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Posts tagged with “loss”

5 Questions I Ask Myself Nightly Since My Father’s Sudden Death

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“Life is for the living. Death is for the dead. Let life be like music. And death a note unsaid.” ~Langston Hughes

Nine years ago, I was sitting mindlessly in my office cubicle in Omaha, Nebraska, when the receptionist called to inform me that my dad was in the lobby.

I walked out to greet him: He was happy, smiling, and donning one of his favorite double-breasted suits. He was there because he needed my signature on some tax preparation forms before he handed them over to his accountant. My dad always took care of things like that.

It was …

The Enduring Pain of Losing Someone You Love to Suicide

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“The reality is that you will grieve forever.” ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

March is always hard for me. Has been since March 21, 2017. That’s the day my eldest son, then twenty-seven, found his father hanging in our basement. I apologize for being so brutal.  But it was.

What no one tells you about grief, what catches you by surprise, is the fact that you can be five years out and still, when March comes around, you can find yourself in a fetal position on the ceramic floor of your kitchen—howling like a wounded dog because a memory …

How I’m Coping with Grief by Finding Meaning in My Father’s Death

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“Life has to end, love doesn’t.” ~Mitch Albom

Before we dive into the dark subject of death, let me assure you, this is a happy read. It is not about how losing a loved one is a blessing but how it can be a catalyst to you unlocking big lessons in your life.

Or maybe it is—you decide.

To me, this is just about a perspective, a coping mechanism, and a process that I am personally employing to get over the loss of a loved one.

My dad and I were best buds till I became a teenager. Then my …

The Chaos of Life After Loss and the Love That Never Dies

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“We need to grieve the ones we’ve lost—not to sustain our connection to suffering, but to sustain our connection to love.” ~Jennifer Williamson

Ken was only forty-seven years old when he met his untimely death.

It was surreal, my brother-in-law was gone from our physical world.

As a family, we felt the motions moving through the initial telephone call summoning us to the hospital to the time we surrounded him as he took his last breath. It was if we were all caught between two worlds, one of cruel reality and one of complete disbelief. You read about it …

How I Healed My Low Self-Worth After Infidelity and Divorce

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“It’s okay to let go of those who couldn’t love you. Those who didn’t know how to. Those who failed to even try. It’s okay to outgrow them, because that means you filled the empty space in you with self-love instead. You’re outgrowing them because you’re growing into you. And that’s more than okay, that’s something to celebrate.” ~Angelica Moone

Once upon a time, I met and fell in love with the man of my dreams. He was the most romantic, loving, amazing person I had ever met and for some reason, he wanted to be with me.

I was …

5 Important Life Skills I Learned in Grief After My Husband Died

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“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when it’s heavy and difficult. Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.” ~Dr. Rebecca Ray

When my husband died from terminal brain cancer in 2014, I learned all about deep grief. The kind of grief that plunges you into a valley of pain so vast it takes years to claw your way out. In the beginning, I didn’t want to deal with grief because the pain was too intense. So, I dodged grief …

Why Fibromyalgia Is the Greatest Gift of My Life

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“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~Rumi

TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains discussions of difficult topics, including suicidal depression and a fatal car accident.

I’ve always been an active, athletic person. In my twenties I was huge in tennis, squash, and swimming, and I began every morning with an intense workout that cleared my head and let me confront the day’s challenges with a relaxed, positive attitude. So, when I started experiencing mysterious pains and fatigue that didn’t go away no matter how much sleep I got, my life was turned upside down.

After two years …

From Bombs to Bliss: Peeling Off the Layers of Childhood Trauma

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post mentions bombs and executions and may be triggering to some people.

“Into your darkest corner, you are safe in my love, you are protected. I am the openness you seek, I am your doorway. Come sit in the circular temple of my heart, and let yourself be calm.” ~Agapi Stassinopoulos

I was six years old. My mother and I entered the bus to head home from downtown. Suddenly the sirens went off.

I felt a knot in my stomach. People started running around. A cloud of dust formed in the air. I could taste the panic. …

The Changes You Fear and Losses That Hit You the Hardest

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4 Powerful Lessons I’ve Learned from Grief Since My Mom Died Suddenly

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“Losing my mother at such an early age is the scar of my soul. But I feel like it ultimately made me into the person I am today. I understand the journey of life. I had to go through what I did to be here.” ~Mariska Hargitay

At 6:07 pm on July 18, 2020, I was sitting on the couch with my boyfriend. It was a Saturday night, and I had canceled plans with my friends because I had a migraine. I had eaten dinner already, and I was in my pajamas, watching TV. My phone rang—my dad. “I’ll call …

Scared of Losing People You Love? How to Work through the Fear

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“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~Joseph F. Newton

“Oh my God, Mom…” she said with a verbal eye roll.

“What?” I responded, sure that I had said too much or overshared like I normally do.

I can’t recall what my daughter and I were discussing openly about while standing in line at the grocery store checkout, but I do remember the girl ringing us up laughing and saying we sounded just like her and her mom.

I paused, unsure what that meant.

“Is this what a healthy mother/daughter relationship sounds like?” I questioned to myself. …

Why I Blamed Myself for My Ex’s Suicide (and Why It’s Not My Fault)

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“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future.” ~Umar Ibn Al Khattab

I don’t remember the exact day the message came through. It was from my son, Julian, and he needed to talk to me. It sounded pretty serious. He never really needs to talk to me.

His father was found dead earlier that week. He’d hung himself.

While this news hardly affected Julian at all, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I cried.

Our Marriage

We met in a taxi thirty-three years ago. He was the driver, …

Lessons and Gifts from Grief: What I Learned After Losing My Baby

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Today marks the twenty-year anniversary of when I lost my first baby.

I was, at the time, happily married and we were excited to start our family. My pregnancy was planned, wanted, and blissful. I was six months along. I was showing, and the baby was kicking vigorously. We had just moved into a wonderful house only a few blocks from my parents. Everything was absolutely golden.

It took me a little while to find an OB-GYN in the area, so I was about a month late for my baseline ultrasound. We were very excited to get a clear view …

Breaking the Toxic Cycle: My Family Dysfunction Stops with Me

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post references physical abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.” ~Audrey Kitching 

I will never forget, when I was twelve years old, I went to sit on my father’s lap and he told me, “No! You’re too heavy to sit on my lap!” What does an adolescent girl do with a comment …

One Question I Ask Myself Monthly Since Coming to Terms with Death

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“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins

On September 23, 2015, Loukas Angelo was walking to his after-school strength and conditioning class just a few hundred yards from Archbishop Mitty High School.

He was approaching the outdoor basketball courts when he ran out into the street and was struck by a car traveling around thirty miles per hour. The impact sent Loukas flying down the street, and he was immediately transported to the closest hospital where he remained in critical condition.

I remember sitting on …

Honoring Lost Loved Ones: How I Carry My Son’s Memory into the Future

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“Keep all special thoughts and memories for lifetimes to come. Share these keepsakes with others to inspire hope and build from the past, which can bridge to the future.” ~Mattie Stepanek

I stood over a pile of my son’s t-shirts, scissors in hand, my breath ragged. I reached for a plain, dark blue one that I didn’t remember Brendan ever wearing. My fingers trembled. The first cut would be the hardest.

I’d packed away his shirts eight years ago, within weeks after he’d died. He was only fifteen—an unbearable loss. I’d spent days washing and drying and folding his shirts …

The Grief We Can’t Run from and Why We Should Embrace It

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“I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

Grief creeps up on you when you least expect it. It reminds you of the person you have lost when you’re out for coffee with friends, watching people hug their loved ones goodbye at the airport, and when you’re at home thinking about people you should call to check-in on.

Even when you think that enough time has passed for you to be over it, grief pulls at your heartstrings. You think about all the ways that life …

There Are Losses That Rearrange the World

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Life is Fragile: Love Like Today Could Be Your Last

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“I would argue that nothing gives life more purpose than the realization that every moment of consciousness is a precious and fragile gift.” ~Steven Pinker

He was splayed out in the middle of the road. The paramedics had yet to arrive. That was the scene on our way to meet some friends.

Over dinner, they relayed the tragic story of their neighbor’s twenty-something son who was killed recently in a motorcycle accident.

Two others lost their lives in an instant on a nearby suburban road.

An acquaintance told me about the fatal hiking accident of a young man who was …

What’s Really Important: 3 Things I Realized When I Lost My Grandmother

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“We forget what we want to remember and remember what we want to forget.” ~The Road

“Okay grandma, we’re going to run away!” I wheeled my grandma Jeanne in her wheelchair into the sunlight, through the courtyard, after we exited her nursing home. She knew though that she couldn’t leave, but she went along with the game. She knew she was stuck there. But we had fun with it, nonetheless.

I really did want to run away with her. I’d had a dream the night before that she told me, “I’m at the end of my life. You will be …