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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 226 through 240 (of 2,508 total)
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  • July 29, 2019 at 5:31 am in reply to: My first love tried hooking up with my cousin in front of me? #305459
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Katie,

    Did I miss something? The other guy was also your cousin?? OK, if so, that is a no-brainer: Let him hit on your other cousin all he wants! We have family reunions to let the young folk know “See these people? Don’t hook up with them if you see them around!”

    You are very young. You will change exponentially in brains, bravery and beauty with each passing year. These guys had one SMALL golden opportunity to have you: And they blew it. THAT’S the narrative we want you to have in your mind: THEY BLEW IT!

    You will only surpass them as you get older and see right through them.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    July 28, 2019 at 9:22 am in reply to: My first love tried hooking up with my cousin in front of me? #305341
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Katie,

    Don’t be fooled. YOU are the one that got away! Those guys can’t even get off your family tree? It’s not your cousin. It’s YOU.

    If people bring it up just say “Those guys are so transparent. They try flirting with my cousin to get to me.” If they try to deny it say that’s sure what it looks like.

    Best,

    Inky

    P.S. In the future don’t set yourself up like that. Cancel at the last moment so they won’t have an audience.

    July 27, 2019 at 4:52 am in reply to: Husband is leaving me after 6 years #305155
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Karlie,

    Sometimes people think the bipolar disorder is “us”. Maybe just maybe when you get your medication all set your husband will see “you” and reconsider.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 26, 2019 at 5:29 pm in reply to: Confused & Hurt #305099
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Kylee,

    It sounds like you set a boundary and he was surprised that you dumped him. You are probably the first girl that didn’t let him get away with his nonsense. So of course he’s not going to be cool about it.

    Don’t overthink your decision.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 25, 2019 at 4:46 am in reply to: guilt and shame about a compulsion of mine #304829
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sofia,

    It sounds like you are human. If you don’t act on certain thoughts you are good. There is no thought police! Can you imagine all the crazy thoughts everyone has!

    What I would do is concentrate on other things.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 24, 2019 at 5:40 am in reply to: horrible compulsion of mine #304643
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi sofia,

    We are human and humans crave a pecking order. How do we know how good or bad we are if there were no other people around to compare ourselves with?

    When people publish or speak of horrible things others have done, it’s a self soothing technique. We tell ourselves, “I may have teased the dog, but at least I didn’t ABUSE the dog like that felon did!”

    Let’s be honest, if you hear that someone is a cheater and a snake, would you hang out with them? NO! Because avoiding them is a way to protect yourself, and make sure they get the message never to do those things again. It’s a form of social order.

    No more tears.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 23, 2019 at 7:20 am in reply to: Friendship…or does this dirty little (white-girl) secret seek revenge? #304477
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi EnglishRose,

    Of course, you could always go for a Two-fer: Write a note to his parents imploring them to meet with you and give you a chance so he doesn’t marry this new fiancée! His parents will know he’s seeing a white girl AND lied about an engagement!

    However, Peggy is correct: Best to move on, block him from everywhere, and never see him again (even if it means moving to an undisclosed location). Karma and life have a way of doing our own revenge for us in far more creative ways than we could have ever imagined!

    Best,

    Inky

    July 22, 2019 at 4:47 am in reply to: Feel awkward around the new girl #304319
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Dan,

    Since she works at the office, and if she’s as hot as you say…

    Proceed with caution.

    What happens with attractive girls is they’re nice to everyone (lots of social practice), and her being friendly could be perceived as interest.

    You just don’t want her to say “no” (as gentle as it would be) and have to see her at your office 40 hours a weeks for literally years.  And then see her date some other guy in or out of the office. Be engaged. Get a wedding invitation. Pictures of babies on her desk.

    I’m not saying not to do it. I’m saying Manage your Expectations.

    Being a Bummer Today,

    Inky

    July 21, 2019 at 5:35 am in reply to: Mindfulness and Grieving What Could Have Been #304197
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Chloe Rose,

    It’s good to reframe the situation (which is all too common).

    Life is long. We all eventually acquire groupies and admirers.

    Don’t beat yourself up for being all too human. Everyone has secrets in their hearts. Even, I bet, your husband.

    It’s good you’re doing the right thing.

    We all have people waiting in the wings for us. It’s kind of a wonderful thought that we do. I think attraction for other people it’s a carryover from caveman times when our mates would die after a few years together rather than after several decades which we experience now. Again, don’t beat yourself up.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 20, 2019 at 4:40 am in reply to: Husband is done #304069
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Angele,

    The question isn’t whether he is done with the marriage. The question is whether she is done with the marriage.

    My dad had bought a house in Texas that my mom didn’t know about. She served him divorce papers after she found out. He was stunned. Infuriated. Confused. In his mind, if she never brought it up, he would have had his wife and family in one part of the country and his mistress (in Texas, if it makes you feel any better) in another (“for business” if she never found out). The “problem” was that SHE brought it up and SHE made the decision!

    In your case, he only told her he was done AFTER she said something.

    I think she should get her power back and get him served.

    Best,

    Inky

    P.S. The 23 year old from Dallas will dump him for a wealthier guy.

    July 19, 2019 at 3:20 am in reply to: In Love For the First Time – very anxious #303925
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi K,

    You will open up to your boyfriend naturally in time. In fact, the longer you know someone, the more you open up to them. Yes, people will eventually find out that we are a mess, that we have childhood issues. But guess what, so do they. Everyone has STUFF.

    What I would do is take comfort in your routines and have something soothing or productive to do when he’s not around.

    Don’t know what else to tell you and I wish I did. This is a common problem.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 18, 2019 at 5:45 am in reply to: Notoriously Single… #303785
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi letgo,

    If you are still reading this, may I add:

    As a fellow INFJ/INTJ (I’m one of either of those things on those tests)… It does take two or three dates. We are either thinking too much or feeling too much to truly “see” the other person sometimes.

    Yes, I know you are intuitive. I mean, trust your intuition when someone gives you the creeps, but don’t write a nice normal person off all at once.

    And since you’re old school, perhaps date slightly older guys?

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    July 17, 2019 at 4:53 am in reply to: Should I fight for him back or just let go? #303687
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Marta27,

    The male ego loves when we fight for them! That’s why he’s dangling what I call “The Lure of Your Stuff” in front of you. He knows there is a distinct possibility of being suffocated and losing his peace and freedom again!

    I think it’s great that you are not responding. At all! Let him have all the air, peace and freedom he could ever wish for!

    Let The Stuff go and move on. Call your old guy friends. Call your girlfriends. Have a party to celebrate YOUR freedom, air and peace!

    Best,

    Inky

    July 16, 2019 at 8:58 am in reply to: My soulmate committed suicide out of the blue, and I’m completely shattered. #303567
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Alisa,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your friend!

    Is it possible for someone to look into her computer search history? In her calendar? Phone texts? Journal? Etc.??

    I know that would be a huge invasion of privacy, but that might give SOME clue or closure for everyone.

    Maybe she was so overwhelmed by emotions. Even positive one like excitement can flip into extreme anxiety.

    Maybe she did everything she ever wanted to do in life and there was nothing else to do now.

    Maybe she got a fatal diagnosis.

    Maybe she fought with her ex.

    We just don’t know. What we do know is that you utterly loved her friend, and you did everything you could for her. At the end of our lives (and all our lives will inevitably end), what else is there but the love? Love is the ultimate reality. In a strange way, your relationship with your friend WILL continue, even after death.

    All the Best,

    Inky

    July 15, 2019 at 5:13 am in reply to: In a dilemma #303319
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Lost soul,

    There is no dilemma. Block him if you can. He’s a flake at best or hiding something at worst.

    Next time date someone in your town! Or half an hour drive at the farthest! Then you could at least go over and see him or be able to suss out the scene.

    Best,

    Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 226 through 240 (of 2,508 total)
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