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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 316 through 330 (of 2,508 total)
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  • April 28, 2019 at 7:38 am in reply to: (LDR)Is there chances he will unblock me and come back? #291573
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Bwakebulleo,

    Real 3-D relationships trump 2-D relationships hands down. Although I get the allure! (Trust me LOL)

    I would view him as an online hobby. Relationship training wheels.

    Let him have you blocked. Let him do the unblocking. You won’t care. You will be in a real relationship. One day? Someday??

    Best,

    Inky

    April 26, 2019 at 5:19 am in reply to: 30yrs guy anybody like out there #291355
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi nelum,

    I’m a fellow introvert and I know what you mean.

    However, there are actually a lot of other introverts out there!

    Be that quiet mysterious guy in the corner. Being off social media and being of rumored wealth will only increase the allure.

    People just don’t know how to be anymore. They are too busy or too taken in by their screens.

    The best you can do is to facilitate deep talks and close friendships with a select few.

    Best,

    Inky

    April 25, 2019 at 11:23 am in reply to: Baby Daddy problems #291251
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Again!

    I commented on your other post.

    I still hold firm of the opinion that there should be a court ordered DNA test, and that he should pay child support.

    Seek out his father and siblings. They should have a relationship with their grandchild/niece or nephew.

    Seek out your baby’s half siblings. Commiserate with the other baby mommas. He should see ALL his children and pay ALL of them child support. You guys can even all go in on the lawyer fees!

    Just because he is a jerk doesn’t mean he should get away with doing the wrong thing. The Law should intervene and make him do the right thing.

    What’s his girlfriend going to do? Call all his children fatherless bastards? Insult the judge? Keep fighting his battles for him? Why is she fighting to be girl #4??

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
    April 24, 2019 at 12:13 pm in reply to: Baby Daddy problems #290395
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi prudence,

    What family does he have other than the dead mother? Father? Siblings? Grandparents? Cousins? In-laws?

    Make a point of visiting THEM, especially on the holidays. When he traipses into grandma’s house (probably without the girlfriend) he will see the whole family there cooing over his child. Then the finger wagging will begin! Your child WILL have the support of ALL his/her family!

    If they live far away, Facebook his relatives and post pictures of HIS CHILD on their Wall. Often.

    Is he on the birth certificate? I hope so. If not, court ordered DNA test!

    Make sure he pays child support, since he is not too keen on seeing his baby. If he doesn’t, send in the police and lawyers to cart him off to jail and garnish his wages.

    Later, when your child is a teenager, drop him/her off (unannounced) at his house (preferably for a summer or VERY long weekend). Be unavailable with a locked house. Force the father to interact with his own flesh and blood. This may not be fair to your kid, but at least they can never accuse you of keeping him/her from the dad. The kid may very well say, “He’s a loser. Now I know.”

    P.S. You are so much more powerful than some girlfriend of his.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
    April 23, 2019 at 12:39 pm in reply to: Managing Anxiety Trigger #290265
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Ates,

    All that department head powers have gone to his head.

    What I would do is shake that medical diagnosis around at him. When he calls, “*shake, shake* my blood tests say my (MS-Lyme-fibro-sickle-cell-Graves) disease is acting up and I am unavailable to answer texts/calls from the university between the hours of 6PM and 9AM.” Even a crazy department head horror show won’t go after a medically compromised student. A student with a blog. (hint). A student who writes letters to the Editor. (double hint). Well, that’s just me.

    Can you be buddies with, THE PRESIDENT of the Uni? Easy to meet. Go to one of their fund raisers. He and the department head will be there and wonder if you are actually an heir. Once THE PRESIDENT knows your name, mention casually your troubles with a professor without naming any names. He will quickly put two and two together and the calls/inappropriate meeting times/etc. will cease.

    Claiming your power will inevitably lessen your anxiety once you see that you do have control over your life. Once you’ve conquered the big bad department head, you’ll know you can handle anyone.

    Write that thesis!

    Best,

    Inky

    April 21, 2019 at 5:14 am in reply to: My mom got engaged #290019
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Lilly,

    I am so sorry. I have been there. It’s almost my story.

    Only crappy people will try to drive a wedge between a parent and a child. Glad Kay is gone. (She is, right?)

    Guys are dopes, they are quick to propose. Your mom sounds immature. Sorry, mom!

    Hopefully your mom is just immature and the guy is not crappy.

    It DOES get better. I promise you!

    There is one bright side to this engagement that your aren’t seeing yet because you are so young. When your mom gets sick, HE is the one who will be there. She is less likely to be broke, or in trouble because HE will be there to take care of it. What can happen is mothers and only daughters can get so entwined that by the time you’re my age you would have no life. At least they’ll have each other, so YOU will be free to travel, move, etc.

    It will be OK. Your mom should have broken the news a lot better.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
    April 20, 2019 at 1:19 pm in reply to: Bored of games but boyfriend is a gamer #289995
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Tenna,

    You might be outgrowing your long distance relationship. Do you see him at least a few times a year in person? Seems a little untenable to me.

    Best,

    Inky

    April 19, 2019 at 5:43 am in reply to: Do I let this friendship go or Do I Struggle through it? #289721
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Again,

    Answer yourself this question honestly: If you lost your job, would he contact YOU?

    Sometimes we all need “little hurts” to get us to where we need to be.

    If he lost his job and is wondering where all his friends (or just you) are, a rogue thought, “Maybe I should have treated them better” should cross his mind. GOOD!

    So knowing this, the next time you run into him, say, “Hey buddy, how’s the job search going? Let me know if I can be of any help!”

    Inky

    April 19, 2019 at 4:58 am in reply to: Do I let this friendship go or Do I Struggle through it? #289717
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Thomas,

    What would happen if you dropped the rope? Let him call and try to get together with YOU!

    The next time you run into him say, “Hey, buddy, where’ve you been? Call me sometime!”

    This subtly puts you in the power position, implying HE has to do some (all?) of the work towards this friendship now.

    And closure? No one can give us closure. Only WE can give ourselves closure.

    Hope this helps!

    Inky

    April 18, 2019 at 8:03 am in reply to: open to reconciliation and move on? #289567
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi JayMark,

    If it makes you feel better, I’m sure she will always have a special place in her heart for you, the father of her children.

    If you truly have unconditional love for her, like  two soap opera characters, I’m also sure there could (theoretically) be a second chance. But even soap operas let a good ten years (in real time) go by before bringing their stars back together in matrimony.

    Let her date other people. Let her have her freedom after the divorce. Then (and I’m talking in the year 2030, when everyone’s good and old) you can, perhaps, revisit.

    Keep on being a good dad!

    Best,

    Inky

    April 17, 2019 at 7:51 am in reply to: How do you deal with a narcissistic MIL? #289429
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi kiwibunnies,

    Surely the rest of the family doesn’t think she’s an angel. What I would do is to say to those people individually, “I’m going to miss the big family reunion/holiday, but I want to see YOU! Let’s get together!” You can be very honest with them. Tell them you literally cannot hand the evil MIL, that you have anxiety. (This will get back to her. Let it.) In fact, you can solicit THEIR help in dealing with her. They can be your backup and your buffer when you’re around her. Also ALWAYS have your own ride out so you’re never ever trapped at an event.

    Your husband should have his own relationship with his mother and see her alone. He can be honest with her. “You stress my wife out.”

    And, P.S. you CAN move! Half an hour in the opposite direction of his job from where she lives. Fifty minutes is a bigger pain in the azz for her than twenty when it comes to tormenting you.

    Best,

    Inky

    April 16, 2019 at 5:28 am in reply to: Is complete silence the best way? #289223
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sofioula,

    If it were me I’d reply to his text on HIS birthday, with, “Right back at you, little buddy!” with a maddingly *wink* emoticon or the *cool* emoticon with the sunglasses

    It’s good to be polite, but it’s also empowering when you realize you don’t HAVE to be!

    Best,

    Inky

    April 15, 2019 at 9:48 am in reply to: Anxiety and loneliness #289123
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi RJG,

    It sounds like he was trying to wear you down after the 12,345,678 time he lured you into his place to drink/eat/cuddle.

    Saying to someone that she is a turn off because she doesn’t want to have sex is a turnoff. This man is not a rocket scientist.

    And then INSISTING (on multiple occasions) that you have to come inside and they won’t go outside is just boundary busting, clear and simple.

    Well, he has found out that you are NOT an easy lay, and that he will have to work to get you. The fact that he hasn’t is proof enough that he is not worthy of you. (Not the other way around, which is what your weasel brains would want you to think.)

    No need for texting or calling,

    Inky

    April 14, 2019 at 12:20 pm in reply to: Emotionally distant #289027
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Annie,

    I wouldn’t necessarily cut out all sex, but I would mix it up.

    One night you have your period/cramps. A couple weeks later you surprise him by taking him to a game. A few weeks after that you invite people over so he has to be at least a little bit charming, then go to bed (no sex). A month after that take him out to dinner but then say you’re not in the mood you just want to cuddle.

    Basically throw in some normal couple stuff and see what happens.

    It sounds like he is super comfortable with you. Maybe too comfortable?

    Best,

    Inky

    April 13, 2019 at 8:18 am in reply to: Newly developed anxiety, particularly public #288927
    Inky
    Participant

    P.S. If it makes you feel any better I have to go to a place where I KNOW I will be triggered.

    I put new bumper stickers on my car of my children’s colleges and service academies (so the first car they see pulling in or leaving is MINE and I have done a great job, thank you!)

    I will lay out my perfect outfit the night before

    I will eat a full meal before I get there

    I will hang out in strategic places so I won’t run into certain people

    I will seek sanctuary in politeness when/if confronted by my trigger

    I have “taken that important phone call”/fled when seeing them. And I’d do it again.

    But I will do my job god dam it!

     

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