there is success.

But as my dear old friend Henry David Thoreau writes, there are four elements that assist us in pursuing the lives we dream about.

1. Have a dream.

To discover your dream, ask yourself these questions: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Kari Farmer

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.” ~George Sheehan

Here’s the routine: wake up, do my work, watch TV, and go to bed.

This was a regular day in my life not long ago. It was not too eventful and not overly challenging, and to be the honest, the less challenging it was, the less stress there was for me—at least that’s what I thought.

I had been working online for a few years, and my income was not up to where I wanted it to be. In fact, it was pretty far away from the numbers I had floating around in my head! But still, I went through the same motions everyday, hoping that one day I’d reach those numbers through hard work and perseverance.

I am a big believer in taking action to create the life you want, and at that point I thought I was taking action.

I would work hard during my day writing articles, perfecting my website’s SEO, and posting in forums. I did this daily because my schedule on the wall told me to do this to be successful. It even told me what time to stop doing one thing and start doing another.

Occasionally, I would read articles from other online marketers and bloggers about link building and networking. Even my husband, who is involved in real estate, would talk about that relationships he was building and how it helped him with his business.

But I kept brushing those ideas off because they were outside of my comfort zone. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Molly McCord

“Just as much as we see in others, we have in ourselves.” ~William Hazlitt

Most days I am a dedicated writer and artist, focused and working away with my oh-so-happy hands.

Most days I feel inspired to share adventures and insights from living in Paris for over two years while going to graduate school. Or referencing the intense spiritual work and personal growth I’ve experienced in recent years. Or describing how I quit the unfulfilling rat-race to focus on my passion and my life dreams.

Most days I have confidence and pride in my personal creations and feel pretty darn good about my creative ideas. Most days I am on a roll.

Then there are the other days.

The days where I spend too much time on the Internet looking at what other people are doing and comparing their brilliance to my efforts. The days where I find myself at a library staring down the rows of books, wondering if my writing is enough. The days where I count numbers and look at blog data that isn’t quite impressive yet.

So many people are already acclaimed writers, bloggers, artists, and creative experts. Is there even room for one more?

On those days, my head gets spinning in creative comparison, and I can’t get out of it. My energy plummets down, down, down, as if sinking to the ocean floor. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jarl Forsman

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” ~Pema Chodron

Every person you meet has something special to give you—that is, if you are open to receiving it.

Each encounter offers you the gift of greater self-awareness by illustrating what you do and don’t accept about yourself. An honest look will show you that the reactions you have to others give you more information about yourself than about them.

You can never know for sure what motivates other people. But you can learn what you are accepting or judging in yourself.

For instance, if someone makes a remark about you and it’s something you also judge in yourself, it will most likely hurt. However if they make the same remark and you don’t have that judgment about yourself, it probably won’t bother you at all.

I once visited a new friend’s house and everyone in the family was shorter than me. Since I’m the shortest person in my family, I never felt too tall.

When my friend’s mother met me at the door and said with a slightly disappointed tone, “Oh, you are so tall,” it didn’t affect me. I was aware that she had some discomfort with my height, but I didn’t take it personally.

However, had she been tall and said, “Oh, you are so short,” it probably would have pushed my buttons, since I do feel somewhat short.

This point is valid for almost any interaction imaginable: Reactions always have to do with our own self-judgments and feelings of inadequacy or strength, not the other person.

Most judgments of others stem from one of three basic causes: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution from Anastasiya Goers

“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha

How would you answer the question: “Are you successful in life?”

I know many people who would say that they are not successful; at least they have not reached success in the areas that feel important to them. I have been one of those people.

One day I asked myself “What keeps me from being successful?” It took me a while to come up with the answer but I realized that I was holding myself back.

Why? Well, maybe I was afraid that when I started something I would fail. Maybe I was afraid that I was not “one of those people” who get everything they go after. Maybe I felt that I didn’t deserve success in life.

The truth is that I didn’t believe that I was able. I was not able to be successful, able to be happy, or able to fully enjoy my life. Does this scenario sound familiar to you?

If you want to be truly successful in life (and who doesn’t?) then first of all you have to learn to believe in yourself. If you do not think that you can be successful, then who will?

Life success does not mean that you will not fail but it means that your mistakes will teach you something and show you a better way to get what you want. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a guest contribution by Vincent Tan

“You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Don’t doubt yourself. You are more than enough.

You are good enough. If no one else tells you that, I will reaffirm you that you are good enough to do whatever you want in life. Life is too short for you to paralyze yourself with doubts.

I used to doubt my capabilities, and I was so unhappy and frustrated with life. I tried to bury myself in self-help books to find the answers to achieve success and happiness. One book after another, I kept reading but I had little results to show for it.

The pain became unbearable, particularly when my friends made fun of the books that I read.

But I didn’t give up. I kept on searching for answers by listening to audio books, reading books, and attending seminars by revered masters in the topic of personal development. One baby step at a time, I started to apply the knowledge I had gained.

That’s when things started to change around me. Once I started applying what I learned, I: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Don’t let today’s disappointment cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dream.” -Unknown

Have you ever looked back on your life, exactly a year ago, and felt amazed by how much has changed?

Last year at this time, I’d only just started this site and I was competing in a blogging contest. Ignite Social Media, the marketing company behind the mood supplement SAM-e, had come up with a clever crowdsourcing campaign to generate awareness for the product.

In the beginning of the fall, they advertised a contest to win a dream blogging job. The winner would get a 6-month contract to write one short daily “good mood” blog post—as well as a new laptop and $5,000 per month, totaling $30,000.

In order to win, candidates needed to get enough votes to be in the top 20—out of over 800 people—and then needed to get even more votes in a second round that involved a video.

At the time, I was still collecting unemployment after being laid off earlier in the year. I was also putting all my heart into building Tiny Buddha around the ideas of wisdom and happiness and running my old blog, Seeing Good.

I knew Brigitte Dale was in the running. In case you aren’t familiar, Brigitte Dale is a popular vlogger who used to make videos for ABC Family. I wasn’t certain if I—or anyone—had a chance up against a bona fide web celeb who could clearly bring in big traffic for SAM-e. And then there was her obvious charm—even I fell in love with her watching her videos.

Still, I was going to do everything in my power to try. The judges said ultimately they would choose the winner, regardless of who had the most votes, so I reasoned that it was anyone’s opportunity to earn. Click Here to Read More…

by Celestine Chua

“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” ~Chinese Proverb

When I was in junior college, I wasn’t the best student. I skipped classes, didn’t do my assignments, and barely studied for my tests. Needless to say, I flunked those exams.

After a few months, I realized I didn’t want to continue on like this. If I wanted to make the most out of my life, I had to first be responsible for my studies.

So I buckled down and set out to achieve the best results. It wasn’t easy—and I’m not talking about the studying part. There was resistance all around me. First, my schoolmates weren’t the most positive people in the world.

My college was one of the poorer performing schools then. Many students weren’t happy studying there as it wasn’t their first choice. They often degraded themselves, saying “we’re doomed for failure.”

If that wasn’t enough, my teachers were discouraging, too because many were disgruntled about working there. They kept comparing us with the students from schools they taught in before—the better schools—saying we’d never get anywhere.

I decided to ignore the negativity and spend my energy working on my goals. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to leave the world a better place; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

My father is my hero, and one of the most successful men in the world.

When I was a kid he worked two full-time blue-collar jobs to support me and my siblings. He didn’t have a college degree—he attended briefly on a golf scholarship and then got hurt—but he compensated with hard work.

Though many people wouldn’t be happy with that type of life, I never once heard him complain. Being someone who prefers a simple routine over ambition, he stayed in the printing industry until he got laid off last year.

Though he’s inspired me in a million ways, he’s done two things exceedingly well: enjoy his life, and treat everyone with kindness and respect.

I thought about this the other day while flipping through Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People list. As I read about leaders and luminaries who’ve made huge impact on the world, I started to think about the important little things we all do on a daily basis.

You may not have won the Nobel Peace Prize, but that doesn’t mean you’re not influential in making the world a peaceful place. You may not have created a tool that connects millions of people the world over, but you’re still the glue that holds people together in more ways than you even realize.

I haven’t always given myself credit for all the good I do. If you can relate, you may enjoy this reminder of all the ways you make the world a better place. Click Here to Read More…

by Brian Flatt, of Positive Blatherings

“Whenever you fall, pick something up.” ~Oswald Avery

There are plenty of people in this world who know how to be successful. But how many of them know how to fail?

When you fail, that’s when you become stronger—you learn to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and move on.

These are also opportunities to learn and to help others as you come back up. As the quote above says, when you fall pick something up. I would add that when you fall, you should pick someone up too.

I used to envy other people, thinking them more successful than I may have been. But I have done a lot in my life, seen a lot of things, worked with lots of different kinds of people. I have been successful and I have failed, and I think it is this that has allowed me to be a more grounded human being.

I have learned that it takes all kinds of people to run the world, and that the ones running the world are not always the smartest.

I have worked underneath supervisors who make you wonder how they graduated from high school, and I have met truck drivers out on the road who are smarter, more educated and more widely read than some of our recent US Presidents and CEO’s of fortune 500 companies. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha

You didn’t get the job. You couldn’t raise the money. You missed the deadline. You hired the wrong person.

You didn’t ask for help. You let someone you love down. You failed to plan in advance. You bit off more than you could chew. You forgot something important.

Worst of all, whatever the case, you set the stage for a million questions about what it means, and what you should have done.

When you don’t do something you wanted to do, oftentimes your disappointment has less to do with the results you failed to create and everything to do with your interpretation of what that failure means. That you’re not talented enough. Or competent enough. Or confident enough. Or good enough in general.

The only way to change your reaction to failure is to challenge the beliefs that create it–those ideas about what failure means. And the best way to change those beliefs, is to change the thoughts that shape them. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” ~Unknown

We all know someone who always needs to be right.

She turns everything into an argument worthy of a courtroom, complete with counter arguments and below-the-belt accusations. She finds holes in everything you say, even if you were actually agreeing with her. And in the end she needs the last word, even if means belittling you or ignoring your feelings.

Not everyone acts this righteous all the time, but we’ve likely all tried to win in an argument at least once before.

Maybe it’s the rush of feeling like the more powerful or intelligent person; or perhaps it’s just a stubborn resistance to bending. Whatever the case, we all play to win in conversations on occasion.

The irony here is that winning rarely feels as sweet as the fighter imagines it will. Research shows competitve people take less pleasure in their successes than their less combative counter parts because they’re rarely satisfied with their accomplishments–ever-ready to seek the next win. Click Here to Read More…