Difficult Roads Often Lead to Beautiful Destinations
How to Keep Going When You Want To Give Up on Life
TRIGGER WARNING: This post references suicidal thoughts and may be triggering to some people.
Since my first post on Tiny Buddha entitled “Why I Didn’t Kill Myself and Why You Shouldn’t Either,” I’ve been doing amazingly well. I thought I had this suicide stuff in the bag. I thought it lived in the past. I thought it was no longer a part of me.
I thought I had found my way forward and that I would never feel that way again. I thought my suicidal ideation was a historical part of my existence.
I was wrong.
Tonight, I …
How Feeling Shame Freed Me from Suffering
“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” ~Lama Yeshe
It was October, 2012. The U.S. Presidential Election was around the corner. I was paying an unaccustomed amount of attention to political news on TV and to political discussion sites online. At one site in particular, I was eager to become part of the community, to make a good impression, to build a reputation.
To put it mildly, that didn’t work out well.
One evening I was watching an interview with a politician whose name I recognized, but I didn’t know much about him. I …
How We Can Break the Cycle of Pain
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~Gandhi
Pain is and isn’t just like energy. According to the first law of thermodynamics, energy can neither be created nor destroyed but is merely converted from one form to another.
For example, the light energy from the sun can be harnessed by plants, which, through photosynthesis, convert it to chemical energy. Plants use this energy to grow fruit, which we eat. We store this energy for when we need to exert ourselves, when we convert it to kinetic energy. The energy never disappears, but is instead just displaced.
Pain …
Quit Trying to Be Perfect (You Already Are)
“Perfectionism doesn’t make you feel perfect. It makes you feel inadequate.” ~Maria Shriver
Like many of us, I spent a big part of growing up feeling like I wasn’t enough. I was quite a studious kid, and this coupled with being terrible at sports and also quite chubby meant I was a bit of a target. Indeed, when your first and last names both rhyme with “fat” it’s pretty easy for bullies with even limited wordsmith skills to come up with insults.
And it’s easy to say what words can’t hurt and that it says more about them than …
How Expectations Can Drive People Away and How to Let Go of Control
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ~Friedrich Salomon Perls
About five years ago, I had a falling out with a close friend. I was irritated because she didn’t do the things I thought she should and she didn’t give as much as I did. I felt I had been very generous with her, and I expected her to do the same. I felt she owed me.
My anger became unmanageable and started seeping into pretty much every interaction we had. She began cancelling dinner …
License to Hurt: What We Really Need When We’re in Pain
“We’ll light the candle together when she’s ready. For now I’ll trust the darkness for us both.” ~Terri St. Cloud
Over breakfast one morning recently, Jeff and I started reminiscing about past years, and something was said that brought back a painful memory for me. My boss at the time had been unimaginably small-minded. He had hung me out to dry. “I still can’t understand why he did that,” I said.
Jeff looked at me levelly. “You need to get over it, Jan,” he said. “It was years ago.”
Wise advice, without question. The only problem was that I didn’t …
Why I Forgave My Father and How It Set Me Free
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” ~Bryant H. McGill
The day I chose to forgive was the day I became free
It happened on an ordinary weekday. It was just another ride on a crowded train. It’s been years since it happened, yet I can still recall the faintest details of that moment.
There they were, sitting directly across from me. She pulled out a small mirror and began to apply her lipstick. He playfully nudged her, causing her to mess up. She got mad. He laughed. She couldn’t help but smile despite …
Failing Doesn’t Make You a Failure (and You Can Still Succeed)
“Remember that failure is an event, not a person.” ~Zig Ziglar
Take a second and imagine little you. running around like the little ragamuffin you were. Imagine as far back as you can—back when you were first able to comprehend feedback from parents, teachers, or whatever other authorities were around.
When considering the cause of low self-esteem, the most obvious answers fall under the umbrella of past abuses or failures: a parent who demanded straight A’s, an abusive spouse, etc. These are common forms of mistreatment that cause some people’s self-esteem to tank.
But for those who’ve lived fairly easy …
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 