Hi Tom,

Introverts don’t like crowds of people. Period. We like one-on-one. And we get energized by isolation. Parties and gatherings deplete us.

Now, if you can’t connect with people one-on-one, that’s a whole other issue.

Sometimes having a task can calm us down. A mission. A reason why you’re there.

I have this too, and I get anxiety calling my freaking own friends to come over and get together. Early rejection could be the reason why, even if we don’t remember it or blocked the memory. All I can say is even if they say “No”, people like to be invited. Keep inviting, keep giving, keep helping. That is the deep conversation.

Best,

Inky

Hi Jane,

You’ve heard the expression about fish and guests only being good for five days, right?

I have some dearest friends in the world and beloved family, but I seldom allow myself or them to stay for weeks on end.

Tell your beloved sister that this is not working. It’s not her (well, it is, LOL) it’s not you, it’s that you are two older ladies. You both are set in your ways, flexibility is not your middle name, and that NEXT visit, let’s cut it down to a long weekend.

Change the script. Take a trip. Go for a walk. Don’t cook. Close the bedroom door. YOU visit a friend and leave her to housesit. Go to an event (alone) and stagger home late.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Ella,

So here is the burning question: WHAT IS YOUR DREAM?? Is it writing a book? Completing a marathon? Getting a lucrative job? We can perhaps help if we knew the specifics.

Sometimes dreams are like candy. Nice to have. Some dreams are meant to be just that. Dreams. But I don’t like this constant pressure that you have to be some sort of hero and HAVE to realize them.

Is it more that you’re unemployed and have depression? Get out of the house every day! Preferably be out when he gets home from school or work. Or preferably to a clean house with something cooking in the kitchen (I’m old school). OR at least run out the door to an event, friend, or class. He will see you’re busy and happy. That should calm things down by a lot.

Best,

Inky

Hi Carla,

Do you simply *feel* unattractive or do you actually *think* you are unattractive?

For one thing, exercise! I don’t care if it’s just walking around the block. It’s good to keep the body moving. You will look more toned, have a healthy glow, and FEEL better! (Those endorphins!)

Cook good food, and no junk. Eat in more than eating out. Three good meals, no more, no less.

And anyone can look CUTE. Less is more, anyway. Highlights, makeup, a nice top, jewelry and/or a spritz of perfume.

Not to sound shallow, but I totally get the whole you want your guy to be proud of you thing, especially if it’s a new relationship!

Flylady dot net is a great website for getting your household under control. It’s all about habits and routines!

Make your money, save some, and invest some! Live within your means and watch that money grow! Sooner than you think YOU will be his financial peer!

Finally, if it’s his first relationship, don’t be surprised if there’s a relationship “freak out” from him one day. With or without him, you will be fine.

All the Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi Emi,

When you are in a Masters program, you will be too busy to miss/lament/feel bad for long.

My mom always said, “A busy woman is a happy woman”. And she’s right!

When you do see your boyfriend, it will be a happy event. And the highlight of your month/weekend. Find great places halfway between and see each other there!

My daughter and my sister both have long distance relationships, they see their boyfriends often, and all is well.

Best,

Inky

Hi Again,

And he won’t even say goodbye to your daughter!! Coward! Deal breaker #47!! And you still think it’s “you”??

Inky

Hi Lida,

It’s easy to see yourself in a negative light when you have no support system (if I had to guess). You are not seeing “You” being mirrored back from the Universe, so you naturally think that “You” are the problem!

Here’s my thought: You can spell. This is not trivial. How stupid, rotten, embarrassing, pathetic and disgusting can you be? A lot of people can’t spell. This shows me that you are well read and educated. And smart. They don’t teach spelling in school now like they used to, you know. Your post captured our attention so you are interesting. You’ve moved countries and gotten multiple jobs, something many of us would never or could never do, so you are capable.

Good luck to you, I hope you find “Your” People who will mirror back who “You” are!! You will!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi Kel,

You have a son, so you have a family.

You have neighbors, people you may or may not know that it would be good to connect with.

There are houses of worship around. I know religion is very triggering for some people, but it is really for people to get together as a community. There are tons of volunteer options there, youth programs, dinners, retreats.

There are the parents of your son’s friends who will become friends with you.

There is the local public library which also has tons of programs.

There are free parades, trails, events and happenings in your community if you just look and venture forth.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Inky.