fbpx
Menu

Posts tagged with “honest”

When You’re Terrified of Conflict: Why True Intimacy Means Speaking Up

By

“Conflict avoidance is not the hallmark of a good relationship. On the contrary, it is a symptom of serious problems and of poor communication.” ~Harriet B. Braiker

I walk on eggshells in my relationship. I have for the past ten years.

I try to design everything out of my mouth to lead to the least amount of friction between my wife and me. And you know what? It’s hurting our relationship.

You see, I’m afraid of confrontation. For me, confrontation leads to tension and tension can lead to stress and angst.

When I was a kid, tension, stress, and angst …

How I Stopped Feeling Like an Outsider by Being Honest with Myself

By

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Bernard M. Baruch

As a young boy, maybe in fourth or fifth grade, I came to the realization that I was an outsider.

I didn’t like playing video games after school, I played basketball while the other boys played soccer, and most of all, I didn’t like the unpleasant and sometimes bullying tone that had formed amongst my good friends.

One good friend in particular—let’s call him Theo—I considered to be my best friend.

For years, we celebrated birthdays, …

Be Honest About Your Feelings

By

Get the full 30-Day Take Your Power Back Challenge here! And get Tiny Buddha’s Inner Strength Journal here.

Why People-Pleasers Lie and What We Gain When We Share Our Truth

By

“You’re a liar. People-pleasers are liars,” a friend said to me. I felt like I was punched in the gut. “You say yes when you mean no. You say it’s okay when it’s not okay.” My friend challenged me, “In your gentle way, begin to be more honest.”

I believed the lie that pleasing people would make my relationships better. It didn’t.

I decided to take my friend’s challenge to tell the truth. People didn’t have a relationship with me; they had a relationship with another version of someone else. They didn’t know me.

People-pleasing was safe; it was how …

Why I Attracted One-Sided Relationships and Gave More Than I Got

By

“I was once afraid of people saying, ‘Who does she think she is?’ Now I have the courage to stand and say, ‘This is who I am.’” ~Oprah Winfrey 

In May of this year, I decided to take a personal development course, hoping to resolve some of my limiting beliefs and raise my confidence to pursue my professional goals.

The course turned out to be far different from what I thought it would be, and it blew my mind. In just three days, I transformed the way I functioned in most of my relationships.

A week before the course, I …

Why I’d Rather Be Vulnerable with People Than Pretend I’m Perfect

By

“Give up being perfect, for being authentic. Give up the need to be perfect, for the opportunity to be authentic. Be who you are. Love who you are. Others will too.” ~Hal Elrod

I’m not perfect. Not that this would come as any kind of surprise to anyone who knows me. But I often feel pushed in the direction of trying to represent myself as someone who has it all together. Especially because of the nature of my work as a coach and facilitator. What about you? Do you ever feel like you’re putting on a show for others?

The …

9 Easy Ways You Can Speak Your Truth Today

By

“We are constantly invited to be who we are.” ~Henry David Thoreau

When your circumstances invite you to present your true self to others, do you accept the invitation?

I think of authentic communication as sharing the unfiltered essence of ourselves with others, including our identities, feelings, needs, boundaries, and desires.

It’s taken me many years to learn how to communicate this way. I’ve written in prior posts that speaking my truth once felt like an insurmountable challenge, like rolling an elephant up a hill or finding another living being who actually likes Nickelback. (Anyone? No?)

I was plagued …

How to Love Yourself into Speaking Up When You’re Frozen in Fear

By

“Always speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.” ~Unknown

You may not want to admit this to others, but I know the truth about you.

You freeze, clam up, and shut down when tensions rise and your spidey-sense detects a hint of conflict in the air. You run for cover during the storm, and when it’s over, you judge yourself for not having delivered the perfect soliloquy in the heat of the moment to convey your point and get what you need and deserve.

And then you collapse into a hot mess of blame and shame.

I get it. …

Why I’ve Stopped Hiding My Struggles

By

“The moment that you feel, just possibly, you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind, and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself… that is the moment you might be starting to get it right.” ~Neil Gaiman

The road seemed to go on forever.

Although it was only about 8:30 a.m., the summer sun was already blazing in the sky, shining down with such intensity I felt like an ant under a merciless magnifying glass.

Seven miles into an eight-mile run and growing more and more tired with …

It’s Okay to Have Feelings, So Stop Saying “I’m Fine” When You’re Not

By

“I’d rather be honest and authentic and disappoint some people than to exhaust myself trying to keep up the façade of perfection.” ~Crystal Paine

So many people walk around each day masking their true feelings because they are considered the “strong one,” “the upbeat, bubbly one,” or, since they give so much of themselves supporting others, they’re not seen as having any emotions other than happy. If you’ve ever felt like you had to hold it together all the time to keep up a façade for others, there’s freedom in letting people know that you have feelings too.

Keeping …

A Letter to My Exes: I’m Sorry You Never Knew Me

By

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ~Brené Brown

To all of my ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, and especially my ex-husband, I am so sorry.

I’m sorry because I never gave you the chance to really know me. I hid myself from you. I showed you the smallest version of myself because I didn’t trust you to meet me in my strength, my bigness, and my desire. Well, in truth it was …

If You Want to Be Trusted, Be Honest

By

Why We Need to Share Our Honest Feelings

By

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ~Nelson Mandela

She hurt my feelings. She was leaving soon to live in another country for up to six months. I knew that if I held on to my hurt, this resentment would fester, and my best friend would be the recipient of my anger.

I prayed for courage to find the right words. I didn’t want to hurt her. I knew I had to say something or …

How to Hear Your Intuition When You Don’t Know What to Do

By

“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs

Sitting in my office, I stared at the email in front of me.

My heart sank.

All energy and joy left me, to be replaced with confusion, anxiety, and a deep sense of frustration.

As adrenalin rushed through my veins, one question engulfed my mind leaving little room for the answer.

What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?

I just didn’t know.

The email was from a client. Someone who I had worked with for a …

Learning to Speak Up: You Deserve to Meet Your Needs

By

“Ask for what you want. Give other people the opportunity to say ‘yes.’ Stop saying ‘no’ for them. “ ~Roger Ellerton

I never realized until very recently exactly how hard it’s been for me to speak up for my needs. To ask for what I require and want. I honestly don’t know how I’ve navigated through life.

Let me rephrase that: I’ve managed life by being very passive, ignoring my own desires. Then that small grain of resentment would build into frustration, and I would explode.

I became a fiery and angry woman. I expressed my needs in a destructive …

3 Tips to Get Out of Your Head and Start Expressing Yourself

By

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” ~Bruce Lee

I have always been timid when it comes to expressing myself, speaking my mind, and standing up for something. This stems from being raised in a culture where showing emotions is frowned upon.

Nothing I ever did seemed good enough. There was constant criticism that I could do better, and be better. I was raised to never to talk back to my seniors and not to say anything when I had nothing nice to say.

So …

Are You in Love with the Idea of Being in Love?

By

“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl

“But no. We can give it another chance; I know we can. We just have to try harder…” were my desperate words to him as he was breaking up with me for the second time.

As I am reading those words out loud, I feel a little sting in my heart. It’s been a while since I revisited this experience and for some reason, it feels bittersweet.

It’s been about nine months since he told me that he didn’t see a future for us, …

Being Honest: The Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy

By

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemingway

When I was a child I was part of a family that didn’t communicate beyond “pass the salt.”

There was no confiding of fears, sharing of hopes, and encouraging each other’s dreams. It was a superficial and empty existence but one that was completely normal to me.

Fast forward numerous years, add in three children and a loving partner of my own; now I try to create a childhood for my own kids that is a polar opposite to my own experience. …

Develop Self-Confidence: 7 Lies You Need to Stop Telling Yourself

By

“Be honest with yourself, and you will find the motivation to do what you advise others to do.” ~Vince Poscente

What if you could only tell—and more importantly, only believe—the truth? Not the half-truth, the white lies, or the other grey in between, but the pure, beautiful, and unadulterated truth.

If I had to pick one super power, it would be to know the liars from the truth-tellers. I would walk around in public places, eavesdrop on conversations, and know immediately if someone is lying or being honest.

I would go to social events and exercise my super power …

How Being Vulnerable Can Expand Your World

By

“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” ~Brene Brown

Vulnerability has never been my strong suit. It’s no wonder. In order to be vulnerable, you have to be okay with all of you. That’s the thing about vulnerability that no one tells you about.

Being vulnerable is not just about showing the parts of you that are shiny and pretty and fun. It’s about revealing what you deny or keep hidden from other people. We all do this to some extent. I bet you’ve never said to a friend, “Oh my god, I just love that I’m insecure.”

But …