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You are love! If you cannot express love to others, you’ll never know love by waiting for it to come to you. In giving, we receive. It’s the way love works. Try it!
How? By saying… “Self, it’s time to say no to the projects and problems and yes to personal time” 🙂 Except the projects and problems will be there until you deal with them. Just maybe put personal time in the same queue as the priorities. Meaning, give equal weight to them all. Do a little here…a little there…etc. you know- juggle everything! That way, you’re actually not saying no to anything. Personal needs are basic human needs. You cannot actualize without basic needs met first anyway. At least according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
To answer your question “What kind of things would you say we can do together to enhance such a relationship and to lead a happy life together?” I think what Anita said is a great first step! Share what you wrote here with him. How are things going now?
Ever since I was a teen, I can spot a bad guy a mile away. I’ve never been attracted to them no matter what they looked like. I’ll pick a “good guy” over a “bad guy” every time. Does that make me an exception to the rule? I don’t think so. I think the problem is just that some men play the “competition game” so well that a lot of women can’t distinguish the difference between arrogance and confidence. One of which is attractive.
Yes, Norit. You can change. Start first physically to get some extra “natural” help in the form of endorphins and other special feel good chemicals produced by your own brain. That is by exercising, eating healthy and getting enough sleep. Sounds Cliché. But it’s not! You will notice a change automatically and it will motivate you to the next steps in your life. You have to start somewhere. Why not there? It amazes me how many people neglect this opportunity for good change.
Like Anita, I’m curious as to who keeps bringing up the lost time? If it’s him, then he’s trying to make you feel guilty. That is not a good start to a healthy marriage. Probably should hold off on getting married. If it’s you, then get married and spend your time making it up to him. I think eventually, his appreciation will make you feel better.
Yes, you can still be happy. But do you feel happy not having someone? If you were, why are you posting here? Perhaps in hopes that maybe one day you could find someone again? Hope is the key. And “Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm” -Churchill
I myself have given up hope and I’m completely happy 🙂September 14, 2016 at 8:39 am in reply to: It may actually be me causing most of my relationship issues? #115118
That’s great that you are aware of your co-dependent tendencies and working on yourself! It does appear that you have an anxious attachment to this guy, so “playing it cool” is not the route to take with him. You actually should be opening up your feelings to him no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Otherwise, you prolong this feeling of un-fulfillment with him. You might as well find out where you stand and be truly free to move forward with him or without him. That is true independence.
I don’t see how you will be able to give up your horse who is like your baby. If you had kids, it would be hard to give them up so why would this be any different? I think you will not be happy if you give up your horse after that many years. Can’t you just get a more long term babysitter for the times you want to travel?September 5, 2016 at 12:23 pm in reply to: It may actually be me causing most of my relationship issues? #114308
Then that means your relationship is over. Either you or him is delaying the inevitable. If you can’t communicate or feel open to communicate being yourself, what’s the point of holding on to this relationship? Are you co -dependent?
I like what you said “close the door on your own hope”. That’s brilliant.August 28, 2016 at 6:01 pm in reply to: It may actually be me causing most of my relationship issues? #113538
It’s not unreasonable to expect your significant other to show regard for your feelings. But have you ever brought up how you’ve been feeling? If so, how did he respond?
Strider, that’s a step in the right direction. Good for you! Can you remember the moment when you stopped relating to your wife? Was it really your feelings for the coworker or was that just the result of the symptoms of a fading love in your marriage? I’m trying to determine which came first. That is if you want to share of course. If we are just chopped liver in cyberspace to you, then never mind! LOL
It’s simple. Get out of your current relationship before getting into a new one! It’s really unfair what you are doing to your wife, the other woman and yourself. Be responsible and do the right thing. You obviously do not love your wife otherwise you wouldn’t be trying to stray away from her. So tell your wife your feelings honestly-about needing solitude, about the other woman you have feelings for. You’d be surprised of what she already knows in her gut!
What I mean is… I can be knocked down but I am not built to stay down. None of us are. Being a fighter is in you whether you are a victim or not. Being a victim is pointless. Being a survivor makes you stronger than you would have been before whatever you went through. So you can see it’s actually an advantage, not a disadvantage. At least in my own experience.