Posts tagged with “empathy”
The Moment That Brought Me Hope When Life Felt Joyless
“If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.” ~Buddha
There are seasons when life feels stripped of joy, when hope seems far away, unreachable, or unreal. Seasons when you wake up already exhausted, and it feels like there’s nothing soft left in the world—no beauty, no connection, nothing to rest in. I’ve been living in that season lately.
I’m losing my vision to macular degeneration. I’m a caregiver for my ninety-six-year-old mother. I’m navigating disability, financial strain, and the feeling that the future is shrinking instead of widening. Most days, I move …
The Truth About Healing I Didn’t Learn in Med School
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~Rumi
I’ve spent most of my adult life helping people heal.
I’m a podiatrist, a foot and ankle surgeon, and I’ve seen pain in many forms. Torn ligaments. Crushed bones. Wounds that just won’t close. But if I’m being honest, the deepest wounds I’ve encountered weren’t the ones I treated in my clinic. They were the invisible ones, the ones that patients carried silently, and the ones I had unknowingly been carrying myself.
I used to think healing was straightforward. Diagnose. Treat. Follow up. Recover.
That made sense to me. …
Why Listening Matters More Than Giving Advice (A Barbershop Lesson)
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ~Stephen R. Covey
I used to think running a barbershop was all about haircuts, schedules, and keeping clients happy. I measured success by the number of chairs filled, how quickly we moved through the day, and whether everything ran smoothly. Efficiency felt like the most important thing.
Then one afternoon, a moment with a customer changed everything.
Mr. Hicks, a regular, came in looking unusually quiet. He slumped in my chair, barely making eye contact, and gave only short, mumbled answers when I …
How Avoiding Painful Emotions Can Lead to a Smaller Life
“Being cut off from our own natural self-compassion is one of the greatest impairments we can suffer.” ~Gabor Mate
Most of us avoid experiences not necessarily because we don’t like them or want them, but because we don’t want to feel how we will feel when we go through that experience.
Our lives become altered by the emotions we don’t want to feel because we don’t want to move toward the thing that could bring strong emotions like fear, shame, sadness, or disappointment.
We don’t want to go to that party because we’ll probably feel awkward and embarrassed.
We …
“Am I the Narcissist?” How to Tell If It’s You
“Narcissism is voluntary blindness, an agreement not to look beneath the surface.” ~Sam Keen
Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Am I the narcissist in this relationship?” If so, you’re not alone. This question can feel heavy and unsettling, especially if you’ve spent years tangled in a toxic dynamic. The more you try to figure things out, the more confusing it becomes.
But here’s something to hold onto: The very fact that you’re asking this question is a sign that you probably aren’t narcissistic.
Am I the Narcissist?
Victims of narcissistic abuse often find themselves questioning their actions, …
How to Make Shame Your Ally
“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown
I was walking to my office one day when one of my colleagues gave me a compliment about what I was wearing. I was a little surprised and, without thinking, said something disparaging about my dress and darted off into my office.
As I sat down, I noticed an intense wave of discomfort all over my body, and dark churning thoughts started attacking me.
What is wrong with me? I asked myself. Why did I say such a …
What Toxic Shame Feels Like: 9 People Share Their Experiences
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” ~Carl Rogers
My heart races as I raise my hand, eager to contribute yet terrified of the attention it brings. When the teacher picks me, the entire classroom turns toward me, putting me in the spotlight. I feel exposed. Shame floods over me like hot lava, twisting my stomach into knots and flushing my face with heat. I try desperately to stop it, but the throbbing intensity only grows.
I mutter words I can barely comprehend, feeling like a stranger in my own
How to Overcome Relationship Conflict with the Internalized Other Practice
“You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.” ~John Steinbeck
In the early stages of my relationships, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the other person was thinking. Hours of pondering whether they liked me, over-analyzing every text message, and worrying that every fight meant it was over.
Over time, in a good long-term relationship, these challenges settle down. While longevity is not the only marker of a successful relationship, feeling safe and comfortable with someone over a decent stretch of time is undoubtably lovely. All those fear-based worries and insecurities fade,
To All the Highly Sensitive Souls Out There – The World Needs You
“Highly sensitive beings suffer more but they also love harder, dream wider and experience deeper horizons and bliss. When you’re sensitive, you’re alive in every sense of this word in this wildly beautiful world. Sensitivity is your strength. Keep soaking in the light and spreading it to others.” ~Victoria Erickson
I am lying next to my son in his bed before turning the light off one night, in that relaxed space between awake and asleep where he allows himself to feel and share. He tells me that he feels very lonely at school.
He shares his loneliness in the middle …
How I Learned That My Pain is Valid and Worthy of My Own Empathy and Love
“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when it’s heavy and difficult. Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.” ~Dr. Rebecca Ray
It’s July 2022 and I’m in the middle of a red tent at Shambala Music Festival in British Columbia.
I sit elbow to elbow, knee to knee, heart to heart with a group of women who I am meeting for the first time.
It’s hot and we’re sweaty.
A teacher is leading a healing womb meditation, and she prompts …
An Unexpected Place to Find Kindness: What Made Me Feel Like I Belong
“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” ~Mother Teresa
Routines are important to me. I rely on certain things to bring me back home to myself; to feel clear and open in my mind, body, and heart.
One of the activities that bring steadiness to my life is swimming. It’s one of my greatest pleasures. There is something magical to me about the feeling of water on my skin, the repetition of the arm strokes that calm my mind, the sound of my breath that relaxes my body, and the …
How to Love Mindfully When You’re a Socially Anxious People-Pleaser
“It’s okay to care about what people think. Just know there’s a difference between valuing someone’s opinion and needing their approval.” ~Lori Deschene
My date—an attractive student in her twenties—talked away excitedly, but all I could think of was this:
“How can I make her like me?”
“How can I impress her?”
“How can I make her laugh?”
I agonized over every word that I said, every response from her, every moment of our interaction, and I poured every single detail that I could find—or imagine—under the microscope of my mind… and all of a sudden, the date was over!…
If You Really Want to Change the World: 4 Ways to Be Kind
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou
I’ve now reached the age in my life when every so often, I get an email or text informing me that someone I know has died. Some of the people who have passed away have been former supervisors or teachers from high school. Others have been the parents of friends or elderly members of my church.
At one time, the news that someone had died was shocking to me. Now it’s nearly a …
11 Important Things I’ve Learned in 11 Years of Marriage
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~Dave Meurer
My husband and I will soon be celebrating our eleventh anniversary. By no means do we have the perfect marriage or are we the perfect couple. Over our eleven years of marriage, I’ve recognized a few critical areas needed to build a solid and lasting union as a couple.
Here are eleven things I’ve learned in eleven years of marriage.
1. Communicate.
In the early days of my marriage, I was terrible at communicating my feelings …
